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Don't ever apologize for something you enjoy!

Posted By: Hayseed on 2007-08-13
In Reply to: Had to laugh about the firm handshake - trose

It's a huge part of your life and there's nothing wrong with that!  We have the most wonderful neighbors who are crazy Catholic...I mean they wear rosaries bracelets, have multiple Catholic-esque bumper stickers, and they carry bibles the way most people carry a PDA.  However, they are the most genuine, sweet, and fun people I have met on my little street here.  I love having them over just to shoot the chit, share a bottle of wine, and love hearing them talk about their religion, which is a HUGE part of their lives.  They are happy, friendly, and they love life and that's what counts.  They know I am what I am (atheist) and while I know they say they pray for me, they don't make me feel at all uncomfortable and I think they honestly enjoy my warped view of the world.  Gives them some perspective of what else is walkin' around out there ;-) 


Nice people are nice people, no matter what their (or lack thereof) religious convictions may be.




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I truly apologize, too.
Good Lord, I am actually crying now. This is going too far. I am so very sorry for sounding mean to you. I regreted saying that don't you accuse me thing after I submitted the post. You are a good person to come back with you note. Let's be friends. Life is too short. Thanks again, and I am so sorry if I hurt or offended you or anyone by that.
Hey, no need to apologize to me!

It's totally cool if you don't agree with something I said!  You asked for other's opinions and that was mine--that maybe he just is concerned for your health.  However, if it's a control issue, that whole alpha male "I'm the one with a penis and it's your job to produce my children and be my trophy wife" BS, then I'd be looking for an out too.  That's mental abuse.  Marriage is about being a team and being supportive when the other is down and out.  If you've tried the counseling thing and you know he's being insincere, what is going on is totally unhealthy and life it too darned short for that, I agree. 


Yes, I think she needs to apologize
for giving the answer she did above talking about a wonderful mother when in actuality the person is an enabler of people getting over on her.
don't apologize
I DON'T think you were wrong to send the e-mail (don't be surprised to discover that it all went over their heads, though). You did what any normal person would do & probably waited a good long time to do it. Even if someone convinces you that you were wrong to send it, that "wrong-ness" is NOTHING in comparison to your huz' family's behavior, & if you start apologizing for the e-mail you will totally dilute the effect & allow them to pounce all over your letter & play up their resulting hurt feelings without taking responsibility for how they have treated your husband. I say Let it stand & be glad you stood up for Huz. Don't let guilt get in the way. They are the ones who should be apologizing to YOU.
Don't apologize

Never apologize for your feelings.  They are YOUR feelings and they are valid.  Your FIL and his wife will find a way to gloss this over and of course their friends will believe them.  I think you rock for doing what you did.  That took cojones - even if they were angry cojones. 


Unfortunately, I have found that there are a lot of people like this who claim to be Christians.  They give the rest of us a bad name, IMO.  I worked at a church for a number of years and it left a very bad taste in my mouth for most organized religion.


As to your husband's situation, there are no words to express what you're going through.  Maybe your husband needs to know - when he's a little stronger - that Dad knows and did nothing.  Maybe that would help him with the final break from his family that he needs and set him on the path to building his own life.   You need to tell his therapist and let his therapist guide you in making that determination.


I personally would be inclined to terminate all contact with his father.  Sounds like your kids won't necessarily miss him and your husband may be healthier for it in the long run.


Good luck.  If you yourself are not already seeing a counselor, I would recommend it highly.  Your husband is going to be in long-term treatment as an outpatient and it would certainly help you as well.


