I have a 14 year old daughter also
Posted By: LinK on 2008-11-26
In Reply to: Would you be worried - Frazzledmom
Thankfully right now she doesn't have any boyfriends, although there are boys in the neighborhood who are friends that we've know for 13 years that she'll meet up with when the weather's decent and everyone is outside. She has amazing friends who come from good families and I trust her and them. I guess you just have to trust your children and decide how much leeway you feel you can give them. There are a couple of younger girls in the neighorhood that hang out with a whole group of older boys and just walk the streets. Those are the ones I'd worry about.
Just this past year we've been letting her go to the mall with her friends alone and she has started going to parties, but she always has to go in a group and come home at a decent hour.
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My 14-year-old is going to be a mother-in-law (so funny) if you google it and 11-year-old daughter
x
My 8-year-old daughter had the
flu a couple of weeks ago and she took Tamiflu and seemed to get over it pretty quick. Hubby also had it and got prescribed Flumadine b/c it was cheaper and he seemed to take a little longer to get over it, but he is a bigger baby than daughter also!
My 11-year-old daughter
staying with us for a week because her mother is out of state. She is a close friend with my daughter. Our family loves her and treats her like one of our own. Hoping this goes well but not naive enough to think that arguments may not arise with the two of them being together constantly for a week. There will be a break Saturday night, as she will be staying with her grandmother and returning here the next day. Just wondering if any of you have any suggestions to possibly prevent any chaos at my house. lol. Wish me luck!
My 16 year old daughter - sm
says that kids often way exaggerate on these places, especially about threatening suicide. That doesn't mean that some of them aren't serious, but probably the majority of them are looking for the drama.
So, while it probably wasn't a "joke" per se, it's also probably not nearly as scary as it sounds. She did the same kind of post at age 14 that I carried around with me while watching for other signs, but her grades stayed up, she showed no signs of cutting off her friends, etc. Just normal teen highs and lows, and time passed and so did that.
My point - Take a breath, calm your nerves, and just be watchful. It'll probably just turn out to be another phase.
16-year-old daughter - need help from all who have gone through this
Just found out that my 16-year-old, good kid, honor student, has been leading a double life for the past two years. I found out through some snooping and confronted her. She fessed up to drinking and smoking but swears no drugs. The times that I thought she was sleeping over at the house of her friends that I knew, she was apparently sleeping at random places with a bunch of other kids that I don't even know, as she feels that this is completely appropriate and was "doing nothing wrong". She swears she has not had sex. She apparently has a lot of guy friends and most of them I don't even know and did not even know existed.
She feels that now that she has come clean, I should be okay with this whole situation and allow her to continue to live her lifestyle that she simply "loves and is unwilling to give up". We have been fighting daily. I have not told her father about this, because he is "european" and would definitely come down hard on her and I don't even know what he would do. She tells me that she will definitely leave if I tell him.
She demands one day a week that she can sleep out whereever she pleases and I should be okay with that. I am not. I am at my wits end. She swears she will leave if I "don't leave her alone".
My rules are simple:
1. Home by curfew (11:30 friday and saturday) and 10 weeknights in the summer (but I don't feel she needs to go out every night and she disagrees).
2. I no longer let her take the care whenever she wants, as I don't trust her.
3. She can socialize with her friends and I will pick her up and drive her within reasonable distance close to home.
4. I can even learn to live with the drinking, as long as she gets home safe by my picking her up or having a safe ride home.
5. I don't want her sleeping out any more.
She is fighting me tooth and nail and is swearing she will leave the house if I don't "leave her alone".
We used to get along so well or so I thought, and now I find out she is a complete stranger and not at all the daughter I thought I had.
I am so depressed and don't know what to do. I don't want to have to tell my husband, but she is leaving me no choice but I am scared to death that she will leave. The worst part is that she knows my fear and is using it to get to me.
I desperately need some good sound advice.
Thanks and sorry so long.
I have a 13-year-old daughter myself
And as long as it was during the day, I was home, and she stayed where I could see them I wouldn't have a problem with the boys being at the house.
As for the pizza, trust your gut. I do let my daughter go to the pizza place in our town, but we live in a very small town, and I only let her go with her brothers (14&15) or with another girlfriend and I put a time limit on it.
It is something that girls her age are allowed to do, unfortunately, to many of them have no limitations at all. Only you know how far you can trust your daughter.
My daughter had it over a year ago and
she is still suffering side effects. You do not get over it in 4 weeks.
P.S. I have a beautiful 8-year-old daughter from it all. nm
xx
My 16-year-old daughter smoking
I have known for about a year that my daughter has been smoking from time to time. I made it very clear to her that this was very unacceptable and absolutely would not be tolerated.
