Great advice from Madea on relationships sm
Posted By: anonMT on 2009-02-15
In Reply to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqDU6CPwy6Q
If you have ever been lonely, or in a bad relationship, this is for you!!!
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Great advice nm
x
Great advice.
I actually have told him that when he grows up and he gets a dog and hurts it, I will be the one to call the police because it is against the law.
A friend of mine drove her three boys to the police station just yesterday and took all of them in, they were all acting up and out of control. She is a single mom. She asked them if she could spank her kids and told the officer what they were doing. He said YES! Bring'em on in and we will be glad too allow her to do that, if she needed too. They were quiet she said all the way home!! Maybe a trip to the police station is enough to scare him out of doing it.
Thank you for the advice about taking things away and such. I do believe I will try that for a while and if it doesn't work then to the police station and then on to counseling or something.
Great advice - thanks for sharing!
Great post, I am going to follow your advice
It says everything that should be said. I in no way feel just because family should accept, in that were the case every family member could just stop in and that would be feeding an army. I dislike the bad manners to start with; never should you say you are coming to a dinner not having been invited in the first place. To be truthful, feel like uninviting the others he volunteered to drive here- if not for them he would have never known about the dinner in the first place. They told him at a Thanksgiving dinner they had (we were invited, working though, did not attend) and I really resent their saying anything about in in front of other family members who I did not invite this year. We usually have a group of 10 only here at my home, the same each and every year. Others are out of town. Thanks for the wonderful suggestions! I shall follow through.
Posters here are giving great advice
I would definitely stash the savings before she got her hands on it. AND, I do believe she needs some help. Overspending can be a sign of a chemical imbalance. At the least, she needs budget counseling. You have to think past the moment, to the years ahead when you are both old and could possibly be broke.
We live in a double-wide trailer, older, but it is nice, and we are fixing it up room by room. Our mortgage is smaller than what rent would be. This is a conscious choice for us, knowing that if you choose the big fancy house, the big fancy payment comes with it. If you are already struggling, please stay where you are. I think you knew your answer before you asked us, just wanted affirmation, and all of the posters are wise on their advice. Best of luck to you.
OldMT gave great advice
I went through this with my shepherd. She destroyed my apartment by chewing the furniture, chewing every window sill edge in the house, the rugs, well anything that was available. I would have to remove everything in the morning before work and it was a heck of a way to live. I took her to an animal behaviorist who diagnosed separation anxiety. Shotzi was placed on low dose valium while be retrained. I had to crate her during the day and she became to love her own space. I would leave the door open and she would go in at her own will. I had to become the "pack leader" by reprimanding her softly, never yelling, and above all, no hitting - something I never did. It took a few months but she did learn. She also went to obedience class. The outcome - she calmed down, never chewed anything again and became a pleasure to live with until the day she died. I was so glad I hung in there as I was ready to give her up but just could not do that because I did love her so.
Hang in there and good luck.
Any avid gardners with advice on growing great cantaloupes? sm
I seem to be able to grow everything but these. It seems something always gets them about 2 weeks before they are ready to harvest. I live in mid AL. What can I do to successfully grow one of these wonderful, yummy things?
sometimes in couple relationships
one couple is the _leader_ couple and the other is the _follower_ couple. It may just be that after a period of time, this couple is feeling that they want to spread their wings a bit and establish their own traditions...and just don't know how to communicate that to you without hurting your feelings (which hurts because of the noncommunication and you are left to wonder what is going on!).
You have extended your offer for your New Year's party. Maybe pick a time when you know that no one will be home at your neighbors and call to leave a casual message that even if they have something else planned, they are welcome to drop in for whatever time they could spend so you and yours can wish them a happy start to the new year. Otherwise, I would just let things play out. When the time is right to talk about what is going on, you and the other family will know it. Try to keep an open mind and a good relationship.
Just think of how many of them are unhappy in relationships though,
their spouse or SO for someone they co-star with. Im just thinking it takes a very strong person to see or think about the one you love kissing and becoming intimate with someone else, even if it is "pretend", and then to have them say they liked it"? Give me a break, that would be insulting to the spouse or SO - IMO.
I know I could not do it, and I am not usually a jealous person.