So I will apologize to both posters
the one who called me looney and the other who called me juvenile. Sorry if I offended you both...I find this board to be both a comfort and a place I can vent and hopefully help those who ask for advice or help with terminology. I don't want to come off as rude...I was just feeling a little hurt, as I would never call someone here a negative name, as I feel we are commrades...Hope that makes sense....I will shut up now and let this go...Just feeling sad that my good intentions turned sour. No hard feelings? None here.
of course they will, but she said her grandmother did apologize.
I just hope for some forgiveness, as well.
I apologize to both for the miscommunication. sm
One of the things you always must allow in this electronic medium for is that I might miscommunicate my meaning...or that you will misconstrue it.
And I truly apologize for that post.
Completely out of character for me. I don't talk good my ownself, truth be told. Since I'm way too old for PMS, I have no idea why I felt so cranky and aggravated, so please accept my amends. I've seen worse, but that's no excuse for insulting another person, even if it was meant to be a joke. I truly believed it was a put-on, just to pull legs. :(
And I truly apologize for that post.
Completely out of character for me. I don't talk good my ownself, truth be told. Since I'm way too old for PMS, I have no idea why I felt so cranky and aggravated, so please accept my amends. I've seen worse, but that's no excuse for insulting another person, even if it was meant to be a joke. I truly believed it was a put-on, just to pull legs. :(
I apologize for coming off rude
That was not my intention.

You just said you are just starting out - wait until you both are more established before jumping into something so final. When you both are making more money, then $2700 a month might be doable with all of the other expenses that everyone has.

Seriously, sit down with a piece of paper and a calculator and add it all up including whatever you spend on gas, groceries, car payments, credit cards. Then think about how much your utilities will be at this new house. Unless you have a TON of money saved up or you are getting help from an outside source such as family, there is no way that you can pay $2700 a month just for your house payment with the income you have right now.

You have plenty of time to get into the "perfect" house but do not ruin your finances/credit to do it too early.

You could always move to Georgia - you could afford an awesome house for half of that price here!!!!! And gas and everything else is cheaper! :-) Good luck with everything - just be smart about it, please!!!! Use your head not your heart when making these kind of decisions.
I truly apologize for this Octomom question
I consider myself intelligent, really, and maybe I'm a dolt, but I have one really simple question:  How do you get eight babies from six implanted embryos?  twins?  I'm confused.  Is is just me?
yes, but I did apologize for being the spelling police.


I apologize. I was generalizing and I don't mean to insult Catholics as a whole.

It is my understanding there is a Vatican I and a Vatican II and that one is ultra-conservative and traditional and the other has sort of a more liberal (for lack of a better word) approach.  So I am sure that not all Catholic churches and all priests are like this one priest.


Also I apologize for the homosexual/molestation remarks I made in my original post.  That was uncalled for and was a terrible thing to say.  Not all priests should be categorized that way.  I was angry with this one priest and obviously didn't have a stronghold on my anger when I first posted.


Thanks for your responses and for not being offended.  It would have been very easy to tear into me for my generalizations.


I have one more question.  My son-in-law to be said something about if he and my daughter were to be married by a justice of the peace, they could still get married in the Catholic in the future should my daughter convert, but if they were to marry in any other church by any other man of God, there marriage would never be recognized in the Catholic church nor could they ever get married (again to each other) in the Catholic church.  Is this true?


This is all just too legalistic for me. 


A apologize. I need to emphasize. I quit watching moral filth about 3 years ago. sm
I still love the food network, PBS, and DWTS but not anymore. I refuse to see R rated movies. Filth in, filth out.
I enjoy them also. It's like, have you
ever recorded your own voice and listened to it before you get up in front of America and take such a big chance? Or asked an older sibling? Or taken a lesson? No? You might want to start smaller than American Idol then.
Don't even have a dog but do I enjoy
seeing them out and about. I have 3 furkids (cats) that are inside and do not visit stores with me but I absolutely love all animals and could care less if you bring your dog, just as long as it does not bite me, we can get along good. Doggie-Oggie
You are welcome and enjoy it!
After you get your IPod, maybe you can ask for ITunes gift cards for different occasions. A 25.00 card will get you around 25 songs, which are only .99 cents each. You just enter the gift card # on the website and it adds the amount to your account. Have fun! :)
Enjoy!
I just loved that movie! Sappy, romantic chick flick and you get to look at John Cusack for 90 minutes.


