My oldest daughter had nothing but "boy"
Posted By: sm on 2008-11-26
In Reply to: Would you be worried - Frazzledmom
friends throughout high school. Really, guys are a lot nicer than boys most of hte time. She has a couple of good girl friends, but I actually liked the guys hanging around the house. Now that she is in college, all she brings home are her guy friends and they all hang out with her and her boyfriend.
I really would not worry if her friends are guys, at least she has friends she feels comfortable with having hang out at your house.
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My oldest daughter (31 now) came home from...
kindergarten around Christmas time and said, "I'm gonna sing my favorite song we learned today", and proceeded to sing Fleas on the Dog (of course it was Feliz Navidad). Still makes me chuckle today.
My oldest daughter knew when she was 10
Kids talk at school and on the bus, and I'm sure that's how she found out about Santa and the Easter Bunny, etc. Of course now she's 14 and tells me how could someone believe in a huge bunny who comes to your house and leaves candy. LOL. I also have a 5 year old and the older one knows under no circumstances is she to tell her sister anything. She can find out on her own. I think you should just let him know that he shouldn't tell the younger ones just like you were planning.
my youngest daughter puts her in the lunchbox just to keep her drink cold, but my oldest never does
sick yet. If their school is like my daughters' schools they eat about 3 hours after school starts so I would not think there would be a problem.
Pity the son's mom as well but not the "boy"
and oh, PS: The "girl" could have closed her legs. Grrr! We are supposed to be "smarter" than that - "NO!"
Actually, I have 3, and the oldest is
16 years old. It is a constant battle to help him realize that the world does not revolve around him, but I will continue to fight the battle, because he is worth it. It is MY job to teach him to not be selfish. Some kids are by nature more selfish, but basically ALL kids are selfish, and you have to steer them down a different road. You know what? I tell my son no a lot, and I don't fork over money right and left. He's temporarily miffed, but it has never caused him to mistreat me. He is constantly stopping me to hug me and tell me he loves me. Just out of the blue. I am important in his life.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh, and I wish you could have the same kind of love between you and your kids. Bottom line -- it doesn't sound like you have bonded with them and that YOU love THEM no matter what. They would sense that, and reciprocate. I understand being sick of bad behavior, but I don't think I could ever say, as a mom, now it's time for "me, me, me." It's never too late to repair these relationships. I think you should rethink things.
I was serious in my asking if they had a dad in their lives. Dads generally draw the line whereas moms are pushovers. That's not always the case, but two heads are better than one. It is so important to have someone back you up, or take over when you are just plain tired.
Yes, he's my oldest. So this is all new to me. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a very good
relationship with his father. There's a lack of respect there because his father never has held a job or took care of us. So, it's almost as if my son views is father as being on the same level as him - one the kids that mom has to take care of. So my son has always felt he could talk however he wanted to his dad and his father on the flip side has always acted like big kid with my son. I don't think having my son talk to his father would help very much.
I've met the kids my son has become friends with and I've met their parents. The parents all seem to have the same values as I do and the kids are pretty typical boys - no drugs or alcohol. They play football in our backyard after school.
I really do hope it's just a phase, but even if it is just a phase, I'm not sure I'll survive!
My oldest son gave me the idea about s/m
the generator. We rent a log splitter every fall and never even thought about it! How smart they can be.
We live on the county line, so we are always the last ones to get shoveled out as far as the roads go, but we seem to lose our electricity quite a bit, 3-4 times a year minimum.
Oh, I am right behind you! My oldest, my baby girl.......sm
just turned 20, she still lives at home and commutes to save money, but she is in college for teaching, I just cannot believe she is out of diapers, let alone out of high school and out of her teen years!! My son, Adam, is graduating this year, turning 18, and while he also will be going to a local college and commuting, and we are very close, along with his girlfriend, he is on his way, too!
That leaves Alex, who is 11, and although he is still a boy, I am already starting to project, because often he stays over a friend's for a sleepover, my son is out with his girl, and my daughter is out with friends or working, back to hubby and me........don't know where time went, but I have such a hard time getting out those baby pictures, seems like yesterday and I remember and want the time back. Doesn't work that way! And yes, all four of us (myself and my siblings) have been extremely close lifelong with my parents, just keep the love and communication open, have lots of get-togethers of you can. I am trying to look forward to being a grandma (although NOT TOO SOON!!). Much love to ya!
