Am I way off here?

My DD has had an on and off again friendship with a guy she met almost four years ago when she was going into 9th grade.  He was going into his senior year and after my husband and I flipped and forbade her to see him, I came to realize it was just a friendship.  I met him and really like him.  He's brilliant intellectually, is majoring in physics, a terrific conversationalist, and as squeaky clean as it gets - doesn't even swear.  We relented and allowed them to see each other only at the mall, in public, no touching, no going anywhere together.  He had a girlfriend.  They've kept up an acquaintenceship for the 3-1/2 years. He graduated and went on to college in a nearby town, comes back for breaks, etc. 

Fast forward - two months ago she hears he's broken up with his girlfriend.  He came home on Easter break and my DD, now 16-1/2, wants to see him.  She's been texting him, and talked for over two hours on the phone a couple of nights ago. 

I want to let her.  I trust her - she's extremely level-headed - both of them are goal- and future-oriented and want nothing to get in the way of their academic goals.  I think, though they're too far apart in age to commit to anything right now, they actually may have a future together.  Trouble is, my DH only sees the age gap - he's 20, and can't imagine anything but hormones taking over. 

It's way, way too early yet, but I would love nothing more than to have him for a son-in-law eventually.  Any suggestions?  Is there a way I can help convince Dad that it would be okay?  Should I just butt out?  I don't want her to have to go sneaking around.  That's what would cause the trouble, I think. 

• Am I way off here? - Mom of teen daughter
  • When it comes down to it, you have to trust - JT
    • I do trust her - sm - Mom of teen daughter
      • I agree with having him over to let the dad - AH
  • A 17-year-old would have the same goals as a 20 year old (sm) - Carolina MT
    • Thanks for the reassurance. I agree. nm - Mom of teen daughter
  • Invite boy to family gatherings and let DH see the - boy that you now know. nm
    • Have boy to dinner, game night, to help paint a - room, etc. nm

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