yes, i'm limiting stay overs at the in-laws sm
Posted By: luvmyboys on 2008-07-09
In Reply to: OH, yes, but for my son, what is the - MTinNC
We are trying to raise our kids to be respectful. My FIL is a kid in an adult's body. And that's fine, but when it comes to certain things regarding my kids, I don't think it's right. Like having my 10 y/o throw bottle rockets after he has lit them. I didn't even know this happened until we went to their house the next day and he was saying that. I told him I don't want him throwing bottle rockets, it's dangerous! I'm going to limit his stay over trips to their house. There's so much more to this family that I'm not going to get into. I just want my kids to be respectful, compassionate for others, and open minded. But it is nice to know that there other parents out there that go through stuff. My 10 y/o (I feel) doesn't know how to handle his anger. He's such a good kid that he rarely ever gets in trouble, but when he does do something and I have to get onto him, he just flies off the handle and says no one likes him and he's going to run away. I've told him several times he can talk to me no matter what the issue, that I'm always here. (See his dad is not a good communicator at all, as is the whole in-law family).
Sorry for rambling on.
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I don't know current laws or laws in your state but sm
I was told they had to have 3 complaints before they paid a visit so just relax now that you did your cleaning and are prepared. Always best to prepare for the worst! Good luck to you with the divorce. I could have said your story!
Coronas with limes! It's a girls' night out!!! The kids are at sleep overs and
I am going out! Woo Hoo!
Maybe try limiting contact to
just phone calls. That will let her know that you are cooling off the visitation with her but not make you look ungrateful. If she brings up never seeing the children, I would let her know politely that you thought she didn't care to have them visit since they always seem to "act up" at her house. If DH wants to see her DH, then let him visit him alone. Is there a close neighbor or friend that could keep your girls while you visit your aunt once in a while? I take it she lives nearby if your boss has contact with her. If she asks why you didn't bring the children, again - say that you thought it would be better for her if you didn't bring them anymore since their behavior doesn't meet her standards. She should get the hint pretty quickly.
I definitely agree with you that she should not be pushing her discipline methods on you. You are the parent and only you and DH should have any say in how you choose to discipline your children and whether or not they even need it. I will say from experience that the previous generation seems to think we don't know how to handle our kids. I think a lot of that has to do with the state this country is in, but I don't believe it falls directly on our shoulders. Afterall, our kids weren't even born when things started to go downhill. Maybe it's all the hairbrushes and flyswatters that are causing some of these problems.
Have at it. You are limiting yourself to options daily.
nm
You may not feel that you are limiting YOUR options SM
but it sure sounds like you would try to limit other people's options. What a sad, intolerant attitude. The fact of the matter is that there are gay/lesbian people in the world and there have always been. They are human and they have rights and they have needs and some companies are giving them the opportunity to purchase what they want/need. Not all stores are bible outlet stores or catering to the PG audience.
ex in-laws
Thank you for your well thought-out reply. I plan on discussing this with him and at the same time will try to remain respectful of the fact that he loves his aunt. He is of course home for Christmas (and other holidays) and will be back here permanently around April. There are too many details of this situation to put on this board but I thank you again for your advice.
The in-laws
Hey, I am not sure if they are freaky, or not. I was raised in that church when I was young and switched as an adult. Since Matthew Winkler's father is also a COC minister it would be doubtful if he even knew about any of his son's warped proclivities (if he had them) since church members rarely, if ever, talk about things of that nature). It makes me sad to see that those grandparents are being labeled as warped just because of their religious beliefs. I must tell you that I have never met a member of that church who was a "bad person" and I have had exposure to lots of them. I have to wait and see the show. I am very interested in what she has to say. I would also like to see the in-laws go on the show to present their concerns. I think it would help everyone, including the children when they would be old enough to see it. So many times things like this go on with women and men we know and I think it is important to understand any signs to watch for so as to prevent what happened with their family from happening to anyone else. If, however, Mary is really guilty and just wanted a way out (which is a possibility) I believe the children belong with the grandparents and that Mary should relinquish her parental rights. It would be nice too if she would admit if she was truly an abused woman, or not. They can't try her twice.
Where do you think laws come from?
