I agree with most of the other posters.
Posted By: stepmom on 2008-12-30
In Reply to: Latchkey kids - Silly Girl
I have an 11yo stepson. At his biomom's house he stays home alone for about an hour by himself after school and rides the bus home. He has been doing it since 3rd grade and he is still scared out of his mind when he does. We have talked about safety and all the rest with him to make sure he can make the best decision possible when home alone because it is out of our control. We do not leave him alone during our parenting time. He is a great kid but this doesn't have as much to do with him as with other people. You can't trust anyone. When it comes down to it, a kid will be a kid and when people get scared they forget things. He does have 3 teachers from his school that live on the same street and the walk from the bus is not far but things can happen very quickly and you don't know who you can trust these days.
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- Latchkey kids - Silly Girl
- I agree with most of the other posters. - stepmom
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Agree with other posters, plus...
She was punished in school. Unless something really, really bad (which thankfully never happened), I would let school behavior be dealt with at school and home behavior dealt with at home. However, I let my kids know that in no uncertain terms, the teacher had my blessing in dealing with them in the appropriate manner (pretty scary lol).
But I have to say, and please do not take offense, but she wanted a book... not a toy... for some reason that just breaks my heart. I guess because my daughter loves books and they are her world (now an English major with college professor aspirations).
Anyhow, no one is perfect, kids nor parents.
I'd have to agree with the other posters.
He sounds very controlling. I was married to that and it took me 13 years to get away from the mental abuse and longer to "regroup." My situation was extreme. I grew up in a household in the days where "the man was the boss and you did what they said." So, when I married young, I viewed my husband as my "boss" or "master" and I was supposed to do as he said and NEVER talk back. I was allowed no friends, could not socialize or work outside of the home because other men may be at the place I might work. I was timed when I went to the grocery store and one time I took too long and he locked me it of the house..it was my son's birthday.. He also watched our house from his work with binoculars so he would know when and if I left the house and if any men came over. Well, after finally getting a job, getting out in the "real" world, I found out that people didn't live that way. The women I worked with actually had friends, could have lunch with them etc.. I remember them all inviting me out to lunch while at work, and I remember being terrified that he'd "catch" me out somewhere other than work and I would get in trouble. Once, I figured out this treatment was wrong, I decided to fight back, and the first time I talked back, he went nuts..threatening to cut off all my hair so no one would want me if I left him etc..This insanity continued until God came me the strength to leave. The first thing I did was enroll in college at age 27, having never even finished high school, but I was ready for college and I knew I had to do it if I ever wanted to get out of there and support myself. He made my life so miserable while I went to school and most days I just wanted to quit and give up, but I didn't. I just kept going and thank goodness. Long story short. I started my life over at 30 and have never looked back. I was single for 8 years before I got married again. It took me that long to fix myself so that I would never again put up with that crap. So, NOW, I'm the boss and it's my way or I'll slap his beak off LOL. On a serious note, I don't mean to pass judgment but your husband sounds too controlling and it's time to stand up now or forever hold your peace. I remember being called a fat a#$#$@# when I weighed 120 lb. I was scared to eat and get fat because he berated me. Mind you, this man got to 325 lb but I was the fat a#$#$#@.. Yes, life is good now. I'm my own person and married to the man of my dreams and who worships the ground I walk on..the way it should be...LOL Best wishes to you. No one deserves to be treated less than equal.
I agree with the posters below.
You need to move closer to family and see a doctor. You can also find the local social services department and they will provide free medications for 6 months. you will have to see one of their doctors but and fill out some paperwork but that's the only catch.
Depression is higher around the holidays. The weather, finances, family, on top of every day stresses can be overwhelming. Being in this antisocial job doesn't help either. I have often thought of getting something a few days a week just to get out of the house. I think it would do anyone good.
Know that things could always be worse and they will get better. Your grandson is young, he doesn't understand but will some day. Even if he had 30 presents, he would still think "where's the rest" as this is a common occurrence in kids. I thought it was only my child but since have found many others are the same.
Keep your head up and do what you can. It's ok to cry and vent to others. Don't keep it all bottled up inside. You will be surprised to find who your true friends and family are when you open up and really need them.
I agree with the other posters.
Definitely go up atleast 1 size.
I am pregnant now. I haven't even had a shower yet and everyone is giving me newborn stuff. I guess it is what everyone likes to give but forget that they are not in them very long.