Apparently she has done a very good job at hiding it. Tonight when I was putting socks into her sock drawer, for some reason I decided to push aside her socks and, of course, I found a cigarette, but the filter had been cut off. I also saw several filters that had been cut off in her drawer. I asked her about it a little bit ago and naturally she stormed upstairs and wouldn't discuss it with me. This may sound incredibly naive, but I really don't know why the filters were cut off? Maybe to make the cigarette stronger? This thought makes me sick to my stomach.
I am at a loss here. She is a pretty good girl, an honor roll student, has lots of friends, but still loves to spend time with her family. I have grounded her in the past for this, but apparently that didn't get my point across. I would love to hear from parents with teenagers who have been through this before and have suggestions on how to deal with this. Also, I'm almost afraid to ask, but any ideas why the filters were cut off the cigarettes?
My daughter had these last year on her shoulders
I got ointment with aloe in it for burns that had also lidocaine and put loose gauze over top. The blister will pop on its own. It will probably be sore once it pops, so keep it covered with the gauze. I added the ointment to take away the sting. It will not hurt so much if you get the ointment. I covered them so they wouldn't get infected and "smart" while she slept.
There are 4-5 a year at my daughter's HS. It's become commonplace.
We live in a moderate-sized town outside Seattle. Usually the threats are phoned in; I don't know if there's ever been a note. Evacuation, police, dogs.... one time they stood around in a rain/hailstorm for over 2 hours while the school (7 buildings on her HS campus) was searched. She and a friend looked around the field where everyone was corralled and said, "gee, if someone was really going to plant a bomb, they'd put it here."
What can you do? If the police search the school and give the all-clear, I say send him back in. It's a miserable decision to have to make either way. Just my $0.02.
Need advice on 16 year old daughter. SM
I just found out that my 16 1/2 year old daughter has been drinking and smoking and has been lying to me about this. I found out and confronted her and she came clean stating that she drinks, but has never been drunk, will just have enough to where she is "happy" and also smokes 3 to 4 cigarettes a month, she says. I have now lost complete trust in her because she has been lying to me all this time stating that she did not drink or smoke and neither did her friends, etc, etc. She has always been a good girl (or at least I thought so) and is an honor student. She just got her driver's license in May. The first thing that I have decided to do is to not let her drive for a while. This is my first experience with this and I need advice and guidance on what the appropriate punishment is. Please help.
Personally, I have an 18-year-old daughter
and no way would I have let her brother's friend move in with us. There is too much temptation even if they are like brother and sister to start with. Also, I agree with other poster, it is not right to limit your daughter's social life with her friends because of an 18yo boy living in your house.
I have a 17 year old daughter, a senior.
She actually doesn't ask to be out during the school week. She's in drama club and working on college applications and homework. If she did ask, I think as long as her homework was done I'd probably let her be out until about 9:00. Her bedtime isn't until 11, but she needs the wind-down time. Weekends, it's midnight.
My daughter graduated last year
And she took a class that taught cooking, sewing, finances, etc. She knows how to sew better than I do! I guess it just depends on the school maybe?
Dear 34-year-old daughter
I call because I am lonely. It is really quiet with all you kids gone and someday soon, when your 3 are grown, you will know too, and then you will call nonstop. That is just what we do. Yes, I do call your brothers and sister when I am lonely also, but your right, you are closer and more convienent. Sorry about the wallpaper....once again, I am lonely and needed help. Deep down, you know I care and I am not trying to be critical of you. My intent is there, maybe my approach is wrong. Someday though...you will reach for that phone 3 times a day and it will not be me on the other end, enjoy it while it lasts.
Poll time... if your 15-year-old daughter....sm
has a paper due at school that was assigned a week ago, she procrastinated and didn't start writing it until the afternoon before the due date and didn't type it up until 11 p.m. at night, then knocked on your door to wake you up because she realized there was no printer printer would you:
A. Get dressed and go to the 24-hour Wal-Mart to get paper.
B. Tell her that it's too bad- she should have done her paper sooner than this and alerted you before 11 p.m. that there was no printer paper - especially when she has gone through a whole ream within a month printing out things like rock band and television star photos and other nonessential things.
(For the record - my husband & I did option B to help her learn a "life lesson" last night - she'll get a reduced grade for turning in the paper late but hopefully she'll learn to stop procrastinating on her school work - which is a chronic problem with her - even with her getting A's and B's.)
No, that is her daughter. This is her 19-year-old son. Looking for link. Will post.
Be right back.