For those of us in bad relationships - some info (sm)
This is my marriage in a nutshell...it explains so much!! I found it while looking up some of the abuse cycle info suggested by other posters..thank you
Narcissistic Personality Disorder - Simplified
It looks like this... Your partner treats you and perhaps your children different in private than in public. In public he may ignore you giving all of his attention to others, or pretend to be the perfect husband or father, while in private he may be sarcastic, haughty and insulting. He may put down his friends to you (behind their back). He may have a very inflated sense of entitlement and ego, thinking he deserves things that he hasn’t worked for or earned and he may lie and manipulate people for attention, acting a bit too good to be true. This can fool people and so few will believe how he talks to his family in private (I say ‘he’, because the majority of NPD sufferers are men). He may also show little or no regard for your well being or your feelings.
That’s not all...
He may lie about you or paint a bad picture of you to gain sympathy from others and to justify his own bad behaviour. You may not know all of the lies he is telling you and telling others about you...
The recommendations I have to offer are relevant whether you know that your partner has NPD or not. They are steps for anyone living with marital abuse. They are aimed at protecting you while giving your marriage the best chance of healing. They are steps recommended by people who work in the front line with these issues everyday.
Not all people with NPD are physically abusive, but it is a significant indicator. The physical abuse is not always perpetrated by the person with NPD either. It is normal to become very angry with someone who manipulates you and puts you down. It is normal after years of this treatment to even want to kill them or wish them dead. This is one reason why knowing how to get help and support is so important.
Men and Women- Relationships
I have heard people call their husbands or wives stupid. I am just curious. Do you believe there is really a dialogue between the genders. Do you respect your mate and vice versa.
I was watching Mad Men and the whole relationship between men & women in the 1950ies was very different. Men treated women as if they were children. They were petted and coddled, but these woman had no power, no sense of responsibility.
My husband is my partner. We make decisions that effect us jointly, together. I have my own bank acct. and he does too. We try not to have secrets. Most importantly- I am an individual in this marriage and so is he. If I didn't feel that way, I'd walk.
Platonic Relationships
Can an unmarried heterosexual man and woman have a very close friendship and it remain platonic?
Since we are talking relationships on this board ---
How long is too long to wait on somebody?
I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 years now - 5 really serious, living together. Even though most of the time I am miserable, most of the time, I just keep on staying because "I love him" and he will "grow up" in time.
He does not want to get married right now, even though "one day" I am who he plans to marry... he stays out with the guys all the time (6 days out of 7), not coming home lots of nights because he had too much to drink or he just lost track of time and then fell asleep (and yes, I believe him as to the whys)....
But I am tired of being alone all the time... I am tired of being responsible for holding the relationship together. When I tell him it has to stop and he has to pay more attention to the relationship if he wants it to work, he always responds he is working on it but that it takes a while to change habits.
My problem is a couple of years ago I met a very nice man who could take care of me easily... and has offered to do so many times. He is now ready for a relationship and not just a friendship with me (which is all it has been). I know that I don't love him, don't know if I ever will love him, but I also know that right now, love is not doing too much for me except causing heartache and tears on a daily basis...
So, again, how long is too long to wait on the person you love to grow up?
I prefer superficial relationships
I find that the only people I like are the ones I don't know very well. So I try to like everyone I meet, and just keep it light.
Relationships - new type of topic
I'm reading through all the posts below (where did you meet your spouse, what was your first meal, etc). I'm wondering how many of you out there would be perfectly happy living by yourself. I absolutely hate those dating commercials (eharmony, etc). Why does society try to make us feel that we have to have that "someone special" in our lives or we are nothing. A lot of times that "someone special" turns out to be "nobody special" but you don't find that out until your married and its too late. HA HA
I have always believed that before planning your life with someone you should first be true to yourself. Get to know yourself. What is is you want out of life. Can you achieve that goal on your own. I always have felt I did not enter with world with a man attached to my side and I won't be leaving this world with one attached to my side either. I'm am me, I'm a whole person. I have interests, thoughts, and beliefs, that are not always the same as my "other halfs". I am married right now, but to tell the truth I would be perfectly happy living on my own also. I've got lots of family and friends to do activities with, so there is not an issue of ever being lonely. You can be alone without being lonely.
Just wonder how many people are so attached to their spouse they feel life would not be worth anything if they were without them and if so why.
Need advice on a good, adjustable chair for typing. Any advice? nm
nm
Limbo. Great song, great game. Also,
The girls all line up and walk through a room as if they are modeling on the catwalk. Get a couple of bright colored boa's from the party store. It's a real riot and the kids have a blast especially if a couple of brave boys grab a boa and do it too. We've had many a birthday party doing this and it was totally hilarious.
Wow!! What a great attitude! I love that - great perspective!
x
What great determination and help from a great friend! :) nm
s
I am sure that you are a great mother and a great cook,
and that you tried everything, now try the 'hunger diet'.
