Your anger is definitely justified.
Posted By: s/m on 2008-06-04
In Reply to: Is my anger justified? Opinions welcomed - moonshine
I would also be hurt that someone you do so much for would treat you like that. Unfortunately, the other posters are right: No point in being angry because she obviously wouldn't get it. I know that's easier said than done. I would pursue the dream house. I doubt they could get it anyway; they sound like losers. If they can't drive to pick up their kids, how do they get to work?
As for helping out with their kids, I'd say sure if you have $5 for gas before you pick them up. If they can't afford $5 towards your gas, they can't afford that house and it's their problem to transport their kids, not yours. If they can afford it, put it in your new house fund, whether it be this dream house or another one!
Keep us posted -- would love to know if you get the house, and if not, let us know if she doesn't (see I told you I'd feel the same way). Cuz the only thing that would make me feel better about not getting it, would be that she didn't get it either!!
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Is my anger justified? Opinions welcomed
Here's the story: My ex-sorta-sister-in-law shares a child with my brother. They both have DUIs and neither one of them can drive. They only call me when they need help getting their child (who is the same age as mine and attends the same school) picked up after school and delivered to either one of them.
I own a home in the city, a pretty bad neighborhood, and I happened upon this magnificent house very near her house, in the correct school district. This house is on a dead-end dirt road surrounded only by trees and nature. Truly the perfect house for me.
So, here's what happened. She needed me to pick her up and then go pick up her child after school. On the way of returning them home, I said to her, "Oh, Sue, let me show you my dream home." I drive her past it, saying how I so want this house and I'm going to make it happen. She says, "Wow, that would be perfect for me and my family" (she has three other kids, having had this child with my brother while having an affair outside her marriage).
Well, sure enough, at the open house on Sunday, there she was with her four kids and her her toothless husband -- making plans for who gets which room. I told her I was less than pleased that she was trying to snatch my dream, when her husband stated, "Whoever gets to the bank first gets it."
My feeling is that she was out of line. There are thousands of houses for sale in this town and I had displayed extreme interest in this one. Sure, it's no one's house until the financing is in order, but I feel like she stepped on my toes. Now, when she calls me tonight asking to deliver her child again, I really feel like I'm out fo favors for this woman. She obviously has no regard for me. Am I right to be so miffed?
such anger
Your attitude toward people posting their opinions (which you asked for by posting here)is less than mature and more hostile than anything.
The original post came across as very bitter so you really should not be surprised by the responses.
Take the whine, hold the venom.
ANGER
Do everything you can to achieve YOUR dream and do not enable this deadbeat any more by helping her --- she has already shown that she will back stab you any chance she gets!!!
do not let him anger you with this comment
he feels this way because you make more money than him, and after that comment, I would calmly and confidently remind him of that whenever you need to, maybe daily. Also, sit his dumb___ down and make him type one sentence of a hard provider, then calmly and confidently talk down to him and tell him he would never be able to do your job. Calm and confident. Do not ever again let him make you feel that way.
The heat of anger...
Some people just get so angry that they say what comes to the top of their head at the time, true or not. Others lose their ability to empathise in anger. Either of those, I can deal with (so long as it stays verbal only), and that's what DD experiences when she's "losing it". As I said, she has some pretty serious PTSD issues to deal with, so we may or may not put up with it if they weren't there. They are, so I don't know the other side of the coin. We can also joke around with things that might hurt feelings or be embarrasing, so long as they are not done in an attempt to hurt those feelings (sometimes the truth DOES hurt). Even with her issues, we do not tolerate being cruel and hurtful just to be cruel and hurtful or anything physical beyond slamming doors, and there is a numerical limit to how many, and if the pictures rattle, it's too hard. We also have a hard and fast rule that all people are allowed to "respond in kind" because none of us are superhuman, especially when angry.
Personally, I think the world was a better place when we weren't so concerned about hurting somebody's feelings - back when we could hold a normal and sometimes emotional conversation about differing viewpoints. Of course, that was back when people were responsible for their own feelings instead of making everybody else responsible for them.
He very obviously has some anger issues s/m
and a restraining order would be appropriate. For all the phone calls, there is a special code you can put in after someone calls you, for harrassment calls. You would have to call your local phone company to find out. Every time he calls, you dial that code and the phone company traces the call. They will not release the information to you, but only to the police. This would prove stalking. I was getting some prank calls and they would block their number and this is what the phone company said to do and if it didn't stop, they would turn it in for "appropriate action." I would do it on the home phone and cell phone. I would also start taking pictures whenever he is in the driveway with a camera that date/time stamps the pictures. Best of luck to you.
