probably unwanted advice from an innocent bystander
Posted By: NightOwl on 2009-05-11
In Reply to: Just an update on my Social Worker visit. - AnonMT
1) Change your locks. Do not give your children keys. If they don't have access to keys, then they can't be tricked, bribed, or begged into handing them over to anybody.
2) Secure your windows with locking sticks or locks of some kind. It doesn't have to cost anything or be fancy in any way, it just needs to create a situation where a break-in would leave evidence behind (broken glass, etc).
3) Go ahead and leave the garage open if you want, but get all of your own stuff out of there.
4) Instruct your children to not answer the door or open the door for ANYONE except you and the specifically named people that you trust implicitly to do no harm and not be in collusion with the -ex. (This should be a very short list!)
The above things all have to do with the -ex, not the social worker, by the way, but it's never a bad idea to require a social worker to be let in by YOU and YOU ALONE (never the kids/teenagers).
I'm so glad to hear that things are sounding like the law is on your side! Best Wishes!
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unwanted company
Ditto -- Just don't answer the door. We moved to the country to get away from that sort of thing and it still happens. I hate it too.
Unwanted books
The same thing happened to me Some time ago, I ordered a book. In very tiny print, it said we will be sending you books annually or how often. You can review them and keep them for a price of . They are hoping that you will just keep the book and send them the $$$. I did finally call and tell them no thanks.
unwanted mail
Write "Return to Sender - Refused" on the package when you take it to the post office. Then call the company who is sending you this stuff and really give them a piece of your mind. Also make sure to document everything. If these steps don't do any good then file a complaint with the post office.
Animals are desireable, the unwanted poop in my yard is not. nm
nm
Not innocent.
When a woman is spilling her woes to a man it is almost always that she is chasing him, consciously or subconsciously. Not to say your husband would fall for it but that is how 9/10 affairs start is the "shoulder to cry on."
Is the land right near her home where he would have to have a lot of contact with her? Because I think you are right to worry that if he rebuffs her she might run him off the property, or if the lease prevents it she could make him pretty miserable, unless the land is not nearby her home and he could just mail the payments to her.
It's always possible that she is not doing this, but it sounds like your gut is telling you something isn't right, and it clearly made him uneasy or he wouldn't have told you about it. I would avoid this situation altogether and find other land to lease.
They only look innocent in that picture!
We wake up every morning to find ornaments all over the floor throughout the house! My white one who isn't in that picture is the worst of the bunch!
Very cute and innocent looking.
Very shiny coats, too. Nice dogs. Thanks for sharing.
With their drug war going on & innocent
tourists getting caught up in the middle, not to mention how dangerous it can be even without a drug war going on... is it REALLY worth the risk? We have plenty of beautiful beaches right here in the U.S., and why not spend your tourism money to help out our own ailing economy. It is much better to be safe than sorry. JMO...
How did an innocent bubble bath
This discussion the strangest thing I have ever heard in my life! My husband uses body butter from Bath and Body Works, but he's not gay, and he is very, very masculine. He just has dry skin and cares about his appearance. I'd prefer clean and fresh, then nasty, stinky, unkempt with dirty fingernails. I don't think there is anything wrong with a man caring about his appearance. To each his own I guess. 
do you think you should have, for the sake of the innocent child?
nm
OJ book and trial, innocent or guilty?
I saw the message about OJ and the book about whether or not he actually did the crime. What I would like to know from the MTers discussing this, did any of you watch the trial from start to finish? The newspapers, television shows, etc. most all the time fabricated parts leaning towards his part in this crime. I saw it all from start to finish, every single day and after that made my own decision regarding the guilt or innocence, not by what I read in the papers or heard on the news. The most important piece of "evidence" supposedly was the glove issue. The trial showed a receipt from a store from accessories. Never ever did they match a scanned number, price, date bought or whatever with the glove buying, but then again I guess most of you watched all the trial?
