Conservatism and feminism oxyMORON.

• It would behoove the left... - sam
  • More delusions of grandeur from the NCFC (Neocon/femocon) fringe. - Go behoove yourself. amfm
    • go ahead, dig the hole deeper for him... - sam
      • O won't put himself in a gutter of mud. - He just does ISSUES. JM/SP should try it sometime
        • Oh I see...he lets his minions do the gutter of mud for him... - sam
          • JM is totally innocent of this same charge? - Show me one time he has...sm
            • Well....McCain sure couldn't go after Obama in the media, even if he wanted to... - sam
              • It is JM's/SP's party's turn to be on the - make every American stop and think about...sm
                • You know the media protects Obama.... - sam
                  • Since when? Last week? - Long on bull, short on memory. amfm
    • I see the left has labeled the right with yet another acronym.... - ms
      • Conservatism and feminism oxyMORON. - It'll never fly. amfm
        • They labeled themselves once SP entered the mix. - Member of femocon fringe group. sm
          • Sticks and stones ladies...... - ms
            • Neither do facts or truth. - Can't win with issues-proof strategy.
      • And it fits. - !!
  • One heartbeat away from the presidency.,,,,,,,, - sm
    • 39% of people polled feel SP is as qualified as O - to have the top spot! He has no exec.experience.nm
      • Only 39%? That sez alot, huh? - !!!
        • actually 39% of the country is a pretty significant number.... - sam
          • Not when the rest of the country = 61% - pbbllfffht
            • Actually....this is the actual poll... - sam
            • 39% is a ton when you are comparing she is - running for VP and he the Pres!. get it? nm
              • Uh, no. - Means less than nothing. szq
      • JOHN MCCAIN HAS HAD NO EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE - sm
    • Not as scary as a career politician with ties... - sam
      • yep, and you SHOULD be judged by the friends that - surround you. O cant be trusted. nm

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

Two years ago I took in a friend who had fallen on hard times.  We have known one another since high school, over 40 years.  For the last several years she had been living with relatives who by her account were very mean to her and treated her as a sort of  servant.  She had lost a small disability pension, with its medical insurance, and had gone through all of her meager savings.  Her disabilities are of the vague, undiagnosable type:  Diffuse pain, muscle spasms, respiratory problems, palpitations, strange allergic reactions to foods/ medications/environmental irritants.  She was accident prone, unable to concentrate and had out-of-control emotions a lot of the time.  I  attributed much of  this to the stress of  her living situation and could see no way to help her, other than getting her out of what seemed to be a very hostile environment.

So  I made this offer:  Move in with me and regroup.  No one will harm you here.  Get your mind and body back in some kind of balance.  File your pension appeal.  Another friend told me of an attorney who had handled her similar appeal.  I shared my car with her, since hers had bitten the dust years before.  I was determined not to pressure her, but to let her manage her own financial, physical and emotional recovery. 

No one forced me to do this.  I  shared my home,  provided food, shelter and transportation without expecting a cent, out of friendship.  You have no idea what this offer has cost me.  The monetary issue is quite secondary to the peace and tranquility I  (who have lived alone for most of the last 40 years and loved it)  have sacrificed.  And it is true what they say:  You don’t really know someone until you live with them.

For more than a year, nothing much changed and I grew very tired of her constant whining and self-pity.  It seemed that the more I did for her, the more she needed me to do (but only those things she would accept - I could keep my advice to myself.)  And I grew weary of hearing her complain that I am so fortunate, that I cannot possibly feel her pain, nor can I  possibly understand that she can’t concentrate on her pension paperwork for more than a few minutes at a time, can’t bear to sit and type, can’t read the fine print without her vision blurring.  My offers to help her with this - after all, I type medical and psych stuff for a living - were refused over and over.  Her filing deadline came and went, and that opportunity was lost forever.  She claimed the lawyer never told her there was such a deadline.  I guess it was my fault for not finding her a better attorney.  Now each month she gets a bill from him.

Every serious conversation went in circles and ended in tears and recriminations from her.  Now I was the one being mean to her.  Frankly, I could barely stand being in the same room, yet she followed me around asking why we never talked anymore.  So after 15 months I was forced to go all *tough-love* on her.  I gave her an ultimatum (the or-else unspecified) that within 60 days I must see some progress with her situation.  She had to file for SSDI, Medicaid, food stamps, find some psychological help, go to a free medical and vision clinic, etc.  I provided all the contact information she would need.  I was willing to support her, but was not going to bankrupt my self assuming her medical and legal bills for the rest of her life. 

And still, 50 days later I  saw no indication that she had done anything.  Not wanting to wait for the 60^th day and my bluff to be called, I finally had to be so mean that she was forced to turn to the county mental health system.  This was the only way I could see to get her some help.  Taking her back to her family was not an option and I was not going to send her to live under a bridge (a very real possibility.)

Since then she has had a social worker leading her through the application process for all those services, and she is now accepting advice from the social worker that had been unacceptable when it came from me.   

So here’s the thing.  I have a new perspective on her family members, who were probably doing their own version of  tough love, but would never think of throwing her butt out.  My friend maintains that if she were still living with them, she would have ended up at county mental health just the same.  Nonsense!  Without some imminent threat, she would still be crying on my shoulder daily about her nasty family and their lack of understanding.

By being too kind (a democrat) I was enabling my friend to put off indefinitely doing anything to help herself.  I had to stop giving her fish and put a fishing pole within reach (become a republican).  It was up to her to pick it up and start feeding herself.  It is clear that she genuinely has problems but that she is also capable of doing what is required, when properly motivated.  I had to get downright ugly about it, and her social worker now sets tasks and deadlines to keep her on track.  She sees a counselor.  She gets medications.  She qualified for food stamps.  She has been approved for SSDI and Medicaid.  For most of her life she paid into these systems and now it is only fair she receive something back when she needs it.   Maybe I will even get my friend back and enjoy her company again.  

And this whole scenario is how a helping hand is supposed to go.  Wherever possible charity should be voluntary, not compulsory.  Nobody forced me help; I did it voluntarily, out of affection.  But even friendship and compassion have their limits; love and goodwill can be strained to breaking.  There is a place for government assistance,  but turning to the government should be the last resort, not the first.  And you have to try to help yourself first.

And now Obama, et al, want to REQUIRE me to do this for a bunch of strangers as well?  No thanks, I already gave.