tough call
Posted By: jlynn on 2008-03-19
In Reply to: How do you tell your kids no? - Worried
I know this is tough for you. . I have always hated to tell my daughter no. . Unfortunately, I have had to tell her no many times. . if you don't have the money, you don't have it. . not much you can do. . BUT. are there any programs or anything that could help your daughter - where I live, we have a free clinic for people to go to who don't have insurance. .
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Yeah, tough call, as I said above -
There are many many reasons why someone might choose abortion, not just as birth control.
I should clarify that when I said I disagree with abortion, what I mean is that I wouldn't personally choose it for myself but I would NOT tell someone else that they shouldn't.
Many years ago, I walked through a picket line with a friend who found herself pregnant and her husband still left her for another woman. Not just left her, he left the COUNTRY after 12 years of marriage. He did NOT want any more kids (they had 3.)
Tough call for her and I know she struggled with it enough without me telling her she shouldn't.
Tough on who??
tough for IRS to track you - not tough at all....they will catch you eventually if you are IC and don't pay taxes.
tough for you to track how to pay, when, etc.?? Also not tough. Every time you get a check, take about 35% of that and put it in a savings account. You could probably get away with paying yearly for awhile but safest bet is to pay quarterly. Download forms from IRS or your tax program and you can print a payment coupon.
You may want to do a search on the main board on this subject. It has been discussed. Some put aside 25%, some 30%, some 35%. Some pay quarterly, some yearly. Depends on if co-file and if that person takes money out of his/her check to cover part of your taxes.
That's a tough one.
Wow! Talk about going overboard. I thought my parents and MIL were bad - your MIL is really obsessed with those VERY expensive baskets.
Has your hubby tried talking to her?
How about giving them away as gifts to teachers or someone you think might be able to use them w/o your MIL knowing of course.
I really do feel for you because though your MIL means well and sounds like a beautiful person just the same it's just too much and such a waste of money.
Lots of luck to you.
Boy, that's a tough one
One of the defining moments of my life was when I saw my son's tiny heart fluttering on an ultrasound screen. Up to then, although I had known I was pregnant (I was 8 weeks), the reality of it hadn't hit me, not in the way that it did when I saw that tiny beating heart.
I am definitely not pro-choice but I am not radically pro-life either. What I do oppose is additional governmental inference in our lives. So, as I said, this is a tough one....my heart says "yes" but my head says "no".
Tough one.
My thoughts are when the children are small, they won't care if you live in a tent in a national park (in fact, they would probably prefer it). When they are teens, it doesn't matter where you/they live, they are going to complain about it. Bill Gates' kids will probably be asking why can't they live in a normal house like all their friends, and why do they have to have such a large carbon footprint?
We lived in a single family home with lots of acreage. Some of the kids' best friends lived in apartments in the city as well as mobile home parks. It made no difference whatsoever to them about the living circumstances of their friends and their friends' parents, and they stayed over at those friends just as often as those friends stayed over with us. Our house at that time was *very* nice and we had 4 or 5 horses at all times for riding, but were our kids impressed by that? No, they complained because we were hicks because we had chickens in our yard and their city friends did not.
I think the bottom line is wherever you are the happiest is where they will be the happiest.
Tough
Wow, that is a tough one. I know that you don't want to step on your son's toes by stepping in. Besides, he would probably be embarassed. I tell my 5-year-old daughter that if someone is not nice to her then they are not her friend. We have a similar situation going on here with the neighbor across the street who rides the bus with my daughter. She is much older and picks on my daughter. I had a talk with the older "bully" that seemed to work for now. Good luck!
that's tough...
I don't know anything about this but could it possible be that she has dermatillomania. Google it, there is a lot of information. I went to elementary school with a girl who had trichotillomania (pulling out hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, etc.) and that is what prompted me to google and found dermatillomania. I think you made a good call asking your son to talk to a counselor about it. From what you have described it sounds like she definitely needs some help but who knows how her parent's would react to you contacting them directly.
It's tough, that's for sure.
