Cheating spouse/boyfriend, etc.
Posted By: MQMT1 on 2008-09-18
In Reply to: if a spouse cheats... - Emily Ayn yn
Many years ago I was married to a cheating spouse. I was pregnant with our second child when he took it upon himself to cheat with an underage girl in the back of our brand new station wagon. Well, I learned about this when a paternity suit came up with his name on it. Apparently he was so dumb that he did not know the girl had a boyfriend and being the sucker that he was he did not know that they would pin the paternity on him, and get money from him. Too bad it wasn't in this day and time because he would have been in jail because she was only 17, and he was in his 30s. This was only 1 in a string of women that I found out after the fact, and even contracted an STD when I was pregnant!! I also suffered spousal abuse, and have the scars to prove it. After 5 years of this I got out,and the only reason I stayed was for the children, but that was a huge mistake on my part. Now, whenever, I hear or see this on a program it makes me furious that these men think this behavior is okay. It is never okay and leaves many people, including children, to suffer much heartache.
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Cheating Spouse?
Have you ever caught your spouse cheating? If so, how did you catch him/her?
cheating spouse
I worked day shift and he worked 3-11 so for a few years we would hardly see each other at all. First, let me say that my husband is kind of messy. I would notice that when I came home from work, my home was in the same order that I left it in the morning. Even the curtains had not been opened yet. There were no dirty dishes. There was no sign anybody had been home all day. I would ask and he would always have an excuse..went to play golf before work, went to a ball game, had lunch with the guys, etc.
Then a woman started calling the house in the evening asking for my husband. I would say he was at work, ask if I could take a message and she would say no and hang up. She would call about 3 to 4 evenings a week. I asked my husband who she was and he would say he didn't know.
Then, HER husband called and left a message on our machine one day while we were out. He didn't say any names, just said stay away from my wife or I'm going to come over and beat your a$$. I asked who was that and my husband said he didn't know.
This all happened over about 4 months when he was offered a transfer with work out of state and we took it. He never admitted having an affair but I know he did. That was 16 years ago. We are still together and before everyone flames me, I will tell you that the man has paid dearly for that little fling. We've never discussed it because how can you discuss something he won't admit to? He didn't leave the house for years without taking 1 or all the kids with him, even to the grocery store or the post office. He never got to do anything he wanted to do, no more boys night out, no more golf weekends, etc. It got to the point where I was feeling sorry for him but he never said a word.
Now that we're in our 50s, I wish someone would take him so he'd leave me alone!
My rant: I agree cheating on one's spouse is never SM
acceptable. The one thing that REALLY bothers me, is that men claim that they have to cheat, since sex with their wives is no longer exciting and that their wife won't do what paid companions will and my thought is always the same "Did you ASK her?". If they ask nicely, I'm sure loving wives would be more than willing to comply. Within reason, of course.
Thanks everyone.....No he is not cheating
Last time he said he was "in love" with someone else, but she had her own family and stayed comitted to it, and he came back to me and has had nothing to do with her since. There is no one else this time, I am sure of that. I am almost willing to pretend that conversation never took place and if he is willing to stay with me for the kids, then that should be enough. But I don't want him unhappy, I still love him, and I suppose I deserve to be with someone I love too, but my kids and their happiness come first and foremost, before mine. I could be happy with him as long as he was content. I don't want him to stay though if he is just going to be an angry, unhappy person. I have thought of marriage counselling, he might be willing to try it. I am willing to try anything at this point.
Those cheating men
Over the last couple of weeks and especially in the last week 2 different families that have been much in the news, 1 family on a TV program and another family in government. Both husbands have been seen, caught, accused of having a child outside his marriage, another husband supposedly was going with a young teacher. Both of these men's spouses have taken their husband's sides, defending them, maybe even looking inward and seeing if possibly something the woman did was wrong. How would you react if your husband or significant other. Would you defend, get mad, get even or what?
Cheating men
Dateline tonight had a VERY interesting show on regarding this subject and people said as well it could be genetic - hmmmmm
Actually when my dad was cheating on my mom...sm
He has always left his cell phone laying around when home. Then she noticed he started keeping it in his pocket at all times. He even took it to the bathroom to get a shower. Or she actually found it hidden under a pile of dirty clothes one time when he was in the shower. He didn't want her to pick it up and see the calls on there.