I wouldn't want to. I'm angry that our system is set up so that this innocent man could not b
x
Please click daily for our innocent unconditional friends
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3
Need advice on a good, adjustable chair for typing. Any advice? nm
nm
Re: Advice
I am a new mom to a beautiful baby girl. I didn't think I would mind going to work part-time. Well, I've been crying my self to sleep every night. I have my B.A. in Business Administration and have been in the banking industry for 6 years. I have been searching all over for a legitimate work at home opportunity. It seems like medical transcription is a great opportunity. I'd like advice from people who do this from home. I'd like to know where you got the training and what your first job was (since that seems to be a big issue). Also, will my B.A. help at all? I know employers like people with MT experience but I accquired other skills such as meticulous attention to detail that I know is needed. Any and all information is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Please see Main board for all transcription-related topics. This message has been moved to Main.
advice
I do have to say that unless you already have an "in" it is difficult to find a job. Most places won't hire you if you don't have at least two years experience but you can't get experience unless someone hires you. You don't necessarily have to get certified right away just take an accredited program that is specifically for medical transcription. Once your done with school just keep trying, don't give up and try to take your time and ace the preemployment tests. If you do really well some places will give you an offer even if you don't have experience. Take the first job you can get because even if it doesn't pay well you are still gaining experience and it will make it easier for you to get a new job.
Cat advice please....
I have a kitten who is appx. 7 months old. He refuses to eat any kind of cat food, canned, dry, dry mixed with canned, dry mixed with water, cat treats, etc. I have tried baby food, dog food, etc. He will only eat KMR weaning powder, which I mix with water. Have tried to mix food into it but he will not eat it. He tries to cover everything up like it should be in the cat box! No vet seems to concerned about this...he likes to eat chicken, people food chicken that is, and turkey. I am stumped.
This cat MUST learn to eat before May because I am going on vacation for 3-1/2 weeks...any suggestions for this problem? 
Thanks for the advice....sm
I will give each a try! I hate to leave him while on vacation, but have no other choice. And the only reason it is for so long is because I don't fly and my DH and I are driving cross country to see family...I'm sure he will be fine, but no kids at home anymore so they are my babies! It's nice to have people to bounce ideas off of! 
I thank you all for your advice - I am
an animal lover, have 2 cats, 2 dogs. Love feeding the birds outside. I can't help feeling betrayed by these outside creatures that probably fill their bellies at my bird feeders and have now started war on my house. I guess I will start off with putting some Dcon in the attic - as much as I hate to kill them, I don't want my house chewed apart either. I just hope they don't die and rot someplace where I can smell them.
My cats were going crazy last night and spent much of the night gazing up at the ceiling in my bedroom with their mouths watering. I hope at least tonight the invader picks another part of the house to snack and dig so I can get some sleep.
Thanks again for the advice.
And Hayseed - I agree that Indian is a little un-PC, so are some of the ones with the smiley faces shooting at each other, but they're pretty funny (I guess unless you're Indian)!
Re: Looking for advice
Thanks, that was very helpful! I'm sorry about the info overload, I guess I just wasn't sure exactly where to begin asking. I think I'll just get the basic foot pedal, upgraded computer, headphones etc. and get some finanicing for the "extras" that may come up and take the plunge.
My advice to you is
Get yourself the book - think it is called Co-Dependent No More and get yourself to a support group ASAP - not sure what they are called - but if someone here does not tell you then call AA yourself and find out the name of the support group for spouses, family, etc. AND if you don't find a supportive support group - hunt around until you do - DO NOT GIVE UP. Help yourself to understand this disease/disorder and get help for yourself and then you can help him through this process also. Thank goodness you do not have children and good for you for asking for help. E-mail me if you want - lots of alcoholics in my family and would be glad to help you!! Take care. Will be praying for you.
This is THE best advice yet. I always will take on sm
10-year-old son's friends, especially when they say rude things. I'll say, "excuse me, what did you just say? Well, we do not talk like that in this house." And I promise you, they either stop coming around or they are VERY polite around me. If they do slip and say something rude they will immediately cover their mouths and say I'm sorry while looking at me. I do scare them a bit, I suppose. But I show them my authority and that I will not stand for that kind of nonsense and then they stop.
If they did that to me I would have immediately turned around and said, "what did you just say?" And then I'd tell a little white lie and say, "I know exactly who you 2 are" (and I'd say it so convincingly) and then say, "It looks like a call into your mother and father is in order today." Have a nice day, guys."
