Call the cops every single time. Don't give into bullying.
Posted By: sm on 2009-05-19
In Reply to: How do you get your neighbor to keep the music down - frustrated beyond all recognition
You can bet he'll get tired of being visited by the cops every few days... And cops are required to follow up on complaints, so they'll go out there, and cops are adults with neighbors too, so they know what it's like. What is wrong with some of these parents now days?!
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Always, always call the cops sm
My husband was nearly killed by a tractor trailer driver who changed his story a dozen times, the medics were called but unfortunately, the other driver went his merry way and was not cited until days later for following too close, reckless endangerment, speeding, mistake in log book, and a laundry list, first he said my husband going too slow. Reconstruction said no way, but while my husband was in hospital having his scalp sewn back on, this guy ran away. Had to hire a detective to find him, went on for years before we got our bills paid, he got off with heavy fines and warnings he would go to jail if it happened again. It had happened in another state previously but could not bring that up in court. My sorrow - I should have had him arrested right that moment but I was not there. He should have been tested for drugs, etc. He went from saying husband's fault to that he dropped his coffee and was picking it up off the floor and then changed it again to something else. He still drives and my husband is totally disabled. Please get the cops involved the minute something happens - don't wait. I had no choice, I had to travel to another state to the hospital. I wish my husband were conscious enough to have him arrested right there. You did the right thing calling the cops, everyone should do that. Believe me, she could have killed you or someone else later. I hope you scared the pants off her.
Call the cops - it can't make it any worse!
x
Visit the station rather than call the cops...
Don't call the police. Rather, go to the police station and ask to speak to a detective. (You can call and make an appointment if you don't feel like spending an hour or so in the waiting room.)
You absolutely must get the law involved. You heard this kid threaten to kill his mother. Obviously, his mother is intimidated by him as well.
You can "file" reports without them showing up on the public blotter. By filing reports and keeping the detective involved, you just may be saving your neighbor's life. The cops will surveil the neighborhood on a regular basis and even keep an eye on him. (He's probably getting into no good elsewhere too.)
Also, you and your family could possibly be in mortal danger from this whacko kid as well.
From what he's said and done so far, you can expect this to escalate far beyond your wildest dreams/nightmares. He's not going to give up until you and your family are gone...one way or the other.
Think about it for a bit, but be sure to act quickly.
When I was younger, there was a similar episode with a neighborhood bully where the parents had no control. A bunch of the bully's neighbors ended up taking his parents to court on what I think was a 'show cause' complaint. The nonsense stopped after the court appearances.
However, times are more violent now, and within the past decade or so, these bully types have been blowing away people in alarming numbers. So, don't put your family at risk.
Good luck.
Most of the time I'm with the cops when it comes to -
tazing those big, belligerent crack or meth heads that are going berserk or have already tried to assault the cop. But STILL: I took exception to this one. The lady is like half the guy's size, and attitude or not, he could've managed her easily just by hanging onto her shirt collar. Also, throwing a 72-year-old down could've resulted in a hip fracture (and lawsuit), or even cardiac arrest and/or death. How would he know she didn't have a pacemaker?
I think the dude was a little too eager to play with his taser-toy.
She says if she calls the cops every time he shows up ...sm
he will just be gone by the time they get there. She did pick up the phone several months ago when he put the gun to his head. She said I am calling 911 to come take you to get help. He immediately stopped and sat down and said no please don't call the cops. I am not going to kill myself. I won't do that anymore. Now if he was serious, he would have not cared. He would have said hey I will be dead before they get here. He knew he wasn't going to do it and he didn't want to get hauled off for psychiatric evaluation. THen he started threatening this again on the phone one time and she said ok I am going to have you committed then cause you need help. He said oh no I am not going to kill myself. And for a long time he did not bring it up again. It is for attention.
To all you single woman, can some give me some insight? sm
i have recently ran my husband off after 16 years of abuse, alcoholism, and addictions. i have 4 kiddos by this man and have stood by him and tried to help him to no avail. it has been like another child to raise, not a partner. so it has been two weeks now and i am lonely, don't know why cuz at least i am don't have to listen to his *itching 24/7. everytime we do talk, it ends in arguing. my point is i want to stay single. i am not interested in anyone else, but am lonely. i have always been one to have a boyfriend or be attached. i don't know if it stems for insecurity or what. how do you get over those attachments and move on being happily single and raising kiddos on your own?  any suggestions?