Most of man's laws are based on the Bible, the 10 Commandments usually.
I am not comparing gay people to criminals. Based on your statement that God expects us to be happy, regardless of what form that happiness might take, I am asking the question that, if it is okay with God for a person to be gay if it makes them happy, is it okay with him for a person to steal, commit adultery or murder if it makes them happy.
You changed the context of the subject, not me. And for what it is worth, there are still states in which sodomy is a crime, therefore gay sex is a crime. There is even a state where adultery and fornication are a crime. http://www.sodomy.org/laws/
I get this too...especially my in-laws...
nm
In-laws
I guess I lucked out with in-laws. When we married, I referred to his parents as "mom" and "dad" from that point on. When my SIL had kids, we *both* became aunts and uncles to them and DH is uncle to my sister's 2 kids. I don't think you're being sensitive and good for you for teaching your kids differently!
My in-laws have a dog who has seizures...
This dog seems to being having grand mal seizures because it urinates on itself and they last a least a minute. The dog has had this several times but they haven't taken him to the vet because of the cost involved. My mother-in-law gives him an aspirin and puts "cold packs" on him when he is seizing. I'm not sure why but she is a little strange. I would take the dog to a vet. They can probably do test to see if she is indeed having seizures. Good luck!
The smoking might have to be done outside if the laws there say
s
This goes along with sweet in-laws...
My son was born in September 1994. We found out 8 weeks later he had pyloric stenosis after changing formula, etc. I worked in Radiology as an MT at the time and had the GI study done there. The radiologist was so nice, but informed me that our son was severely dehydrated and would need urgent surgery.
The surgery took place the night before Thanksgiving. My in-laws brought my husband and I a plate of their meal with utensils and all. Thankfully, our son (first born) came through with flying colors and is in perfect health now.
My parents were supportive on the phone, but my Dad had just been diagnosed with cancer and was too weak to make it in to see us.
So, I guess it was the worst and the best Thanksgiving ever and one that I will surely never forget for a very long time. ![Leaf](http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_4_40.gif")
![](http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb097&pp=ZUxdm486YYUS")
I have the same problems with my in-laws
Last year we got them a gift certificate to the local grocery store that they always go so and we decided to do the same again this year. Everyone has to eat. They live in a small condo and have all the money in the world to buy what they want and they're at an age where they don't need anything.
just so you know, many states have laws
against any corporeal punishment now, especially for "kinship" care (relatives raising kin children). For example, in many states I cannot even give push ups or running laps as punishment, forget about spanking! And throwing cold water on a child would get the child taken away from me. There are laws you can't withhold food as punishment or send a child to be early. There are over 5 million children being raised by relatives and just under 600,000 in state foster care. Things ARE much different now.
I understand some of these laws but
not being able to send a child to be early. Who gets to decide what is "early"?
What about lesh laws?
If you have a pet running around in this town you will be fined up to $500 whether the dog did anything while running about or not.
I do hope the little girl gets past her fear of dogs someday. I have a 6-year-old that has that same fear but she has never gotten bit so I don't know why she has that fear. She has turned now many playdates because of those tiny, barking house dogs. One friend in particular wanted dd to come over and play so bad but dd refused because of the dog and I explained that to the mother. I suggested that the litlte girl is welcome to come play here, after consulting with dd first and she agreed. ( I wanted to make sure it really was the dog not the other girl). So they come over, with their little barking, jumping dog and turned it loose in our house and dd started screaming and crying and very rudely ran them both off. I felt bad because dd bluntly told them to leave but I did not get on to her too much about it because it did not make sense to me. I had just explained that dd was very scared of the dog so why did they bring it to my house and turn it loose in my living room.  The dog was not mean, just very very hyper.
MIL shares that same fear and does not know why. She quit visiting a friend because their hyper little dog kept jumping on her and the owners would not do anything to control it. I guess dd and MIL are 2 peas in a pod when it comes ot that.