If anyone else gave her diapers for her shower or just to be nice when they come to see the baby, odds are they will give her newborns. I have also heard that some hospitals allow you to take home with you what newborn diapers are left in the room on discharge so she may have those too. I'm sure it is not a lot but it all adds up.
I agree with most of the posters below, but I would
also like to add that it sounds like he needs a job or some form of exercise and male companionship. If he's not currently working, I take it that financially it's not hurting you. Therefore, it doesn't matter if he takes a minimum wage job -- clerking at a hardware store, etc. This will give him some self-worth, get him out of your hair and hopefully give him an outlet to talk about some of these world topics.
If he doesn't want to take a job, he should consider joining a gym. Exercise releases endorphins which makes you feel happy. It would also help with his figure. Maybe you could get a couples rate and go together. My hubs and I just joined our local gym. So far, we haven't gotten to go together because of the kids, but we both go separately with a friend.
I know what you mean about living in a small town. We live in a very small town -- population about 7000, 1 grocery store, 1 hardware store, 2 convenience stores, 2 dollar stores and a couple pizza/sandwich shops. But if you really want something, you'll find it. Maybe he just needs a gentle push.
If all else fails, you could give a call to his doctor and let him know about how he's been acting. His doctor could then discuss things with him (without letting him know that you've talked to him) and maybe prescribe some medication or run some tests that could find a medical cause for his negativity.
Good luck -- and as I said, I agree with what the other posters have said about changing yourself. My dad was the same way after he retired, but then he got a part-time job delivering furniture locally and joined the gym. He's a lot better now and my mom's grateful that he "talks" with his coworkers about some of the stuff he was bugging her with.
I agree with you; don't understand all these other posters
It's not like he is 4 or 5; he is 10.
Where to get posters, etc. sm
My granddaughter's birthday in June, hope to get some favors, etc. I hate to jump on the bandwagon as I don't like all this stuff of kids growing up too soon. I hate to see them get out of princess and Cinderella. Oh well, any ideas on how to get ahead of the game - only the 1 and 2 grades invited, I find it sad that they don't have good old fashioned values but guess I'm history. PS: They do go to church, etc., for those who are ready to attack with other ideations. Peer pressure, sick of it all. Nice girls, pure and simple but getting into the bogus world of peer pressure. Confused!!
LOL to both those posters. I wish I were
clever enough to think of something... but more gullible, I would be the recipient of such a trick. This is why I work at home. :)
I'm not referring to the posters...sm
who disagree as being busybodies, but people who make a stink about this issue in general...Never said it was the disagreeing posters who are the busybodies...read carefully....
You know, I don't know, but I would tend to believe the other posters have hit
the nail on the head that it is a comfort zone and perhaps he cannot or will not be without a woman. He is not terribly outgoing, so I do suspect he has esteem issues of his own. In any case, I think I will follow the advice here and wait and see what life brings and not try to settle for less than.
I was one of the posters in the dicsussion below
and I said that I asked my 14yr old DD how many girls she knew that were pregnant. She said 0. She just finished middle school and will start high school with my DS this fall. Picked him up from Washington DC yesterday and told him about the discussion. He will be a junior this fall. Asked him how many girls were preggers and he said if it is not a rumor, then 13. I was shocked. Guess I was being fooled by many. But once again, I do know some really good girls, my DD included.
So I will apologize to both posters
the one who called me looney and the other who called me juvenile. Sorry if I offended you both...I find this board to be both a comfort and a place I can vent and hopefully help those who ask for advice or help with terminology. I don't want to come off as rude...I was just feeling a little hurt, as I would never call someone here a negative name, as I feel we are commrades...Hope that makes sense....I will shut up now and let this go...Just feeling sad that my good intentions turned sour. No hard feelings? None here.
I think you get the picture of the posters
xx
Yeah they do need posters over there
I've already got in trouble for posting that it was boring over there and got an e-mail that was rather defensive because I even said it and I did say it nicely.
There are no job ads; same ole Diskriter, Focus...
Same posters all the time... blah, blah 
I've tried several times to seem interested, but it's just the same ole boring stuff.. This board is much more exciting and informative.
To the 2 posters who gave me info on WW ...
The Points system is the best. I'm joined the online program and keep my points tracker open all day.
Thanks for giving the information you did.