Yes, especially me (oldest) and my middle sister. (sm)
Main difference is she's taller. One time she was visiting me and we went out for lunch. A lady came up to us and asked, 'Are you identical twins or fraternal twins?' She sure was surprised to learn that we weren't twins at all, just regular, run-of-the-mill sisters!
I am not quite there yet as my oldest is only 11 but our school has a rule that you have to be passi
x
Of course! Stealing? That's the oldest trick in the book. lol
I guess she figured what does she have to lose if she thought she was dying. :(
My oldest furgirl is dying and I am crying
I have just called the veterinarian's office to see if there was anything they could give me to ease her pain, should she be in any which I do not think is the case. I have had her since she was born at my home so it is almost unbearable today. The vet had told me about a week or so ago that her organs were probably failing due to some lab tests she had. I gave her some water with a syringe and even tried feeding her some this morning as I do not want her to be hungry nor thirsty. She is laying on a blanket and I have a cover on her. Besides my having her put down which is really hurting my heart- she has been with me all these years- is there anything I can give her so she is not having a painful death and I just don’t know about it. Thanks everyone.
Whadda ya mean? Its the world's oldest profession
x
I love my boys! One time when my oldest
(fixing to turn 18 and will adamently deny this) was 4 years old, we were up at my parent's house. He was playing wheel of fortune on the computer. He came in and told me he was having trouble figuring out the puzzle. I told him he needed to buy a vowel. After a second, I asked him did he know what a vowel was. He grinned big and said "yes, it's this" and he proceeded to 'bow'!
They do multiply don't they?! Brought back memories when my oldest brother
bought 2 white mice at the pet shop and the guy told him they were both males...about 2-3 weeks later we had a full liter of white mice. Mom made him take the whole cage with mice back to the pet shop (I wonder why? LOL).
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
Yay for your daughter!
Glad to hear it!
My daughter did twice...sm
and everything did turn out okay. She was very concerned and upset of course but her doc was very positive with her, explaining that there are a lot of false-positives for some reason or another. Good luck to you and try not to worry. I know that is easier said than done though!
Yes, with my first daughter. sm
The test results were actually quite bad. I worked at a doctors office at the time and had the blood drawn there. When the results came in from the lab the four family docs I worked for called my OB and all five had a sit down, serious talk with me. I was extremely frightened, but knew I wouldnt do anything drastic if it was truely Downs. My daughter turned out 100% fine. No Downs. Nothing. With my next two daughters I skipped the test all together. I knew I would never terminate due to Downs, so I left it in Gods hands and skipped that part of testing. All three of mine are fine. That test has too many false results.
My daughter is trying to get me to try
Of course, she is a little thing, but she teaches at a high-stress school, and at the end of the day, she loves to go there. She has gained a lot of muscle which she likes and upper body strength, which she definitely needs. I need to give that a try.
I just went through this w/my daughter...
and yes what is attached is definitely alive. You need to get the small comb that comes with the lice kits and VERY THOROUGHLY comb through all the hair to get the remaining eggs out. If you leave even one egg it will hatch and start the process all over again. My daughter has long hair and I combed it daily, at least an hour at a time. After 10 days, use the lice shampoo again to be sure.
Get the same from my daughter-in-law
all the time, just delete them, just pro-war for nothing and not me.
My 12 YO daughter
I just had to brag about my 12 YO daughter. She and I moved into a new apartment a few months ago. A mentally retarded man, in his 50s, lives down the road. Most 12-13 YO kids won't be associated, or seen, with a retarded man....my daughter is different.
My daughter and I were outside playing catch last night when this man stopped over. She asked him to join us. He played with us for a couple of hours. She was patient, kind, compassionate and understanding.
I truly have an angel for a daughter.
P.S. On a side note, I did tell her I didn't want her to be with him when I wasn't around, etc....for safety reasons.
If that were my daughter.......
I would have marched up in that house and knocked him for a loop!!! I have three daughters and although they are still young I can't imagine anyone ever mistreating them!! As a mother, I can only imagine the heartache you feel for your child!! Thank God she is able to get out now b/c he sounds like a potentially violent person. If I were her, I would never look back and I would make his parents aware of his abusive and neglectful treatment even if they don't want to hear it!!!