Thanks for the advice
I am assuming he did it sometime on Sunday. He came limping to the house on Monday morning and there was no sign of blood, no fresh blood or no old blood. It doesn't appear to be infected at all. Now that the flap is gone, I don't see any open areas at all. No swelling or redness and it is not touchy at all. He lets me manipulate it and even squeeze his paw so I don't think there is any infection there. I guess we are really bad - but no vets bills unless absolutely no other alternative!
Need advice about how to get what I want done
Okay here goes I can handle a department but when it comes to cleaning my home I have problems getting across what I want or maybe I am too nice. Tell me what you think please!!!
My home is 1st /2nd floor with a basement (laundry /storage). I want them to thoroughly clean the kitchen (any dishes, counters, stove, fridge sweep mop etc) clean all three bathrooms(completely), dust living room, dining room, and hallways. Tidy guest bedroom (you know dust vacuum). I do not want them to clean anyof the childrens rooms or mine or touch my office. I want all door sills wiped/dusted and ceiling fans and lamps cleaned and about the windows divided out so that they are cleaned at least once a month my kids have to clean theirs weekly. I am prepared to pay $100 to $120 a visit and want them in one a week or every other week which ever works better for them so that it stays decent and can be completed within a 3-5 hour time range. I have to be home when they do it because my dog will not allow it otherwise.
My problem is this I was told what I was asking was not over and above and that I was paying an extremely fair wage since the area they are actually cleaning is less than have the square footage. No work in the basement, only hallway and to small bathrooms on the second floor and all of the first floor. A couple of companies I tried were horrible right off the bat and were not asked back. The individuals seemed to work the best but after a month or two the work was being half done and I would have to go behind them checking. I do not have time for this and I do tip usually about $20 a visit. How do you get them to do everything you want. Should I be totally anal and make a check list and if it is not done subtract from their next visit???(husbands suggestion). I just want it done right I am willing to pay good money so that I can spend my free time with my kids and my husband not scrubing toilets and windows.
Thanks I appreciate any advice
Thanks for the advice- however I do not believe
she is depressed, has loads of things to keep her busy. She basically hurt my feelings when she broke her hip last year and I asked what she would like, pears so I got those, knowing she loved chocolate, got some of that and got some flowers. Oh, I had overdone it, too much. I do not remember her saying anyone else had overdone something. I am not going to say anything but that still does not justify running down something I basically went out of my way to provide for her. I only wish I had a son or daughter either 1 that I could count on like she can with me. Oh, well, guess I will just stop trying to be so kind and keep more to myself.
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.
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advice
I would definetely NOT call the mom. I would try and convince the girl to go to her parents but that is probably scary for her. The clinic is the next best bet and decision can be made from there depening on the result. YOu do not want to betray your daughter. She will be very upset and may not forgive you. I wonder what in the world was this girl thinking to even put herself in this situation. Obviously she figured the morning after pill would be the solution.
need advice
Okay, you all are probably going to think this crazy, but I need some advice and input on a situation. There is a new guy at my church who has flirted with me, sometimes in the presence of my husband. I'm not sure if my husband has said something to him or maybe had someone else say something, but recently, he has gotten to where he will not speak to me at church if there is anyone around. As long as there is no one around, he speaks but doesn't attempt to hug or flirt like he did at one time. He does call me chick and things of that nature (of course, when no one is around), but I'm totally confused on what is going on with him. Yes, I'm married, but my husband has treated my girls and myself like we're nothing the past couple of years and has been verbally abusive, and we've only stayed because everytime I try to leave he gets in the doorway and will not let us go - and he's a big man!! I would appreciate any advice.
advice
First of all MT student, this is no drama story. I think I sent out the wrong message here. I'm not wanting to leave my husband because "church guy" is flirting with me. My husband has been very dishonest the past couple of years about money situations, taxes, etc. plus the verbal abuse and just being a reall jack a**. I can see where you all are coming from with "church guy" though. I guess I hadn't thought about how he really is because I was too caught up in the fact that he was flirting with me even though I'm married. Thanks for your replys and advice.
thank you for the advice .... nm
need advice...