True. Look at posters to this board who take bad
x
If this is so boring - why bother? they need posters over there can't you tell
by this thread?
Well, he WAS a prophet. Shame on cruel posters.
xx
Yeah, and it's always the ever-so-resentful posters who can't STAND sm
the fact that we are work-at-home MOMs!
I am so sick and tired of reading all of these negatives posts from those supermom's or those who abhor children, who sit on their high-horse and can't believe that we work at home with our children here. My children are very well behaved, very intelligent, LOVE ME BEING HERE, and I work doing MT and have been for about 8 years now.
Never, and I mean never, have I seen children with work-at-home parents kill someone, kill themself, become a drug addict, etc. Never. The ones that I see with all the issues are those parents who are A-B-S-E-N-T. Yes, I am yelling. I am just so sick and tired of all the backlash and negativity against us stay-at-home moms.
I think you are guiding your anger towards the wrong people. I don't know if your parents dropped you off somewhere when you were little, but you definitely have a problem to be so against us - and go so far as to call us inprofessional to be working from home. I have an idea. Why don't you NOT worry about us stay-at-home, work-at-home moms because your arguments carry absolutely no merit whatsoever. None.
As moms or dads, we are here. With them. And it does matter. They are thriving. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Before you start printing up posters and plastering
them all over town, campus, et cetera... remember there IS a little girl involved here with very tender feelings.
How long ago was his conviction or was it an accusation? What is the history behind the charges?
I beg you to PLEASE check with authorities and possibly a grief counselor for advice BEFORE you destroy a little girl who may have absolutely no idea of her father's past.
Posters here are giving great advice
I would definitely stash the savings before she got her hands on it. AND, I do believe she needs some help. Overspending can be a sign of a chemical imbalance. At the least, she needs budget counseling. You have to think past the moment, to the years ahead when you are both old and could possibly be broke.
We live in a double-wide trailer, older, but it is nice, and we are fixing it up room by room. Our mortgage is smaller than what rent would be. This is a conscious choice for us, knowing that if you choose the big fancy house, the big fancy payment comes with it. If you are already struggling, please stay where you are. I think you knew your answer before you asked us, just wanted affirmation, and all of the posters are wise on their advice. Best of luck to you.
Are you harsh posters cops or parents?
A little late to post, but here's my idea as a mom of 5. Get her out of the house, some place public, Starbucks or the bookstore - a place where she won't storm off and you'll both be civil to each other at least for a few minutes. Tell her you love her, be understanding and really talk to her. Ask her what is going on in her life, is she stressed about something in particular? Don't alienate her. There is a lot of life ahead for you both and this is not a permanent condition for her. If ALL you do is punish you risk sending her off in a bad direction. At the end of the conversation it may seem you got nowhere, but she'll think about things and hopefully be a bit less impulsive. Please post back and let us know how things go.
Posters are correct, child support diff from visitation
Just because a parent is behind on child support does NOT mean you lost your visitation rights, even if you went to court and tried making restitution. What the courts might do is GARNISH your salary (if employed) with some going towards back child support. I am not sure if all states are the same, but I would think they are on this subject, but again, I'm not sure. Florida works this way though, this I can assure you.
What an awesome post! I agree, agree, agree completely with you.
 You are right on the money in my book!
She wasn't talking to you, BTW. She was talking about the 2 posters below! nm
m
I agree, try to live in another country, then you will also agree...nm
nm
absolutement! Agree! Agree! Agree!
Why is it so hard to understand this? HMOs are just middlemen who get everything balled up and costly!
I agree with you - not judging either but agree (nm)
:)
and I agree with you *nn* -
I agree......
I agree with everyone's reply here. Also--one more thing...DO NOT TOUCH THE RADIO/CD PLAYER WHILE DRIVING!! It was 17 years ago that one of my best friends was killed this way-very responsible girl, just did not think for that one moment.
I was a responsible teen, but my parents set strict rules on my driving. At the time, I did not understand but now that I have a 10-year-old son who keeps reminding me each year that he will be driving in __ years, I understand completely. If it were an option for us, I would keep my kids babies forever.
Another thing you can do, just to maybe ease your mind about driving is take her to the local police department and have them to show actual footage of accidents. I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it has saved a lot of kids lives in my surrounding area.