My daughter has 1 and I
know she does not have this behavior out of hers- she has had hers for say about 2-3 years and he does little crazy things like snap at the air (nothing there), very loving pet.
daughter
My daughter works at a daycare and they are having an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease. Pretty contagious from what I gather. I'm not sure what kind of treatment, if any, is necessary. Unless she seems really ill, I think you can probably wait until tomorrow and call your pediatrician.
The daughter is 7. nm
!
what my daughter does
is 1) wait until they show readiness, 2) try to anticipate, and encourage a run to the potty,giggling all the way, and 3) makes it fun with lots of praise, and then when they are successful, she gives them 1 M&M. I know some will scream this is wrong to reward with food, but i doubt this will create big problems. My husband used to let the kids run around the house with no britches on and they were much more inclined to want to go to the potty -- but that really depends on their environment too...and personally, i don't think 2 is too soon for some kids, but it certainly is for others.
When my daughter was 13
she had her first period in August as well. (The day before school started....aahhhggg!) She did exactly what your daughter has done, nothing in Sept. and then every month since. She is now 14. Just a hint that you probably don't need, I keep a calender on my desk and put a "K" on it each month when she starts so I never have to wonder. Trust me, we all know in this house when it happens for her each month LOL!
daughter having sex
I understand where you are coming from to some degree. Kids nowadays are more worred about and active in sex than we were; however as a parent of a teenager and understanding that this can be an emotional time for you, I have to ask. Are you really this freaked out about her sex life because she is having sex, or because of who it is with? Yes, you may not like this guy but how long do you want her to stay with him? This hissy fit of yours will only cement her with him. Keeping quiet about him and making sure that your daughter realizes that BCPs are not enough protection for what is out there would be a really good place to start. I have discovered with my own kids that sometimes just letting them see people as they really are ends relationships that I disapprove a lot faster than nagging. None of us wants to realize that our children are growing up and making their own choices but they do and are. We have to hold on to the hope and knowledge that we raised them correctly. I think we all can say that we did things that we regret and that they were/are only made worse by over-reacting parents. BTW, that age old saying about if they want to have sex they will, really does apply and do you really want to lose your daughter over some guy?
I do have to agree also with the comment about you and your hubby raising a child...WHAT are you thinking? If you don't want her to "give up her life" because of a baby and she is on the pill, then I suggest you make sure that she is well aware of the other options. You will not be teaching her anything by allowing her have a baby and then raising it yourself. I know that I sat my child down and explained things in that we have "been there/done that."as well as the fact that we will not be paying child support for a child (I have two boys).
Yes, realizing that your "baby" is growing up is hard, but come on get a grip. She is 17 not 12 and you had to know this was coming especially if you have an older child. She is having sex, not as protected as you would want, not with someone you think is good enough, BUT she is not dead/ dying nor has she run away, right? There are way worse things out there to worry about then the fact that your daughter made a bad chose in who she wanted to have sex with. Help her with the proper protection, make sure the lines of communication are open and pray for her safety and your sanity!
Again, what really (other than your daughter)
gives you the right to insist?? I do not see where you have a leg to stand on. You are upset but not thinking things through- you only have control over your own self- not your daughter, not anyone in your family and really not this guy. I read your post yesterday and I understood when you talked about what you would like for him to do but insisting? He would have to be a wuss to go along with that and being as he has this criminal history behind him, does not sound like he would be pushed into much of anything. Why don’t you get some advice from a lawyer before letting anyone else know about the information you have gotten. Probably a good idea.
daughter
Good luck to you! As a mother of 4 I totally understand why you did this as I would probably do the same. I in a way understand why they consider this a weapon because if she ever got in a fight and decided to use it etc. I am sure your daughter is smarter than that but you know how they think. Maybe somehow you can work it out with the school that she can drop the keychain off to them in the office in the a.m. and be able to pick it back up before she leaves. That way she still has protection when she gets off the bus. WISH YOU LUCK!
My daughter has had 2 out of the 3
And she didn't have to have a Pap.
How old is your daughter and how
many children does she have? Does she work?
My daughter has ADD
She is not hyperactive, but has an extremely hard time staying on task. She will daydream, watch the butterflies out the window, count the number of times the girl sitting across from her breathes a minute, etc.
