Also if you stay away you are letting him win(sm)
Posted By: NCMT on 2007-11-09
In Reply to: My stepfather is a big jerk too (sm) - NCMT
As that seems to be his goal -I would not let him keep me from seeing the rest of my family. However, I also would not want my children exposed to his mouth, so if you cannot stay in a hotel,I would go and visit without your children, which I do sometimes as well. I see my family about twice a year, usually once by myself and once with the kids, at which time we stay in a hotel.
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Thank you for letting us
know the child survived. I didn't want to look up the story.
The initial post should have not only put the post in the message but also don't just drop a bomb like that and then walk away.
letting go
I am so excited for your son. What an awesome opportunity.
My daughter is a bit younger and she had an opportunity to go to Central America (which is closer and safer I know) for the summer on a mission trip. I received a LOT of negative feedback from family and friends for letting her go, especially since she is under 16, but she had an opportunity to be part of something bigger than her "what do I wear today" kind of life. She loves God and feels called to the mission field and I am sure this summer was her first of many trips.
I know it will be a real stretch for you as a parent, as it was me, but I had to trust that she belongs to God before me and God could keep her safer than I could. She loved it and grew as a person and as a Christian.
Hope that helps. I will be praying for your family.
Thank you for letting me know - NM
NM
Calling when going somewhere and letting you know
she arrived safely is one thing. Teaching a child that forgetting something once in a while is some horrible thing is another story all together. We ALL, and I do mean ALL, forget things from time to time. I don't care how many lists you make, how organized you are or anything else, we all forget things. It may be a coat, something on our list that we made or somebody's birthday, but we ALL forget things. My children did learn from their mistakes but, once again, not from cruelty, but simply because it was a life lesson. They are both wonderful you adults who work full time jobs and are responsible people. While they had guidelines and rules to follow and knew and reaped the consequences of not following the rules set before them, we did not rule with an iron thumb. We knew they were human and would make mistakes along the way and learn from them. Sorry this was so long, but this type of treatment of children really makes me sad. I wanted my children to know that I loved them more than I wanted to rule them. They still respect me and I talk to both of them several times a week and have a wonderful relationship. 
This is all about forgiveness and letting go
Obviously your husband has some deep hurts and a lot of anger. Forgiveness is the key. I know it's a lot easier said than done but it benefits the person doing the forgiving, not the "forgivee". It doesn't mean he is condoning what was done to him. Maybe the stepfather is doing the best he knows how, who knows. We all have our issues. Your husband does need to work on his anger and not bring the kids into it though. Prayers for your hubby and your family. 
Appreciate your letting us know - mine is scheduled
x
I'm not letting my kids get a real
tattoo. If they decide they want a tattoo, it will have to wait until they're 18 and pay for it themselves. I said they are saving for the airbrush tattoos at the beach. They wear off after about 6 weeks and there's no permanent damage, no needles, just airbrush.
I think sometimes parents don't choose their battles wisely and that causes more problems than the issue itself.
I'm sure he says those things while you're letting
It's not a mistake if you plan on letting him
do that every night. Believe me I know. We've had several dogs over the years and every single time we've given in and let them on the furniture or bed just one time - they take it as a sign that they are welcome there all the time. Now we have 3 LARGE dogs who think they need to sleep in our bed every night. :)
In my opinion - your first mistake is letting your son live with her sm
and you having "no say about it". Huh! You are his mother aren't you?
Not trying to be rude, I most certainly would not have any of my kids living with an "ex- anything" and only living with me. 15 and the teens for that matter are very tender ages and need their parents guidance in all aspects of their lives.
I have a 15 year old and 17 year old, both very athletic, and neither would live with a family member or ex-family member just for a sport.
Believe it or not - sports are not everything, but academic achieves are. We are in the hunt for colleges as my 17 y/o is a senior in high school. Guess what, they don't care if they play sports - they want their GPA, rigor of their courses and their grades, as well as SAT scores. Even if a scholarship is offered, in my case, football, they still need to meet requirements.
So, I would re-think the teen's living arrangements if I were his mother.
Well...I am always nervous about letting my kids do things like that (sm)
But I usually let them do it. However, it would depend on the parents. I mean if the guy reeks of alcohol - how bad? Do you mean he drinks a beer or two on the weekends or is he a drunk? Will he be driving your son in a car or boat? If so, I would not be comfortable with that. I have said no at times if I am uncomfortable for a reason, but I always have to think it through and see if there is real danger or if I am just being me - a worry wart. I would find out if that dad is going, if he will be driving the car, if he will be driving a boat, etc. and make my decision from that.
