I'm feeling guilty and ashamed
Posted By: Guilty Mom on 2008-06-05
In Reply to:
I have a confession to make. Yesterday on an impulse I read my daughter's diary. She's sixteen, and she and I have always had a good relationship. I can't justify what I did by saying I suspected something. I was just curious, and knowing that she's in the beginnings of her first romance I was looking to see if there was anything - - romantic? Shame on me!
As it is, I'm happy to know that with a few exceptions that were rather minor (details of conversations, etc) she pretty much has already told me just about everything she wrote about. In a way, that makes me feel guiltier. What the heck was I thinking, betraying her privacy like that? It confirmed how much she cares about this boy - I knew that - said how much she hates her father and wants to get out of our house - knew that too, but not quite how much!
Now I'm going to have to monitor what I say to her so I don't let on I know these details. I want to talk to her about her relationship with her dad without letting on I know how bad she feels. At the same time, I'm really, really happy to find out that she's as good a kid as I have always felt she is, and so open and honest with me.
I guess I'll just have to chalk this up to experience and be glad I didn't come across anything I would have to act on like drugs or sexual activity or something.
Feedback, anybody?
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I am feeling very depressed this Christmas season. I feel guilty because I
would rather it would be over. I have no money to shop, and things in general are bad in my life. I am trying very hard to focus on what matters this time of year and what it is about. Anyone else having difficulty now?
Don't be ashamed sm
Dandruff is very common in the winter, dry scalp usually. Sometimes if you soften your rinse water with a little Calgon, you would be surprised at the clean feeling of your hair and scalp later. Perhaps a small amount of dandruff shampoo and a non-oily conditioner (so your hair won't dry out), just carefully read labels. I found I really have to scrub hard and brush more often and with a little extra care than in the summer. I hate wearing black in the winter, although it's my favorite. Nothing to do with cleanliness usually, just dryness. Good luck with it, I hate it myself, but was born with dry skin; therefore, dry scalp.
You have nothing to be ashamed but
do you think by letting him make a fool out of you isn't something to be ashamed of? You have your info and only you know what you want to do with that......
that's a sorry ass way to vote, you should be ashamed
that's really ridiculous. and really sad... but you just admitted what this election came down to RACE
there are PLENTY of black republicans, Condeelza Rice, JC Watts, Michael Steele ETC ETC
and this guy my favorite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1mRvxAyHM
AND
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxhYampIl7A&feature=related
AND
This is just funny and TRUE sorry about the wording but it is TRUE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz925v0rBcY&feature=related
Are you a Christian? If so, you should be ashamed of yourself. I am so sick of sm
women, especially women, who degrade other women, especially when they are a Christian. I swear, if it weren't for my strong relationship with Christ who draws me to Him every single day, I would hate everything Christian because of those who judge and throw stones and think they are so much better than everyone else. Let me tell you - I am a Christian. The only different between me and the atheist (I used to be one) is that by the Grace of God I am saved now. That is it. I am no better, not one bit, than anyone else. You will never win anyone over with statements like the one you just made.
I am ashamed of doing this, but now how do I handle the information I found?
Yes flame away about how I acquired the info. I know it is WRONG but my instinct told me he was not being truthful.
You see, the man I love has an addiction problem. Through our years together, we have gone through alcohol, drugs, porn, and gambling. Each time my trust is instilled back in him because he proves these are OVER with. I STUPIDLY obviously forgive each time as I love him dearly and the guilt I feel after trying to leave him is tremendous, and he is SHATTERED if I ever go...
Well we have been doing real well lately but we are long distance right now. We got in an argument and I know this is always his breakdown. So I checked his email. I KNOW I KNOW... awful. no it's not the first time because how else do you think i knew before... (and knew that he stopped)... and there it was, the transaction approved for his online gambling request.