I tried smaller companies and larger. Gotta tell you there are a lot of companies (big and small) out there looking to take advantage of a new MT. I came across several myself. One wanted me to start working immediately, that day, right now, with no hiring agreement or anything. All they knew was my first name, had a cut and paste partial resume, phone interview, and a "test" which I don't even think was a test but free work.
It is sad what the jobs are like out there right now for MTs. I am fortunate to have a husband with a good job, not much financial overhead, and more in need of flexibility. For my "foot in the door" so to speak and a foot out of the 24/7 schedule of inhouse hospital transcription it was the price I had to pay.
That's a tough one.
I hate politics...especially among parents in school and sporting events.
I would follow your gut. You didn't say if you agree with what was done to the previous president or not. As little association with the annoying neighbor as possible seems logical to me. There's no reason why your children can't be friends and the 2 of you can be acquaitances but not great friends. I think you did the right thing by not joining in her comments and if it continues in the future, maybe just get up and say you have to go. She should get the message.
As far as you continuing on as president, you should do it for your kids but only for your kids. If there's a point where you can't handle it, ask for help. Who knows, the ex-president might even be willing to help you out or give pointers....don't take someone else's word for it that she didn't do a good job...maybe this annoying neighbor is just pushy. Sounds to me like there might be an underlying reason why no one else (mainly the annoying neighbor) wanted to be president but wanted you to do it. If you really think you have gotten in over your head, you're probably better off getting out now than waiting to when the school year starts. Surely someone else can step in. The school isn't going to fall apart.
I am so sorry. You are going to have to get really tough it looks like nm
x
So sorry - this is a tough one
I REALLY feel badly for you. This has got to be absolutely horrible for you to deal with, as there is not much that can be done, and it is hurting your health. There is only one thing you can do, and that is move. Is there some way you could find a way to do it? The problem with apartment living is that this could happen again, even if you do move, but don't know if it would be this bad. I truly feel your pain, I wish there was a more helpful suggestion to make.
It's tough
but it does get easier as they get a bit older.
I had two and both had colic ... yikes! I also got mastitis in one breast and felt pretty sick. I breast fed for only a few weeks with the first and a couple months with the second.
My youngest just had her first baby in April. She is feeling similar (and got mastitis in both breasts) and thinks she will stop breast feeding at about two months. She says she barely goes to the bathroom some days because she is always busy with the baby or holding him.
As they get more alert, you will ironically have more free time. Plus it is much easier to carry them around once they can just ride on your hip.
I would say if breast feeding is done long enough to get the colostrum, that's the main thing.
P.S. FYI, I found having two much more work than one for at least the first year.
that is tough
but he probably figures what is the point...not going to change the outcome.
that's certainly a tough one. but there are some rxs when all else fails.
.
Must be tough for you guys
Sorry for your troubles and losses...
Isolation is tough sm
I had an office doing this but never had the time to socialize with anyone in the building as I hated it if they came into my office because it meant I had to stop working. They used to call me "the robot" and that's exactly what I was. I am now home and don't get out to do things in the neighborhood, don't know my neighbors nor do I want to. I do feel like I missed out on life although I had a good thing going and it helped get my kids through school, etc., except it made me socially inept. Even when I had someone working for me, I would not stop to talk to them and resented it if they took time to jabber on the phone, etc. I was a slave driver to myself and everyone else. This job is enough to drive one to the looney bin. We shall all have to end up in the same place I guess when we get old. I don't know how to socialize anymore and I used to enjoy people. Perhaps this work has made me an introvert or I went into this profession because I am an introvert, who knows? I can relate. No one else outside the field can though, I guess they are "normal" and I am not. When I do go out to do something, I always think of the lines I am losing and feel like I'm wasting time and could be making a line count. Crazy!!
Sounds tough
Get what you can for the house, furniture and whatever you have, buy a truck with a camper, head for the warmer climes or even Mexico and live the good life and be mobile and go where the jobs are like a migrant worker. Think outside the box.Just a thought, it might even be fun, an adventure.
Tough times
I just skimmed your post and didn't read the others, but I know that often children will feel the mom is more to blame for a breakup between parents, so he might feel a little betrayed by you right off the bat, making him more sensitive to anything else you say or do.