Must be nice to know you have in-laws ...sm
who would help. My parents couldn't help. My father in law couldn't either BUT mother in law could but wouldn't I know because she is so tight. She would just say oh well loose all your sh**. She wouldn't come off her money.
we just had to ask our in-laws for $500 loan
they're like a bank to us ;)
we just had to ask our in-laws for $500 loan
they're like a bank to us ;)
we just had to ask our in-laws for $500 loan
they're like a bank to us ;)
The laws where I live
forbid a teacher from having a sexual relationship with a student period...and I think that's how I prefer it.
I didn't even think about laws differing in other states. :/
My in-laws are overkill -sm
my DH cannot stand his parents though we do not deny them their grandchildren, though we have never left them alone with them. They were very neglectful to him when he was growing up, verbally abusive, etc. His mom would badger me when we were first married about having grandchildren. She assumed (wrongly) that we would give us any children we had to them on the weekends as all their friends had/did. Our kids have been nothing but trophies to them. My MIL used to really hate the fact that I had a family, once my mom died a few years ago she did a complete turnaround and no longer hassles me when I go to see my family. She is the reining grandma now and so no one to be jealous of. This does not endear her to me obviously. Their other son, the golden child (and oh favored one who spent 20+ years going to school, getting money from M&D, and mooching off friends for those 20+ years--would stay in their homes until kicked out), he finally bought a home at age 40 (with $40K from M&D), has never married or had kids, my DH says it is because of their childhood, though he was the favored one so who knows. Anyways we moved 2 hours away (were about 10 miles from them) just so we would not have to see them every day once we had kids. Even then they came every 2 weeks and in the beginning badgered us to give them the kids for extended periods of time (I am talking 6/7 days of the week, every week). I don't think we have ever invited them here, they just call up and say we are coming. I then tell them yeh or ney basically. They come for every holiday that they can and birthday, though this year my one did not want them to come on her birthday, so I put them off a week. She wants it to be just us 4 for a change and to all go out to dinner....she will be 9 next week. I found that interesting but I told her it was her decision, and that they wanted to come, etc. Usually she is very accommodating and is always thinking of others so I am not going to make her have her grandparents come for her special dinner out if she does not want them to (she just saw them last weekend). So they will come on the 15th instead which is fine with me. So I do try to be accommodating to them, I am the one who calls them, I visit with them for an hour or two on my rare trips to see my family (2-3x a year) or stay the night so they can have more time, depends on my work schedule, I see my in-laws about once a month now (call weekly), and my family once during the summer, maybe Spring break and around Christmas. Obviously this won't last forever, they are 74 and 79 now but longevity is in the dad's family (late 80's to 90s). Both are in relatively good health, mom is a type 2 diabetic, dad has had bladder cancer twice, but otherwise doing very well. My DH insists on taking in the survivor when one dies. He has a very strong guilt complex, they did their job well on him. Obviously I don't want that, but not going to worry about that right now. Many sides to this coin/subject.
I am in the same boat. I have no desire to go to my in laws for sm
Christmas Eve and my husband is making us all go. It's the biggest fight every year. I am dreading it so much. I wish he would listen to me, but he won't. I don't see a long future for me and my husband. It's always his way or NO way. I should just say I am not going and not go, but IF I do that then Christmas morning will be miserable. He will take it out on me and the kids. I think he's just like them!
He pouted all day Thanksgiving because I refused to go to his mother's house where his siblings (the culprits) would be. The thing is this: They've never liked me. Never. It's been almost 10 years and everything is my fault. For a long time it scarred me, but then I realized that it wasn't me, it's them. And then to have my husband force me to be around this hateful, evil people is beyond understanding. I am NOT looking forward to Christmas eve. I swear, I just want to stay here (I've already celebrated with great friends and my family) and just want to enjoy Christmas eve and Christmas with people (my kids) whom I adore. But, it won't be that way when you have people in your lives (unfortunately) who are exactly the way you just described.
Ugggh. Not looking forward to this weekend. And to top it off, my birthday is Saturday. I told him that I wanted to NOT go to his mom's house for my birthday. That made him mad.
Oh, and don't tell me to put a smile on my face and be nice or put up with it. Until you walk a mile in my shoes where you have 3 sisters and 1 brother who think I am the antichrist, the last thing you can do is smile at these people....And I am a very kind and nice person. these people bring out the worst in me.
