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Got another funny story.......sm

Posted By: LMT on 2008-04-24
In Reply to: I got a good learning to cook story.......sm - LMT

The same DD is now 16 in high school. The other day she came in my office and says mom, where is that "umbilical cord?" I said what thinking my brain was on work and I wasn't hearing her correctly. She repeated it x3. She meant "extension cord" but had just dissected a pig at school!

My other DD is 12 and we were at the baseball game the other day waiting to pick up the 16-yo when I urgently needed to go to the restroom. My 12-yo says use the ones at the concession stand. So I pull up close to the concession stand and there are 2 doors, neither with signs on them. I said which door is the bathroom. She said I don't know I think they both are. I said well which one is the ladies because I don't want to walk in on a man. She says mom it doesn't really matter, everyone goes in them both all the time, it isn't like there is a "uterus" in there anyway. I said a what? She said a "uterus" you know those things that guys stand up and use the bathroom in! Of course, she was talking about a urinal. About the same time as I was explaining what a "uterus" was out comes a lady from the women's restroom and I said oh look there is a uterus in there see! Most all women have them, lol.

Can you tell my kids are exposed to medical terminology? 16-yo is taking A&P classes so we have been going over a lot and I have been helping her to study and learn. I think they are learning too much!


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Funny story...sm

I have 2 teenagers and 1 in college.  I get to work in peace most of the time.  The biggest emergency I had this spring was when my daughter drove to school early for band practice and her younger brother, who doesn't drive yet, failed to arrange for alternate transportation and then also missed the bus, so I had to stop to drive him to school. 


 


Can't help you, but funny story
My daighter taught my father how to text. He sent one to my neice. she called him right back and was like "UUUHHHH, Papaw.....did you... just... text... me????? If I have to send a text to one of my children, I call one of my nieces (they can keep their phones with them at their school, but my children can't so I will have one of them send a text for them to call as soon as they get out of school and turn their phones on)and have them do it for me.
Funny story, please don't think I am trying to offend
When we finally told my 86yr old grandfather (a very old-fashioned man from a very smal town) that my cousin was marrying a black girl he was totally fine with it, Thank heavens! Then the next day another relative asked him how he felt about "John" marrying a black girl, and he started saying "Black? Black? I thougt they said blind". Once he finally realized what was actucally going on he was still fine with it. I say if you are happy, then please continue to be happy. There is just not enough happiness in this world right now.
Sorry no advice...but funny story-
my husband went to sit in a meeting at work and everyone immediately smelled a really terrible odor in the room. After around 15 minutes they just couldn't stand it anymore and they began to check things out. One guy opened a drawer of a desk and found an old bacteria-infested Caeser salad in the drawer! They said from the looks of it, had been there a while. I about died laughing when he told me that story. Anyway, old food can get nasty...the fact that it was a used refrigerator who knows. Maybe something got into somewhere and is multiplying.

Hope you find out what it is and it gets resolved! :)
No advice but another funny story
My daughter bought a brand new stainless steel fridge and before too long it really started stinking up the joint. She called the repairman who came out and spent quite a long time and finding nothing wrong. He told her maybe it was something in the fridge itself, but she poo-poo'd this 'cause she's such a meticulous person, but not wanting to be rude she dutifully started looking, and came upon a bowl of old moldy beans, yep - darn right gassy. Boy, was she mortified.
Funny story from Ohio

Seems there was a kitty loose, causing traffic woes ... see link


that reminds me of a funny story sm
Remember back in the day when flip flops were called thongs?

Well, my daugher (she was about 15 or so) and I were shopping with one of her friends and she said something that was funny, but 'back in the day' my mom would not find it humerous. I told her that she was lucky because, 'my mom would have reached back, took off her thong, and slapped me with it.' She looked at me in horror and her friend in disbelief... It finally dawned on me what they were thinking and after I stopped laughing hysterically, I explained... ahh... the good ol' days!
News story - did anyone else here this - too funny

I was just watching the news and there is a story about a lady who won a prize at some baseball game - her prize?.... a funeral and a casket.  The catch.  She has 30 years to claim her prize.  We are just rofl.