I was hoping instead of being flamed, someone would give me some real advice. People say you should NEVER snoop and I agree to an extent, but how else would i know if he is LYING to me when i straight ask him about it? He says NO HE HAS NOT BEEN GAMBLING and then i KNOW not only is he gambling, he is LYING about it. If it is a form of entertainment it is one thing, but I am afraid this will skyrocket into how he used to be (he became very much in debt due to gambling, but that was while he was drinking as well, and i know for a FACT he isn't drinking)
Anyways I know what I did was wrong, I accept the fact people will be mad at me about it... but I do not know how to end it with this man knowing that he can't kick this addiction, without telling him what i have done, or without feeling the MASSIVE guilt for finally leaving after so many years.
NO man is perfect, and I am reminded this by my family. This man is a very good man (i know some will say not if he is doing these things) but i have truly felt that he is the only one that will love me forEVER even through stretch marks, babies, and whatever else i throw his way as he has done a lot for me.
I dont know what to do.
Guilty Mom
Well, you've already said what my feelings are which is, I would snoop if I felt that I had a reason to and I've always told my children this. Privacy goes out the window if something is wrong. But, you admit you did it just out of nosiness - oh well, none of us are perfect and we get a little "crazy" sometimes when it comes to our children. Good for her (and you) that it just confirmed her maturity and that she's a good kid (with obviously good parents).
As far as her relationship with her dad, I would not talk to her about what you've read, but maybe try to finagle (spelling?) some time for them to be together to get a little closer. I can say at that age, I pretty much felt the same way about my father and couldn't wait also to get out of my house. Ended up getting married at 18 straight out of high school. BUT, as I've aged, I've become very close to my father and realize a lot of what I didn't like about him when I was younger was just him wanting us to behave and being worried about us kids. So, in other words, you may not be able to do anything now to enhance that relationship, but hopefully it will grow on its own. Can you talk to your husband about this?
Guilty pleasures
Mine too! I love Y&R and I have been watching since I was a teenager. I think Phyllis is great! I would like to see her back with Jack though.
I'm not sure Nick is dead either. I guess time will tell.
Guilty all the time - why?? (sm)
I constantly feel guilty. If I exercise, I feel guilty for taking the time to do that. If I don't I feel guilty because I didn't. If I diet, I feel guilty for thinking too much about what I am going to eat and taking too much time for myself. If I take a day off from work I feel guilty, but if I don't work and and spend the day with my family I feel guilty for that too. What the heck is wrong with me? I wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty. What is wrong with me??
I feel so guilty!
I have 3 cats, 1 older and 2 younger and they have been out in the garage (the older one is brought in to spend the night in the washroom) since Monday and will have to stay there until next Monday because am having new tile put in my home. My heart just could break knowing those babies are so used to being in here with me and keeping me company. I am going to do something tonight that my DH would not agree with- but he is not here and I am. I am going to bring all 3 into the bedroom for awhile and put them on the bed and having a good loving session with them before it is out to the garage again. I hope they will understand.
I am so sad and feel guilty about my cat
My furgirl of 18 years died at my home about a couple of months ago. I do not know how to get over the feeling of guilt. She had a stroke several months ago, being blinded and deaf at that time but recovered from that. I tried all to help her , even spoon feeding to make sure she ate okay but was finally told by her doctor that her organs were failing. I knew the day before she died her end was coming because she only urinated 1 time. The next day I held her in my arms and she refused even water then and I knew her life was ending. What bothers me so much, even now, is that I did not hold her up until the time she died so she could die in my arms- I made her comfortable with a light blanket with her head supported on a little pillow but I am so guilty and sad. I don’t know how to get over this. What can I do? I loved her so much and now I feel like I let her down in her time of needing someone to be close. I held her for about 5 hours the first of that day but why did I not continue to hold her? I should have and now I am paying with loads of guilt.
Please don't feel guilty...
Your sweet furgirl knew how much you loved her, and you did everything possible to make her comfortable at the end. I believe that people sometimes wait until their loved ones leave the hospital before feeling free enough to let go. It may be possible that it was easier for her to pass on while she was not in your arms. Try to remember the good times and take solace in the fact that the two of you enjoyed years of love and companionship. My heart goes out to you!