I need advice on something. Does anyone have/had teenage daughters? I have a niece that is 15. Won't be 16 until end of December. I have heard recently through my son and mutual friends of theirs that she has been sexually active for quite some time. She has also been drinking when she is away for overnighters with friends. Do I talk to my sister about this in case she isn't aware of it? My friend tells me I should stay out of it and say nothing. Part of me does not agree with that. If I had a teenage daughter I would want to know. It would be bothersome to me but I'd want to know so I was sure she was being safe and obviously would not get pregnant. I don't condone any of this but they sure are going to do what they want to do and isn't it better to be safe than sorry?
What would you do in this situation because quite honestly I'm driving myself crazy going back and forth with this issue. It's a touchy subject with alot of people I have found out. Some say they would not want to know. Others say it's an invasion of privacy with my niece and she may be very angry with me afterwards. Others say my sister could be mad because I came to her in the first place about a matter that may not be any of my business. I have three boys so this is not my cup of tea. I love all my nieces and treat them like my own children but this topic has hit me hard. When I found this out on Sunday...I cried the entire night. It's how I found out and what is being said about her that really, really bothers me.
I appreciate any suggestions from anyone.
Thanks.
my advice
My daughters are now college age but looking back they went through the same stuff. Girls can only be friends with one at a time. When there is three the drama starts or the gossip etc. My daughters were the one that was usually left out. I tried to rationalize it with them and discuss it etc and gave alternatives but the best thing I could of did was backed away and told them to handle it themselves. My daughters were on and off again for years with the same girls for that reason. One day so and so did not like this one, the next day my daugheter was her best friend again. You did handle it right by reminding her that she did the same thing.
Any advice on
a good 30-minute exercise program? Can't afford to buy anything, go to a gym or anything like that. I am 5ƍ and weight probably about 160-165 and want to get back to 120. Can't do Weight Watchers or anything that costs money! I am trying to watch what I eat, but need to start exercising and don't really know what to do other than sit-ups, jumping jacks, etc. Any advice? Would like to get back to 120 by January/February at least!
Advice from my dad:
"Marry an orphan."
Advice
My 2 cents, all my opinion:
1. Relax. Potty training is not a contest and there is no deadline, despite what anyone may tell you. I remember my MIL having a fit because her grandson was not potty trained on schedule.
2. We had to get rid of the BIG KID disposable underwear that our son was wearing, and give him real cloth underwear. When he was wearing the disposable type, he treated them like they were diapers.
3. My husband and I decided that our strong-willed son was actually involved in a power struggle with us. So, in order to create a more objective environment, my husband used a puppet of a favorite character named Elmo. Our son was 4 at the time, and did not realize that his daddy was the voice behind Elmo. But, Elmo was able to help avoid the parent-child power struggle and was able to potty train our son within just a day or two. Truly, it was just a matter of Elmo being the instructor and the cheerleader, and then we followed it up with more cheers and rewards. Yes, rewards.
Old Cat Advice
We have a 20-year-old cat with a huge mass on his tail. We took him to the vet to have it examined. The vet said that we could either have the mass removed or wait and see what happens. We decided to wait and see.
Now, the mass has burst and is bleeding profusely. The vet shaved the tail, put antibiotics on it, and wrapped it tightly to keep pressure on the wound and control the bleeding. Our only choice, at this point, is to either have the mass removed and biopsied, possibly requiring future amputation if it comes back malignant, or just "cutting to the chase" and having his tail amputated now.
Keep in mind that this cat is 20 years old and otherwise in good health. I feel like we are between a rock and a hard place. I do not want to put him down, yet I do not want to traumatize him by amputating his tail.
Any advice would be most appreciated!
I need some advice from...
I am so upset right now I can't even think straight, so please forgive me for any mistakes in this post...
I just found out that my 17 YOD is sexually active with her loser boyfriend!!! Just writing this makes me want to throw up. How do I handle this. All I want to do is choke both of them. I can't even look at her...it just turns my stomach. I have talked openly and honestly with her about sex for as long as I can remember. I've asked her more than once to please, PLEASE wait until she got married...or at least met the man she wants to marry. This guy she's with is a straight up loser. He doesn't work...he's out of school (graduated last year, so he says)...HE SMOKES...I am just sick over the whole situation. Please, any advice would be so greatly appreciated.