What makes you think he's cheating on you?
p
Cheating spouses
I look at it this way, when you cheat on your spouse in the eyes of the Lord your marriage is dissolved anyhow. If my spouse ever cheated on me, I would definitely not stick it out for companionship or otherwise. It would just not be worth it to me because there would be massive trust issues from that point on. Just not worth it. For goodness sake, I would buy a dog before I would stay in a loveless marriage always wondering if my spouse was getting ready to cheat again!
Kind of cheating
At work our user names are the first four letters of our last name and the first two of our first name. Mine came out Horski which I kind of liked and on the boards, no one knows my gender right away too. I'm female by the way! You trying to pick something?
hubby cheating
I had a friend years ago who hid in the back of her hub's camper-cover pickup when she suspected he was going to see the other woman one night. He had a little *bed* in truck. She caught them and filed for divorce, later remarried and happy as a lark for 30 years now.
So corporate cheating is fine
You said - However, it does NOT justify lying, cheating, stealing insurance dollars and benefits just because you don't like it.
What do you call it when someone pays their premiums for years, they are told they are covered, then the insurance company decides they don't have to pay? Sounds like what you just described above. But it happens every day, and its supposedly OK, because its business, I used to do medical billing, outrageous how many claims were denied because the ordering physician didn't do a precert, the insurance company decided it was unneccessary, or some other little loophole. The providers didn't get paid, the patient ended up in collections,,,and IMO the patient was lied to, stolen from, and cheated out of his insurance dollars and benefits.
BTW, I do make my own money. I'm just not too pleased at handing large chunks of it to an insurance company, knowing they will diligently seek reasons to deny a claim, even if I play by all their ever changing rules and memorize my policy. And that includes the entire insurance industry, be it medical, LTD, life, auto, or homeowners insurance.
Good for Kate! Who needs a cheating man.
x
I understand the problem with cheating by using phones
and my children do carry the cells to school but keep them turned off and in their locker....which kinda defeats the purpose of being able to call in an emergency but I do know the problem it can become. The kids are also not supposed to have them on field trips that are just for the day (they are allowed to take them on overnight trips). Well, my son was on a high school field trip to VA Tech on Apr. 16. If hadn't had a teacher that allowed them (just don't abuse them) we would not have known for hours that he was okay. I went to the middle school that very afternoon and spoke to the principal about my DD taking her phone on a field trip and the principal said that it would be okay. That's good, cuz she was taking it no matter what.
If I knew there was a history of cheating on former wives,
then my opinion would be different. I think that once cheating occurs, it is more likely to be repeated in future relationships. Not saying that this is your case, but it would worry me.
How far would you go (or would you) to find out if your husband/lover was cheating?
I am married now and never even think of his cheating or even worry about it, just do not have a feeling like that but in the past married to a real dog. I then checked his pockets, his shirt collars (for lipstick, makeup), phone calls and on and on. How far would you go and what have you found?
Don't know, but if he was my new boyfriend
I would try to put a stop to it or walk away. But that's just me.
My boyfriend & Sex.
LOL, just kidding!!!:)
Ex-spouse
They are divorced. Get independent and stay independent of him unless she really loves torture.
Maybe Joe's spouse does not like the sm
idea either. It would of been nice if he said lets hang out with Joe's family to see if it everyone was compatible.
I had a boyfriend that was gay.
I wasn't completely surprised when he told me as I think I knew in my heart he was. Little clues here and there. The best you can do is talk to him about it. Good luck to him and to you!
Do any of you have a spouse
who can't say no to other people? How do you work it out? Are you just stuck always being the "bad guy?"
Unfortunately, the entire United States is having a difficult financial time. It is obviously not just our household. We have cut back everywhere we can, and I mean everywhere. Our families are having difficult problems as well. We also have an ex-spouse and have had unexpected increases in child support, etc. recently along with unexpected additional expenses where this is concerned. Basically, the child "needs" new glasses, etc. even though the child really doesn't but according to the court we have to pay accordingly. It just seems like it is one thing after another and I know it is for everyone, although the circumstances may be slightly different.
My problem is that I have been telling my husband for months that this was coming, along with Christmas, birthday, etc. He hasn't wanted to accept it. Although we have cut back on many things, on my initiative, it just has not sunk in for him until now...when everything finalized and we dont' know how we are going to pay all of our bills. To top this off, he can't seem to say no to having his nephews stay the weekend, talking to his family about NOT exchanging gifts, etc. I'm the "bad guy" because he is ok with all of it although he admits he has no idea where the money is going to come from. I have been upfront with my family and when people ask me but is it too much to ask that he do the same? I dont' know if it is a man thing, hurting his pride or what but he is so depressed and upset about our financial state, yet can't say no even to the smallest thing. But of course he wants to constantly remind me (the cheap skate and tight-a$$) to cut back on groceries, etc. which I cannot possibly do any more than I have already. We have nothing left in savings. We have no Christmas fund.
