My ex-husband had an affair
Posted By: scarred MT on 2008-01-30
In Reply to: women beat themselves up - it NEVER - sm - mdlfcrs
with my so-called best friend, better known as his brother's wife. It devastated me, not so much about him, but I felt the biggest betrayal was hers. We were very close, used to commiserate about the brothers and their crazy family, confided in each other and then SHE SLEPT WITH HIM!! It still bothers me and this was in 1984. 
I know that wasn't your question, but it just reminded me of that whole mess.
It would bother me more I think if my husband had an affair with another man, because of the obvious health risk. Either way, it's a horrible experience.
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Husband had affair 13-14 years ago
It was with a co-worker. He told me about it in the fall 1993. He moved out. A couple of months later he moved back home and said it was over. Our kids were young then, 6 and 9, and the holidays were coming up which is probably why he moved back. Fast forward to the fall 1994. He comes out with that he never stopped seeing her, but now she was moving out of state and it really is over. In 1999, we moved to a different state (not the one she's in... I know where she went). Things seemed to be okay, at least the way they always have been. We even had a baby girl in late 2000. Husband switched jobs last year and I was finally getting around to cleaning out some boxes that he brought from the office. I found an envelope in there from the low life he cheated with with a Christmas card and some pictures postmarked 2006. The message said hope you and your family are fine. I finally found some pictures for you. I hope you like them, etc. They are mostly of her with her husband with family friends. I think it's her husband ... at least it was her husband's name back then I remember, because he had called me a couple of times back when it all went on.
Okay, so it's like 14 years after the fact. I thought it was something we had gotten past. The thing is, I had never seen what she looked like and now out of the blue I'm putting a face to the whole thing. Besides that it's bringing the whole thing back, the feelings, the betrayal, all of it, I'm also shocked that one or way another they have stayed in touch, even with us moving. Now I wonder again, is he really where he says he is when he's out?
Just wanted some opinions here. I'm just a mess right now and don't know whether to say anything or not.
Lifetime movies where the husband has an affair and leaves
aaa
what a sad affair
I was flipping between that and Nancy Grace. I personally believes the boy likes the attention and as you said, "grow up"!
Affair
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! I had a friend whose husband cheated on her their entire marriage (17+ years). I could not do it, but she had three young children and felt that she needed to keep her family together. I don't think I would ever be able to trust my husband again!
I don't think he is having an affair with her - sm
If he wanted to hide it he could have given cash, easy to withdrawal $100 here and there, etc, not raise too much of an eyebrow. Unless it is all reverse psychology on his part, but usually men are not that smart. I am sure he is getting an ego boost from being a shoulder to cry on though, and I would certainly keep my eyes open. He was a bit overly generous though and definitely should have said to you, hey, I'd like to give her some cash to help out would $500 be okay with you? Granted I would balk at that myself, maybe $250 or $300 that would be as high as I would go in such a situation. I would try to get him to see it from your point of view, reverse the roles as someone suggested below and ask him how he'd feel if she was a he and you had 90 minute appointments with him and stay and chat, and give him $500. He'll probably tell you that would be nuts, etc. It is possible for a hair appt to take a while, she may be running late or he shows up early and waits and chats with her then as well, who knows. How often do you go? Do you go together (if not, start) or separate? As long as he doesn't start going more often to get hair cuts, or strange calls show up on his cell phone or email I would not worry about it. He probably got overzealous and wanted to "rescue" the fair maiden with a large cash donation. Men can be very foolish sometimes.
The affair thing
I think an affair is something to consider. Google signs of an affair and see if anything else seems to go with the typical behavior. He certainly is a ripe age for it (mid-life crisis material).
Whatever it is, don't assume he will just get over it. You need to get to the bottom of it.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
More upset if with a man. Lie #1 is the affair, lie #2 is that he's gay and didn't tell me bef
x
Yikes! A Paterson Affair now...