When you think about how hard it is for adults to understand their own emotions and then present them to another, it makes it easy to understand why children have such a hard time.
I think the best thing is to try to help him feel comforatable sorting out and expressing his real feelings to you. Most of our actions and words are the consequence of a deeper/bigger emotion and not the actual issue.
Tough question
I would like to give a really deep answer, but probably Paula Deen. I love to cook and she just seems like so much fun. I read her book and know that she has overcome much in her life. I really admire her.
How tough is it to track taxes
Have a job offer but am worried about going IC.
""Love Must Be Tough" -- written by (sm)
Dr. James Dobson -- excellent for couples with significant marriage problems -- please read.
Sounds like your husband is seriously involved with "someone else." And, if so, you could never be organized enough or tall/thin enough. His insulting remarks are possibly his outlet to relieve himself of "guilt." Don't give up -- be tough!!
Just another opinion!! May God bless you in your decision-making.
The first day of any drastic change is tough!
In fact, the first couple of days! But it'll be soooo worth it. I've always eaten plenty of health foods. Problem is, I've also eaten plenty of really bad stuff, as well. I won't even list my weaknesses, because they are the usual fat and sugar things, and there's no need to have us both wishing for those things!
Just today I started back on my WW plan. It's worked for me before, but there are a lot of things allowed on WW that I won't go near, like fat-free processed foods and sugar substitutes. I'd rather concentrate on natural foods. Lucky for me, my mother was a real tyrant when it came to soda. She wouldn't allow us to have it. I thought she was absolutely wicked when I was a kid, but I have to say, as a result of her soft drink ban, I never developed a real love for the stuff. I much prefer plain old water, and probably only drink soda a couple times a year. Today I've been pretty good, though I'm behind on my water intake. But, I did go to the YMCA and did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine. I've found that exercise helps so much. I hate doing it. I hate even thinking about exercise. I hate absolutely everything leading up to exercise, and I hate about the first 10 or 15 minutes of exercising. However, the feeling after I've completed a workout is FANTASTIC! And I know that in a week or so, after walking, swimming and just plain moving each day, I will feel sooo much better.
You need support to get through this. If you find a good on-line group, let me know! Or email me, and we'll try to lift each other up. I've got 60 pounds to lose. (Who am I kidding... it's more like 75), so I have a long road to walk, too, and I've got to pick up the pace, because I'm not getting any younger, and the health problems are starting to pile on with the pounds.
I agree you have a tough situation there sm
my friend any my heart goes out to you. I wonder if the school has any suggestions,maybe if you spoke to the school psychologist, if one is available? I'm not an expert here but someone other than your main doctor might have some answers and guidance for you. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers.
It was a tough decision, but I'm glad you got
your daughter's input and did not have to make the decision alone. Two things will happen. She will find out what a paddling is...and it sounds like she will only need ONE lesson about that issue. The second is that the paddling is over and done with...HER choice. You can't save her from all the bad things life is going to bring her, and she brought the consequence on herself and chose her punishment.
You should be proud that she chose EDUCATION by not missing class. THAT will last a lot longer than some stinging on the bum for a few hours. It does not matter which punishment she received, she will feel regret. She will receive a lesson in following the rules and not ruin her grades by missing class.
If it were ever to happen again, I would ask for an option of extra school work of some sort...a book report, etc., or running laps around the track.
Don't let these extremists make you feel so bad. I seriously doubt there will be any bruising. You made a good choice for letting her have input into her consequence. It sounds like no matter what happens, she has learned a lesson.
Good luck to you!
A tough situation? She's rich.
thinks of this young man now? Ohhhh, maybe it's okay because she's supposedly doing the right thing. Pulleezzee!!!! God bless her!!!
Maybe, but do they have to be that tough even in high school? sm
There are so many stories of homosexual high-schoolers being bullied and some even killed. I agree that they have to learn to live in the world as it is, but as high-schoolers, I am inclined to say they deserve some protection.
This was great but the box was tough to chew!
..Just kidding, love mac & cheese and this is so easy!
This was great but the box was tough to chew!