I can hear the annoucement over the loudspeaker at the game....."And congrats to our winner Mrs. ----.  You have just won....a buriel!  


 


Telling a funny story on myself

My foot pedal got stuck just now.   I got it unstuck (and realized just how dusty my floor is!), but then it wouldn't play.  I'm messing around and messing around with it and it will won't play. Crap, right?  I can't afford another one until pay day on the 5th, and at that point I've lost 5 more days into the new pay period.


Well, duh.  Somehow I've managed to close the browser window that my voice player is in.  Of course the foot pedal won't work.  There's nothing to play.


Where's the slapping the back of the head smiley when you need one??!?!



Have to share a funny story about my parents sm
My parents are vacationing in Florida right now and yesterday while laying by the pool the saw a duck swimming in the pool.  The pool area had a fence around it and they didn't want the duck to get stuck in the area.  My mom described how ridiculous they must have looked chasing this duck around the area  and trying to shoo it out the gate.  Finally a man on an upper balcony said "Sir, you realize that duck can fly don't you?".  I swear my parents are a hoot! Chop this one up for dumb and dumber. 
Funny, that's my exact same story here in New York! sm
I'll believe it when I see it, too. Also, with the feds, we were supposed to get $1,200 back - the feds said there was a mistake in the filing and now we OWE $1,100. That's some mistake, but we can't find it, nor can the software company that we used!
Kinda funny story - company had to close doors temporarily because (sm)
someone (I think immigration) came to visit personnel at that company and found over 30 illegals using the same social security number. I guess that company didn't save much on that little venture.


You're so funny!!! That's what I wanted - funny redneck stories
Just kinda tired of my house looking like Sanford and Son - LOL!
That is too funny... I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time.
ss
Funny looking Bob with the funny looking wife

There is teacher's side of story, kid's side of story
x
And I DO not believe her story, either
This day and time you can get outside help. She kept her eyes down all time while questioned. If in front of Judge Judy she would have to look the judge straight in the eyes. I think she should have gotten much more time, flimsy story, crocodile tears.
come on now...tell the whole story.
You decked her out, right? LOL. If you didn't, she is one lucky woman.
Do you believe this story
For the most part, she blames her actions on stress from her illness. I can (somewhat) see someone stealing to pay bills or to put money aside for savings, but not for a lavish wedding or cruises.

GOFFSTOWN, N.H. -- A woman accused of stealing more than $1 million from her nonprofit employer said she used the money to pay for medical bills, vacations and her daughter's wedding.

"My daughter was getting married; I wanted her to have a nice wedding," said Linda Bevins, who has colon and lung cancer. "I had nothing, it all went to cancer. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to have a good life. I wanted my husband to have peace of mind."

Bevins was fired in June from her job as a payroll supervisor for the Crotched Mountain Foundation, which runs a disabilities rehabilitation center in Greenfield. She, her husband, and daughter now are being sued by the foundation. A criminal investigation is also going on.

Bevins was diagnosed with colon cancer in 1999 and took a job as a payroll specialist with Crotched Mountain in 2001 to help pay her medical bills; she was promoted to supervisor a year later. She told the New Hampshire Sunday News she began taking money in 2004 after doctors told her the cancer had spread to her liver, and the prognosis was not good.

Bevins said she's not certain how much money she took, but doesn't dispute Crotched Mountain's estimate of $1.3 million. She said at least $200,000 went to medical bills for her cancer treatments and another chunk paid for her daughter's wedding, which included a custom-made wedding dress. Bevins said she also took her family on two cruises and used stolen money to make donations to churches and other organizations.

"It bothered me a lot because I was not the type of person to do that," Bevins said of the thefts. "I would get depressed that this was happening and I'd say 'I can't do this anymore.' But then something else would happen and all of a sudden I'm doing it."

