Husband had affair 13-14 years ago
Posted By: frazzled on 2009-03-19
In Reply to:
It was with a co-worker. He told me about it in the fall 1993. He moved out. A couple of months later he moved back home and said it was over. Our kids were young then, 6 and 9, and the holidays were coming up which is probably why he moved back. Fast forward to the fall 1994. He comes out with that he never stopped seeing her, but now she was moving out of state and it really is over. In 1999, we moved to a different state (not the one she's in... I know where she went). Things seemed to be okay, at least the way they always have been. We even had a baby girl in late 2000. Husband switched jobs last year and I was finally getting around to cleaning out some boxes that he brought from the office. I found an envelope in there from the low life he cheated with with a Christmas card and some pictures postmarked 2006. The message said hope you and your family are fine. I finally found some pictures for you. I hope you like them, etc. They are mostly of her with her husband with family friends. I think it's her husband ... at least it was her husband's name back then I remember, because he had called me a couple of times back when it all went on.
Okay, so it's like 14 years after the fact. I thought it was something we had gotten past. The thing is, I had never seen what she looked like and now out of the blue I'm putting a face to the whole thing. Besides that it's bringing the whole thing back, the feelings, the betrayal, all of it, I'm also shocked that one or way another they have stayed in touch, even with us moving. Now I wonder again, is he really where he says he is when he's out?
Just wanted some opinions here. I'm just a mess right now and don't know whether to say anything or not.
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My ex-husband had an affair
with my so-called best friend, better known as his brother's wife. It devastated me, not so much about him, but I felt the biggest betrayal was hers. We were very close, used to commiserate about the brothers and their crazy family, confided in each other and then SHE SLEPT WITH HIM!! It still bothers me and this was in 1984. 
I know that wasn't your question, but it just reminded me of that whole mess.
It would bother me more I think if my husband had an affair with another man, because of the obvious health risk. Either way, it's a horrible experience.
Lifetime movies where the husband has an affair and leaves
aaa
My husband is 7.5 years younger. Been together almost 20 happy years...nm
nm
Because my husband did it once many years ago and has
never done it again. Decided it wasn't worth losing his family over. That was 26 years ago and we've both done a lot of growing up since then. 
My husband has been doing it for about 5 years!
I don't know that much about it, but he has gotten a ton of free gifts from doing it!
my husband had them a few years ago
He was in a lot of pain. Had to keep them covered at all times because we have small children who have not chickenpox yet. He took Vicodin like they were candy. He couldn't sleep, couldn't get comfortable even sitting. He has them front and back on the same side. They usually do not cross over. If you work with food, make sure you wear gloves to avoid contamination, especially if you are cooking for more than yourself. Good luck. I hope they heal quickly and that you have minimal pain. I will keep you in my prayers.
Husband should have put a stop to this years ago.
xx
Midnight shift husband for 18 years now......sm
It will get better....eventually. It took about 8 years for my hubby to realize I can't work midnights like him because we have two kids to raise.
Believe me, it is very difficult at times, but it does get better.
It might help if you have a calendar in full view for him to look at, so he knows what type of schedule you are on regarding work, kids activities, etc. Once he sees it in writing and realizes all the pressure that is on you, he may begin to understand.
Believe me, night shift is not easy for the marriage.
It takes great patience and understanding of both parties for it to succeed!
I sleep with my golden retriever at night now!
Poll here- my husband is 10 years younger but would you date
someone who is about the same age as your child or have you ever? Watching Dr.. Phil today and seeing 38-year-old woman going with a friend of her sons who is 18. As for me until I married my husband, the only younger guy I had ever dated was only a year younger.
Do you LOVE your husband? Want to spend your golden years with him?? Drop this fantasy at
s
what a sad affair
I was flipping between that and Nancy Grace. I personally believes the boy likes the attention and as you said, "grow up"!
Affair
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! I had a friend whose husband cheated on her their entire marriage (17+ years). I could not do it, but she had three young children and felt that she needed to keep her family together. I don't think I would ever be able to trust my husband again!