16-year-old daughter-need advice desperately
She is heading down a dark path here. You don't know who she is hanging with and she is pretty good at being stealth. Please put your foot down. You don't want her to be a headline, too many bad things can happen to her. It will be ugly and horrible but that's our job. You don't want to be looking back saying..."if only"...good luck! Any of us could be where you are!
latest update on 16-year-old daughter.
Well, I did it. I told my husband. He had a good stern talking with her about how what she is doing is not good and will not be tolerated, and told her that the rules were expected to be abided by. He grounded her for 2 weeks and we took away her license and car keys. She is beside herself and of course hates me more than anything because I betrayed her to her dad. Go figure. Anyway, now she states that there is no way she will stay in this house and will just run away. Or she will get a job and as soon as she can get some money together, she will emancipate herself from us. My husband told her that if she runs away, the next step will be something like military school. What a mess. He says we have to be tough or she won't get the message. This is so hard for me. I feel like I lost her. She wants nothing to do with me. I just hope and pray that someday she will understand that I did what I think is best for her.
At least now he knows and he can help me handle it. If she does run away, at least now he knows. I told her I love her more than life and I am doing this for her own good. She just reiterated how much she hates me.(sigh)
Thanks for all the good advice everyone. Please pray for me and my daughter. I never thought being a parent could be this hard.
I have an 18-year-old daughter and we charge her rent...
I think it teaches them responsibility and what the "real" world is like, there is not a free ride and to be accountable. The rent we charge does include groceries, cell phone, etc. She just pays my husband and I a lump sum at the beginning of the month and it covers all expenses at home. She buys her own clothes, make-up, personal items and even helps with her college expenses at the local community college. I think it's a great idea!
My 19-year-old daughter wants to join the Army. I'm very scared at the thought. Any advice out th
Before the Iraq war, I would have been more excited that she wanted to do something positive with her life for a change, but this thought is scary as we know people that have lost their children in the war. I know in some ways this could turn her life around and be what she needs as she is very immature and is going down the wrong road, but are there other alternatives. A lot of people tell us it's still a good time for kids. Any thoughts out there?
Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts..
I don't even know where to start with this one but I'll just to give a short summary. My 19-year-old daughter has been troubled since I can remember. For example, her terrible twos went beyond that..if you didn't peel her orange right, she didn't want it and would throw it across the room. I think her diagnosis is best described as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and bipolar. She has a quick temper and at age 5 blackened her 12-year-old brother's eyes with a book because he got in her face. She has annoyed everyone she has come into contact with. She is very immature. We have tried everything to get her help because once she became a teenager it just got worse. She is self-destructive and I became the enabler and now it is out of control. She would not go to school so she does not have an education. We had to call the cops numerous times because of her violent outbursts. We had her arrested when she stole our credit cards so she could learn a lesson but the courts did nothing. She was supposed to be court ordered to have a job and attend school, of which she did nothing and there was no punishment. She has never suffered any consequences no matter how hard we tried. She was charged with 10 felonies for the credit card theft but got nothing. She just batted her big blue eyes at the judge and it all went away. I have paid her rent for a year or two, bought her a car and paid for it. All of these of course when she had a job but right after I did all of this she stopped going. She got into meth..You would not believe my heartbreaking nightmare. Some days I just don't think I can take another minute of it. At this point, she is now homeless because I just cannot keep paying her bills. She just totaled the car so she has no car and no job and still wants me to pay her way and she has lost her license due to DUI and driving again without privileges. It never stops. How far do I take this? She calls me for money that she says is to eat but if I keep giving her money then what is her motivation to go to work. I kept thinking if she hit bottom she could only come up..but she likes the bottom and just hovers there. She adapts to any environment. So when does she wake up and do you think tough love would work on a child with mental issues. I paid all of her doctor bills so she could get help and on medication but just found out she hasnt been taking them. I know I have so many questions but I have no idea how to "fix her" anymore. I know she needs to help herself but how much is she actually capable of being on drugs and mental health issues. This is devastating to our family and when I don't help her she becomes suicidal and I want to just hang up because I know she is manipulating but what if this is the time she really does something. I tried to take her into the hospital because of her meth addiction because she finally asked for help and was told there really wasn't any programs for her because she didn't have insurance so I left just thinking.."well, I guess you'll have to do it on your own, there is no help." Now, that is heartwrenching. At some point, I know she just has to grownup, but I don't know if I can survive this. I'm stressed 24/7 and sadly whenever she calls I get such bad anxiety. I can hardly be around her because she is so manipulative and I feel guilty that I try to avoid her. I always thought it'd be different if I just loved her more, spend more time with her and so as a mom, I blame myself because she is so messed up. Guilt just fuels the enabling.. Help.. any suggestions, advice??