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
OMG, what is with bad perms? Every single time...sm
I try to get one, they either don't take or they fry my hair. Last time I had one I went to my usual beauty salon to have it done, and they tried 3 times to get it to take. Well the chemicals stayed in my hair even after I was able to wash it, and when my hair got wet, the smell was just atrocious! A bunch of us girls had went to one of our friends house. She has a pool, and wanted us to go swimming. I tried to tell her she did not want my hair to get wet. She was like oh it can't be that bad. Well after jumping in the pool, she was like Oh My God! What is that smell, it's horrible. I was like DUH, it's my hair. She had to come over and smell my hair, she did not believe me. Well after that, they called me skunky rose for months, because that is just about how it smelled! 
No! That sounds too desperate. TIME. Just give it TIME. If it is real, then sm
something will definitely evolve. If you like him, flirt back! Don't act desperate because if he DOES like you, then the suspense will just make him want to get to know you more. Trust me on this.
I worked in the medical records department of a hospital when I was single and dated a few co-workers in my early 30s. It was fun. Nothing serious came about any of the relationships.
This sounds like fun - the beginning of maybe something to come....Keep us informed.
I was a single mother at one time. I had to resort to
food stamps to feed my 2 kids that I had while married. My husband and I did end up remarrying and I called and cancelled the food stamps right then. While we were divorced, though, it was food stamps or hungry kids. Yes, I was working, but tying to pay the bills, keep housing and food for my kids and keeping them clothed and in school was just too much. Believe me, I hated like rip to have to go the food stamp office and even apply. I was absolutely mortified and thought I would die of embarassment, but I did it for my kids.
perk up and give her a call...sm
I know about the money thing....I'm living it...Hang in there...Don't despair....Call her up and suggest lunch/dinner at your place and perhaps a funny video with popcorn...talk about the good ol' days... Cat
Here's a short bit that should make you laugh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2x_sp3Ehvk
That dude was from another time, and he WASN'T a pregnant single woman.
sheesh
No, Blondie, give the dogs back or call the Humane Society.....s/m
who can take care of 10 (t e n ) dogs? This is CRAZY!
Your husband is a coward. He should protect you. God knows what a 'deal' he made with this 'friend'.
Can you give time to a charity?
Ever since I started helping out with charity events around Christmas it seems that I love the holiday even more. Maybe help the Salvation Army collect money/toys or hand them out? I saw an interview with Ann Curry where she said that giving around the holidays helps her, too. That it's hard to be sad when you see all these people who are going through terrible times. You become grateful for what you have. It worked for me. :)
I always try to give up time, which I have precious little of!
I try to spend some part of every day in prayer for other people, usually the patients that pass across my computer screen each day. I also try to do more service, as well.
GIve yourself time to mourn...sm
your baby. I lost my baby Christmas Eve 2006. I was devastated. Couldn't even dream of another until summer of 2007. I still miss my baby tremendously. He is buried in a small garden with other pets, of which I have not been able to visit even yet. I still cry whenever he is mentioned. But at any rate, after losing him, and months later adopting another, she is a real cutie. I love her to death. she is the same breed, but is a totally different baby. Life is good, but I will always miss my baby. Good luck to you. It also helps me to keep a picture on my desk, so he is gone but not forgotten.
I do feel so lucky to have had him, as you are to have had your kitty. I so feel your pain and will keep you in my prayers.
don't give it the time of day. Lots of us feel the way you do
they complain and moan and groan and say they have the answers but they don't. Good tribute - brought tears to my eyes - thank goodness we have so many young mean who are real PATRIOTS!!
Do you give yourself a set time to look at incoming email
s
Time for a call to a lawyer.
x
Time to call Lorena!
xx
I wish I had more time to volunteer more: Call your local sm
Uited Way or Humane Society if you like animals.
You did the right thing. The only time I give rides is near the Appalachian Trail.
I'm a hiker myself, and the trail community does depend on the kindness of strangers. Near the trail during hiking season, I will pick up hikers with backpacks. I've been on the trail many times myself, and I've had to stick a thumb out more than a few times. But that is an entirely different situation where the hitchhikers are generally the ones who are more nervous than the drivers.