Well David Paterson, new Governor on NY as of today, is reported to have had an extra-marital affair..no prostitutes, just a long term affair. He claims it happened when his marriage was in trouble and his wife also had an affair. According to him, they then had counseling, got back together and that was that. Someone in Albany started a rumor that Paterson also had a "love child" with still another woman, but Paterson flatly denied it. I don't have a link--it's breaking news. 
Jon's been having a months-long affair
with a college student or recent college grad... There are plenty of pictures, and her brother has spoken out and given interviews too. One article I read was in US Weekly I believe. As much as I really am not wild about Kate, I really feel for her in this situation. She's taking care of all those kids while he's off spending weeks and weekends away with a woman half their age nearly.
talk about Are You Kidding....who cares about your office affair
nm
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
My husband is the same way
Something about guys and their cars. I have no kids though and recently married so we still do some of our banking and bills separately by my choice. I thought he was being selfish too. So I got myself a 2nd part time job and I recently went out and bought a newer, bigger, fully loaded SUV and I don't let him use it! lol
My husband and I are doing it right now
and it is working, slowly but surely. After the first couple of things are paid off, its gets better and faster. We have a poster board with all our debt and we redo it every three months, and I must say that you see the debt going away. My hubbie cut all my credit cards up, and I was upset but in the scheme of things, it was the best. We only have one income and its working. Give it a try, I think you'll be surprised that it actually does work. My friend is also doing it, and their debt is disappearing also.
My husband and I did think of it. NM
x
What is your husband's take on that? nm
x
Go for it! I met my husband .....sm
2 months after his wife died from a 3 year bout with cancer and we're very happily married.
Good luck!!!
My husband always tries, although he just
doesn't necessarily have the same taste as me. It is a hit and miss with him, but he always tries. This year we did not exchange gifts (agreed upon ahead of time) because I got a new house and he got a new truck. We concentrated on the kids. The only gripe I really have is that he doesn't do much in the way of getting me gifts from the kids on Mother's Day, and he's not much of a card person, although I am.
He helped me clean all week though, did anything I asked pretty much, cleaned up all day today, etc.
Honestly though, I do not agree with the posts below about making a list. I think that a gift should come from the heart and that some thought should be put into it. Things that I just want, I go get them myself.
My husband and I have 2
roundtrip airfare tickets for anywhere in the US. I'm looking for an all-inclusive resort (room, meals, activities), but am having a hard time finding one. Can you help me out with this? Thanks!
My husband
used this for his leg pain due to fibromyalgia but had a very bad reaction to it so was not able to continue to use it. He found a natural supplement online that has helped. Best of luck!!
So, you would be okay with your husband
nm
This is what my husband (sm)
told me last night. I really hope that isn't what is going on. I am going to talk to her again about it again today. She has a cell phone (very near and dear to her heart!) I like for her to have it, so that I know she is okay when she isn't home, but since I now know that she is still smoking, I think I have very good reason to ground her. Hence, she won't be needing the cell phone.
Thanks for the input everyone.
My husband only uses
regular lotion, but he does like to take baths sometimes. He was glad when we moved and got a garden tub so he could soak. He doesn't go out of his way to use bubbles, but he will take one with me with bubbles.
Met my first husband when I was 5, LOL - sm
First crush was Greg. I met him when I was 5. We played together at church. We started "going together" when I was 13. We got married when I was 18. We got divorced when I was 32. Tried again several times. Finally called it quits when I was 37...sigh.
Then there was Stacy....we were together for two years.
Then there is Tommy, we have been together for three years - married for two years.
My husband was the one who
donated the sperm and had it washed, the doctor performed the IUI, and nature created twins. It was a WE effort in my case.
This is your husband
If there's one person in the world you should be honest with, it's your husband. Don't lie about this, this is BIG...just explain to him your feelings and if he loves you and you love him, you can work it out and make both of you happy. But lying WILL come back to bite you in the a$$...trust me, I know...good luck!
My husband was gay
We've been divorced for a while now, but it still hurts like crazy. I don't know anyone who has been through this. Is there anyone out there who's spouse came out to them?
My husband did!