..Just kidding, love mac & cheese and this is so easy!
Facing a tough decision soon (sm)
We have been renting for about 5 or 6 years, I can't remember exactly, but the landlord has since divorced and is ready to sell his house. He has always said he would offer to us first. Last year I had asked about owner financing, which he said he'd think about.
I get a call today from him stating that he's ready to take that step and that no, he cannot finance. He wants to get cash, pay off a loan he has against this house (that he had to get to pay for his divorce) and wants to move on. He's a super nice guy and said he wasn't in a major hurry, but is in the thinking phase, so he was letting me know that it's going to be available sometime this year. He said he'd give us time to talk to the bank and what not, and that he knows it will take some time to get things moving.
Thing is, I'm afraid to call the bank. Both DH and I have lousy credit right now. I asked a friend if they would still finance and she said it can't hurt to call to find out.
I guess we can go find another place to live, but I really like this area and the house (but it does need some work). The landlord told me the appraisal from 3 years ago, which I can't believe it appraised as high as he said. He said he would pay for another appraisal from a friend of his, but my friend who works in the bank said the bank would do their own appraisal and it probably wouldn't be as high as the one his friend did.
Wish us luck in figuring this out! Has anyone else ever had to face this??? If so, what did you do?
Tough situation to be in. All that stuff can be fun. The problem
is in what it represents maybe. If you feel it does not affect you or your family's committment to Christ then have fun with it. The areas of 'gray' are getting larger so I think you have to find your own peace about it. Obviously your pastor has very strong opinions about it. We attended Southern Baptist for a very long time and we always did a fall celebration....leaves, hay, bonfire, hotdogs, apple bobbing and it was and still is my favorite time of year (I live in PA). Hope you can find a solution!
It's a tough world out there. Siblings will be there when parents are gone.
I only have one and I wish I could give him siblings.
I just need to vent! My 15yo son is going through a tough time. SM
Lately, my son has been hanging with the wrong crowd -- a crowd known to be into pot and drinking, etc. One of the guys in his group is 23 years old. I have been doing everything in my power to keep him from this group, restricting him to home after school, not letting him leave the house, but he has become rebellious and basically just walks out even when I tell him to stay.
On Friday, I received a call from the local police telling me they had found my son's backpack in the park -- his name was in it -- and inside the backpack was a bong. They said they didn't have enough to charge him with anything because since the pack had been sitting in the park, anybody could have put anything in it. The police office, however, notified the school and the school in turn called me. I immediately jerked him out of school and took him for a drug test which was negative -- thank goodness! Still I'm disturbed by all of this.
I have set him down and told him he is grounded untill further notice and I have come up with a list of who he can hang out with and who he cannot. One of the boys I am allowing him to be friends with has a single mom and she is basically doing the same things I am doing trying to keep him on the straight and narrow. We both communicated very well with each other.
However, over the weekend my sister and brother-in-law involved themselves in my business -- which they do quite a lot especially since I literally live three houses down from them. My brother-in-law absolutely hates me son. He is an jerk to my son every time my son is around. My son cannot stand him either ever since he was 3 years old and my BIL slapped him upside the head when we lived with them. My BIL is a jerk to his own kids, slamming my nephew into walls and choking him, etc. Anyway, my BIL comes to my house with his chest all puffed up saying he did not want my son around his son (my nephew). He basically acted like he was father of the year and started to lecture me on what was wrong with my son. This infuriated me. He even went as far as to say he did not want my son at his house because he thought he would steal from them! My son has never stolen anything from anybody -- EVER!
Before I had a chance to respond my phone rang and he was back in his car and gone. Then he proceeded to talk to the woman whose son I have allowed my son to stay friends with and filled her ear with a bunch of crap and now she is forbidden her son from coming to my house or hanging out with my son.
My sister involved my mother and my mother tells me that my sister didn't want her husband to come to my house and say those things and that she is genuinely worried about my son and that I shouldn't be mad at my sister. Thing is, my sister hasn't called me to talk about it or tell me that she didn't want her husband to do what he did. She has just communicated with my mom and that's it.