TY. We celebrated with the in-laws today,
after making the 2-hour drive, and for once the WHOLE family was there, although we did have to wait for evening for 2. My MIL was sick with a cold, and by the end of the night my FIL was worn out, but with their 2 young great grandsons there being cute and everybody pitching in, things went rather well. It was hard to leave, but I must work tomorrow (new job and all), and driving back to the sad situation with the dog was rough. But then we had a message from the vet school saying my dog LOVES phenobarbital and seems in good spirits (typical of her adventerous breed). So I am hopeful I will be able to see her myself, despite the low staff at the holiday, and decide whether to proceed with MRI or let her go peacefully.
Just FYI on in-laws dog taking aspirin
My mother-in-law has been giving the dog one aspirin every day for about a year now. It is a bigger size dog, probably about 45 to 50 pounds. The dog definitely has something wrong with its brain because of the way it acts. I worry he will turn on them one day. Anyway, apparently aspirin doesn't kill dogs, at least this one anyway.
I have new in-laws (through marriage) who are from Pahrump, NV. Anyone have sm
any info on this place? It looks gorgeous. Good place to visit???
In keeping with the question down below about in-laws...
We have all done our best to accept my brother's wife, but she grates on everybody's nerves. Now, that we can handle, but a few years back my mom bought a new (second-hand) car and gave her old car to my brother. She even gave them $500 to buy new tires for the car.
Then, when my mom's "new" car turned out to be a lemon and had to be in the shop for a week, my SIL refused to let my mom use HER OWN CAR that she had given them while her "new" car was in the shop - even though my SIL was NOT working and my brother had a car to go back and forth to work.
Yes, I know my brother needs to grow a backbone already, but that kind of set the tone for my SIL's relationship with the whole family.
So - what's your in-law story?
At my in-laws' house one Thanksgiving, sm
my brother in law's dog took a crap right in the middle of the living room. My mother-in-law (rest her soul) walked into the kitchen, grabbed a handful of papertowels, wiped up the poop, threw the papertowels out, washed her hands, and sat back down at the table. She was like it was no big deal! We were all laughing like crazy AFTER she sat back down and we saw she was not fazed by it at all. It was too funny.
Any ideas on what to get in-laws for Christmas whom already have everything - sm
and they don't want us spending a lot of money on them either. Thanks for any ideas any of you may have. I am at a loss right now. Thanks again.
Check state laws . . .
In my state your divorce is not finalized until you have been living apart for six months. You file the papers, and have to live separately for six months for it to even be final or legal.
No the in-laws are not an option the only reason - sm
we "borrowed" from them was they did not want us taking a loan and paying interest...so they gave/loaned us $14K interest free, I have it down to $10K so far. That is the extent of their involvment. DH would rather die than have his parents know about this I know that. They do have the money to help but that would put us under their thumb the rest of their lives and I don't think either one of us could deal with that. We do have some assets we can sell that would pay off at least half of the debt, though I don't see him being too thrilled about doing that, it is a good solution to part of the problem. I am considering talking to my brother or my dad, but again he will have a cow when he finds out about that (he will lose face in his mind). He always worries about what others think about him, etc, it gets real wearing at times.
Each state has their own laws regarding transportation s/m
In Michigan, the school HAS to provide transportation for the kids. Someone on here posted they had to have a bus pass that cost $150, that is insane. I'm sure I pay for it on my property taxes, but I hate to think of the person that couldn't afford that.
Our school district buses the middle/high school kids together, which has worked out fine. Middle school starts at the 6th grade. I take my kids to school every day because the bus for them is here at 7:15 a.m. We have a very strange setup for our elementary schools. We have two elementaries that have K-2 grade and then one elementary for 3-5 (we used to have two, but they combined them last year). Being that I have a 2nd and 3rd grader, they both get picked up at the same time (if they were to ride the bus) at 7:15. 3rd grader gets dropped off at 8:25 at his school and my 2nd grader gets dropped off at his at 8:50. So, 7:15 - 8:50? That is insane! We live about 7 minutes from both schools. They do ride the bus home as they are the first ones off.
But as to combining buses with middle/high school with elementary? To me is unacceptable. The bus drivers have a hard enough time controlling the kids. Even with the way that ours is broken out, the youngest grades sit towards the front, with oldest to the back.
