For those of us in bad relationships - some info (sm)

This is my marriage in a nutshell...it explains so much!! I found it while looking up some of the abuse  cycle info suggested by other posters..thank you

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Simplified

It looks like this... Your partner treats you and perhaps your children different in private than in public. In public he may ignore you giving all of his attention to others, or pretend to be the perfect husband or father, while in private he may be sarcastic, haughty and insulting. He may put down his friends to you (behind their back). He may have a very inflated sense of entitlement and ego, thinking he deserves things that he hasn’t worked for or earned and he may lie and manipulate people for attention, acting a bit too good to be true. This can fool people and so few will believe how he talks to his family in private (I say ‘he’, because the majority of NPD sufferers are men). He may also show little or no regard for your well being or your feelings.

That’s not all...

He may lie about you or paint a bad picture of you to gain sympathy from others and to justify his own bad behaviour. You may not know all of the lies he is telling you and telling others about you...

The recommendations I have to offer are relevant whether you know that your partner has NPD or not. They are steps for anyone living with marital abuse. They are aimed at protecting you while giving your marriage the best chance of healing. They are steps recommended by people who work in the front line with these issues everyday.

Not all people with NPD are physically abusive, but it is a significant indicator. The physical abuse is not always perpetrated by the person with NPD either. It is normal to become very angry with someone who manipulates you and puts you down. It is normal after years of this treatment to even want to kill them or wish them dead. This is one reason why knowing how to get help and support is so important.

• For those of us in bad relationships - some info (sm) - Prior crying all morning poster
  • This was copied from this web site (sm) - OP

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one couple is the _leader_ couple and the other is the _follower_ couple.  It may just be that after a period of time, this couple is feeling that they want to spread their wings a bit and establish their own traditions...and just don't know how to communicate that to you without hurting your feelings (which hurts because of the noncommunication and you are left to wonder what is going on!). 

You have extended your offer for your New Year's party.  Maybe pick a time when you know that no one will be home at your neighbors and call to leave a casual message that even if they have something else planned, they are welcome to drop in for whatever time they could spend so you and yours can wish them a happy start to the new year.  Otherwise, I would just let things play out.  When the time is right to talk about what is going on, you and the other family will know it.  Try to keep an open mind and a good relationship.

I have heard people call their husbands or wives stupid. I am just curious. Do you believe there is really a dialogue between the genders. Do you respect your mate and vice versa.

I was watching Mad Men and the whole relationship between men & women in the 1950ies was very different. Men treated women as if they were children. They were petted and coddled, but these woman had no power, no sense of responsibility.

My husband is my partner. We make decisions that effect us jointly, together. I have my own bank acct. and he does too. We try not to have secrets. Most importantly- I am an individual in this marriage and so is he. If I didn't feel that way, I'd walk.

How long is too long to wait on somebody?

I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years now - 5 really serious, living together.  Even though most of the time I am miserable, most of the time, I just keep on staying because "I love him" and he will "grow up" in time.

He does not want to get married right now, even though "one day" I am who he plans to marry...  he stays out with the guys all the time (6 days out of 7), not coming home lots of nights because he had too much to drink or he just lost track of time and then fell asleep (and yes, I believe him as to the whys)....

But I am tired of being alone all the time... I am tired of being responsible for holding the relationship together.  When I tell him it has to stop and he has to pay more attention to the relationship if he wants it to work, he always responds he is working on it but that it takes a while to change habits.

My problem is a couple of years ago I met a very nice man who could take care of me easily... and has offered to do so many times.  He is now ready for a relationship and not just a friendship with me (which is all it has been).  I know that I don't love him, don't know if I ever will love him, but I also know that right now, love is not doing too much for me except causing heartache and tears on a daily basis... 

So, again, how long is too long to wait on the person you love to grow up?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqDU6CPwy6Q

If you have ever been lonely, or in a bad relationship, this is for you!!!

My son is 8, he's in 3rd grade.

He can concentrate for hours on videogames.  We spend all of our time together, except for the hours he is in school.  Of course, I'm a SAHM MT, so that makes for more time for us.  He talks nonstop to everyone, everywhere, all the time.  However, my dad and my DH's dad do the same thing, so that could be inherited!

I'm not sure if ADD is the right word here, but don't know how else to describe it.  He's not behind by any means in school, however the thing is, it takes him twice as long to complete *jobs*, as his teacher puts it, than the other kids.  I know from my experience with him and homework, and it's like pulling teeth sometimes to get one worksheet done.  He's just extremely social, I guess.  He can't sit still.  He has a hard time focusing, I do know that much. 

Medication is the last thing we want to do (yes, his father is VERY involved in his life...we are an intact family).  I'm thinking about taking him to his ped's office just to talk about some things we can try.  I don't want him labeled with anything unless we know for sure he has it.  I'm just exploring options right now.

Thanks for the advice and responses y'all, keep 'em coming! 

I definitely need to lose the plastic hamster cage.  It has metal slats on the sides and all of their bedding gets pushed out all over the floor.  Who ever thought that was a good idea.  I wish they would have warned me at the pet store. 

BTW, three days after we got them, one of them chewed its tail off or one of the others possibly did it.  Ever heard of that? 

I think my husband could probably change those too, but $100 each bearing, and it's happened several times to you, that would get really aggravating.  I'm considering a different vehicle, possibly.  I like my car alot, but if this is something that could be ongoing, i don't want the headache.  we have a 1994 dodge dakota that we bought brand new and he maintains it and we never have problems with it.  i just think some of this new technology on the cars isn't so great.

thanks for your info!  it helps to know what other people have done.  there is a website i found topix.com that have a whole bunch of people on there that have had this problem and some of them said what they did to help the problem.

i don't even have credit cards to some of these accounts that are open.  i think i will end up closing some of them.  i think there are at least 10 or so of these credit card accounts that are open on my credit report that i don't use at all and haven't used for many years. 

First, her name is Dixie Lucille...she's precious!

Second, I am in no way expecting her to be fully potty trained by now, my thing is she poops in her kennel, then gets it all over herself. She goes out at least every hour on the hour.  She eats at 7, 12, and 5 every day, then goes out to potty, walk, etc. We did not get her from a *breeder* per se, a neighbor had pups so we got one from her. She was kept outside when she was with her family.

We do the whole praise and treat thing when she goes outside. We play with her, we walk her regularly...I am a bit impatient by nature, guess that's something I need to work on.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice. I'm not ready to give her up yet. Our 9 YOS loves her, which is a HUGE accomplishment for him, as he has always been afraid of dogs, but like me, fell in love with her when we saw her.  My DH always wanted a Basset, so held out until he found one. She's a sweetie and I know her accidents are not her fault...I just hate cleaning up the mess and having to wash her off again and again.  I'll keep y'all posted on her (and my) progress!