I am not a teacher but I call kids that kind of stuff all the time (sm)
I call my kids little names, their friends whatever name pops into my mind at the time, my Brownie girl scouts names. Sweetie, honey, sweetie-sweet, squirrel, pumpkin-lumpkin, sweet potato, little sweeties, etc. To me it just signals that I am the adult and they are the kids and I like them, they are important to me. I think it makes them feel at home and comfortable. My children used to think kids were called "little sweeties" when they were younger. My daughter or son would say, "is that her little sweetie?" meaning is that her little boy or little girl. My son had a horrible 2nd grade teacher who yelled at the kids all day. My daughter had a wonderful second grade teacher who hugged them and called them endearing names. Why is it wrong to treat a child like a child? They are sweet and innocent and we are adults, parents and parent-like figures to them. I don't get it.
Bullying
Please, everyone keep a dialog going with your kids about not bullying, ask them if they are being bullied, or bullying anyone. My kids have been bullied, and have engaged in it on some level and we talk about how it hurts so many people, sometimes permanently. I have even been bullied by an employer as an adult. It was my first MT job and I was in my 20s. I was just learning a lot, so I asked for help a lot. I also stepped on my footpedal a lot because I was constantly listening and relistening. When my office had a party, the manager gave away gag gifts including a giant ear for the person who needed the most help, flip flops for the person who "stomped on the foot pedal", and some other "gifts" for annoying habits, well I won every gift, and even my coworkers looked sorry for me, it was just horrible.
Thanks.
bullying
I agree that this is an important issue, and we've had some trouble with it also. Unfortunately, right now it seems we are being bullied by the public school system. My child was not the one bullying and also is a special needs child, and his rights and disability are being ignored at best.
Sorry for what happened to you. Sounds like it was a while back, but it still sounds like it was very embarrassing for you and very unprofessional of your manager.
Bullying
If my child was the bully, I'd be shocked first, then dismayed. There'd be some really long conversations going on and punishment of some sort.
If my child was being bullied, I suppose it would depend on the extent of the bullying, and who was doing it and why, as to what my reaction would be.
Bullying
I taught my kids from a very early age that bullying anyone for any reason is totally unacceptable and would be severely punished if it came from them. I also taught them that when I was bullied so horribly all the way through school, I dealt with it with humor. I became quite adept at turning a bully's taunts into a joke at my own expense. It took them so off guard that it took all the fun out of it for them, and so moved onto someone else. It still did not stop me from going home every day to cry in my room by myself. I also taught my boys that if physically attacked, they were to use whatever defensive means it took to get away from the situation.
Having been through a lot of bullying
of my son (7th grade now), this is really a tough one. On the one hand, I agree with some of the posters about going to the parents. There was a child who, close to the beginning of this school year, was bullying my son in the car-riders area while waiting to be picked up. We had already been through a lot of bully situations over the previous school year, and the school seems to basically do nothing about it, although they've got a statement about how they do not tolerate bullies (as well as the zero tolerance policy mentioned in another post). So, after my son had told me about this a couple of times, and I was reluctant to say anything to his teacher or an administrator myself because, well, we have been bullied by the school, I was two cars behind his father one day, and when my son got in the car and started talking about the situation again and told me which car he had just gotten into, I followed them home and spoke with the father about it. The boy was almost in tears, and I was very nice and nonconfrontational, but told him that I was not there and could not know what happened, and that I wasn't accusing him, but that is what my son told me and if it was true all I wanted was for it to stop. His father and I basically told the boys that they did not have to be friends, but they needed to respect one another. Had them shake hands, and haven't had a problem out of this kid since, which is something I cannot say about the kids I haven't met that continue to bully my son despite the school "taking care of" it. He has been spit on, hit in the head, "jumped" (as he puts it) in the restroom, tripped on purpose, etc. He has Asperger's syndrome, and he gets picked on all the time. He tells me that he feels like punching and hitting them, but he does not do it because he does not want to get in trouble.
On the other hand, not all parents may react the way the one I followed home did, not to mention that the child did not threaten to kill my son. I would want some documentation that this happened, and this is in large part because I have learned I have to document everything that happens in our situation. I have not done a good job of this in the past, but I started a journal that I am e-mailing to myself each day, so if nothing else I have verification that I said to myself what happened on what date. Hope I never need it, but you never know. Hopefully your situation is just a kids will be kids and kids say stuff all the time, but you really do never know these days. Good luck, Tab. I hate to hear how disturbed your daughter is, and hope that she will be okay (psychologically and physically).