Yes, you are right that we should not feel guilty sm
and that's the whole point of my original post. You have already gotten the point somewhere along the line and I am glad for you. For those of us who have not gotten the point yet, or are just now starting to get it, why can't you either be encouraging or not comment? As far as Oprah, I personally don't see her as being the same type of image as Martha Stewart or The View.
do not feel guilty
Do not feel guilty and do not second guess yourself. You know your daughter. And no, you are not over-reacting. If you feel there is a problem, there most likely is. I went through this same thing with one of my daughters. She had been a straight A student, triple-letter athlete, etc., etc., etc., and then bang....whole new kid. She couldn't wait to be out of our home. No one who hasn't been through this can fathom the gamut of emotion it involves. In the end, it was our responsibility as parents to do everything in our power to protect this child from herself. Yes, she hated us. She once went 3 full months without speaking to us (it was the most peaceful 3 months we had had in a long time!) but we started her in counseling and didn't back down. It took a very long time, longer than I care to think about, but finally started to see some changes in her. We discovered she suffers from a significant chemical imbalance that caused depression and once she agreed to start medications (she only agreed to prove us wrong), the change was amazing. We got our daughter back. She is now a successful professional with a family of her own. Point is, you need to seek professional help. She will resist but stick to your guns. If you do not seize every avenue available to you, you will continue to doubt yourself. My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this is. I was lucky; for my family the counseling paid off. I now have a very close relationship with this daughter. I hope you find the same.
OJ Found Guilty
Simpson Found Guilty on All Charges
By LINDA DEUTSCH, AP
posted: 10 MINUTES AGOcomments: 1245filed under: Crime News, National NewsPrintShareText SizeAAALAS VEGAS (Oct. 3) --
Thirteen years to the day after being acquitted of killing his wife and her friend in Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson was found guilty of robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.
The 61-year-old former football star was convicted of all 12 counts late Friday after jurors deliberated for more than 13 hours. He released a heavy sigh as the charges were read and was immediately taken into custody.
There is nothing to feel guilty about.
In a perfect world the child whose name was drawn would not already have a Wii, and perhaps it would even be on the top of his wish list. But we don't live in a perfect world. I'm sure the orthodontist who is awarding the prize would be just as happy to know that your child got something else that he really wanted in exchange for the Wii that he already had. A prize is a prize is a prize. I think you all are being silly for trying ot make her feel like she is doing something wrong.
I agree his is guilty as well, I just wonder
why all of the sudden she believes her sisters now.
Too bad they don't feel guilty ENOUGH to keep themselves from
going into Tiffany's, etc and buying that garbage - cripes!!
I have been guilty of the same thing
The best thing to do is just make a list and stick to it. Clothing used to be my biggest weakness so I try to avoid that area in the store since I have plenty of clothes. At craft fairs or anything extra I get to do (rare occasion anymore) I usually just take cash only. I went to an arts & craft fair 2 weeks ago and only took $50 cash. When it was gone, I just went home.
yes, i sure did andyou can't tell me he wasn't guilty. nm
;
I hear you. I feel so guilty...sm
That I can't bring these cats inside. It's so much safer for cats to be indoors. I've read that the average lifespan of an outdoor cat is only 2 years, (because of cars, dogs, etc.) and I worry about them all the time.
I never planned to have cats, because I think they should be indoors, which I can't do because I'm so darn allergic to them, and because our dogs are indoors and are not at all cat friendly.
But then these 2 came along, and they're feral. So my choices were to either ignore them and let them continue to fend for themselves, call the shelter to come and trap them (but they wouldn't be put up for adoption because they're feral, they'd be put down right away)... or do what I did (trap, neuter, vaccinate, release) and take responsibility for their care. So that's what I did.
It's definitely not a perfect situation. We have considered making the cat house entirely enclosed so they stay in there. It is a pretty big area, but I don't know if that's a good idea or not.
sounds to me he is guilty. maybe he is having an affair and sm
wants you to divorce him and that is his way of trying to get you to do so. I would leave the SOB. No one deserves that sort of verbal abuse. Just my 2 cents.