I'm just frustrated this morning and don't know where to go from here. I don't want to say "I told you so" but I did tell him and he had no concerns until now...when we are seemingly headed towards financial trouble. I have been working OT but his OT has been cut indefinitely from his employer. I'll be darned if I'm getting a second job so he doesn't have to cut back. I must say he doesn't buy things for himself..its just the piddling away of $20 here and $20 there on top of our already mounting unexpected expenses.
Strange question. I punched my ex when I found out what a cheating SOB he was. SM
I personally haven't been punched in the face since I was 20ish and I'd like to keep it that way. 
Only had 1 boyfriend and I married him
Starting dating at 15, got married when I was 20. I was always too shy to talk to boys ;-)
That reminded me of a boyfriend I had
once who repeatedly had to go to the ER because he superglued his eyelashes shut. He was in his late teens and liked to build model cars, and I guess he couldn't remember not to touch his eye with superglue on his hand.
He was a friend of ex-boyfriend
When I was 18, my boyfriend and I broke up. I started dating my husband, and the ex started dating a girl that hated me, who he also eventually married. I got to keep all his friends though because they liked me better than his future bride! Wasn't high school great?!? All that drama.
We are still together 26 years later and still friends with the same gang of guys. Minus the ex, of course! LOL
if a spouse cheats...
I'm watching this little polling on Today show (just eating breakfast, i never watch this stuff!) and it says 63% of people would try to save their marriage if their spouse cheated and 73% of the reason was for companionship.
Personally.... I am not sure I have the capabilty of getting over something like that. I think forgiveness is a huge part of life and relationships... but maybe it's insecurity, maybe it's about pride... but I'm not sure I could work through something like that!! I just don't know what could possibly be an excuse! The ladies on are saying, it usually signifies something that needs to be worked on in a relationship, well OBVIOUSLY! And I am not one of those people that thinks if you cheat you dont love the person... but I certainly think it would be really hard to work through or accept, and knowing myself I'm not thinking I could get over it, so I guess I'd be in the percentage of NOT ever wanting to know...
I dunno, I do think it's human nature to be attracted to many different people (i am myself)... but is it human nature to want to physically be with other people? I guess cheating can be emotional as well...
just random thoughts before I get to work!
Have a great day
if a spouse cheats
I have to tell you from the other side of the coin that sometimes people grow apart for one reason or another and things happen. Most people do not cheat because they are looking for something physical. They are missing an emotional connection and find it elsewhere. On the other side of this is that sometimes, not always but sometimes, when the other spouse finds out and realizes why it happened they can work through it together to get back what was missing and what brought them together in the 1st place. I speak from the know on both sides and can tell you that you can get past it and actually end up in a much better place than you ever were before. .
Unemployed Spouse
Is it possible he might be doing something behind your back and acusing you to justify something he has done.
Have your spouse cut your hair
Guys, if you keep your hair short, buy hair clippers with a set of clips and hand over the clippers to your spouse. You may have a couple of cuts that result in a buzzed head, but unless she’s got horribly unsteady nerves, she’ll figure it out.
Dear Spouse:
Please find a girlfriend. I'm sick and tired of taking your crap.
Hugs,
JMHO
Doing for her boyfriend's enjoyment?
There is a real old saying, think it goes "fool's names and fool's faces are often seen in public places." She was old enough to know better. Want to act adult, let her suffer some adult sized consequences. I feel no sympathy for the girl.
Being a military spouse, I think that...
she should qualify for unemployment, but not indefinitely. She paid in to California unemployment insurance and had to relocate because her spouse is serving our country. She should, in my opinion, be able to draw on unemployment from California for a reasonable period of time until she can get another job. However, that is one of the reasons I like this job. I take it with me whenever I move.
high school boyfriend . . .
Emailed me through classmates.com. We talked on the phone a few times. He sent me pictures of reunions that I never went to. Turns out our lives took very similar paths. A few other classmates Emailed as well.