Hope this helps!!
wow - I sure do agree with you!!....sm
I would rather them be locked in a car driving than strolling or walking alone - In Florida - we have had MANY YOUNG KIDS killed (murder) by being alone walking to and from school. My children are VERY responsible and pay for everything, except that car insurance (which is wayyyyyyyyy too much) which I offered to pay until age 28. By the age of 28, they'll be earning more $$. My OLD brother (and he's very old *LOL*) did this for his son until age 28 (think he's about 38 now) because of the exhorbitant insurance rates. I decided to follow suit. If we have it, why shouldn't we help them. I'd rather help my children while I'M ALIVE AND KICKING rather than what they get when I die, IF there is anything to get *LOL*
Y'all have a GREAT day!
Remember, we can all agree to disagree without being nasty and rude.
and I so agree with you!!!.....sm
One of my children saved all the Xmas/holiday/birthday $$ ever received from toddler-hood so that at 17 had $6000+ and put it down on a BRAND NEW SMALL CAR, albeit I had to co-sign the balance. Child did pay the rest off. I too am very proud of the children who are young still, one has worked for 10 years already (started off part-time at about 14 after school by own choice).
Yep, I want kids to hang out in multiple numbers today - never walking alone - too many CREEPS out there in the USA today and they are EVERYWHERE....really creepy to me.........
Let's sing out for the responsible good kids who are out there trying to live life in this messed-up world!!!!
HOORAY FOR THE CHILDREN!!!! They are our future and if we don't back them, well then we are up the creek without a paddle, right? 
I agree...
Don't be too quick to judge! Last I knew car seats can be moved from one car to another! It's so sad that a few rotten apples out there ruin it for the people who really need the help! Hope you are never in a situation where you may need a little help.
I agree
Hey, Chillie, I love what you said. It's time somebody did. All this political correctness crap is getting to the point where it really offends me. And I'm SOMEBODY, TOO!!! Thanks.
It all goes to what you agree to when you take the job
If you take the job knowing that it involves working the holiday or the night of or the night before then it is your obligation to do so. That is the way of this trade. Then the days following the holiday we are "dead" and everyone is yelling for work. Kind of like the hospitals, the police, the fire department, the stores half the time -- we all know what is expected when we accept the job. If you knew that it was expected of you when you said yes -- then I think it is your obligation to work. If you have your own accounts or are an IC then you have the right to say no but don't complain when nothing comes your way the day or two after the holoidays. I chose to have my own accounts and some are open the day after Thanksgiving and so what I pick up on late Weds has to be back by early Friday and so somwhere in that timeframe I have to get it done. I might have a few more hours to do it but also have a family and life so will squeeze it in. Then Friday I will have what was dictated on Weds and have to work on over the weekend. So you see you are not alone but this has been the way since I have been doing this, close to 20+ years. Before that when I worked in office/clinics we were never closed for the Friday after Thanksgiving, saw patients until 6 on Weds, back at 8 on Friday. Anway got things to do. Patti
I agree
I was in management also and I was lucky in that there were only a certain few MTs that were very stubborn about not working holidays or flat out refused. Most were willing to compromise, maybe do one major holiday and have off the other, or even put in a few hours of their choice. It is those who refuse to work all holidays that can mess things up for everyone. For if everyone refused, what then? I guess it would then have to become mandatory???? Exactly!
I agree with you...
Even if the story you were told is true, there's still something not right about the situation. Best to make sure your daughter's not in any danger, I'd do the same thing! Good luck...I feel for the other family though...how hard would that be?
I agree...
My husband is far from dispensable! He's my best friend too. He's a wonderful father, husband, son, brother, everything! We've been married for almost 20 years and I love and need him more today than I did in the beginning. Men are getting an unfair wrap here...although I completely sympathize with the OP. That's her situation, though, not every marriage comes down to that.
Like I said before (and my post was deleted for some reason) I am looking forward to growing old with my husband...raising grandchildren...hopefully finally getting to travel. I do believe the best has yet to come for us!
I 100% agree.
x
I agree
My friend and I went on a sugar free diet - it lasted 2 days. After numerous trips to the restroom, we both finally came to the conclusion that it was the sugar substitutes. Go for Splenda... After removing sugar substitues we had no more problems.