An audit commissioned by Crotched Mountain revealed allegations that Bevins issued payroll checks to her daughter, Holly Sears, and herself, and funneled foundation money into personal bank accounts. Bevins said biannual company audits didn't catch her scheme, nor did a co-worker who helped her with the payroll.

Neither her daughter nor husband knew anything about the thefts, though she acknowledged that sometimes she asked Sears, 26, to cash checks for her, Bevins said.

Bevins said she's ashamed of what she's done, but blames at least part of her actions on her former employer.

As the only employee who could handle the payroll, Bevins said she was constantly on call, even while on vacation or sick leave. She said Crotched Mountain workers even called her cell phone while she was in the hospital, and nurses became so fed up by the they asked a doctor to put a stop to it.

"If I didn't have the stress, maybe I wouldn't have gotten sick and wouldn't have had the bills and maybe (the stealing) wouldn't have ever started," she said.

My story...{sm}
I understand.  One time on our way home while on vacation, I was driving through the mountains in Colorado, and I was driving about 50 or 55 mph.  I am not used to driving in the mountains - I'm a flatlander.  My husband got mad at me because I wasn't driving fast enough!  I told him that this is the speed I felt comfortable at.  He told me that someone was going to run into us from behind because I was going so slow.  At the next town we came to, I pulled into a restaurant and told him I wasn't going to drive anymore.  He said that one of us was going to take the bus home from there.  Well, that didn't happen, but it sure was quiet the rest of the trip. 
That's a whole different story
I had a friend in a similar situation. Her hub didn't beat her, but pushed her on several occasions and was generally overbearing in all their day-to-day decisions. She did leave him, but the middle one of her 3 children opted to stay with the dad and the judge allowed it, thus splitting the family. He went on to lavish that child with all kinds of goodies, alienating the oldest child. My friend later moved in with another guy, much like the husband she had left, and at that point, their youngest child refused to change schools and also moved in with her dad.

So, either way, I would suggest counseling for you anyway, if nothing else to insure you don't end up with another man just like the first.

Another cat story . . .
BARTLETT, Tenn. -- Tabitha Cain has fed a feral cat she calls Wild Oats for several years, but now she's thinking of changing its name to Survivor.

That's because she said the cat survived for 19 days with a peanut butter jar stuck on its head.

"We tried to get her, but being the type of cat you can't catch, she kept running and hiding," said Doretha Cain, Tabitha's mother.

The family saw the cat several times and tried in vain to catch her. She disappeared for a week, and the Cains feared the worst.


"I thought she was going to die with that jar on her head," Tabitha Cain said.

They found the once chubby cat on Wednesday, too thin and weak to escape. They caught her with a fishing net and used some oil to get the jar off her head.

They gave her water and treated her wounds and on Friday she began to eat again.

"I've heard of cats having nine lives but I think this one has 19 because she survived 19 days," Doretha Cain said.

Dr. Gerald Blackburn, a veterinarian at Gentle Care Animal hospital in Memphis, said he's heard similar stories of pets getting trapped for days or even weeks at a time and surviving.

Blackburn said the cat may have lived off of its excess fat, but Doretha Cain had another explanation.

"God will take care of animals just like people because that cat is really a miracle," she said.
I believe your story, but
if you could not move, how did you use the phone?
Oh please, the OP's story
is bunk. If this really happened *as described,* anyone adult would realize steps would need to be taken.

Really, someone at the school called her a bad parent over the things she describes?

If it was *truly* over being late in the fog or a flat tire, or "coddling" a second grader, or saying you were encouraging a romantic relationship in 2nd grade (what evidence is that one based on?) wouldn't YOU know you need to deal with that **without posting on an MT board to ask advice???**

Also, she titles the post something about the counselor being "defensive." What exactly was the counselor defensive about? Sounds like she was on the offensive, if she busted a gusset to talk to the OP and considering what she "said." Clearly the OP was on the defensive! Sounds to me like the post changed somewhere between the subject line and the narrative to make the OP sound and feel better.