And during budget crunch time and the super bought $10k in office furniture? He should be called out on that during a board meeting. I'd also contact the local newspapers so that the word gets around. All school districts are hurting and every little bit helps. If he wants new furniture, it should come out of his salary.
Depends on the laws in your state...
... at least as far as I know, but in California, it's EASIER to get unemployment if you are terminated, rather than voluntarily leaving a job, because if you voluntarily leave, they want to know why, and you had better have some VERY good reasons, such as a well-documented case for a hostile work environment and all that.
In the meantime, you need to IMMEDIATELY document anything you've been told, such as the fact that you've been given a warning; if it was verbal, write down every single detail of it you can remember, and the date and time and by whom it was given. If it was written, take it (or a copy) home.
Other than that... is there any way you could sit down with somebody and ask for suggestions on how to improve your performance on the problem dictators? Are there sample transcriptions available to refer to? Are there other MTs who have less trouble than you on those dictators, whom you could ask for help with their phrasing and pronunciation peculiarities?
Do let us know what happens.... What a sorry state of affairs.
Vince Lombardi was my father-in-laws
high school football coach in Ridgefield Park, NJ. Forgot to mention this when I started the post.
This has been fun. Have a good day everyone.
I've had bad experiences with them, but I disagree with the laws...
We used to have a rottie (died last year) and they have the same stigma attached to them. We were actually denied homeowners insurance with many different companies because we owned a rottie. The funny thing is, he was the biggest sweet dog you ever met, a giant teddy bear. Our chocolate lab was 100 times more likely to be aggressive/hurt someone, but of course they don't care about chocolate labs.
That said, I've only known a few pits and they were pretty mean, but I blame that on the owners in those cases because they pretty much wanted a mean, protective dog. Because of my experiencw ith my rottie though, I don't agree with laws or rules against certain breeds of dogs because I think they are BS. Dogs should be judged on an individual basis ONLY.
Federal laws require that students be educated....sm
on their level however it gets frustrating for parents when their child isn't "normal" and they have to fight with schools to get their child educated. It's crazy that your nephew was passed from school to school without being able to read. As a foster parent I had a prior foster child that came to me in the 5th grade but could really only read at a 1st grade level and was very behind in all subjects.... yet her report cards from her prior schools all gave her A's and B's and commented on what a wonderful student she was. I busted my butt working with the caseworkers to get her the extra assistance she needed to get caught up and teaching her how to work around her learning disabilities, which were diagnosed while she was with me. Did the school want to cooperate? No.... but all it took was one letter from an education attorney to get them to realize that we were going to force them to educate this child instead of passing her own without helping her and then they started working with us. Crazy thing is that the federal laws require it, provide the money for it but the schools don't want to deal with the paperwork or having to do it... and they prefer just changing grades for kids and passing them on instead of helping them. This sends these kids on the dead-end street because they eventually graduate without any skills and oftentimes it goes downhill from there.
When I was growing up we had 1 teacher to maybe 10 or 15 students, and the teachers had time to work with the kids individually as they needed it. Now the schools want to cram as many kids into a classroom as they can, don't give teachers any help and on top of that expect the teachers to spend money on supplies, yet my property taxes keep going up to pay for the schools and I'm in a growing area with new houses being slapped up faster than you can say your name.
It's wrong that the schools don't give a crap when a child isn't "normal" and they want to pass them on without helping them, and they expect the parents to bail them out. Sure as a parent I'm willing to do my part but I'm not going to spend time doing all of the education of a child regardless of whether they're biological or foster, especially if the school isn't trying to educate them during the day.
No matter what laws are made, if women want to get an abortion
then they will. I have a couple of abortions prior to a marriage and prior to my 2 children. I have never so called suffered because of my decision, in fact I was young and could not have taken care of any children. I do not regret this decision. Either legal or illegal, makes no difference in a woman making the decision to seak an abortion.
Is it okay for your in-laws to come to your house and open your door without first knocking?
My in-laws did this the other day and I just find it very rude...They do this all the time...we tell them to please call before they come over (just in case the baby is sleeping or we are doing something) but they never listen...anyone else have this problem???