I don't think he is having an affair with her - sm
If he wanted to hide it he could have given cash, easy to withdrawal $100 here and there, etc, not raise too much of an eyebrow. Unless it is all reverse psychology on his part, but usually men are not that smart. I am sure he is getting an ego boost from being a shoulder to cry on though, and I would certainly keep my eyes open. He was a bit overly generous though and definitely should have said to you, hey, I'd like to give her some cash to help out would $500 be okay with you? Granted I would balk at that myself, maybe $250 or $300 that would be as high as I would go in such a situation. I would try to get him to see it from your point of view, reverse the roles as someone suggested below and ask him how he'd feel if she was a he and you had 90 minute appointments with him and stay and chat, and give him $500. He'll probably tell you that would be nuts, etc. It is possible for a hair appt to take a while, she may be running late or he shows up early and waits and chats with her then as well, who knows. How often do you go? Do you go together (if not, start) or separate? As long as he doesn't start going more often to get hair cuts, or strange calls show up on his cell phone or email I would not worry about it. He probably got overzealous and wanted to "rescue" the fair maiden with a large cash donation. Men can be very foolish sometimes.
The affair thing
I think an affair is something to consider. Google signs of an affair and see if anything else seems to go with the typical behavior. He certainly is a ripe age for it (mid-life crisis material).
Whatever it is, don't assume he will just get over it. You need to get to the bottom of it.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
More upset if with a man. Lie #1 is the affair, lie #2 is that he's gay and didn't tell me bef
x
Yikes! A Paterson Affair now...
Well David Paterson, new Governor on NY as of today, is reported to have had an extra-marital affair..no prostitutes, just a long term affair. He claims it happened when his marriage was in trouble and his wife also had an affair. According to him, they then had counseling, got back together and that was that. Someone in Albany started a rumor that Paterson also had a "love child" with still another woman, but Paterson flatly denied it. I don't have a link--it's breaking news. 
Jon's been having a months-long affair
with a college student or recent college grad... There are plenty of pictures, and her brother has spoken out and given interviews too. One article I read was in US Weekly I believe. As much as I really am not wild about Kate, I really feel for her in this situation. She's taking care of all those kids while he's off spending weeks and weekends away with a woman half their age nearly.
talk about Are You Kidding....who cares about your office affair
nm
Does your husband or significant other do this? Just now, at 7:30, my husband came home from sm
playing sports with a friend. After showering he comes downstairs naked and tries to start a conversation with me. My "office" is in the living room and he is standing in back of the couch so I can't see any private parts, just him without his shirt, but I can see enough to know he clearly is naked! I think he wants me to be amused or get turned on or something, but I'm not amused one bit. In fact, I keep working and basically ignore him.
Poor guy. I swear he thinks he's Vince Vaughn or something. I should at least smile at him but all I want to tell him is to put some clothes on! ugh!
My feelings; people shacking up together for years and years
and then all of a sudden deciding to get married don't need a thing, obviously. A shower should not even be given. I lived with my now husband a while (nowadays who doesn't!) before we married and I also had been married before years ago but he was not....so of course HIS mom wanted a shower. I told her absolutely not unless it was just the immediate family, his mom, sisters, etc, more like a celebration/get together. And so that's what we did. Showers are tacky, period. Unless it's a couple of young kids getting married straight out of the house and that doesn't happen much anymore.
Been with a man 13 years older, now with a man 4 years younger.
Younger is better, at least in my case ;)
Sorry, meant 75 cents. Still, that was years and years ago.
xx
I studied to be a scopist years and years ago
Back in the early 1990s I took a course called Note reader Scopist. They read court reporter notes (those long skinny papers that looks like a cash receipt) and types them into documents. I had found the course through something called At Home Professions but just didn't finish it because it was too expensive for me. But I am familiar with them and even found my book from the first course I took. Looking back I think it would have been a blast if I had kept up with it.
It is definitely legitimate. A lot has changed since the early 90s, so I'm not too familiar with the industry now. I do remember what was really weird was it didn't take a lot for me to learn it. For instance I could look at a line of court notes and see something that looked like: NV p srn - and I seemed to know exactly what it said. Just weird. My DH used to say that I understood it because I was an alien and my ship crashed in Roswell. HA HA HA Anyway...that's what I know about it. But if you Google note reader scopist or at home professions i'm sure you could probably find a lot of info.
I have been vegetarian on/off for 35 years, was vegan for about 5 years sm
not that hard. Right now, I am having so many issues with food allergies and celiac disease, having to give up nightshade veggies...nothing left to eat. I am eating some meat now, but not when the gastroparesis sets in!
Being vegan is not hard...unless you are a celiac. This is how I figured out the celiac part because so many of the meat analogs and vegan packaged foods use gluten for the protein and I got really sick from it. I gave up all the premade things and the whole grains with gluten and I was fine.