Thanks for the advice...sm
What's the difference between abscessed and infected? I can't bite down on it at all and it feels like there is pressure inside it. It's the same feeling I've had before when I needed a root canal, which I really don't want to go through again. Would rather just have it extracted and be done with it.
No, I haven't called. I'll have to give that a try.
Need advice
Is there anything natural for anxiety for a child. Don't get me wrong, this is not major, but my 6-year-old son is really having problems for about the past 3-4 weeks about me dying. Almost every night when we go to bed or before bed, he starts thinking about it and sometimes crying. He says he is afraid I'm going to die "before he knows it" After the 2nd time, I asked him why was he thinking about that and what was making him think about it and he said church, but nothing has been said in AWANA or Sunday School about parents dying or anything like that. A friend of mine told me to take him to the doctor and maybe they can give him a small small dose of something for anxiety, but I really don't want to do that. I have tried talking to him about it. I just don't know what else to do, but it's starting to really bother me to see him that worried about somehing like that. My parents are 81 and 82 and I've tried to tell him look how old memaw and papaw are and they're not dead yet and it will be a long time before I die, but that doesn't seem to help. Any suggestions?
thank you all for your advice
I never wanted for this to happen. I wanted just so much to get to know my brother and find out the answers behind his death. This man does fill a significant hole in my life and I am afraid to death of losing that happiness. I know he belongs to someone else even if they are or may be unhappy. I just opened myself up way too wide to this man. I don't fault anyone but myself. I don't think I will make it through losing him. I know that his retirement will be the finality of our friendship. I just cannot get to that point. Thank you all for your help and for listening. I pray I have the strength to get through this. I just don't want to let him go.
Thanks for the advice (sm)
I have tried that approach as well, but she has some enablers, namely her husband (who is passive aggressive too, strangely enough) that I don't think she really gets the point. In true PA fashion, she makes excuses until somebody else takes the initiative and then blames them. I read somewhere that PA is the hardest personality to put up with because you will never follow their rules as their rules always change. Boy, is that true...
Need advice
I need some advice. My husband has this very bad habit of getting upset with my girls right as they are getting ready for bed. He goes on and on and until he realizes they have turned him out. Then, after they get to sleep he will go wake them up and tell them he's sorry. I know he is doing this to relieve his guilty conscious, and I have asked him to stop doing this, but unfortunately he continues. Recently, he got upset with them because they had science projects due. They kept asking for his help, and he kept putting it off. Then, he started giving them grief because they waited to the last minute. When they reminded him of their asking him a few weeks ago to help his response is, "Well, all I've gotta say is I better make a 100 on those projects!" Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop doing this?
Thanks for all the advice!
The birds are actucally in a cage right beside my desk, I am watching them right now as I type. They are in a cup-style nest attached to the side of the cage. I did pick up some extra calcuim supplements yesterday at a pet store. I have a cordon bleu and a society finch. We did not get them for mating, was told the society finch was "most likely" a female and we already know the "baby bleu was a female. Haven't seen any egges since Sunday but we were out of town until late last night. Right now the male is doing his mating call. Obviously she is just not that into him. Thanks again. BTW, we used to have larger birds and we gave them hard boiled eggs all the time. Really bothered my daughter, called them cannibals. LOL!
Here's some advice for you ..
1. Look online at Edmund's or Kelley book values for the car. They can help you with pricing.
2. If you have the VIN number, check CarFax online first!
3. If you have a subscription to Consumer Reports online, they can give you specific vehicle info but you may find (without membership) information.
4. Last, but not least, go to cartalk.com and see their advice for haggling prices on used vehicles. I love CarTalk!!!
My advice is...