Well, I'm guilty of giving neighbors' dog
he does come over our fence, literally climbs over, and comes into our yard and then our house. He goes straight to the kitchen, waits for a treat and then goes out the front door and to his yard. He gets ignored a lot so I feel sorry for him. He's so cute.
Sorry for your loss,...don't feel guilty though (sm)
When I am sad about something, I have a tendency to blame myself - somehow I did something wrong, otherwise why would I feel so bad? I know logically that is not rational but in my pain I always find something I did "wrong." I sometimes think back to things I did in the past and I ask myself why I did what I did and why I did not do things differently. But occasionally when I have done that, I have gone back mentally and through through all of the circumstances and I realize that if given another chance, I would probably do things the same way again. I have a habit of second-guessing my past choices - as if today I am somehow a different person than I was yesterday. The truth is you were just as good a person during the time that your beloved pet's life was ending as you are now. There were probably reasons you did not hold her the entire time...you didn't know exactly when she would pass away, maybe you felt she would be more comfortable... you are good now and you were good then...as many other posters have said, you gave her a wonderful, loving life. Don't confuse your grief with guilt...you miss her, of course, but you did not do anything wrong. Take care
OJ book and trial, innocent or guilty?
I saw the message about OJ and the book about whether or not he actually did the crime. What I would like to know from the MTers discussing this, did any of you watch the trial from start to finish? The newspapers, television shows, etc. most all the time fabricated parts leaning towards his part in this crime. I saw it all from start to finish, every single day and after that made my own decision regarding the guilt or innocence, not by what I read in the papers or heard on the news. The most important piece of "evidence" supposedly was the glove issue. The trial showed a receipt from a store from accessories. Never ever did they match a scanned number, price, date bought or whatever with the glove buying, but then again I guess most of you watched all the trial?
He's guilty as sin and I cannot read his obituary in the news
nm
Michael Vick pleds GUILTY to
dogfighting charges and will be sentenced December 10th. He is having a news conference at about 11:30 a.m. EST. There are people that are supporting him. How can anyone condone what he has done. There were supporters at the court house in Virginia who were clapping and singing and saying that they LOVED HIM. OMG. He better get time in jail or I have lost all faith in the court system for CELEBS. He did the crime now he must pay the time. I do not care what color he is. He did a horrible thing and should not get away with it.
Kids have a way of making us feel guilty. SM
You could start a fund of giving your son money for doing things like helping with lawn work or cleaning or whatever. He could start a paper route, with you supplementing his income.
I'm just making suggestions. Again, don't feel badly. Agree with other poster about people using credit cards.
Please don't feel guilty! You sound like a loving fur mom!..I too
lost a cat this week, also about 18 years old. She was an outside cat who never came in but about 6 weeks ago she just walked in one day and never wanted to go back out, so I figured the end was near. I feel very guilty too, but I made her comfortable, stroked her, made sure she was comfortable. Hubby went out in the pouring rain/sleet to bury her under a cedar tree where our others are buried. When I told him how bad I felt about not being here when she died, he said she had a great life because of me and how much I cared for her. I am sure you were wonderful to her. Please don't feel so guilty! My gal, the day before she died, actually did go outside, it happended to be sunny for a bit, she laid down on the deck and enjoyed the warmth and caught the last bird of her life! For a cat, she went out on a good note!
You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
I'd turn him in and not blink an eye or feel guilty.
We are the ones who pay for this. Just like the handicapped spaces everywhere that have people who don't seem to have a physical disability. And don't bother giving me the same old "you can't see my disability, but I have one" story. I know, bad back, bad knees, whatever. If you can drive to Wal-Mart and push the cart maybe you could walk a couple of more feet in the parking lot. You all know who you are out there.
Another country heard from...guilty mothers
who think only material things make their little one happy, have to get affirmation and praise for every decision they make...your poor husbands!
Exactly - it's taking the time that makes me feel guilty too sm
Solution they are saying is to go to bestlife.com and sign a contract with yourself and then Oprah has a bestlife challenge with diet and exercise and other tips and an online journal, etc. In the past when I have exercised regularly, I found that I felt like I had more time, because I had more energy to get things done. So I am trying to get back to that again.