Anyway, I've just been so upset about all of this and I've been debating on whether or not I should call my sister and tell her what I think of her husband and to tell her husband to mind his business and stay the heck out of mine.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Wouldn't gluten-free be tough to do?
But it would certainly be a huge convenience for people who shouldn't have gluten. I wonder how many people are even able to be compliant with a gluten-free diet.
Nope - we assume it'll be tough
I think boomers are the last of the "fix it" generations - able to make simple repairs, jump a stalled vehicle, do things "the hard way/old fashioned way" on manual, non-electronic office equipment and machines, tell time on a wind-up non-digital clock.
Many people from younger generations admit they know how to do very little unless it happens to be their college-trained specialty. Things boomers take for granted as normal life skills like
Sew up a rip in clothing or replace a button
Pull a car out of a ditch or change a flat tire
Cook dinner from scratch, and substitute ingredients in a pinch
Do long division on paper instead of a computer, and make change without electronic help
Many who don't know, don't want to learn - they always assume there'll be someone out there they can hire to do it for them. As a boomer I've always been shocked and dismayed at younger generations blithe lack of self-sufficiency. Seems like they don't know how to do anything - and don't want to know.
Tough love can be a good thing - I agree w/you
You did the right thing. He needs to learn otherwise you are going to have a yo-yo on your hands.
I wish I had stuck to my guns the first time my son did that. It took me a few years to learn. Moving away from home is NOT something small. It is a BIG thing and you son needs to realize that. I WISH I had listened to someone besides my mothers advice and maybe my son would be better off.
IMHO--- People should get real - You took YOUR key back You did NOT kick him out you were giving him what he wanted. You did NOT put him out into the streets.
Stick to your guns mom and I think that one day he will be a better man for it.
Tough Love advice. My 19-year-old daughter is making me nuts..
I don't even know where to start with this one but I'll just to give a short summary. My 19-year-old daughter has been troubled since I can remember. For example, her terrible twos went beyond that..if you didn't peel her orange right, she didn't want it and would throw it across the room. I think her diagnosis is best described as ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and bipolar. She has a quick temper and at age 5 blackened her 12-year-old brother's eyes with a book because he got in her face. She has annoyed everyone she has come into contact with. She is very immature. We have tried everything to get her help because once she became a teenager it just got worse. She is self-destructive and I became the enabler and now it is out of control. She would not go to school so she does not have an education. We had to call the cops numerous times because of her violent outbursts. We had her arrested when she stole our credit cards so she could learn a lesson but the courts did nothing. She was supposed to be court ordered to have a job and attend school, of which she did nothing and there was no punishment. She has never suffered any consequences no matter how hard we tried. She was charged with 10 felonies for the credit card theft but got nothing. She just batted her big blue eyes at the judge and it all went away. I have paid her rent for a year or two, bought her a car and paid for it. All of these of course when she had a job but right after I did all of this she stopped going. She got into meth..You would not believe my heartbreaking nightmare. Some days I just don't think I can take another minute of it. At this point, she is now homeless because I just cannot keep paying her bills. She just totaled the car so she has no car and no job and still wants me to pay her way and she has lost her license due to DUI and driving again without privileges. It never stops. How far do I take this? She calls me for money that she says is to eat but if I keep giving her money then what is her motivation to go to work. I kept thinking if she hit bottom she could only come up..but she likes the bottom and just hovers there. She adapts to any environment. So when does she wake up and do you think tough love would work on a child with mental issues. I paid all of her doctor bills so she could get help and on medication but just found out she hasnt been taking them. I know I have so many questions but I have no idea how to "fix her" anymore. I know she needs to help herself but how much is she actually capable of being on drugs and mental health issues. This is devastating to our family and when I don't help her she becomes suicidal and I want to just hang up because I know she is manipulating but what if this is the time she really does something. I tried to take her into the hospital because of her meth addiction because she finally asked for help and was told there really wasn't any programs for her because she didn't have insurance so I left just thinking.."well, I guess you'll have to do it on your own, there is no help." Now, that is heartwrenching. At some point, I know she just has to grownup, but I don't know if I can survive this. I'm stressed 24/7 and sadly whenever she calls I get such bad anxiety. I can hardly be around her because she is so manipulative and I feel guilty that I try to avoid her. I always thought it'd be different if I just loved her more, spend more time with her and so as a mom, I blame myself because she is so messed up. Guilt just fuels the enabling.. Help.. any suggestions, advice??