Re: Advice
I am a new mom to a beautiful baby girl. I didn't think I would mind going to work part-time. Well, I've been crying my self to sleep every night. I have my B.A. in Business Administration and have been in the banking industry for 6 years. I have been searching all over for a legitimate work at home opportunity. It seems like medical transcription is a great opportunity. I'd like advice from people who do this from home. I'd like to know where you got the training and what your first job was (since that seems to be a big issue). Also, will my B.A. help at all? I know employers like people with MT experience but I accquired other skills such as meticulous attention to detail that I know is needed. Any and all information is greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Please see Main board for all transcription-related topics. This message has been moved to Main.
advice
I do have to say that unless you already have an "in" it is difficult to find a job. Most places won't hire you if you don't have at least two years experience but you can't get experience unless someone hires you. You don't necessarily have to get certified right away just take an accredited program that is specifically for medical transcription. Once your done with school just keep trying, don't give up and try to take your time and ace the preemployment tests. If you do really well some places will give you an offer even if you don't have experience. Take the first job you can get because even if it doesn't pay well you are still gaining experience and it will make it easier for you to get a new job.
Cat advice please....
I have a kitten who is appx. 7 months old. He refuses to eat any kind of cat food, canned, dry, dry mixed with canned, dry mixed with water, cat treats, etc. I have tried baby food, dog food, etc. He will only eat KMR weaning powder, which I mix with water. Have tried to mix food into it but he will not eat it. He tries to cover everything up like it should be in the cat box! No vet seems to concerned about this...he likes to eat chicken, people food chicken that is, and turkey. I am stumped.
This cat MUST learn to eat before May because I am going on vacation for 3-1/2 weeks...any suggestions for this problem? 
Thanks for the advice....sm
I will give each a try! I hate to leave him while on vacation, but have no other choice. And the only reason it is for so long is because I don't fly and my DH and I are driving cross country to see family...I'm sure he will be fine, but no kids at home anymore so they are my babies! It's nice to have people to bounce ideas off of!
I thank you all for your advice - I am
an animal lover, have 2 cats, 2 dogs. Love feeding the birds outside. I can't help feeling betrayed by these outside creatures that probably fill their bellies at my bird feeders and have now started war on my house. I guess I will start off with putting some Dcon in the attic - as much as I hate to kill them, I don't want my house chewed apart either. I just hope they don't die and rot someplace where I can smell them.
My cats were going crazy last night and spent much of the night gazing up at the ceiling in my bedroom with their mouths watering. I hope at least tonight the invader picks another part of the house to snack and dig so I can get some sleep.
Thanks again for the advice.
And Hayseed - I agree that Indian is a little un-PC, so are some of the ones with the smiley faces shooting at each other, but they're pretty funny (I guess unless you're Indian)!
Re: Looking for advice
Thanks, that was very helpful! I'm sorry about the info overload, I guess I just wasn't sure exactly where to begin asking. I think I'll just get the basic foot pedal, upgraded computer, headphones etc. and get some finanicing for the "extras" that may come up and take the plunge.
My advice to you is
Get yourself the book - think it is called Co-Dependent No More and get yourself to a support group ASAP - not sure what they are called - but if someone here does not tell you then call AA yourself and find out the name of the support group for spouses, family, etc. AND if you don't find a supportive support group - hunt around until you do - DO NOT GIVE UP. Help yourself to understand this disease/disorder and get help for yourself and then you can help him through this process also. Thank goodness you do not have children and good for you for asking for help. E-mail me if you want - lots of alcoholics in my family and would be glad to help you!! Take care. Will be praying for you.
This is THE best advice yet. I always will take on sm
10-year-old son's friends, especially when they say rude things. I'll say, "excuse me, what did you just say? Well, we do not talk like that in this house." And I promise you, they either stop coming around or they are VERY polite around me. If they do slip and say something rude they will immediately cover their mouths and say I'm sorry while looking at me. I do scare them a bit, I suppose. But I show them my authority and that I will not stand for that kind of nonsense and then they stop.
If they did that to me I would have immediately turned around and said, "what did you just say?" And then I'd tell a little white lie and say, "I know exactly who you 2 are" (and I'd say it so convincingly) and then say, "It looks like a call into your mother and father is in order today." Have a nice day, guys."