There is vegan and then there is VE-GAN. By definition, vegans don't wear, use or consume anything that is derived of animals...no leather shoes, most shampoos and toothpastes are off the list, as are deodorants. No wool or silk. Anything with soap usually has animal byproducts. It is very involved and rather difficult to do.
Giving up meat, eggs and dairy is no big deal, except for cheese. You hear that ad about "comfort proteins" in a baby formula and there is such a thing. Mother's milk, be it human, cow, goat, whatever...contains a chemical that triggers the release of endorphins in the brain so that feeding feels good in more ways than one. The purpose of this is ensure that the nursed young want to nurse and thrive. Human milk has a lot of these, so does cow's milk and cow juice triggers the same reaction in the adult human brain. Cheese is concentrated milk and therefore these chemicals are also concentrated. As a result, cheese is an addictive substance. This is the hardest thing to give up when going vegan. Vegan cheese substitutes are nasty and they don't melt. If a dairy-free cheese melts, it contains casein, an animal protein and not vegan.
I studied this years and years and years ago
Most definitely is legitimate. In the late 1980s I studied to be a note reader scopist through a group called At Home Professions. I loved it, but unfortunately could not continue due to no funds. It was reading the court reporters notes which looked like a grocery receipt with a bunch of letters scattered on it. The weird thing was I found it extremely easy. For instance I would see a line that looked like: av e cr, and for some reason I would know what it said. My DH told me that's because I'm an alien and my ship landed in Roswell. HA HA. Well I know that a lot has changed, after all it's been over 20 years since I took the first course and know a lot of it is computerized now, but it is most definitely legitimate and I've heard people like to do it. I think I remember one of the courses was in medical terminology and another course was in legal terminology. Should be able to find a lot of it on google, or maybe go to your local college if they offer it and talk to an instructor.
This has happened for years and years, where have you been?
Frank Sinatra, Elvis, the Beatles, and on and on. This person is acting very normal like the age she is. You would have to have been under a rock to think differently, like this was an abnormal behavior....
Lost my mom 23 years ago and dad 18 years ago.
My son was not even 1 when my mom died....she was only 50. My dad died at age 59. So even though I feel your pain....I would have been very grateful to have them into their 80's. I guess we take what we get and be thankful. Sometimes it is hard though.
I was married for 13 years and 2 years
after my divorce I met the most incredible man. He was also divorced, we both have 2 kids, and though we are not married, we have been together for 9 years. They are still out there, you may have to go through a few marginal ones before you find him, but they are out there and available.
My husband is the same way
Something about guys and their cars. I have no kids though and recently married so we still do some of our banking and bills separately by my choice. I thought he was being selfish too. So I got myself a 2nd part time job and I recently went out and bought a newer, bigger, fully loaded SUV and I don't let him use it! lol
My husband and I are doing it right now
and it is working, slowly but surely. After the first couple of things are paid off, its gets better and faster. We have a poster board with all our debt and we redo it every three months, and I must say that you see the debt going away. My hubbie cut all my credit cards up, and I was upset but in the scheme of things, it was the best. We only have one income and its working. Give it a try, I think you'll be surprised that it actually does work. My friend is also doing it, and their debt is disappearing also.
My husband and I did think of it. NM
x
What is your husband's take on that? nm
x
Go for it! I met my husband .....sm
2 months after his wife died from a 3 year bout with cancer and we're very happily married.
Good luck!!!
My husband always tries, although he just
doesn't necessarily have the same taste as me. It is a hit and miss with him, but he always tries. This year we did not exchange gifts (agreed upon ahead of time) because I got a new house and he got a new truck. We concentrated on the kids. The only gripe I really have is that he doesn't do much in the way of getting me gifts from the kids on Mother's Day, and he's not much of a card person, although I am.
He helped me clean all week though, did anything I asked pretty much, cleaned up all day today, etc.
Honestly though, I do not agree with the posts below about making a list. I think that a gift should come from the heart and that some thought should be put into it. Things that I just want, I go get them myself.
My husband and I have 2
roundtrip airfare tickets for anywhere in the US. I'm looking for an all-inclusive resort (room, meals, activities), but am having a hard time finding one. Can you help me out with this? Thanks!
My husband
used this for his leg pain due to fibromyalgia but had a very bad reaction to it so was not able to continue to use it. He found a natural supplement online that has helped. Best of luck!!