Letting person finish sentence
My hubs has called it to my attention several times that I do this to him. I really love, admire and cherish him and I am glad he has not given up on me like some of the above state. It is not done intentionally but I think sometime he sorta stammers and huh, huh it 1 time too much and then here I rush in. Oh, well I am an Aries and I want things done yesterday!
hold on....letting adults paddle my kid?
nm
I am not letting my young teen marry an old man.
x
I agree with letting him go...if there are no children involved (sm)
and you are still young, get out now while you can. Don't wait like I did. I was married to someone very similar for 15 years and finally separated, but now I am older and I have two children who rely on me. I would much rather have left him early on, found someone new, and have children with a stable home.
Letting a child about Santa isn't lying, sheesh
Telling about Santa isn't lying, it's a rite of childhood for millions of kids, as is the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I see no harm in giving my children hope in something so good as Santa. I don't remember being crushed as a child when I found out about Santa, I only remember the joy of waking up on Christmas morning to a full stocking and the anticipation of waiting for the big guy. We were so poor that I don't know how we ever had a Christmas but somehow there were always gifts from Santa, to me that's what he's about, not lying but believing.
People take really strange things far too literally, takes the fun out of the simple things in my opinion.
Someone putting that many demands on a gift is taking advantage of you, and you are letting them. nm
x
Normally, this would be something I would try to stay out of, but (sm)
I would think if you called CPS and explained things just the way you did here, they might be able to do something to keep the aunt away, and parenting classes for the parents wouldn't hurt either. I agree with the other poster who said if parents (or you) act first, anything the aunt did at a later time would be considered retaliation. Handicapped parents many times can be the best parents, but it sounds like they do need some help with setting boundaries.
I think I would stay put if I were you. He knows where the
door is and can use it if he chooses. Your first concern has to be your children and you should not have to find a place to live if he is the one who has the problem with you. If there is no adultery involved here, don't rush into divorce. Divorce is painful and can get nasty. Sometimes just being away from each other can "calm the waters" and allow you to make a more objective decision. I speak from experience. My husband and I divorced very hastily when we were very young after less than 2 years of marriage and then remarried, had 2 children, divorced very hastily again and then remarried again. Had I just been a little less in a hurry I could have saved myself a hiney-load of money and a lot of heartache by just being away for a while and then making an objective decision. Instead, I rushed into divorce and paid dearly.
Stay away from CC....
If you have been having problems meeting the minimum payment on any CC, by all means don't go opening another credit card. Your credit report will be an absolute mess. I know it's 0% interest for one year, but read the fine print - there is usually a fee of some type, plus, can you pay it off in one year before the interest starts up? You never know what will happen in life and you may not be able to make the payments, the rate goes up, and you are in deep doo-doo.
Sallie Mae is high interest, your 401K is better. With 401K you are paying yourself back with interest. It's a no-brainer. No one gets your money but you. Is it possible to borrow again from a 401K if you already have a loan out? Having the money deducted automatically from your paycheck and put back into your 401K is the safest and smartest bet...as long as you have a job.
If you ABSOLUTELY have to have this other loan for $7,000 then the 401K should be your only choice. Can you do without the $7,000 and get back on track before getting deeper into debt - or at least until you pay off the existing credit card?
Why would you want to stay...
with someone who is, as you say, mean? If you are not happy, LEAVE! When you stay you are condoning his behavior. Some women want to be martyrs, others want to live a great life. There are great men out there; wallowing in self-pity does not get you one though.
Well, obviously we don't want to stay
somewhere where there's still a lot of damage. That's why I'm asking for personal experiences, and hopefully recently. We don't want to book a beach house and when we get there find out it's in the middle of a big mess.
stay vs go
First, I am so sorry for your situation...that being said, the kids will definitely pick up on the negative vibes between you and your husband. As far as your question goes, I think only you and your husband can know the answer to that one. Just be very aware of your kids and behavior changes, emotional lability, etc. Trust me when I say, they are not dumb...they will pick up on what's going on, no matter how hard you try to hide it (yes, I'm speaking from experience...). Good luck!
You definitely need to stay on top of this...
The kids who you think are least likely to commit suicide are the ones that actually do...that is not meant to scare you by any means...most kids find it easier to write down their feelings than actually expressing them face to face so the fact that he wrote this means something is bothering him...I think you should both talk to your pastor..good luck...(((HUGS)))...
I think you should just stay out of it.
It is just humiliating for kids when their parents act up or cause a scene.
The name of the game is fun. Your going into the game wanting your son's team to beat the other team because of YOUR issues with another parent is very immature and selfish.
Trust me, we've watched parents like you've described yourself (and others, in fairness) acting out and it is so unsportsman-like and completely immature.
Embarrassing for everyone.
To Done: STAY !
No husband is perfect, we are all human. Your husband has a lot of good qualities. Think of your children! I think you are spoiled and unthankful. Maybe he is right and is better than you. He loves you, why don't you; I think you are just bored.