The post does not ring true. There is more to it than we're getting.
It is her story
Management company wanted her to go to rehab. She asked her dad if he thought she needed to go, and he said no. It may not be pretty but it is a true life story.

I find that much more compelling than Brad Paisley singing about picking ticks off his lady love!
Wow, what a story!
Like, why?  Didn't it hurt eventually?  And how could you sleep that way?
My story was the same, except it was my mom.

Mom dying, dad with Alzheimer's, so I'm taking care of both, though my dad was still independent in ADLs.  I worked at home so I didn't really work and I was supposed to take everyone to the doctor.  My sister had 3 days off, the same time as my son's/husband's birthdays.  She said she would come help one day, but that needed time for herself.  I'm the one with young kids, I'm the one trying to maintain 2 households and work full-time .......  I finally moved in with my parents, gave up any privacy, spent 98% of my waking time when not working taking care of someone or something.  I don't regret it and I would do most of it all over again because I'm a caretaker, but if there are 4 other siblings why should I have to carry the burden.  After my mom died I fell apart.  I had to put my dad in a facility and my sister said she would take over primary caregiver duties, but she was hit or miss.  Her kids were grown and out of the house, her DH was always off playing golf.   She complained that my dad was only getting 2 showers a week, but she wasn't willing to go give him a shower.  She complained about using all her vacation time for doctor's visits - like I didn't have to either take vacation or make up my time.    I could go on and on.   They told us in grief counseling that in most families there is one that always ends up doing everything.


The only thing I can say is that when your dad is gone you can seek comfort in knowing that you did all you could to help him, that you were there for him when it counted.  Your sister will be the only who has to live with the guilt that she wasn't there (and she will suffer, must maybe not right away).   At the same time I think your dad is just thinking about what he wants and I completely understand.  My mother wanted to die at home in her own bed, not a hospital bed, even if she was still at home she didn't want a hospital bed, but I also think it puts a lot of stress on you and one day he will be gone and you'll have to pick up the pieces and continue on and there may be a day when you can no longer care for him at home.


I was very long-winded, but what I'm trying to say is don't worry about your sister.  Focus on your dad and do what you can do and that is all you can do. 


 


My story
I went through very similar circumstances.  I left about 3 times.  Finally in 1998 I made an appointment with a Christian psychiatrist and he agreed to go to see her.  She diagnosed him as being bipolar and Baker Acted him.  Today I can honestly say, he is not the same man.  He is warm and caring and actually helps me with my medical transcription business.  He is on proper medication.  He had proper counseling and support groups.  He was in the hospital for 6 weeks and then went to a 3/4 house, where he received proper counseling and support groups, which were mandatory.  I thank God that he is better today. At the time in 1991 I wish that someone would have diagnosed him as having that propblem, as my older daughter moved out and he has no relationship with her at all and knows that it was his fault back then.  Who knew?  It was a disease that was in the closet so-to-speak, but now I am very concerned about our older daughter.  We have a younger daughter who does forgive him and lives with us who is 25 years old.  I hope you get the help you need before it is too late.
Yes, I saw that same story -sm
I have to admit that the Open Ceremonies were spectacular beyond belief and the Chinese gymnasts are better than ours this time overall, BUT they do seem to be manipulating the system at every turn to present the best possible image for China, even if it means fabricating by any means they can get away with.  I am glad these stories are coming out little by little.  IMHO, if you lie about one thing you will lie about other things...
Seems to be like there is more to this story...
Part of me says "it's only $10" but another part can see the selfishness behind it. I don't know what I would do in this situation. My husband and I usually mutually see what each other has and are both left with equal in their wallets - unless one has plans for needing more and it would eliminate another ATM trip.

I guess a lot would depend if they keep their money separate or have a joint account. With a joint account, its really not his and hers but being separate it becomes more personal for me.