She is in third grade and has been on medication for 2 years now. She struggled all through first and second grade and at the end of second grade we had her evaluated. she has a cognitive processing disorder and ADD. Basically, she can see it in her head but it is hard to get on paper. If she can hold it or actually do it, then she can learn it. It is hard for her to read a story and take a test on it, because she has not actually done what the story says, therefore she has not "learned" it.
We noticed a huge difference once going on the medication, but the school also made some accommodations in the classroom. She gets some extra time to take a test if she needs it, she can take her test away from the rest of the class if she needs to, her teachers have been wonderful about giving her extra one-on-one support and giving us materials to study at home.
I certainly do not endorse medicating every child who is just very active and talkative, and this was a huge struggle for my husband and I to commit to putting our daughter on medications. We said we would try it for a few months and if it worked, great. if it didn't, then we would take her off the medication. It was literally like night and day. She can sit still longer, she is able to finish a problem without getting distracted, she can think clearer, etc.
She calls them her magic pills. She tells us they have helped her to think better and it is easier to listen.
You didn't say how old your son was. Is he in elementary school?
Hey.....my daughter
is in that show!
My daughter uses that a lot
I can't stand it either.
Me too, even though it's actually my daughter's
We got it for our 9 y/o for Christmas and we've all had so much fun with it! We're all actually hurting today because we've been playing it every night! I whooped my DH at baseball, bowling and tennis last night - WOOHOO! It's great though that we can spend all this quality time together on a video game system and we haven't sat down and watched tv in days either. I can't wait to get the Fit one either. I saw it's out in Japan (I think) but not here yet. Definitely the best Christmas present that we can all enjoy.
Get this - my daughter
 is 38 (only child) and the older she gets the more "name brand" stuff she wants. Would you believe a Hermes twilley ($150!) and perfume that cost $100! Is she spoiled or what?? But I love doing it!
My daughter wet the bed until she was 11
As she as she hit her 11th birthday it stopped just like that. It was very frustrating. She was a very heavy sleeper and when I tried to wake her up she wouldn't budge, and then when I did get her up she was so disoriented that she would think she was in the bathroom and try to go to the bathroom in the floor in her room. I took her to a urologist and she did have a problem with her urethra that corrected itself as she got older. She was even on medication for a while. Of course, from what I read of your situation it's a lot more complicated than when my daughter went through. I would try to see if I could have him checked out by a urologist to see if there's a medical problem that can be taken care of with medication. My pediatrician told me not to worry about it because it was something that would be outgrown. She was very embarrassing for her. She wore Good Nights for a very long time and we had an incident at a sleepover at our house where all her friends found out, but they were very supportive. Just try to not make it seem like he's doing something wrong.
what about your daughter's
was he involved? were you married?
that would be her daughter, right?
pretty sure that was, ****** or ***...A-something-y.
Edited: Names
My son is now 17 and daughter is 15
and I promise you it is not all bad. Some of the things my kids come home and tell still shock me, even in this day and age, but I am fortunate that my kids are involved in many activities, have wonderful Christian friends, and we are a very close family. There was a girl (a senior) recently telling everyone she pregnant and was keeping the baby. She has a very prominent father. About a week later she said she made it all up. I do understand no matter what kind of family life she has (a good one) girls do unexpectedly find themselves pregnant, but I tend to wander if something was done about the pregnancy and she was told to tell everyone she made it up. I also can't imagne telling the whole school which is basically what she did. Okay, I know I have gotten totally off topic, sorry. I just feel like as parents my DH and I are trying to do everything right (DH is coaching DS high school tennis team even as I type this) and it is possible my kids still might make "major" mistakes. I know mistakes are going to happen, how else will they learn, but I can't help but wonder if I am fooling myself sometimes. Sorry so long. I still hope you call the school.
When my daughter was 9 she had
her one and only cavity. When her dad asked her about the shot before they filled it she said she didn't get a shot. We all got a good laugh over that one. This reminds me of the third time I took her in to get her teeth cleaned. She was about 6 and had never had any trouble in the past. She actucally kind of liked going to the dentist. On this particular visit I had to sit on her legs to keep her still. She screamed and cried. I expected them to tell me to never bring her back, but the dentist was just wonderful. After it was all over another dentist jokingly said "Would you like a valium?" I said "How about 10" I still don't knowwhat the problem was but she has had her teeth cleaned twice a year since (she is now 15) and we never had another problem. Go figure. LOL! Don't sweat it, it really isn't that bad at all.