If I don't have anywhere to go, I stay
in my jammies. I usually get up and take the kids to school in jeans and my jammy shirt. Then come home and put the jammy pants back on. If I don't have anywhere to go, I don't get dressed until mid afternoon when I break for lunch. I usually put something in the oven and hop in the shower. Sometimes I just put clean jammies on, sometimes I get fully dressed. Either way, my contacts go in and my hair gets done. My husband likes me either way, as long as I'm clean. I find I wear my jammies more in the winter and am more likely to get dressed in the summer, probably because kids are always coming and going in the summer.
At any rate, I tend to be more productive when I'm dressed, so I should probably try to do that every morning, but I'm just not a morning person. Every year for Christmas, my mom gets me "work clothes" (jammies)!!!
Where we stay in NYC.
We stay at the Embassy Suites on North End Avenue right in the financial district. It is walking distance to to the Village, China Town, Mulberry Street, etc. It overlooks the Harbor and you can see the all the helicopters coming in and out. My husband always goes to Battery Park to watch the helicopters. It is not too inexpensive, but you do get free breakfast and there is a happy hour at 5:00 p.m. if you like to have a few drinks, which will really cost you in the city. There is also a fantastic deli 1 block away that we always hit for a late night snack. We go at least once per year, sometimes twice or 3 times. We love it.
You really have to stay on top of the cards
I do a lot of card flipping with balance transfers but also calling and trying to negotiate new deals. I just switched one with a balance transfer at 3.9 for the life of balance and then talked them down to a purchase rate of 8.9 (it had been up in the high teens). I also talked a card I've had a while into a 2.9 for the life of a balance transfer instead of the 12 month offer they were having because there was a delay in the electronic transfer to the other company causing me a bit of inconvenience. That transfer was actually for a loan I had at a pretty high interest rate, so some loans can be put on cards too which I never knew. I find websites that list ALL the latest offers for all or most card companies and I'm always checking. Sometimes I call my cards and tell them I am thinking about switching unless they can give me a similar/better rate or deal. Often they will so as not to lose the business. I have saved a ton of money doing this - it is sort of like consolidating on your own. I can post the site if anyone is interested, don't have it handy right now. Oh..I also have automatic electronic payment setup to pay a certain amount each month from my checking so the payment is NEVER late. You are so right about that, that's where they get you! I just thought maybe some of this info may help someone, I hope so. My credit is very good now but had been a mess in the past.
Remind me to stay
 away from that doctor!!!
Did he marry her so he could stay in the U.S.? nm
.
I go there frequently and would not stay in
the Flamingo. It is right downtown but a very old place, the smoke when you go into the casino is terrible, not as classy as I like. It might be cheap but then you get what you pay for. I love the Mirage, stayed at Treasure Island, very nice also, favorite though is the Bellagio, more expensive than most on the strip. Love the buffet at the Luxor. MGM might be alright and at the end of most of the strip but I would think ok as far as a place to stay.
To make it stay that way
If you want everything on your computer bigger: right mouse click on your desktop background. A little box should pop up. Click on 'properties'. Then click on the settings tab. There should be a little sliding scale with the screen resolution. Move it to less resolution (left). Then click 'apply'. Your screen may black out for a second, but when it comes back, everything should be bigger. Certainly saved my eyeballs!!
Its wise to stay away
I had a C-section and had planned to stay at my mom's for a week or so to recuperate. As soon as I got there, I put the baby in the cradle in the living room and started to put some things away in the bedroom. I could hear my step-dad saying "get 'im, get 'im" to his dog....I went out there and he was actually encouraging his schnauzer to mess with the baby! I came real close to braining him with a can of tomatoes over it. I left and refused to bring the baby to their house as long as he was in it. My mom, too, chose the step-dad over her kids. Now he's dead and her relationship with her kids is rocky, and she regrets it.
Need help with a dog that will NOT stay off furniture (sm)
We have a black lab in the house - had him since he was a puppy. He was/is not allowed to be on the couch and other furniture but....he considers it a challenge. If I am in my office, he will get on the couch and jumps down as soon as he hears me walking into the family room. I don't know how to make him stay off. He is a very smart dog and we challenge him in other ways with training. One of my kids will be home for the holidays and has allergies. The dog hair on everything is getting to me real quick! He is 2 years old now. Forget the dog bed - he looks at it and laughs!! 
Can help you on this, we stay at the Bellagio
and hear that is higher up on the scale of rates.
Do NOT stay just because of the age of your kids.
Being unhappy does affect your kids, whether you are abused or not.
3 yrs and 3 months. Stay over every other
xx
I'd try to stay calm, but (sm)
One thing I told my now-husband years ago was that I had to have honesty enough to know if he needed something from me that I was not giving, that he was not to go looking elsewhere for something without asking for it at home.
In this day and age, with STDs being they are, there is no excuse for adultery. It's not just thoughtless and hurtful, it's irresponsible with someone's life.