He had to have surgery because otherwise the muscles would have atrophied. Because lifting was required for his job, he was out on disability for 4 months. However, soon afterward a radiologist I knew had it done, and he only took 1 day off and then was back at work, not complaining, and not taking strong pain killers. My hubby is a big guy, and it was hard on him, but he's able to work fine now. He has also had cervical spinal fusion, and the rotator cuff was worse for him, oddly enough.
Husband and I have dog and cat instead!
Kids...no thank you! Decided at around 12-13 or so that I didn't want any. I'm 30 now and haven't changed my mind and don't plan to.
I AM SO MAD AT HUSBAND
I am so mad with this man. Last night he made a comment that all I have to do on my job is sit on my A_ _ and stare at a computer screen. He thinks this job is cushy. I transcribe every foreign doctor known to man for 8-10 hours 5-6 days a week, achieve OVER my line counts and bring home more money than he does and I work from home. What in the world does he think gives him the right to talk down to me? Even though I love it, this is one of the most taxing jobs I have ever had in my life. The mental drain is incomprehensible at times. I was so mad when he came up with that, I would have thrown him out if he would have had anywhere else to go!
mad at husband
Do what I do..i put him in my chair with my own keyboard, a set of headphones and told him i would be back in 30 minutes. And I gave him one of my best enunciating docs to boot. Needless to say....no more sit on my a** comments any more. I put the son in the chair too. Good luck.
Which one, the husband or dog?
He, he!
What do you do when your husband says
He does not love you anymore after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids? He left once about 3 years ago, but came back saying he missed us and loved me and that he was just going through a tough time and he knew he was making a bad choice. I thought we were okay, not smart of me, then he started getting distant and grumpy all the time again, and he told me last night that he tried really hard these last 3 years, mostly for our kids sake and because he cares about me and does not want to leave me high and dry, but he does not love me and is not happy with me. He says we have nothing in common anymore, which we really didn't in the first place, but it was okay until recently.
I don't know what to do. All 3 kids are extremely close to their dad, and he loves them so much, but I feel I should move to where my parents are (next town 20 miles away) but it will be harder for him to see them and also rent is so much higher for housing there. I just feel like I want to be closer to my family because here, I have NO ONE. I moved here because it was his hometown and he was happy. I also have the kids in preschool here, again cheaper than in the town I want to go to. My son will be in first grade and needs speech therapy for developmental delay and I like the people who have been working with him as they know his history. Am I being selfish wanting to take them away from here? I am lost and don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. 
What do you do when husband...
Ditto totally trose. Permanently CLOSE his door except when dealing with/talking about children. Work hard at your job, totally concentrate on YOUR life and family. God is your refuge..will keep you safe and won't lead you wrong. You are strong (else you wouldn't be an mtmomof3) ... you can do this. Will remember you in my prayers.
husband
he sounds like a pig... i say move on
My husband will be right over! LOL!
xx
Is my husband
Because I think we are married to the same guy. Here's my rule: I don't tell him everything, but when asked, I tell the truth. Except when I buy my son an $80 pair of shoes, I shave a few bucks off. Other than that I tell the truth. I know how you feel though. When he comes home if I hear squealing tires on the driveway or the door slams just right, I think, "Uh-oh. What did I do now?"
Is there anyone who has a husband...
like mine...he is an adult and acts like one, he respects what I do for a living, thanks me for working as hard as I do, would never expect me to do everything around the house without him helping out, and is generally a fabulous guy. Sounds like a lot of women are married to self-centered whiners who think THEIR job is the important one. I truly am blessed!
My husband...
I was going to post something similar to this...reading these threads about jerk husbands makes me sooo very grateful for mine. He's handsome, sexy, funny...works doggone hard for us so I can work PT, and still helps around the house in the evenings after work. Guess that's why I've kept him for 20 years---today!!! 
Oh, did I mention he's the bestest dad ever (as our DS puts it)...I could go on and on, but I won't...I am sorry for those who are not blessed with a wonderful man, it truly is a gift!
why the MIL and not your husband?