So, you would be okay with your husband
nm
This is what my husband (sm)
told me last night. I really hope that isn't what is going on. I am going to talk to her again about it again today. She has a cell phone (very near and dear to her heart!) I like for her to have it, so that I know she is okay when she isn't home, but since I now know that she is still smoking, I think I have very good reason to ground her. Hence, she won't be needing the cell phone.
Thanks for the input everyone.
My husband only uses
regular lotion, but he does like to take baths sometimes. He was glad when we moved and got a garden tub so he could soak. He doesn't go out of his way to use bubbles, but he will take one with me with bubbles.
Met my first husband when I was 5, LOL - sm
First crush was Greg. I met him when I was 5. We played together at church. We started "going together" when I was 13. We got married when I was 18. We got divorced when I was 32. Tried again several times. Finally called it quits when I was 37...sigh.
Then there was Stacy....we were together for two years.
Then there is Tommy, we have been together for three years - married for two years.
My husband was the one who
donated the sperm and had it washed, the doctor performed the IUI, and nature created twins. It was a WE effort in my case.
This is your husband
If there's one person in the world you should be honest with, it's your husband. Don't lie about this, this is BIG...just explain to him your feelings and if he loves you and you love him, you can work it out and make both of you happy. But lying WILL come back to bite you in the a$$...trust me, I know...good luck!
My husband was gay
We've been divorced for a while now, but it still hurts like crazy. I don't know anyone who has been through this. Is there anyone out there who's spouse came out to them?
My husband did!
He had to have surgery because otherwise the muscles would have atrophied. Because lifting was required for his job, he was out on disability for 4 months. However, soon afterward a radiologist I knew had it done, and he only took 1 day off and then was back at work, not complaining, and not taking strong pain killers. My hubby is a big guy, and it was hard on him, but he's able to work fine now. He has also had cervical spinal fusion, and the rotator cuff was worse for him, oddly enough.
Husband and I have dog and cat instead!
Kids...no thank you! Decided at around 12-13 or so that I didn't want any. I'm 30 now and haven't changed my mind and don't plan to.
I AM SO MAD AT HUSBAND
I am so mad with this man. Last night he made a comment that all I have to do on my job is sit on my A_ _ and stare at a computer screen. He thinks this job is cushy. I transcribe every foreign doctor known to man for 8-10 hours 5-6 days a week, achieve OVER my line counts and bring home more money than he does and I work from home. What in the world does he think gives him the right to talk down to me? Even though I love it, this is one of the most taxing jobs I have ever had in my life. The mental drain is incomprehensible at times. I was so mad when he came up with that, I would have thrown him out if he would have had anywhere else to go!
mad at husband
Do what I do..i put him in my chair with my own keyboard, a set of headphones and told him i would be back in 30 minutes. And I gave him one of my best enunciating docs to boot. Needless to say....no more sit on my a** comments any more. I put the son in the chair too. Good luck.
Which one, the husband or dog?
He, he!
What do you do when your husband says
He does not love you anymore after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids? He left once about 3 years ago, but came back saying he missed us and loved me and that he was just going through a tough time and he knew he was making a bad choice. I thought we were okay, not smart of me, then he started getting distant and grumpy all the time again, and he told me last night that he tried really hard these last 3 years, mostly for our kids sake and because he cares about me and does not want to leave me high and dry, but he does not love me and is not happy with me. He says we have nothing in common anymore, which we really didn't in the first place, but it was okay until recently.
I don't know what to do. All 3 kids are extremely close to their dad, and he loves them so much, but I feel I should move to where my parents are (next town 20 miles away) but it will be harder for him to see them and also rent is so much higher for housing there. I just feel like I want to be closer to my family because here, I have NO ONE. I moved here because it was his hometown and he was happy. I also have the kids in preschool here, again cheaper than in the town I want to go to. My son will be in first grade and needs speech therapy for developmental delay and I like the people who have been working with him as they know his history. Am I being selfish wanting to take them away from here? I am lost and don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. 
What do you do when husband...
Ditto totally trose. Permanently CLOSE his door except when dealing with/talking about children. Work hard at your job, totally concentrate on YOUR life and family. God is your refuge..will keep you safe and won't lead you wrong. You are strong (else you wouldn't be an mtmomof3) ... you can do this. Will remember you in my prayers.
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