Enjoy N/T Fan
I still have to get season 3 and 4. How did you like last week's show? At least they're trying to redeem Christian somewhat, but on the other hand, they sure have some way out there storylines.
Enjoy it!... sm
Be careful -- push him away too much and he just might go looking elsewhere. Been there, done that. Don't agree with it and not making excuses for him, just speaking from experience. Some people can take rejection only so long.
Enjoy.
My babies are 30 and 24. I really miss them being small. I can't wait for the grandchildren to come along.
I had my last one at 33 and I enjoy him a
whole lot more than the others - more patience and tolerance I suppose. I'm also much more involved in his school since I know he's the last one.
YW, Hope you enjoy it as much as we do!
xx
But you should enjoy yourself. It is not worth
it always putting up with evil people and not enjoying the holidays the way YOU deserve. I am nearly 50, and wasted 30 years or so before I realized that I do not have to be a part of this insanity. Even if it is just 1 person, its so not worth the time and good memories for you. We cut ties and never regretted it once. And my kids are grown now and have shared with me how grateful they are that we stopped doing the sick holiday visits, etc. We really bonded as our own family and are healthy mentally. Sometimes you do have to think of yourself first, though I know that can be hard. Merry Christmas to you.
We have a small one and really enjoy it.
I don't think the taste is affected at all. 
Seriously, if you enjoy humidity,
you might LOVE NC. If you love the beach, places like Wilmington are wonderful.

At the very least, do come here for a vacation. I really think you'd love it here. Very green, warm and humid. Gardeners enjoy it. It's not quite as long a season as California, but pansies survive most winters, and then winter daphnes start to bloom in February. Houses are more reasonable than many other places, too.
DH and I both enjoy that commercial,
but he interprets it very differently than I do. I see it as a dad thinking his daughter is embarrassed by his house, and he wants to improve it so she isn't embarrassed. But DH just thinks she's simply planting an idea for her mother, and that the dad will think it's all his idea that the kitchen needs to be updated. I'm thinking this means that if we had a daughter, this technique would completely work on him!


Please Please enjoy your vacation. sm
I just went on vacation with my family and had something (nothing compared to your worry) that I just had to put on the back burner and enjoy every second I possibly could. I hope you have faith, because God does not give us anything that we truely can not handle. I will pray that your worries are unfounded. You have been given some wonderful advice above and just believe in that. Happy vacationing.
He is adorable! Enjoy him!
x
Good for you. Enjoy yourself.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm the boss at my other job. I enjoy the
homemade items, ie. cake, a tin of misc cookies or candies. Very sweet and simple.
Enjoy yourself. You have earned it.
xx
Congratulations! Enjoy! And please keep it down there! LOL nm
xx
is it abnormal not to enjoy sex?
sorry this is so personal...
I Have been in a relationship off and on for 6 years. I have never really enjoyed sex. With ANYONE.

And I dont mean because it's not spicy enough... or we dont try new things... not cause he doesn't know what he's doing...

This relationship is a good one. But I question whether he is the "right" one if I just simply dont enjoy sex. Mentally I want to, but physically I just don't respond like I did at the beginning. I know since Ive been with other people I physically respond to them because it is new and exciting. but i still dont really ENJOY it. but It's not like I hate sex or anything.

I'm really asking this to see if I am supposed to be with someone that I'm constantly gonna want to jump their bones. I know that sex is not everything in the relationship... and we have tried to make things better. We have good chemistry in all other ways.

No I was never molested, raped... or anything like that.

I just feel very abnormal and frustrated because I really love him and want to do everything with him... the sex is just like whatever to me. i still love kissing him all the time...

i dont know what else to say, im just really at a loss as to what my problem is. im under 30 years old so i feel like i should be enjoying it immensely.... :(
any thoughts?

I actually enjoy the hermitude.
And yes, I made up that word. :)

I am divorced, no kids, I live alone, and I do NOT miss the office politics. I loved my former boss but I worked with a bunch of dysfunctional harpies, and it is such a relief now that I only associate with people of my own choosing. Mostly. I get out to church on Sunday mornings, women's home fellowship on Wednesday nights, and occasionally hook up with a friend for coffee or something, but mostly I stay home, just me and my books and my music, my few TV shows and my online friends. I was actually more lonely when I was married.

