Thanks to everyone who replied. I am sorry to know that (sm)
Posted By: anon on 2008-12-17
In Reply to: Is this an abusive marriage or not? (sm) - anon
so many others have gone through this. For those who say 'duh' you just don't understand how years of living like this make you question yourself. I will try to respond in a little while to some of the individual responses below. Thanks so much again.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Thanks to all who replied. I will try some of them
I have no dandruff whatsoever, just itchy and dry scalp - it's so annoying!!!
Thanks to all who have replied thus far.
I know in my heart I've done all I can. I can fill out all the applications for job that I want, I can get her interviews, but I have figured out that unless she chooses to work, then she will never do it. Thus far, she will be motivated for a day or two over something, and then it's just gone..she just stops going. She has quit everything she ever started..school, jobs, medications, etc..It's so hard because I remember that loving sweet side but now realize it is only there when she is manipulating because the minute I say NO.. she becomes abusive and threatens. I love her so much but sometimes I haven't liked her as a person because she is so cruel, and for that, I feel guilty. Aren't we supposed to love our children unconditionally and what kind of parent am I not to love my child when she is so mean. Our relationship is so fractured at this point. When I see her calling, I have a panic attack and it's now to the point where I just want to move away and change my numbers. How sad is that. Because of her attitude and abuse, her father doesn't want her around either and even cried when she went back to live with him a few years ago. It's so heartbreaking and you are all right..the first thing I need to do is let go and get counseling for myself to help me through this. The stress is unbearable most days. 
She replied, saying,
"Sorry - I never tried that."
Sorry we couldn't help.
Thanks I appreciate all who replied....
Yes, my husband has anger issues that lie from him not thinking very highly of himself. I think we both want our marriage to work, otherwise it would not have lasted so long. I did want to give up, but I believe we have something special and we have grown together in our love.
We are at a rocky road, but as I said this too shall pass.
I know we must communicate but when he is in this mood it is hard to talk to him at all.
It is really great that you found a great husband who knows how to treat a woman. You are blessed. I feel blessed. I came from a broken home. My mother and father divorced when I was 3, me the only child.
I said to myself I wanted my marriage to work. I only have one child, but I know the effect that had on me not to have a daddy. I realize that the emotional outbreaks we have do effect our child. i still believe we have really good times despite the fact of our emotional outbursts and his at the moment.
I keep thinking I must change myself, just like he must change himself. i keep telling him to think about the good things about me just as I have to think about the good things in him. sometimes if our focus is on all the bad that is all we can see and all the bad becomes a huge mountain and you can't see anything else.
I know I love both my husband and daughter. There are some things I can do better as far as working my schedule. If I can get finished within my schedule, I really think things will be better when I can spend time with both my husband and child.
anger really is a reflective emotion of some other deep issue that is not dealt with and I know that my work has to do with a lot of it. Thanks for listening to me so much. It has given me hope....
I am the grandmother who replied above
I really gave some thought to all of your postings overnight. Your attitude is concerning on many levels, but I think the most bothersome - at least to me - is your lack of compassion of another human's right to be treated with respect.
There are about 3 million Americans currently caring for 6 million kin-related children they did not give birth to (outside of the foster care system - and, oh how that system would crash if it weren't for kinship care!). The reasons are myriad, complex and simple. I chose to keep my grandchild out of the foster care system and possible horrors that could be experienced there. I chose to keep my grandchild in the family so that even though the parents could not raise the child, she would not be anonymously adopted and I would lose contact with her forever. She has been able to remain within her family. If I had allowed the state to get involved, there are federal time guidelines that are out of my control and only God knows where she would be today. I tell her she is lucky to have two mommies...a tummy mommy (my daughter), and a heart mommy (me). Will she ever go back to her mom? Only time will tell. The phrase "it takes a community to raise a child" was coined from life experiences, not just because it sounded good in a speech someone gave. No matter how I feel about the behavior of her parents, I always tell her they love her. I do not disparage them to her at all. I am blessed that they return that gift by not denigrating me to her, either.
When I was growing up, I lived for a year with my aunt to get away from a bad school situation. A cousin once came to live with my family for the same reason. These things happened 20-plus years ago, so this woman's situation is not a new one.
There are many reasons that cause someone other than a mom or dad to raise someone else's child. Those people should be lifted up and honored and the people who promote the well-being of the child over what society thinks or their own selfish interests should be applauded. It is not demoralizing society for this situation to exist. These people are doing their best to keep the integrity of the society in which they live intact.
I hope you find peace and compassion on a day when you find yourself in need of support.
Not the poster you replied to but I do like Bill O.
p
I was just suprised when you replied to my message stating people just amaze you for being SM
so insensitive when she posted the remark about her ill mother the day after my post. I have a very ill mother myself and would never, ever treat that lightly. I just get annoyed with people blaming the animals and calling them stupid, when in fact it is the stupidity of the owners and the total disregard of neighbors that cause these problems. Have a good day.
This reply is to your reply and the people who replied to you.
Probably the statement I made saying I'm wondering if this is all there is to life would be sounding like I'm depressed, but honestly I'm not. I've been married for 25 years and I'm a very optimistic person. So much my sister-in-law once told me - "can't you ever be upset about something without trying to find the good in it" LOL, and I do laugh a lot during the day. That's not to say I don't have an occasional "down" time, but in today's world who doesn't. I'm just tired of being "dumbed down" by the news and now especially with all the election coverage. Just getting tired of our news media whores not giving us the truth. That's why I feel like I'm living in a Matrix and this all is not real. I think I will follow the advise of one of the posters and turn off the news for a couple weeks and instead turn on the Food Channel and pet my cat. :-)
|