First things first, he needs to be completely honest. Myself, I have trouble with the "just kissed" scenario. I've heard this way too many times, and for some reason, because of guilt, I guess, men choose to say this. Somehow, I suppose it makes them feel better, although personally, whether or not they have sex is relative, it would feel all the same to me. Somehow, they rationalize what they done as "okay" because there wasn't sex. I, for one, do not believe sex was not involved. So, again, I'd ask him to be completely honestly, and until he does that, you have nothing to work with. Change comes with ownership and he cannot even "own" up to what he has truly done, then there will be no change and he will continue to believe in his own mind he was justified. I have just gone through this with my own brother. In over 30 years, he has cheated on his wife more times than I can count on 2 hands, and each time, he downplays he did anything wrong and actually blames her, "if she would have loved me more, gave me more attention" Well BS on that. I do believe people can change but they never will until they acknowledge that THEY did this..not you.. Who wants to live the rest of their life with a "loaded gun" to their head. Talk about pressure. Geez, if one day, you forget to say I love you or pat him on the back, you'll be looking over your shoulder to see if he is cheating. Once they break that trust, it's gone. Luckily, my sister-in-law got a second chance with a man who thinks she is gold. He respects her and does everything for her. My brother was selfish..it was always all about him.. So now..she made it about her.. and so should you if he doesn't want to step up. I would try counseling whatever I could to save it..but in the end, my heart tells me what the other poster said, "once a cheater always a cheater" and I know I could never trust again nor live that way with such disrespect and trust issues. Again, I'm so sorry for you..and sorry for such a long note. This hit a nerve after what I have been going through with my brother..
Thanks for the advice
I am doing Nutrisystem and doing pretty well on it; however, I still seem to be hungry at times. I was thinking maybe Hoodia, and maybe now Curvelle would help with this. I am drinking a lot of water and following Nutrisystem to the tee. I am losing about 2.5 to 3 pounds a week. It is just when I am hungry it is harder to be good - - if ya know what I mean.
take this advice!
My daughter who is now 10 was a HOLY TERROR. I tried time out, spanking, yelling, everything. none of that worked. So finally i decided i needed to hit her where it hurts so to speak. She loved playing with stuffed animals. She absolutely was addicted to them. She could not sleep without them all around here and she just loved them to death. So one day i told her that if she was going to scream and throw a fit, i was going to take a stuffed animal away each time she did it, starting with her least favorite first and they would go outside in the dumpster NEVER to be seen again. So she screamed and I took a stuffed animal and threw it outside in the dumpster where it stayed until the garbage man took it away. When i came in from the dumpster, she was having a FIT, throwing herself around and screaming and kicking. So i yelled loudly over her and said okay another one is going right now, so i picked up another and threw it out. I said to her as i was walking out to throw out the second one, if you continue to scream and kick i will keep throwing them out until you stop. Soon you will have NO stuffed animals. It is totally up to you! So when i came back in, she was QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then that night it was bedtime and she ALWAYS threw a fit at bedtime and got out of bed a million times and yelled and kicked. So i told her, if you cry, scream, kick or get out of bed at all i will take another stuffed animal out to the trash. So i tucked her in and shut the door and she threw her fit. She was testing me to see if i really meant it. Boy did I!!!!!!. I took another one and threw it right out. I came back in and told her that EVERY time i heard her out of bed, crying or doing anything but sleeping, i would throw out another one without even warning her. that was it. she NEVER gave me a fit at night again. Now she is 10 and still has her moments but she is a good girl and I dont have many problems with her.
don't have any advice but
sure am sorry to hear about your pain, what a rotten deal! I've know people with lupus who have had symptoms of varying degrees. Was it your ANA that was postive? Do you have a facial rash or anywhere else? I've also known people with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia (DH's sister has fibro) with the same. I sure hope the best for you and hope they get to the bottom of it soon! From some of your past posts, I get the impression that you have had a lot of stress, and I've read studies suggest that chronic stress can trigger fibromyalgia and perpetuate it. Let us know how you're doing, and I bet someone here can give you advice and support on which way to turn...
Thank you for the advice and N/T
She took 9th grade science and did very well. I'm not sure why they didn't let her take 10th grade science and jumped all the way to 12th. I'm leaning towards letting her drop the class, but then I was told by my neighbor that once they're in accelerated classes, she was told that it's almost impossible to get out. She told her father that she was having a meeting with the teacher today.
As for N/T, it won't be on again until January!! I have the seasons on DVD so I can get me some Julian anytime I want. LOL.
Thanks so much for the advice
Both suggestions were good. I will try both. Thanks for the advice.
Advice...sm
Definitely go to the M-Tec boards available through their website. It is a good place to socialize and get help. You can search the archives for any questions you have also. My best advice would be to keep at your studies, don't be afraid to ask your instructor questions, and enjoy all the learning you're going to be doing!
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