As far as being calm, I'm just not sure temper or tears works in a situation like that. I think many men "turn you off" when you get in that situation and nothing gets heard or accomplished, and something needs to get resolved with you guys PDQ.
Stay together for the children - yes or no? (sm)
Husband and I have been on the verge of divorce for years, trying to stay for kids. But now we can't seem to stop arguing for more than a week at a time. He is including me in none of the decision making and acts as though we are already divorced. I am worried about the effects divorce would have on my children, emotionally, financially. But part of me is ready to just plunge into the unknown. I almost feel like I don't have a choice. Would appreciate opinions and viewpoints either way.
me either. I'll stay right where i am!
xx
Stay away from Effexor --- Run from it!!!
A little background history: I am married and had just had my third child 6 months before this. I was juggling 1 PT office job, 1 PT MT job at home, and 1 per diem job in a clinic 2-3 days a week. I felt overwhelmed dealing with my 3 jobs and my 3 kids, then ages 5, 2-1/2 and 6 months. I went to my doctor and told her about my stress and the mood swings especially during my period.
I was started on Effexor 5 years ago this month. At first, I was kind of afraid of it and didn't really notice any difference with it. After taking it a week or 2, I decided to stop. I just quit taking it cold turkey. About 24 hours after my last dose, the problems started. First the awful headache came and then the lightheadedness and vomiting. I immediately took one and lied down for the rest of the evening. I decided I would just stay on them until my next doctor's visit. Several months later, when I saw my doctor again, she asked how it was going and I said fine. I decided to stay on them, thinking I needed them.
After a couple of years of being on Effexor, I began to notice breakouts of acne on my face. I'm not talking a few pimples around my period; I mean serious almost bullous-like breakouts on my face continuously. Now I had never had acne in high school or after that until now. I also gained about 50 pounds, probably partly my fault, but a lot of blogs I read also noted this. But most concerning were the "brain tingles" I felt at odd times. At any rate, after 5 years of being on it, I was ready to stop. I began to realize that my problems couldn't be solved by a pill and that I needed to change myself and the way I dealt with stress (I'm not suggesting that's what you need to do).
Remembering the problem I had initially when I tried to stop the Effexor, I scheduled a visit with my doctor. She gave me a taper and I started it. At first, I was okay -- just taking it once a day every 2 days and then skipping a day. But when I was supposed to take it just every other day, I noticed the same problems - headaches, lightheadedness, nausea, vomiting. I called my doctor back and she suggested a slower taper again. We tried with no success. After much research on the internet, I asked my doctor to prescribe a single dose of Prozac to counteract the withdrawal effects. After a lot of discussion, she agreed to do so.
I took my last Effexor on December 18, 2007, and I will never, ever, ever take that medication again. I also will never take another medication without fully knowing the side effects as well as the withdrawal process of it. I strongly urge you to research any drug your doctor prescribes fully before beginning it. I wish I had. I only hope there are no long-term side effects of Effexor that have yet to be unveiled.
I can stay up as late as I want to - I go to bed between around 1:30 a.m.
I hated going to be early when I was little. Now 40 years later I'm rebelling.
Don't stay angry, instead get EVEN.
been there, done that. no need to be in a hurry, either. if you take months or even years to get even, you have just that much more time to come up with something truly memorable.
or, you can do something swift and simple, like blocking their emails on your pc as spam.
Just a Coke for me --- I stay away from the
I would tell her to stay if she had something good there
but apparently this "man" has put the move on 2 of her sisters. I have a wonderful marriage so definitely not against a man- I am against a woman putting up with a man like this who apparently does not respect his wife, her family and on and on.
Oh, stay with me Diana-
I'm so young and you're so old This, my darling I've been told I don't care just what they say 'Cause forever I will pray You and I will be as free As the birds up in the trees Oh, please, stay by me, Diana. Nah, never heard of any of them. I love, love, love Paul's songs. I know he tours up north and would love to see him in Vegas sometime. He has never come south as far as I know.
Then stay with the renters you have there
No skin off my back.
I would stay away from the Kias -
They are a hassle to deal with as far as your warranties. If you do not have all your maintenance/service done at their businesses, they will void your warranty. In my town, Walmart will not even change the oil in Kias anymore because of liability issues.
Also, sometimes they say free tires and free oil changes for life, but the oil changes are not free (the labor is, but not the parts and oil they use) and the free tires are at their discretion. My daughter bought a new Kia and one of the tires kept going flat. They would not replace it because it still had more tread than their specifications. She ended up having to buy a new tire within a couple of months.
You should be thankful that he wants to stay home--sm
SOMEtimes, having outside activities leads to OTHER recreational activities that are not conducive to a happy marriage. I would be very happy to have a stay-at-home husband. JMO. :^)
yes, and now they stay off cuz my fingers are swollen
lol...working me like a dog.
|