In the same breath, they are married and whether he has a job or not you vow to care for one another in times of need...this might be one of those times, unless he's a dead beat and just doesn't want to get a job and she feels she is being taken advantage of in other ways like she pays for everything while he still buys things for his hobbies, beer, etc.
A sad story...sm

I have a sad story to tell.  My husband's cousin's x-wife had an accident Friday night and was severely injured.  She was coming from a night out and was drinking and wrecked.  She was ejected from the vehicle and suffered severe head trauma.  She was put on life support and was found to be brain dead.  Her parents had to make the decision to pull the plug.  The doctor assured them she had no brain activity and could not breath on her own or anything.  So they unplugged her yesterday.  This young woman was I think if not mistaken 29 years old.  She had 3 children ages 8, 4, and 2.  They have no mother now.  She was so disfigured from the accident that her boyfriend went in ICU to see her and hit the floor as he passed out from the shock of seeing her face.  She never dreamed when she left to go out last Friday night that she wouldn't be returning and she was leaving her kids for the last time to soon find they had no mother.  I had the pleasure of knowing this woman for her brief time here on Earth.  She will be so missed by her children and the rest of her family.  The 8 year old boy is taking it by far the worst because he comprehends what death means and that he won't see his mommy anymore on this Earth.  The 4-year-old just knows mommy is in heaven but can't comprehend that mommy can't come visit her from heaven.  The 2-year-old just doesn't understand at all.  She just misses her mommy.  Brief story about what the 4-year-old said to her mawmaw yesterday:  They were going down the road and she had learned earlier that day her mama was gone to heaven.  She was staring out the window at the sky because she was told that was where mommy was.  She was just desperately hoping for a glimpse of mom I guess.  Then she said mawmaw that's my mom.  And she pointed to the sun.  It was shining really bright inside the car on them.  It was a really sunny day.  Her mawmaw says where baby?  She said do you see the sun mawmaw?  She said yes baby I see it.  She said that's my mommy shining down on me.  She is watching me mawmaw.  This is from a 4-year-old.  Now if that don't break your heart what does?  Pray for these children who have suffered probably the greatest loss they will know.  And please don't drink and drive. 


LOL at the elf story.
What a cute story about the Elf! I love that!

My sister once had a friend call my nephew and saw she was Mrs. Claus. Omg, it was so cute. He was so serious on the phone talking to her. He must have been about 4. He was perfect that year waiting for Christmas and doing everything Mrs. C asked him to do.

I think everyone puts the bag of marshmellows on the oven. That's too funny the things you remember. I'm sure it was funny at the moment though.

I have finally given up shopping the day after Thanksgiving too. It's crazy how mean people can be. Two years ago I sat outside for 3 hours in the dark by myself with a bunch of strangers and didn't get any "great deal" so I vowed never again from that day. Unfortunately, from what I have heard, my mom was one of those mean people trying to get my cabbage patch kid that I spoke of earlier. lol It's very unlike her but I guess you'll do anything if you know it will mean that much to your kids.
your story
AMEN SISTAH!
I *totally* agree with the description of "toxic" family members. I have known the same to be true of so-called friends, too... Some relationships are simply not healthy.
Don't know story - sm
Could it be a custody thing - they were being flown to the non-custodial parent?
Don't have whole story...was hoping
some of you guys did!
Here is a link to the story..
http://crime.about.com/b/a/257174.htm
I have a similar story -

my girlfriend's husband was put in jail for 5 years because he was a "victim" for receiving child pornography.  Says he opened up an Email and it snowballed from there.


Of course it was all a lie.  He had his own website out of the UK and was filming himself masterbating.  I did some research and it was amazing that almost ALL men that are busted say the same thing --- they were innocent and all they did was open an Email!  Hope he rots in jail.