Leave a big sign on her nightstand, tough situation! Some are thiefs, offer a reward!
nm
You should call....sm
an attorney that deals with bankruptcies and ask them what you can do in this situation and they should be able to help you for a minimal cost.
In most states, if your husband's name is not on the credit card account they cannot go after his credit or try to force him to pay your bill... and vice versa.
For a reality check - the credit card company can seize your bank account and incoming deposits to one, force your employer/clients to turn over money designated for you to them for the debt. If you don't present some sort of offer to pay them a reasonable amount every month then they may choose to do the above things to you and legally can. However, if you can show the courts you can pay "x" a month and the judge thinks it's OK then they wouldn't be able to garnish any monies due to you.
Since you mentioned that you only work part-time, they'll probably suggest that you take on a full-time job to pay this debt.
Call them
Your best bet is to call and tell them what your situation is, that you want to work out a solution with them. Even if you have to refinance with them to get payments lower to a level you can afford, it will be worth it - don't default if you can help it. Nowadays, it can raise your car insurance rates, affect new employment opportunities, etc.
Besides, paying it back is the right thing to do. It will let you keep your self respect.
My dog does it too..but we call them
"kitty biscuits," LOL. Either way it's gross. He's been doing it forever, and we can't seem to break him of this habit. 
call
I would definitely call them as well. Had this happen and reversed as well. I know there is one cc company that refuses to do that and it happens to be Discover. Many other companies have reversed this for me. Please call and say you thought you paid it off so whats this!
call that b*tch!!
just kidding! :) This is such normal behavior for teenagers, I always told my girls that I coached that college is completely different than high school and there would be MANY changes, no matter how "in love" they thought they were... It is a sad reality, and unfortunately I am not a mom yet but know that when I am I will be dealing with this. I think the only thing you can tell him is the old saying "time heals all wounds" although it doesnot SEEM like he will EVER get over it by the way he is feeling right now, promise him he will. there are better things out there and everything happens for a reason!!! And you said they haven't officially "broken up" yet... you know what's coming obviously... and this is in no way a way to treat someone you love. She is just trying to get out of it easy. good luck, heartbreak is hard. I'm 27 and still go through it :)
Call the guy and ask nm
x
Thanks .. will just call them and see
if I can remove some of the extra charges and go forward. I did not owe much of anything to anyone and then changed jobs and the fun began! I really don't have that much faith in a third party and I learned that from transcription!
sorry- not what I would call fun either
If I get the chance mine will have a fun time at my house!
Can I just call them?
a
Just call me
 Simon!!
Call someone now.
I went through the same situation with my father for 8 years (bedridden, dementia, strokes, etc.) and grandfather during those same 8 years and 1 year after that. I got help from my doctor, general practitioner. She is a good listener and knew exactly the direction to guide me for help. I was neglecting my health while taking care of others. I remember one time taking my grandfather to a doctor appointment and asked them to check my blood pressure. It was extremely high and they did not want to let me leave the office. I had to sign a waiver stating that I knew the risks but I also promised to see my physician, which I did immediately. I am now on medications for hypertension, hypothyroidism, depression, and cholesterol. Please take care of yourself now.
I would call.
They might be waiting to see what applicants show a true interest in the job. Doesn't hurt to have your name out there to be noticed and remembered...better than being lost in the shuffle. I wouldn't call again after that though.
God says to call sin for what it is.
Please call someone!
Call your local suicide prevention hotline. Even if you are not suicidal at the moment, with all that is going on in your life, that could change at any moment. At the very least they will point you to some resources that will help you. The most difficult thing to do is ask for help, but you really need to. If you don't want to call the hotline, try your local United Way office, they have many solutions that could possibly help you through the emergency until you can get back on your feet. You are in my heart and in my prayers. Reach out and let someone help you... please....
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