You are going after the wrong person. Your husband should be beside you all the way 100%. It is his job to talk/deal with his family. If he doesn't or won't, you've got a bigger problem with him than with the outlaws.
Your husband should say something
You are to cleave to husband and wife. If the MIL is not going to handle the situation your husband should definately stand up for you and say if you dont show some respect to my wife stay away. I have a SIL that does not like me either because she married into the family first and thinks I stole some of her thunder, but thank goodness my husband stands up for me. The MIL probably wants to keep peace that is how mine is, so I would talk to your husband about getting the situation resolved. Some people can be so dumb to act that way. Good luck, hope things get better.
What did your husband say about it?
xx
ex-husband
Well, Pammy,
I think you would fit right in with me and my friends' "board." We meet once a week and "discuss things." We all share the blessing of an ex-husband except one. Maybe ex is just so blissfully happy he forgot to tell you, or maybe he is just TOO CHICKEN - you think. In any case, the "board" meets tomorrow night. I'll be thinking of you.
LOL! My husband said she was just doing her job. It was probably on sm
the paper! LOL
My husband became an RN at age 43.
He thought he was too old and not smart enough because he did poorly in school. Not true! He certainly wasn't the oldest in his classes. Go for it!
Well, it is for me because my husband
is a whiz at navigating, and he can't understand my problem AT ALL. My problem is not just at night - it's all the time. I never worried about it as a kid. I was just one of those passengers that paid no attention to how we got anywhere, but no bid deal when the city is laid out in a grid. Then we moved to the South, where there is no such thing as a logical grid, and instead of being able to see for long distances and get your bearings, you are hemmed in by trees. I love trees, but must they be so dense you can't see through them??
Oh, and if you're downtown you have to pay attention to which are one-way streets. What a nightmare for a navigationally challenged woman. I can hardly wait to have Magellan on my side. DH says this model can even adapt if you take a wrong turn. Yeah!
Husband gets mad
Send him back home to his mother and let her deal with him. I would show him the door. My husband has total respect for me and the fact that I work at home. He just told his 2 children that coming to our house for Christmas on Friday the 21st will not work and that they have to come Saturday after 3:00 p.m. because I work at home and that isn't fair to me to have a house full of children and grandchildren (all step by the way) while I'm trying to work. They live 2-1/2 hours away and will be staying overnight and we are celebrating our Christmas with his side of the family Sat/Sun before Christmas. He has never and better never, if he knows what's good for him, refer to me as a _itch. I'm always referred to as "baby" or "babe". He does a lot around the house, inside and out, to help me as do I because I am a very neat/clean person and like my entire house, cupboards and closets kept that way. He cleans up after himself and last but not least, he is not a "slob" in the bathroom. God love him.
Where's your husband?
Tell this kid to get out of your house. Don't let him back in until he learns some manners. Since he doesn't think he owes you and your husband any respect, let him get out there on his own and see how the world will treat him.
Don't ever let your 8-year-old go anywhere with him. Obviously, the stepson has no sense of responsibility.
You and your husband need to tell him together that your house is no longer his home, that he is not to plan on spending summer break at your house. If you want to continue helping him with college costs, okay, but he cannot be allowed to treat you, your son or your husband so hatefully. He's teaching your son to lie, cussing at you in front of your son - good grief, what are you waiting for?
The fact that he doesnt treat other people that way says he knows he can get by with the bad behavior - he's manipulating you and your husband. Don't let it happen anymore.
Ah okay - I bet my husband knows who she is. I don't get
a chance to watch much tv - maybe an hour or two a week but he watches it constantly while he is out of town. I will make mention of her to him. Thanks for the info!
Me too. I know everything about my husband.
Even his social security number!
Husband can't hug - ever - without it being...(sm)
sexual. Do any of them? I would sometimes just like for him to be affectionate and just show me that he loves me without grabbing any of my body parts - or forcing my hand onto his. He does this EVERY time. I have told him how it makes me feel but he keeps doing it. Do they all do this?
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