How exactly is your daughter going
What does your child need money for? You say it's for her, but I bet if you ask her, she'll tell you she really just wants to get "back to normal". Dragging her through court will not help her overcome her fear of dogs. Instead, you should be concentrating your efforts on having the dog impounded. Soon you will be known as the neighbor "quick to sue". You'll find other parents will not want to invite your daughter to their houses, etc, because they'll be afraid if something happens to her while she's there, you'll sue. I'm not saying that you would, that's just how some people might perceive you.
I got the impression from your original post. You said very little about the emotional details of the situation. You primarily discussed the money aspect of it. If I've gotten the wrong impression, I'm sorry. I just didn't get much else from your post. You even mentioned you watch People's Court and other court shows. These shows put ideas into people's heads that they constantly have to sue.
My kids play baseball. They get hit with baseballs all the time when they're up to bat. Do I have the right to sue the parents of that child who hit them? How would that help them?
Daughter sm
We don't discuss this in front of our daughter. We have contacted animal control, but they have done nothing about this dog, absolutely nothing!
daughter
do you have younger children; how you handle this is a learning curve for them. Your first loyalty is to your husband, agree with all the other posters to tell him. don't let her wiggle herself between the two of you or hold you an emotional hostage. You may have to deal with her leaving so be prepared for that. and yes, I have gone through it. My daughter that I spent so much time with hid very successfully she had been drinking for 2 years before I found out and I lost that battle. At 30 she had untreated hypertension and developed a severe headache and walked into an ER. That was the last time she walked 3 years ago. MRI did not show the pontine infarct until too late to treat it. She is now a prisoner in her own body fully cognizant, in a nursing home. She who do swim, dive beautifully, ride and show horses, dance like a champ. your job as a parent is just as everyone else said, not to be her buddy, but teach her whatever hard lessons she needs to learn so that she will grow up to be a self-sufficient person who can take care of herself. I wish you all the luck in the world. It is far from easy.
Daughter
First and foremost you must tell your husband and the two of you have to deal with this together as a team. Use him for the strength you lack. Also, ALL of her privileges should be revoked immediately. If she threatens to leave, let her go but let her know you will have her declared a runaway and she could be put in juvenile hall. Check the laws in your state. It's called tough love and it's for her own good. Please believe me when I tell you that you do not know everything. Not by a long shot and you certainly can't believe anything she tells you. I would have her tested for STD's then put on birth control. I know that sounds drastic but your situation calls for drastic measures. Get a plan with your husband and stick to it. I wish you all the best. Pray, pray, pray.
Daughter
Obviously none of us here know your resources, but you might could hire a PI.
I have to agree with other posts, that she's doing more than you know. We here might be "old," but we didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.
It's good to see how quickly the picky stuff falls by the wayside in a big hurry when one of us is really having serious things happening. For a company this size, we should be thankful. As for the work stuff, eh! Work is work. This is far more important.
Please keep communicating with us. You are not alone.
Daughter...
I agree with BeenthereBefore...she's absolutely right, RUN away from that therapist ASAP. Now is not the time for nicey-nice, now is the time for toughy-tough! Just remember, this too shall pass (words of wisdom from my mom). Lay down the law under no uncertain terms to her, and that is the way its gonna be, no discussion.
Also, are you paying for the phone? If so, I'd snatch it right back...no reward for making your lives miserable.
She threatens to leave? Open the door for her...kick her butt out! She has no right to take away the peace and sanity of YOUR home. Don't let her take ONE SINGLE THING with her, except the clothes on her back. Let her get a dose of the real world...she'll come screaming home probably willing to kiss your feet if you asked her to.
I have a teenage daughter too, though not to the extreme that you do, and for that I am grateful (for me) and sorry (for you). It feels so unfair that we give and give selflessly to these children and then they turn their backs on us, but I guess that's the chance we take when we become parents. Girls are inherently independent, she's trying to break away a little too soon though. She has no concept of *reality*, she thinks its like the "Real World" on MTV...I hate that channel period!!!
One more thing, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! You need more strength right now than you have...don't even try to do this alone. I am sending good thoughts and strength your way...
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