Thanks for the advice
I am assuming he did it sometime on Sunday. He came limping to the house on Monday morning and there was no sign of blood, no fresh blood or no old blood. It doesn't appear to be infected at all. Now that the flap is gone, I don't see any open areas at all. No swelling or redness and it is not touchy at all. He lets me manipulate it and even squeeze his paw so I don't think there is any infection there. I guess we are really bad - but no vets bills unless absolutely no other alternative!
Need advice about how to get what I want done
Okay here goes I can handle a department but when it comes to cleaning my home I have problems getting across what I want or maybe I am too nice. Tell me what you think please!!!
My home is 1st /2nd floor with a basement (laundry /storage). I want them to thoroughly clean the kitchen (any dishes, counters, stove, fridge sweep mop etc) clean all three bathrooms(completely), dust living room, dining room, and hallways. Tidy guest bedroom (you know dust vacuum). I do not want them to clean anyof the childrens rooms or mine or touch my office. I want all door sills wiped/dusted and ceiling fans and lamps cleaned and about the windows divided out so that they are cleaned at least once a month my kids have to clean theirs weekly. I am prepared to pay $100 to $120 a visit and want them in one a week or every other week which ever works better for them so that it stays decent and can be completed within a 3-5 hour time range. I have to be home when they do it because my dog will not allow it otherwise.
My problem is this I was told what I was asking was not over and above and that I was paying an extremely fair wage since the area they are actually cleaning is less than have the square footage. No work in the basement, only hallway and to small bathrooms on the second floor and all of the first floor. A couple of companies I tried were horrible right off the bat and were not asked back. The individuals seemed to work the best but after a month or two the work was being half done and I would have to go behind them checking. I do not have time for this and I do tip usually about $20 a visit. How do you get them to do everything you want. Should I be totally anal and make a check list and if it is not done subtract from their next visit???(husbands suggestion). I just want it done right I am willing to pay good money so that I can spend my free time with my kids and my husband not scrubing toilets and windows.
Thanks I appreciate any advice
Thanks for the advice- however I do not believe
she is depressed, has loads of things to keep her busy. She basically hurt my feelings when she broke her hip last year and I asked what she would like, pears so I got those, knowing she loved chocolate, got some of that and got some flowers. Oh, I had overdone it, too much. I do not remember her saying anyone else had overdone something. I am not going to say anything but that still does not justify running down something I basically went out of my way to provide for her. I only wish I had a son or daughter either 1 that I could count on like she can with me. Oh, well, guess I will just stop trying to be so kind and keep more to myself.
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.
/
advice
I would definetely NOT call the mom. I would try and convince the girl to go to her parents but that is probably scary for her. The clinic is the next best bet and decision can be made from there depening on the result. YOu do not want to betray your daughter. She will be very upset and may not forgive you. I wonder what in the world was this girl thinking to even put herself in this situation. Obviously she figured the morning after pill would be the solution.
need advice
Okay, you all are probably going to think this crazy, but I need some advice and input on a situation. There is a new guy at my church who has flirted with me, sometimes in the presence of my husband. I'm not sure if my husband has said something to him or maybe had someone else say something, but recently, he has gotten to where he will not speak to me at church if there is anyone around. As long as there is no one around, he speaks but doesn't attempt to hug or flirt like he did at one time. He does call me chick and things of that nature (of course, when no one is around), but I'm totally confused on what is going on with him. Yes, I'm married, but my husband has treated my girls and myself like we're nothing the past couple of years and has been verbally abusive, and we've only stayed because everytime I try to leave he gets in the doorway and will not let us go - and he's a big man!! I would appreciate any advice.
advice
First of all MT student, this is no drama story. I think I sent out the wrong message here. I'm not wanting to leave my husband because "church guy" is flirting with me. My husband has been very dishonest the past couple of years about money situations, taxes, etc. plus the verbal abuse and just being a reall jack a**. I can see where you all are coming from with "church guy" though. I guess I hadn't thought about how he really is because I was too caught up in the fact that he was flirting with me even though I'm married. Thanks for your replys and advice.
thank you for the advice .... nm
need advice...
I need advice on something. Does anyone have/had teenage daughters? I have a niece that is 15. Won't be 16 until end of December. I have heard recently through my son and mutual friends of theirs that she has been sexually active for quite some time. She has also been drinking when she is away for overnighters with friends. Do I talk to my sister about this in case she isn't aware of it? My friend tells me I should stay out of it and say nothing. Part of me does not agree with that. If I had a teenage daughter I would want to know. It would be bothersome to me but I'd want to know so I was sure she was being safe and obviously would not get pregnant. I don't condone any of this but they sure are going to do what they want to do and isn't it better to be safe than sorry?