Jails are overflowing because of insane drug laws.
xx
Licenses, inspections, food laws, ads, & all kinds of stuff
x
Maybe I should have worded the topic differently, like Demand stricter laws for sex offenders...
I am sorry if the wording of the topic offended anyone. I was rushed but wanted to type up something to get the word out about what I had seen on the Oprah show, and that was the first thing I thought of. But the main goal of my post was to get people to demand harsher laws for sex offenders and to make the laws more uniform from state to state so they cannot "hide out" in states with more lenient laws.
I think you are taking this out of context...I originally asked about my in-laws basically coming ov
and then the issue of locking doors and security gets brought up...why is it you can't post something on these boards without it being blown out of proportion???
Normally, this would be something I would try to stay out of, but (sm)
I would think if you called CPS and explained things just the way you did here, they might be able to do something to keep the aunt away, and parenting classes for the parents wouldn't hurt either. I agree with the other poster who said if parents (or you) act first, anything the aunt did at a later time would be considered retaliation. Handicapped parents many times can be the best parents, but it sounds like they do need some help with setting boundaries.
I think I would stay put if I were you. He knows where the
door is and can use it if he chooses. Your first concern has to be your children and you should not have to find a place to live if he is the one who has the problem with you. If there is no adultery involved here, don't rush into divorce. Divorce is painful and can get nasty. Sometimes just being away from each other can "calm the waters" and allow you to make a more objective decision. I speak from experience. My husband and I divorced very hastily when we were very young after less than 2 years of marriage and then remarried, had 2 children, divorced very hastily again and then remarried again. Had I just been a little less in a hurry I could have saved myself a hiney-load of money and a lot of heartache by just being away for a while and then making an objective decision. Instead, I rushed into divorce and paid dearly. 
Stay away from CC....
If you have been having problems meeting the minimum payment on any CC, by all means don't go opening another credit card. Your credit report will be an absolute mess. I know it's 0% interest for one year, but read the fine print - there is usually a fee of some type, plus, can you pay it off in one year before the interest starts up? You never know what will happen in life and you may not be able to make the payments, the rate goes up, and you are in deep doo-doo.
Sallie Mae is high interest, your 401K is better. With 401K you are paying yourself back with interest. It's a no-brainer. No one gets your money but you. Is it possible to borrow again from a 401K if you already have a loan out? Having the money deducted automatically from your paycheck and put back into your 401K is the safest and smartest bet...as long as you have a job.
If you ABSOLUTELY have to have this other loan for $7,000 then the 401K should be your only choice. Can you do without the $7,000 and get back on track before getting deeper into debt - or at least until you pay off the existing credit card?
Why would you want to stay...
with someone who is, as you say, mean? If you are not happy, LEAVE! When you stay you are condoning his behavior. Some women want to be martyrs, others want to live a great life. There are great men out there; wallowing in self-pity does not get you one though.
Well, obviously we don't want to stay
somewhere where there's still a lot of damage. That's why I'm asking for personal experiences, and hopefully recently. We don't want to book a beach house and when we get there find out it's in the middle of a big mess.
stay vs go
First, I am so sorry for your situation...that being said, the kids will definitely pick up on the negative vibes between you and your husband. As far as your question goes, I think only you and your husband can know the answer to that one. Just be very aware of your kids and behavior changes, emotional lability, etc. Trust me when I say, they are not dumb...they will pick up on what's going on, no matter how hard you try to hide it (yes, I'm speaking from experience...). Good luck!
You definitely need to stay on top of this...
The kids who you think are least likely to commit suicide are the ones that actually do...that is not meant to scare you by any means...most kids find it easier to write down their feelings than actually expressing them face to face so the fact that he wrote this means something is bothering him...I think you should both talk to your pastor..good luck...(((HUGS)))...
I think you should just stay out of it.
It is just humiliating for kids when their parents act up or cause a scene.
The name of the game is fun. Your going into the game wanting your son's team to beat the other team because of YOUR issues with another parent is very immature and selfish.
Trust me, we've watched parents like you've described yourself (and others, in fairness) acting out and it is so unsportsman-like and completely immature.
Embarrassing for everyone.
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