While I can understand your anger...
it is personal responsibility to ask questions if you don't understand something. Maybe she should have had a family member go with her to her doctor appointments if she had such trouble understanding her doctor. I do hope she has someone with her now that goes along. I do wish your friend well.
You should search for the cause of your anger. It may be deeper
!!!!!!!!!!!
message board anger
Very well said ortho mom.. VERY well said!
Wow! Such anger at differing sides of opinions!--sm
I don't want to change the subject here, but personally, I do not appreciate the cigarette smokers out there either, at malls, at restaurants, or even adjoinging apartments where I live and throwing their cigarette butts *in my space*, and having to smell that sickening smell coming in my patio door while they smoke, but there is little I can do to stop them. I just have to tolerate it, as it is their choice to want to die of lung cancer, etc. TOLERANCE is the word, I suppose, for the rights of others and we all should respect that. Personally, I wouldn't care if an animal were allowed inside a store. I love animals, too, and they do not cause cancer and induce second hand smoke into my space. How is an animal inflicting on anyone elses rights? I do not understand such anger and vehemence at this subject. My goodness!
Sounds like an anger control problem
to me as well as not being tolerate of other people. Have dealt with both. Would pull him aside and explain to him again he was out of line - a guest in your home should be treated like a guest and he should keep his opinion to himself and voice only when in private with you and daughter... it was not like anything major... friend's parents are probably afraid that something major might happen and he would really blow up! Just tell your hubby to relax!
My days are filled with happiness, not anger
and do not dwell on things that happened 13 years ago like some. We were on here talking about 1 thing and when you interject like you did, then the whole subject opened up again. I am sorta you are a confused person. Take a break- get out of the house, smell the roses, lead a pleasant life.
I wanted to get some opinions about something I did in anger regarding a family issue.
Okay, let me just give a little background first. My husband has bipolar disorder as did his mother. His mother disappeared in 1999 and is presumed dead. He has never gotten over that. My husband is also an alcoholic. Over this past year, he fell off the wagon and his mental health has deteriorated. In May, he tried to overdose on Ambien and was hospitalized for week in the VA Mental Health Unit. This past Monday, he drank himself into oblivion and slit his wrists, severe enough that he required stitches. He is now spending at least two weeks in psychiatric facility outside the VA system (because the government does not take care of our veterans, but don't get me started!). He does not remember cutting himself.
We have two children and as you can imagine this was all very upsetting for them. I called my father-in-law the day that all that happened to ask him to help me with his son. I left a lengthy voicemail saying I was trying to protect his grandkids and take of his son and that he barely has any contact with his son since he remarried. I said that his son was still his son and needed his help. My FIL never even bothered to call me back nor did he call my husband (I left the number for the facility on my message). He didn't even call Christmas Day!
The thing is my FIL and his wife are very self-righteous Christians except that they only play at being Christian for appearance sake. When someone really, REALLY needs them, they only offer prayer. My husband has a brother who is a convicted child molester serving a 20 year sentence in prison for molesting his own daughter. My FIL and his wife have made a huge show of ministering to the child molester. They visit him regularly. They fill his prison account up with money so he can buy a TV and a typewriter to have in his cell. He was up for parole this past year and they spent thousands of dollars on an attorney and thousands of hours making phone calls and writing letters on his behalf to get him out on parole. They tell everyone they know how they have sacrificed and ministered to this son. And he is born again now and all will be wonderful when he is released.
By my husband, his other son, never hears from his dad. His father never visits. My kids get gifts sent to them on their birthdays and at Christmas, but he rarely talks to them or sees them.
Suffice it to say, there is A LOT of background info. Last night, after I lied to my husband about his father knowing he was in the hospital (I said his father didn't know because my husband was wondering why his father hadn't called) I became very, VERY angry. So I retrieved email addresses of friends and family my FIL and his wife from old forwarded emails that I had saved. And then I wrote a very long, very detailed email about my FIL and his wife, about my BIL and his crimes, and then I ended it with an excerpt of scripture and a paragraph saying we are called to love our children unconditionally as our Heavenly Father loves us and we should never turn our backs on any of our children.
I then sent this email. After I sent it, I started to maybe think I shouldn't have done it. When I'm angry, I tend to let go without thinking. So what do you guys think? Was I right or wrong? And if I shouldn't have sent the email, should I now send a followup email explaining I was angry and apologize or should I just leave it alone and figure the damage is already done?
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