Bullying...your kids
How would you handle it if you were to find out it was your child who was the bully?
What if it was your child that was being bullied?
Sounds like they are bullying you
Need to take a stand about what you want if you hold the money bags. Let the husband get together the money if he wants her to join in so bad and leave at that. Tell them both what YOU are not going to do.
you are so right, not just cops.
I noticed an ag teacher here has a truck provided for her and probably gas, too. She rips up and down the highway several times a day while I am sitting here making a list so I only go one time a week and try to hit my errands in a time and gas saving mode. aggravating. Of course, I haven't seen anybody taking the keys away from the teens yet, either, and we all know how they can run the roads. My youngest had my truck for awhile and the oldest said, "Mom, don't know what to tell you about your truck, it's just a blue blur up and down the highway"!
that's why I mentioned what cops said
about 99 out of 100 people answering the door in the middle of the night. I was absolutely horrified myself that I had opened the door and the cops said it happens all the time. Hopefully people reading all these posts will wise up.
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
Definitely stress. Cops said once that Xmas eve with alcohol & money
s
A lot of people are so desperate for work that some will give you free bids and give you ideas while
nm
You do not give them food, you give
the children food but if they did not have the food to eat, probably would call family and children services. I do NOT give away money to anyone.
I'm with you 50 and single..
I too have sworn off relationships and very happy being on my own. I cannot and will not go through it again. Both my ex's were two peas in a pod. Unfortunately, I seem to attract the same type of people. At 52, I am quite happy being alone but also having a great circle of friends. It far outweighs being unhappy, angry, always hoping things would get better when they never did.
I am not a single mom but...
I was a single woman when I bought my house. It is one of the things I regret the most right now.
BUT ONLY cause I wasn't settled down, no family, things came up and i wanted to move. I also bought it right before the market crashed 2.5 years ago, and now I am in an interest-only ARM on an upside down mortgage.
Now, considering this probably wont happen to you because the market has already crashed, there still might be room to wonder if it could fall more, depending on where you are looking to buy. My advice is if you are going to stay there and that is your home, your job, etc. etc. then buying is a great idea and when you mention you are responsible for anything that happens to the house... well that is the chance you take. Depends on what kind of home you buy, how old, and if there are HOA dues. I still dont know how I feel about homeowner's associations, even though I belong to one. However, they will be responsible for anything exteriorly wrong with my house, but for $80.00 a month. you know? so you definitely have to weigh your options.
My main advice would be DO NOT RUSH. that is what I did as I was young and excited to be a home owner at a young age, but now all that money i worked so hard for since the age of 15 is gone. I no longer have the 50K I put down on the house. That is something REALLY tough to deal with.
I love being a homeowner, but I hate that I bought when I did. you know? I know I am not the only one in that boat of course but it is still very very tough.
Good luck!!
well, I'm a single mom....
I've been divorced for nearly 8 years. I have taken care of my son completely on my own. I do not have a huge social circle, but I know what I like to do, and I concentrate on my son, but one day that child will (hopefully) grow up and be on his own and so it will be just me. I know what I like, do what I like, but sometimes, having that special someone would just, for me, make things better. But, now this is the odd part, having been married to the wrong man, I would be perfectly content to have a "significant other" without ever going to the "married" stage. I am fine and have been fine on my own the last 7 years, learned a lot about myself. Now at 35, I feel like I want someone in my life, but I dont necessarily have to be married. Sounds odd, and most of my friends are the opposite. But, I'm also one of those people that never had a lot of boyfriends, etc. I was not the girl in high school who had crushes on a lot of guys, I chose to date and not have a serious relationship in high school because I thought I was too young for that, haha. I've seen both ends of the spectrum, I've seen completely happy couples, my own mom and step-dad for example, if I was to ever get married again, I want a relationship like theirs. They are each other's best friends, and still so in love, but they also make a point of doing things separately because they are, after all, 2 separate people; and I've seen people in my life who are in their 60s and still perfectly content to be single.