What would you do in this situation because quite honestly I'm driving myself crazy going back and forth with this issue. It's a touchy subject with alot of people I have found out. Some say they would not want to know. Others say it's an invasion of privacy with my niece and she may be very angry with me afterwards. Others say my sister could be mad because I came to her in the first place about a matter that may not be any of my business. I have three boys so this is not my cup of tea. I love all my nieces and treat them like my own children but this topic has hit me hard. When I found this out on Sunday...I cried the entire night. It's how I found out and what is being said about her that really, really bothers me.
I appreciate any suggestions from anyone.
Thanks.
my advice
My daughters are now college age but looking back they went through the same stuff. Girls can only be friends with one at a time. When there is three the drama starts or the gossip etc. My daughters were the one that was usually left out. I tried to rationalize it with them and discuss it etc and gave alternatives but the best thing I could of did was backed away and told them to handle it themselves. My daughters were on and off again for years with the same girls for that reason. One day so and so did not like this one, the next day my daugheter was her best friend again. You did handle it right by reminding her that she did the same thing.
Any advice on
a good 30-minute exercise program? Can't afford to buy anything, go to a gym or anything like that. I am 5ƍ and weight probably about 160-165 and want to get back to 120. Can't do Weight Watchers or anything that costs money! I am trying to watch what I eat, but need to start exercising and don't really know what to do other than sit-ups, jumping jacks, etc. Any advice? Would like to get back to 120 by January/February at least!
Advice from my dad:
"Marry an orphan."
Advice
My 2 cents, all my opinion:
1. Relax. Potty training is not a contest and there is no deadline, despite what anyone may tell you. I remember my MIL having a fit because her grandson was not potty trained on schedule.
2. We had to get rid of the BIG KID disposable underwear that our son was wearing, and give him real cloth underwear. When he was wearing the disposable type, he treated them like they were diapers.
3. My husband and I decided that our strong-willed son was actually involved in a power struggle with us. So, in order to create a more objective environment, my husband used a puppet of a favorite character named Elmo. Our son was 4 at the time, and did not realize that his daddy was the voice behind Elmo. But, Elmo was able to help avoid the parent-child power struggle and was able to potty train our son within just a day or two. Truly, it was just a matter of Elmo being the instructor and the cheerleader, and then we followed it up with more cheers and rewards. Yes, rewards.
Old Cat Advice
We have a 20-year-old cat with a huge mass on his tail. We took him to the vet to have it examined. The vet said that we could either have the mass removed or wait and see what happens. We decided to wait and see.
Now, the mass has burst and is bleeding profusely. The vet shaved the tail, put antibiotics on it, and wrapped it tightly to keep pressure on the wound and control the bleeding. Our only choice, at this point, is to either have the mass removed and biopsied, possibly requiring future amputation if it comes back malignant, or just "cutting to the chase" and having his tail amputated now.
Keep in mind that this cat is 20 years old and otherwise in good health. I feel like we are between a rock and a hard place. I do not want to put him down, yet I do not want to traumatize him by amputating his tail.
Any advice would be most appreciated!
I need some advice from...
I am so upset right now I can't even think straight, so please forgive me for any mistakes in this post...
I just found out that my 17 YOD is sexually active with her loser boyfriend!!! Just writing this makes me want to throw up. How do I handle this. All I want to do is choke both of them. I can't even look at her...it just turns my stomach. I have talked openly and honestly with her about sex for as long as I can remember. I've asked her more than once to please, PLEASE wait until she got married...or at least met the man she wants to marry. This guy she's with is a straight up loser. He doesn't work...he's out of school (graduated last year, so he says)...HE SMOKES...I am just sick over the whole situation. Please, any advice would be so greatly appreciated.
Thanks for the advice...sm
What's the difference between abscessed and infected? I can't bite down on it at all and it feels like there is pressure inside it. It's the same feeling I've had before when I needed a root canal, which I really don't want to go through again. Would rather just have it extracted and be done with it.
No, I haven't called. I'll have to give that a try.