Guilty! But I only work PT and do meet personal quota. Also spend too
s
Yes, guilt is my downfall. Now, I feel guilty because she has no life survival skills because I have
done everything for her...so now I blame myself about how she will survive because she has no idea what to do. I guess I didn't have anyone leading my way. I've been on my own since I was 16 years old and I made it okay. She calls me for EVERYTHING..how do I do this.. how do I do that and I know now it's time just to let her fall because she'll never learn how to pick herself up if I keep doing it. That's the hardest teacher..falling on your face. She even said that she feels different because she doesn't know anything other kids her age know how to do.. That right there should have made me STOP.. I have not done her any favors..When I thought I was helping her, I was just making it worse and enabling. I'm done with it. Thanks for listening.
I know the feeling.......
nm
For all of us feeling sorry for ourselves
ok - i'm not feeling sorry for myself because this is the story of my life - but I do feel very bad for my sister who is not even 60 yet.
First off - about 6 weeks ago my son hurt his knee playing softball - he had surgery and is on the mend - he has OI (osteogenesis imperfecta - so he knew he shouldn't be playing to begin with).
Then a month ago - got a call and my sister had fallen at work and broke her hip. Had surgery - OT/PT rehab, and was in the hospital until last wednesday - having home PT and doing much better. Then, on Saturday, she fell while getting back into bed and fractured her facial bones - she got dizzy and fell to the floor - falling onto the hip that was broken and onto her knees and then face. So, back to the ER - more CTs and now facial fractures. She wants me to take her to the pharmacy to get her diabetic supplies, since they found her to be diabetic while in the hospital (although I think it is probably really from the trauma since they didn't bother to do a hemoglobin A1C and just took blood sugars 4 times a day - and put her on insulin (someone's screw up) and I really don't want to take her out of the house - does anyone blame me.
I'm just asking here for prayers and good thoughts for her. She has had a hard life - 3 marriages (she's now married to the physical therapist who was our dad's PT when he broke his hip back in 1999) and just generally hard times. We are thankful that she has her current husband - and I would much rather him take her to the store when he gets home than me - but I'm gonna go ahead and call her - pray that she is too tired to go - and let that be that -
this is such a great place -
No, not feeling better- had a dog
dognapped before, not good. My neighbors cat caught a squirrel outside and I ran to rescue the squirrel and the cat ran and needless to say I was no help at all. Did you have one of those exotic cats by any chance, wonder why so wild? I have 3 cats and I entertain them by opening the shades and letting them view the birds but I could never let them be outside, seen too many animals killed that way and anyway our community has rules regarding no animals running around loose.
I know exactly what you were feeling. sm
My daughter is only 14 but she is such a "Daddy's girl" I can only imagine what her wedding day will be like. I will be a happy mess but my hubby will probably totally fall apart.
Thanks so much everyone - Fox is feeling a bit better sm
this evening. He was very lethargic this morning and I was concerned that the fentanyl patch wasn't controlling his pain, and I refuse to let him live in pain.
I gave him some Metacam (vet said it was okay) and gradually during the day he has perked up. We still have to lift him up because he has a hard time getting up but once he's up he's walking pretty well.
And he's still got a bit of a sparkle in his eyes...I think that's how I'll know. If the sparkle leaves and doesn't come back, it's time. But please God, not for a while yet....
Have been there and I know the feeling but
I got over the just burning, ticked off feelings I had, for no reason at all that I could explain. This was probably when I was in my 40s. I just did not want to talk to anyone, did not seem to want to be around anyone but get this, now in the 60s and golden years, what a difference! No more anger, loving life, sweet beyond imagination, no financial difficulties, basically nothing to worry about except when do the cats need feeding again! Yours probably will pass also. I cannot tell you or anyone else what was causing mine but I have so gotten over it, just took awhile. I do not think for 1 minute mentally related. Hormones? Who knows but as I age life just keeps getting better and better.