I'm in the middle of that spectrum, haha, I would like someone to share in parts of my life, but I don't have to marry him if that never happens either. :)
I do know that I'm picky on friends, and I'm shy, and I don't date much, its just hard to date. I'm a single mom, I work from home, I live in a small town and have only been here 6 years, but only made 2 friends, well, people I would consider friends, I work midnights, sleep during the day, and spend time with my son in the evenings and with our family on the weekends, so I really don't even have time to date, so its a darn good thing I am happy in my life, haha, or I'd be a lonely mess. Sometimes it does get lonely, but in an affection way, not so much in a socializing way for me, I don't know how else to word that.
A single woman
What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Please do not rush into a relationship with any man at this point. Enjoy this time and spend it getting to know your children better and just spending time with them. Also get to know yourself and feel comfortable with who you are - develop some hobbies and interests. If you've spent the last 2 decades in this kind of relationship, you haven't had much time to spend on yourself. Soak in a hot tub every night if you want to.
In a sense, you've just cut a huge wart off your foot and of course it's going to feel strange and unfamiliar. It was the wart that was strange, now things are normal. It just feels strange because you aren't used to it.
Hope some of this makes sense. If you think about it, I bet you are actually less lonely now than when he was there. Some of the loneliest people I know are in marriages and relationships. Some of the happiest and most joy-filled people I know are on their own.
So happy to be single.
Sounds like he has a huge stick stuck somewhere uncomfortable. Big hugs for you!
were you a single parent
x
It was not my attempt to single anyone out
is simply curiosity about some of the posts I've read. Has nothing to do with Huckabee, constitution, declaration of independence, etc.
As far as the nice day goes... right back at ya! :)
Question for single MTs
I am divorced now for awhile. I am finding that I have absolutely no interest in dating! I look at the online dating sights occasionally but no one attracts me. There seem to be slim pickens if you know what I mean. Anyway, I seem to be very happy on my own. My question is, do any of you feel the same? I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I'd rather stay single.
not one single fear
zero, zip, zilch, nada...
we are born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. the rest we create or obtain on our own later in life. me: none, other than the two i was born with.
Single Mom Survivor here ... have
Looking back over my experience as an owner and as a renter, raising my children alone with limited resources:
Renting is easier and more cost effective for you than buying.
Pro's of renting:
1. Low deposit to get in the door.
2. Rent is usually reasonable and oftentimes contract won't go up if you are a good renter.
3. MAINTENANCE is the responsibility of the management -- you are not out for those costs.
4. You can leave with a 30-day notice.
Pro's of ownership:
1. You are building equity.
2. Tax breaks.
3. If financial crisis, it takes about 6 to 9 months to get to foreclosure so you do have some time to find another place.
Con's of renting:
1. May require a background and/or credit check.
2. Although evictions are subject to some jurisdiction (they must give you a 10-day notice), it can be quicker to evict you from a rental than from your own property.
Con's of ownership:
1. ALL maintenance and repairs are up to you. Can be very costly.
2. You cannot get out of this very easily - especially in this market.
Hope this helps.
She's not a single person
The cnn article is worded a little confusingly, but the woman is married and her husband is the one who is scheduled to return to Iraq, not her father.
I have no idea why she was taking fertility drugs when she already has 6 at home - unless they are not biologically hers. The doctors should be sued for malpractice for implanting that many embryos. The ethics guidelines these days state that they should not implant any more than two at a time to avoid situations exactly like this.
And now you see why they're single!
I think the internet is partially to blame. Guys start trolling for women and never stop the conquest. Supposedly hot babes to flirt with, who wants an average girl in real life?
If you could force the creeps to tell the truth:
"Sorry I blew off our lunch date, but I was busy having spur-of-the-moment cybersex with a stranger."
"Oh, I never intended to actually MEET you, I only enjoyed the challenge of seeing if you would meet ME. I prefer fantasies to reality."
"Disappointing women gives me a power rush. Score!"
"Quantity over quality, honey. Now describe what you're wearing. And what WAS your name again?"
Definition of a single man...
... I heard this and told it to my then-husband, who, oddly enough, did not find it funny. (Perhaps because the shoe fit all too well.)
Anyway... this lady said that many men basically had their d*ck in one hand and their umbilical cord in the other, and were looking for a place they could plug them both in....
Is he single?? LOL - not many good ones left. nm
x
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
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