Need advice
Is there anything natural for anxiety for a child. Don't get me wrong, this is not major, but my 6-year-old son is really having problems for about the past 3-4 weeks about me dying. Almost every night when we go to bed or before bed, he starts thinking about it and sometimes crying. He says he is afraid I'm going to die "before he knows it" After the 2nd time, I asked him why was he thinking about that and what was making him think about it and he said church, but nothing has been said in AWANA or Sunday School about parents dying or anything like that. A friend of mine told me to take him to the doctor and maybe they can give him a small small dose of something for anxiety, but I really don't want to do that. I have tried talking to him about it. I just don't know what else to do, but it's starting to really bother me to see him that worried about somehing like that. My parents are 81 and 82 and I've tried to tell him look how old memaw and papaw are and they're not dead yet and it will be a long time before I die, but that doesn't seem to help. Any suggestions?
thank you all for your advice
I never wanted for this to happen. I wanted just so much to get to know my brother and find out the answers behind his death. This man does fill a significant hole in my life and I am afraid to death of losing that happiness. I know he belongs to someone else even if they are or may be unhappy. I just opened myself up way too wide to this man. I don't fault anyone but myself. I don't think I will make it through losing him. I know that his retirement will be the finality of our friendship. I just cannot get to that point. Thank you all for your help and for listening. I pray I have the strength to get through this. I just don't want to let him go.
Thanks for the advice (sm)
I have tried that approach as well, but she has some enablers, namely her husband (who is passive aggressive too, strangely enough) that I don't think she really gets the point. In true PA fashion, she makes excuses until somebody else takes the initiative and then blames them. I read somewhere that PA is the hardest personality to put up with because you will never follow their rules as their rules always change. Boy, is that true...
Need advice
I need some advice. My husband has this very bad habit of getting upset with my girls right as they are getting ready for bed. He goes on and on and until he realizes they have turned him out. Then, after they get to sleep he will go wake them up and tell them he's sorry. I know he is doing this to relieve his guilty conscious, and I have asked him to stop doing this, but unfortunately he continues. Recently, he got upset with them because they had science projects due. They kept asking for his help, and he kept putting it off. Then, he started giving them grief because they waited to the last minute. When they reminded him of their asking him a few weeks ago to help his response is, "Well, all I've gotta say is I better make a 100 on those projects!" Any suggestions on how I can get him to stop doing this?
Thanks for all the advice!
The birds are actucally in a cage right beside my desk, I am watching them right now as I type. They are in a cup-style nest attached to the side of the cage. I did pick up some extra calcuim supplements yesterday at a pet store. I have a cordon bleu and a society finch. We did not get them for mating, was told the society finch was "most likely" a female and we already know the "baby bleu was a female. Haven't seen any egges since Sunday but we were out of town until late last night. Right now the male is doing his mating call. Obviously she is just not that into him. Thanks again. BTW, we used to have larger birds and we gave them hard boiled eggs all the time. Really bothered my daughter, called them cannibals. LOL!
Here's some advice for you ..
1. Look online at Edmund's or Kelley book values for the car. They can help you with pricing.
2. If you have the VIN number, check CarFax online first!
3. If you have a subscription to Consumer Reports online, they can give you specific vehicle info but you may find (without membership) information.
4. Last, but not least, go to cartalk.com and see their advice for haggling prices on used vehicles. I love CarTalk!!!
My advice is...
First things first, he needs to be completely honest. Myself, I have trouble with the "just kissed" scenario. I've heard this way too many times, and for some reason, because of guilt, I guess, men choose to say this. Somehow, I suppose it makes them feel better, although personally, whether or not they have sex is relative, it would feel all the same to me. Somehow, they rationalize what they done as "okay" because there wasn't sex. I, for one, do not believe sex was not involved. So, again, I'd ask him to be completely honestly, and until he does that, you have nothing to work with. Change comes with ownership and he cannot even "own" up to what he has truly done, then there will be no change and he will continue to believe in his own mind he was justified. I have just gone through this with my own brother. In over 30 years, he has cheated on his wife more times than I can count on 2 hands, and each time, he downplays he did anything wrong and actually blames her, "if she would have loved me more, gave me more attention" Well BS on that. I do believe people can change but they never will until they acknowledge that THEY did this..not you.. Who wants to live the rest of their life with a "loaded gun" to their head. Talk about pressure. Geez, if one day, you forget to say I love you or pat him on the back, you'll be looking over your shoulder to see if he is cheating. Once they break that trust, it's gone. Luckily, my sister-in-law got a second chance with a man who thinks she is gold. He respects her and does everything for her. My brother was selfish..it was always all about him.. So now..she made it about her.. and so should you if he doesn't want to step up. I would try counseling whatever I could to save it..but in the end, my heart tells me what the other poster said, "once a cheater always a cheater" and I know I could never trust again nor live that way with such disrespect and trust issues. Again, I'm so sorry for you..and sorry for such a long note. This hit a nerve after what I have been going through with my brother..
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