Daughter's phone is daughter's responsibility. Valuable lesson learned.
It should be between the daughter and the friend if the friend is going to pay any of the fees. They are teenagers, not preschoolers.
Bigger issue - a 16 year old living withi a 29 year old and liability
Are you still not responsible for him until he is 18, how can he tell you where he will live? Unless he emancipates himself and he does something wrong, can they go against you since you are his mother and legally responsible for him? I worry more about him living with a 29 year old sister rather than returning a house key to me that is a bigger issue.
Won $2,000 on slot machine on New Year's Eve. What a way to start the year. nm
!
Set my budget a year in advance, save all year and
nm
What a difference a year makes! Last year, sm
we had the same problem. Fines everywhere for watering.
Paid $60,000 on principal last year and this year
planning on another $30,000 after my taxes paid for the year. We are getting our house paid down very quickly.
55-year old woman has birthday sex with 12-year old
DAYTON - Gloria Murphy gave children celebrating her 55th birthday alcohol and then had sex with a 12-year-old boy at the party on Thursday, Jan. 29, according to police.
The boy got into Murphy’s bed at 5440 Rawlings Drive, where the married woman had sex with her adolescent neighbor, according to police and Montgomery County prosecutors.
Two of the children at the party ran home at about 6 a.m. Jan. 30 and told a parent they saw the boy and woman having sex, according to 911 audio.
The parent then called police at about 6:15 a.m., according to a police report and 911 audio.
Murphy did not force the boy to have sex, but since he is younger than 13, it is considered rape, Lt. Patrick Welsh said. No other children were involved in the sexual encounter, but some other children at the party consumed alcohol, according to police.
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
A 17-year-old would have the same goals as a 20 year old (sm)
Only the 20 year old is hopefully more responsible and based on what you say about his character, would be a better choice than someone her own age.
I have a 9-year-old son that sounds just like your 10 year old...
Lately he has been so negative about everything...trying to make him have a good summer and whenever I take him somewhere, he is just a brat when we get home...I think they are called tweens at this age...not quite teenagers but have the attitude like one---LOL
We skipped it entirely last year, and THIS year?
This 40-year-old got dumped for a 30-year-old
http://www.gqmagazine.co.uk/CoolNewStuff/Photos.aspx?StoryID=53859
This year will be our 35th year
The first couple years it was literally 5 or 6 times a day every day (more on the weekends). Over time it gradually slowed down (once a day) and over the past few years its been 2 or 3 times a week. Not sure that is average or not. There were times were I felt it was too much and him not enough, then there were times where I wanted it more and he didn't. Guess everyone goes through a phase. I guess because of how long we've been together, now it's just comfortable - nothing exciting about it. Just a routine. I have to make it exciting in my mind and pretend I'm someone else.
I don't know what it is, but you are correct...after awhile the lust and infatuation wears off and you get in a routine. I guess for us it was that we really didn't know each other when we married (we dated for 3 weeks then eloped). Once I got to know him it was too late. Now 35 years later it is just comfort (and amazingly we never once used birth control and never had any kids). My mom still tells me she's amazed at the frequency of our encounters that not even once did I even have a "close call" with getting pregnant.
But 35 years once or twice a week and 3 or 4 times on weekends. Not sure if that is normal.
Yay for your daughter!
Glad to hear it!
My daughter did twice...sm
and everything did turn out okay. She was very concerned and upset of course but her doc was very positive with her, explaining that there are a lot of false-positives for some reason or another. Good luck to you and try not to worry. I know that is easier said than done though!
Yes, with my first daughter. sm
The test results were actually quite bad. I worked at a doctors office at the time and had the blood drawn there. When the results came in from the lab the four family docs I worked for called my OB and all five had a sit down, serious talk with me. I was extremely frightened, but knew I wouldnt do anything drastic if it was truely Downs. My daughter turned out 100% fine. No Downs. Nothing. With my next two daughters I skipped the test all together. I knew I would never terminate due to Downs, so I left it in Gods hands and skipped that part of testing. All three of mine are fine. That test has too many false results.
My daughter is trying to get me to try
Of course, she is a little thing, but she teaches at a high-stress school, and at the end of the day, she loves to go there. She has gained a lot of muscle which she likes and upper body strength, which she definitely needs. I need to give that a try.
I just went through this w/my daughter...
and yes what is attached is definitely alive. You need to get the small comb that comes with the lice kits and VERY THOROUGHLY comb through all the hair to get the remaining eggs out. If you leave even one egg it will hatch and start the process all over again. My daughter has long hair and I combed it daily, at least an hour at a time. After 10 days, use the lice shampoo again to be sure.