I agree and I think that's exactly what that is, a story.
The FBI is not going to arrest someone for child pornography and put them away for 8 years without good reason. Sounds like she is covering up or she actually believes that. What else is she going to say? Very sad, especially for thier little girl, but I would not let my child go over there either, or at least not until he is in jail.
Actually no MAN would have said that - she's embellishing the story a tad
x
A Christmas Story
nm
Hysterectomy, my story sm
I had to have a TAH-BSO. My fibroid was the size of a soccer ball, so that was the only way it could come out. My doctor recommended, since I was over the age of 45, to remove the tubes and ovaries to prevent future possibility of ovarian cancer. I was on estrogen for a little while (first estradiol patch - didn't like it, then Cenestin), but I didn't notice any hot flashes or anything really different, so I stopped taking the estrogen. It was so nice not bleeding so much any more. I was out of work for 6 weeks, though. Also, if you have stress incontinence or any other problems in the area, they can fix that all at the same time, so it really was worth it. I had umbilical hernia surgery in the past so don't know about the adhesions, but I was fine. Also, won't need yearly Pap smears any more, just once every 5 years or so (according to my doctor). Good Luck
CJ (my new Siberian) story

CJ was playing with a stuffed hedgehog he found at my house.  My niece showed him that it squeaked.  As she continued to squeak it, he started to cry ... and then softly howl.  I had to ask her to stop.


He's 5 years old and looks just like a miniature wolf, but ...


Don't hurt CJ's stuffies. 


 


 


that's a GREAT story - don't get mad, get even...

So - here is the final story (sm)
The insurance company is givig them $1250 towards carpeting. They were told their premium will not increase now. However, if they were to have another "accident" in the next 3 years, their premium will increase 10%. So, that's the deal.
That is a sweet story!
Lucky rooster! I check the stray section of our local humane society all the time, and there is a rooster there also waiting to be adopted that was picked up as a stray! How funny!
I love that story, tell us another. nm
x
tell him he needs to do it for his family - end of story
nm
I've been following the same story....
An airport was considering adding foot baths so that their muslim cab drivers had somewhere to wash their feet, instead of the same sinks travelers use to wash their face and hands. This is ridiculous. Are airports going to set up special rituals for ALL faiths or just kissing the behinds of one faith. AND, a college was considering doing this at taxpayer's expense, because this is a public university. If they want to wash their feet, go home and wash them like everyone else. Taxpayers are not supposed to pay for anything of this nature. Separation of church and state, REMEMBER? So, unless they're going to kiss everybody's feet, then don't go there. I'm sick of people trynig to be so PC about everything, even at the expense of our own country's safety. You give a inch, they will take a mile. And you're right, Americans are muslims too, but just trying going to a mosk and see how welcomed you really are.
my squirrel story-sm
I had a squirrel that apparently watched me feed the birds from across the street and without my trying - she became tame.  When I would walk outside, she would come from across the street where she lived.  I started getting peanuts for her.  She would come to my window where I worked and knock.  Then she started coming to the door if I wasn't at the window.  She would see my car and be waiting for me to pull in.  This went on for years - think around 5 or 6.  I would miss her for a while sometimes and then when she reappeared, she would have signs that she had had babies.  If I was out in the yard talking to someone, she would walk right up.  I guess she must have died last year.  Never saw her on the street (was somewhat afraid to look).  I also have a hawk that comes occasionally but I think he likes birds.  Anyway, she was a real character and I miss her.  I could, however, do without the chipmunks. 
I'm with you. I can't believe they are buying her story. nm
d
Mione's Story - sm
I have to admit that I did not think I was an animal person. I never wanted any animal to be mistreated, but I just didn't think I wanted one - especially not an animal in the house. My ex-husband was her original owner, and she had an accident in the house, and he kicked her out. One mistake and she was gone. Our oldest daughter showed up at my door, tears streaming and Mione in her arms. She was crying so hard she could barely speak and finally got out the words, "Daddy won't let me keep her." Her heart was broken. Anyway, I ended up with Mione, and she is one the best "things" that ever happened to our family. She keeps me so much company. Many days she lays in my lap while I am working. When my youngest daughter gets home from school, Mione instantly switches gears from my co-worker to Becca's baby. She wears a baby bib with no protest and goes for rides in the baby stroller. As for accidents, my husband trained her using Honeycomb cereal. The kids call her a "Honeycomb Ho" because she will do ANYTHING for a Honeycomb. We do love Mione, and I thank God every day that my ex-husband kicked her out.