Been there and know how you are feeling
I lost my Tasha (chow/lab) this last May after 16 1/2 years but I did not make the decision she did and passed away on her own. It was hard, have two cats but it is not the same as a dog. Still tear up when I think about her but she is out of her pain and running like a puppy again I am sure. I swore no more dogs but low and behold finally in November went to Humane Society and pick up Molly (another chow mix but a lot smaller) and did ot realize how much I missed a dog. Back to walking and socializing. Am getting a digital camera later this week and once I learn how to use it, will get her picture on here so I can brag. These little furry things bring so much into our lives and ask for so little. Love my cats too and they love the new dog. Decided on the dog in my life instead of trying to find another man. Take care, treasure your memories and love your remaining brood. Thoughts and prayers, Patti
I know the feeling
Last week I went to have a tooth extracted, was not impacted, I just broke it - when I went in the receptionist told me that it would be a surgical extraction rather than simple - they had not even looked at my mouth, when I questioned it, she said she would see what the dentist said and did - when he finished pulling the tooth, he proceeded to put in a suture - I asked the assistant why and she said he does it to prevent a dry socket - okay, I have never had one before - the receptionist then told me that since he sutured it, it was a surgical extraction and costed me 3 times as much as a simple extraction would have, simply because he sutured it closed to prevent the dry socket. Kind of a rip off in my opinion.
I know the feeling of getting nothing
done. I have 3 boys, ages 10, 7 and 5. I work 2 part-time jobs and I specifically scheduled myself off 1 of them on Monday, knowing they would be home. Fortunately, it was nice enough out that they could play outside in the afternoon while I worked and then had baseball practice in the evening (all 3 of them woo-hoo) so I could get to the track and the store.
I actually got to sleep in yesterday and got some cleaning done before I went to work (I do work at home). Overall, it was a pretty nice day off, but I learned a long time ago not to try to work an 8-hour day with 3 kids home. It just doesn't work.
same feeling here
I only had one child and I too think that it was really hard work - not just physically but emotionally - trying to give them all the right tools/knowledge, etc. to become responsible, productive adults. . We must have done something right because my 23 year old is quite an amazing young lady. I do miss the times when she was little and loved almost every minute of it, but I wouldn't want to go back and do it over.
I have a feeling.....
they Mike and Susan will get back together eventually.............
Sorry you are feeling so down (sm)
First of all, relax. You need to go to a doctor and get on an antidepressant? No insurance? If you can get the money to go to the doc for one visit, you can get them to prescribe an antidepressant that is on Walmart's $4 list and get it for $4 a month. Call United Way and see if they can direct you where to get help with your rent. Don't worry about whether or not you have cable, you'll be okay without that unless you need it for your job? Don't worry about not being able to give Christmas gifts...just explain that you don't have the money. People will understand and your grandson can have it explained to him. I have the same isolation issues that you do because of the job. Can you go to a temp agency and see about getting a job outside of your house so you can be around people more? There is a website called Exercisefriends.com where you can meet people in your area who want exercise buddies, maybe just someone who is starting out trying to walk every day or something like that (not sure what your fitness level is). Or advertise on Craigslist for a walking buddy (but be careful of course when first meeting the person). I met one of my best friends this way and have known her for 4 years now. If you want an email buddy feel free to email me. I think everyone is struggling right now and it is hard. I would be happy to have you vent to me via email all you want. :-)
I know the feeling though
I wish i could exchange my cat!!
I know the feeling...
my son tests me every day even though the answer in the end will be no...normal behavior...I also wanted to say I think you are brave for getting out of bad marriage, so good for you for being a good Mom and taking care of your kids!!!
It is sad when that feeling dies
and it usually seems to after a couple of years. I miss the kissing, the hand holding. All that goes by the wayside when the man starts taking you for granted. Then it just becomes sex without a feeling of love. Men are exasperting creatures !
Same exact feeling here.
The extreme Christians also changed my feelings a long time ago. I then started researching the facts and theories, scientific versus religion. And did you know that many people with above-average intelligence are not religious based on this knowledge? Interesting stuff. :)
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