My high school boyfriend went on to become a
comic. While he is not famous yet, he has done pretty well and he was on CMT a few weeks ago with a couple of other comedians. So funny you ask this today, my parents are at Grocery Food convention about 7 hours from here and he was actucally the entertainment last night. He goes by Kelly Terranova.
Boyfriend always interrupts my sentences
I can almost never finish a sentence. Doesn't matter what I'm saying, or when, or where, I get cut off. If I manage to string 2 or 3 short sentences together he is already off in dreamland and either cuts me off to go to a topic he likes or else he just isn't listening. As a result of all this he doesn't hear the sometimes-critical information that I provide.
I've tried just not saying anything when he does this, just clamming up and thinking he will ask me to repeat what I said....but he doesn't. He doesn't even notice!!
I have also gotten testy, weepy and upset and at times even-tempered and sincere in asking him to please let me finish my sentences but I don't get very far because...you guessed it....he doesn't let me finish that request....
Any other ideas? I know there must be other women/men with this problem from their spouses/significant others.
My sister's former boyfriend was almost 60 and bragging that he could get s/m
a woman in her 20s. Always looking, always bragging, always wanting. What a joke. I met many guys in their 50s trying to find woman in their 20s and 30s. I guess anyone can dream. 
Ex-spouse on health insurance?
My daughter just told me about a proposal her ex has suggested. He is close to a thousand dollars in arrears for back child support. Now he wants to negotiate a deal where my daughter will accept about half of what he owes in exchange for his adding her to his job health insurance. She is self-employed and has not had health insurance coverage since their divorce.
I don't think he can do that, can he? Since he has lied about so many things I don't think she will do that unless he can prove she can be covered. Even if he could add her, what would keep him from dropping her for spite if there are problems down the road? Any thoughts? Thank you.
Marriage may be a vow, but if OPs spouse was unfaithful then she has
y
The operative word here is boyfriend...
which we all know can come and go. You are his mother, it doesn't matter if you all live together, you should be the one deciding and planning things with the teacer. Until he is the stepfather or has adopted him, he should have little to no input about child rearing. Is this the person who will be responsible for your children if God forbid anything should happen to you? If so, then by all means he should be more involved. Hate to be blunt, but this relationship could always end. You're the mom, he is a person who lives in the house.
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
I actually think this one is cute, but my boyfriend who is actually very educated says (sm)
He gets *heart flapitations* and I thought it was so adorable I've never corrected him. Don't worry, this is during moments of *ahem* intense exercise; he does not need medical attention!
My daughter's boyfriend's hair is the
most gorgeous long blond hair you have ever seen. It just makes me sick!!!!!!!!!
Likening a spouse to a dog or horse...
imagine if a male doc suggested treating a wife like that; the outrage would be heard round the world. Maybe acting like adults and having a conversation like a married couple would help. How demeaning to treat a husband that way. Where do you women find these men that you have to "train"? Gesh, I always thought my DH was fabulous...now I am CERTAIN he is!
No muss, no fuss, no spouse -
.
Do you yell at your kids/spouse?
I grew up in a family of non-yellers. Even when he was drunk, my dad didn't yell. I've raised my voice to DH twice in our entire 34 years together, and one of those times was excused because I was pregnant, hot and miserable. I've never raised my voice to my kids.
Several of my friends are big-time yellers. It makes me cringe when I hear it. I guess cause I'm not used to it.
haha, my boyfriend was just telling me about this....
Less than 2,000, but the cost of living and such there compared to here, wonder how much it would be if they sold it around here? But, it has no air bags, uses "adhesive" instead of welded on parts, I wonder how great and safe of a car that would really be?
I married my twin sister's boyfriend
:)
Buying a house with someone who is not legally your spouse, is
I filed separate from my spouse at the time--sm
against an old (over 10 years) student loan that I had. That was the only thing I filed against and it was way before my spouse and I had even married. Even though I filed in my name only, it affected his credit too, just because we were married. It continued to affect his credit even after we divorced 10 years later. Better think twice. It is not always a good idea to file bankruptcy as a way out of debt. Cut up those cards and start paying cash for things you want/need. The interest on most of those cards will keep you in debt forever. Been there! but not any more! good luck to you!
Has anyone filed bankruptcy separate from their spouse?
My husband and I have all bills and checking accounts separate except for the cars and we split the household bills. I have a ton of credit card debt and with MT pay being less all the time, was thinking this may be the only way out. I know the spouse doesn't have to file if their name isn't on the account, but is this very hard to do? Thanks for any info.
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