But clearly you have a very different set of circumstances and needs, and I am afraid I don't have a lot to offer, if you're looking for advice... it sounds like you and hubby don't have a lot in common anymore, and that can be a real challenge. When my husband and I stopped having interests in common, it was really all over but the shouting; I went out and found some new interests of my own, and he did NOT like that, although he was not willing to meet me halfway in trying to find new things to do together. I said to heck with this, goodbye, it's a lot more fun to be alone all by yourself than with someone else being an albatross around your neck!

I guess maybe I'm just turning into a curmudgeon in my old age. 53 and still premenopausal, and going to bed alone with a book.

But again... my solutions aren't for everyone, especially with children involved. I really do hope you are able to find some solutions that will work for you; perhaps sign up for some sort of a class, take up a new hobby, volunteer somewhere for just an hour or two a week? Surely there is something you can do to get yourself out of the house and meeting new people? Clearly your needs are not being met now; but only you can define what those needs are, and only you can figure out how to get them met for yourself.

And meanwhile, you can come here and spill your guts anytime. Gut-spilling 'R' us.
Yes, I enjoy Discovery Channel.
I'll watch for that. I can add it to my DVR recordings, too.


We enjoy going to live theatre or out to eat...sm
depending on what we find to do.
I always enjoy your posts, Hayseed...sm

but I just want to say I'm with your mom on this one:  I feel sad for you, too.  But also admire the strength of your convictions in a way as well.  I'm not going to preach either.  Already went through it with my sister.  She asked if I really believed -the whole thing- and I said yes.  She wondered how and I just said it's called faith. 


PS - Did you start Harry Potter yet?????  Open that book already! 


I enjoy the mysteries by Sue Grafton, such as
Her stories are fun & easy to read, and written in the 1st person, which I like. The stories take place mostly in Calif. towns, the names of which are often changed. I enjoy trying to figure out which town she's describing. Anyway, her books start out with letters, such as 'A is for..', 'B is for..', etc.
Thank you both. We do enjoy it a great deal.
There are drawbacks to it, but we feel they are far outweighed by the benefits. We are not quite as footloose and fancy-free as we had envisioned in our youth, but we are about as close as we will probably ever get.
Not all of us ENJOY being cellphone maniacs sm
I have gone to a friend's house for coffee. Yes, I carry a cellphone and yes, I text frequently. I talk some too. Where I live we all have to have Verizon because nothing else works. If you don't have a Verizon cell, no one will talk to you. There are only about 15 land lines in a town of 1400 people. I carry it with me and I have a tone for the text messages so I know the difference. Do I enjoy this? No! It is necessity and I consider a cellphone a necessity, but not a toy.

Back to the story...at this friend's house, her daughter is there and so is another adult. That is 4 of us. During the hour I was there, each of them had more than 2 calls and many texts. They interrupted our conversation for EVERY SINGLE CALL AND TEXT. I found it very disruptive and RUDE.

Your so-called friends were RUDE. If they really wanted to include you, all they needed to do was actually call you and ask you to come to them. Instead, they tried to show up by using a text when you are not a texter. When I add a new friend to my cellphone, I ask if they are text capable because you'd be surprised how many people are not. They don't understand that no everyone is a fanatic about texting or technology.

So how many times did they interrupt conversations for the stupid cellphone?

One way to turn off people from texting you is to use all your Expander shortcuts and all the weird stuff they use on IMs and texts. R U hom? hv u got cof on? cmg ov nw. Gets them every time!
I enjoy Danny and Allison the most.
nm
I don't think she meant any harm. Enjoy your
xx
I don't think she meant any harm. Enjoy your
xx
I don't think she meant any harm. Enjoy your
xx
Hey! You guys got us last year. Let us enjoy

little cheerleader smiley on here is Red Wings colors? 


What's up with that? 


I want a Penquins Cheerleader!


Anyway -- Both teams played a GREAT game.


Guess we WILL meet again next year!  See you then!!


CONGRATULATIONS!!! That is great. Enjoy your family!
:)
Congrats to you!! Enjoy that baby girl :-) nm
x
Anytime - Enjoy the show tonight
That was so nasty. I actually had to change the channel. Too creepy for me and after watching so many seasons, that's saying a lot. LOL.
I also have to consider my income - not just whether I enjoy the job; that is my main concern. nm
x