I agree and not only that - what about the
actions speak louder than words - if he wasn't guilty he would've stuck around..........would have had nothing to run from if he was innocent......and that's another thing - in the case, he was NOT found NOT GUILTY - he was found innocent by a reasonable doubt....(pssst - cause he's still guilty)...LOL
if it looks like a horse, smells like a horse, acts like a horse, it is not a swan!
RIP Ron and Nicole......
I agree sm
If you take hungry men a meal of sand covered with some cheese, they are gonna say it is great. It was very funny to me too. I am a country fair blue ribbon winner. Of course they are not gonna say this tastes awful. I make the best blue ribbon potato salad. I mean really, if you take hungry men anything, they are not gonna tell your husband it was mediocore, hungry men will eat almost anything.
I agree with you...
Your original intention was to "feel" out how others felt about your situation. You never argued with anyone who replied earlier with anything but thanks. Log off now, and forget about the rants and raves. I hope you have a good evening.
I agree
I have never been big on that with my kids, never felt comfortable with it even when they were much younger. As ridiculous as it may sound, I can remember finding out there was no Santa and I was incredibly upset that my parents lied to me. Christmas is not about Santa. Still bugs me. haha.
I don't agree with your vet.
When I finally saw my dog going through a partial seizure, she was definitely scared and in pain. Afterwards she almost stopped breathing. Hers were caused by a tumor, but in a young dog like yours, it is almost certainly epilepsy. I have a friend whose dog has epilepsy with terrible seizures, and now he's on medication and only has 1 seizure a month. They are all much happier. If I were you I'd change vets because I'd be worried the seizures were causing brain damage.
I agree, but...
not everyone can multitask. Fortunately, it is nice to be able to simultaneously do laundry and type at the same time. No one should be sitting in front of a PC for 8 hours straight. You have to get up and stretch, so why not switch the clothes from washer to dryer, or catch the news or have a cup of tea for a few minutes. If you were inhouse, you would be at the water cooler. Working at home is a privilege, but even people who work inhouse take advantage. I have seen where fellow employees are taking personal phone calls, balancing their checkbook, making appointments, asking others opinions regarding personal issues, etc. Lighten up!!!! You will either be diligent or not off-site or not... No one can type and clean at the same time, but it sure makes it easier to dust your living room, and then go type for a while.... Oh my! That is why I love this board!
I agree
For the first year or two I went to an accountant he was very helpful. But then after I realized that I was doing 80% of his work for him and I do understand taxes quite well, I bought Turbo Tax and for the past 10 to 12 years have used Turbo Tax. You have to figure out how much sq ft your office is versus your house to find the percentage you get to take off for mortgage payment. utilities, etc. Also he will let you know what the pros and cons are for depreciating your home. Since I figure on dying here -- and not in the near future -- I have been using the depreciation. If you use your car for any mileage related to your business, supplies, delivering, banking you can take that off. Ask him about setting up a SEP fund -- self employment pension fund -- even if you only contribute 5 to 10% that helps to bring down what you pay SSN, every dollar helps. Good luck, once he does it for you then you can use last year guidelines for how to do it.
I agree 100%
I also suffered from HPV and had to endure 4 colposcopies as well as a LEEP procedure. If this had been available when I was younger, I would have gotten the vaccine. There is always risk to these types of things and it is a matter of personal preferance as to what you choose to do.
I agree. sm
And it was even worse in the days of pay toilets what we had to endure.
I remember sitting there broken heated.
Paid a dime and only farted.
I agree as with the others
Definitely don't get tempted on the business trip, and if he wants you he needs to get rid of the other one.
It is really easy to cheat on a business trip and come home to the wife/steady girlfriend like nothing happened (for some anyway).
I agree with everyone here and I have --sm
been in your shoes too, in the past. Only thing is that I was not mature enough way back then to keep business separate from *high school feelings* and the only one that got hurt was me. I felt not so bright in the head, and *cheap* afterwards.
He is still in his present relationship for a reason and since it seems so easy for this man to forget that, I would stay WAY clear of him! (gotten smarter in my old age). IF he leaves his present girlfriend, which I seriously doubt, then MAYBE, but also keep in mind that he was willing to step out of bounds on that relationship to see what could be done with you, and I would almost bet this is not the first time, so if things ever got serious between the two of you....how easy would it be for him to do it to you after 7 years or so?
It just seems so easy for a man to change his life like he changes his pants every day with no qualms about who he hurts in the process. Keep your dignity...don't do it. Just my 2 cents. good luck to you!
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