Get the same from my daughter-in-law
all the time, just delete them, just pro-war for nothing and not me.
My 12 YO daughter
I just had to brag about my 12 YO daughter. She and I moved into a new apartment a few months ago. A mentally retarded man, in his 50s, lives down the road. Most 12-13 YO kids won't be associated, or seen, with a retarded man....my daughter is different.
My daughter and I were outside playing catch last night when this man stopped over. She asked him to join us. He played with us for a couple of hours. She was patient, kind, compassionate and understanding.
I truly have an angel for a daughter.
P.S. On a side note, I did tell her I didn't want her to be with him when I wasn't around, etc....for safety reasons.
If that were my daughter.......
I would have marched up in that house and knocked him for a loop!!! I have three daughters and although they are still young I can't imagine anyone ever mistreating them!! As a mother, I can only imagine the heartache you feel for your child!! Thank God she is able to get out now b/c he sounds like a potentially violent person. If I were her, I would never look back and I would make his parents aware of his abusive and neglectful treatment even if they don't want to hear it!!!
My daughter has 1 and I
know she does not have this behavior out of hers- she has had hers for say about 2-3 years and he does little crazy things like snap at the air (nothing there), very loving pet.
daughter
My daughter works at a daycare and they are having an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease. Pretty contagious from what I gather. I'm not sure what kind of treatment, if any, is necessary. Unless she seems really ill, I think you can probably wait until tomorrow and call your pediatrician.
The daughter is 7. nm
!
what my daughter does
is 1) wait until they show readiness, 2) try to anticipate, and encourage a run to the potty,giggling all the way, and 3) makes it fun with lots of praise, and then when they are successful, she gives them 1 M&M. I know some will scream this is wrong to reward with food, but i doubt this will create big problems. My husband used to let the kids run around the house with no britches on and they were much more inclined to want to go to the potty -- but that really depends on their environment too...and personally, i don't think 2 is too soon for some kids, but it certainly is for others.
When my daughter was 13
she had her first period in August as well. (The day before school started....aahhhggg!) She did exactly what your daughter has done, nothing in Sept. and then every month since. She is now 14. Just a hint that you probably don't need, I keep a calender on my desk and put a "K" on it each month when she starts so I never have to wonder. Trust me, we all know in this house when it happens for her each month LOL!
daughter having sex
I understand where you are coming from to some degree. Kids nowadays are more worred about and active in sex than we were; however as a parent of a teenager and understanding that this can be an emotional time for you, I have to ask. Are you really this freaked out about her sex life because she is having sex, or because of who it is with? Yes, you may not like this guy but how long do you want her to stay with him? This hissy fit of yours will only cement her with him. Keeping quiet about him and making sure that your daughter realizes that BCPs are not enough protection for what is out there would be a really good place to start. I have discovered with my own kids that sometimes just letting them see people as they really are ends relationships that I disapprove a lot faster than nagging. None of us wants to realize that our children are growing up and making their own choices but they do and are. We have to hold on to the hope and knowledge that we raised them correctly. I think we all can say that we did things that we regret and that they were/are only made worse by over-reacting parents. BTW, that age old saying about if they want to have sex they will, really does apply and do you really want to lose your daughter over some guy?
I do have to agree also with the comment about you and your hubby raising a child...WHAT are you thinking? If you don't want her to "give up her life" because of a baby and she is on the pill, then I suggest you make sure that she is well aware of the other options. You will not be teaching her anything by allowing her have a baby and then raising it yourself. I know that I sat my child down and explained things in that we have "been there/done that."as well as the fact that we will not be paying child support for a child (I have two boys).
Yes, realizing that your "baby" is growing up is hard, but come on get a grip. She is 17 not 12 and you had to know this was coming especially if you have an older child. She is having sex, not as protected as you would want, not with someone you think is good enough, BUT she is not dead/ dying nor has she run away, right? There are way worse things out there to worry about then the fact that your daughter made a bad chose in who she wanted to have sex with. Help her with the proper protection, make sure the lines of communication are open and pray for her safety and your sanity!
Again, what really (other than your daughter)
gives you the right to insist?? I do not see where you have a leg to stand on. You are upset but not thinking things through- you only have control over your own self- not your daughter, not anyone in your family and really not this guy. I read your post yesterday and I understood when you talked about what you would like for him to do but insisting? He would have to be a wuss to go along with that and being as he has this criminal history behind him, does not sound like he would be pushed into much of anything. Why don’t you get some advice from a lawyer before letting anyone else know about the information you have gotten. Probably a good idea.
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