I'm sorry. I know I keep posting replies but I feel strongly about this (sm)
Posted By: MeMT on 2009-01-16
In Reply to: he was 19 or 20 and sisters were 12 or 13, and 8 or 9, very young. - anon
my mother was molested by her stepfather, back in the late 40s/early 50s when no one did much about those kinds of things. He also molested her sister, who ran away and got married at age 13 to escape him. He then molested my sister (yes my mother took us to visit them!) and probably me, although I don't have any memory of it. Also most likely my young female cousins who lived there. My point is...a person who would do this type of thing will not just stop. He has probably done it to others too that you don't know about. Look how long it took your sisters to tell you. I am so sorry. But you have to do something. And if you end up in court during a divorce, your sisters have to speak up for you. You are all going to have to stand together. I can tell you really love him and you don't want to believe this. It looks like you are going to have to believe it. If he did this to children, there is something wrong with him. Something inside him is broken, not working right, and you can't fix it. You are going to have to gather all your courage and leave. I am currently in the process of seperating also, but with a different set of circumstances not involving anything like you are dealing with. If you want to email me and just have someone to vent to, please feel do. Again, I am so sorry. Please go get a free consultation or a paid consultation with an attorney. If you go to church, go speak to someone at your church. You have to do something, I'm sorry.
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I really see and feel strongly about both points of view here. sm
I will say I am a Catholic, and a divorced one. I am not practicing at this point, but I am not an unbeliever...exactly. I consider myself a gnostic Catholic, and that is a story for another day.
The so-called Christian morals we have in this country are SELF-IMPOSED. They are with all religions. I consider myself a Christian, so I don't believe in sin because well, Christ died on the cross for the forgiveness of sin...even BEFORE we think about sinning. So, some of this I don't buy into.
If anyone thinks they have the slightest idea of what God wants them to do, they need therapy! WHY would any of us think we know the mind of the Divine??? I don't care how religious you are, YOU DO NOT KNOW THE MIND OF GOD.
I was in an extremely abusive marriage. He abused me, the kids, our minds, our bodies, our hearts, our souls. I was married in the Catholic church and I am still married in the church, having a divorce without an annulment. I made the commitment to keep only to this one man and that I have done. I live celibate for a number of reasons and my spoken commitment in the Catholic church is one of them.
Their respective marriages are over and not because of each other. They are free to be together if they choose to do so. Being arrogant enough to think he knows what God would want, yes he needs therapy! I think he is a bad bet for her because he will always come right back to what God would want, has no ability to exercise the Free Will God gave him, can't think for himself and would be pretty useless as a husband. This may, in fact, be what drove his wife to kick him out! Milquetoast!
I strongly disagree!.
I think everybody remembers the 'first time'.
It is said that no woman forgets her first lover and even if they might part, she will always have a special place in her heart for him. (Well, not everyone, it depends on him, too)
I believe strongly in gender rolls...
I know that this statement will be contraversial, but I think that the best way to keep a marriage healthy is to subscribe to traditional gender rolls. While I believe that marriages can last when other agreements are made, I think that straying from traditional gender rolls is a big cause of the increase in divorce. Yes, my husband does clean some and, obviously, I work, but for the most part, I take care of the house and the babies and he brings home the money. We are very happy this way. I am not saying that it cannot work another way, I think that it is a lot to ask of a husband to do both and a lot of women do.
For a young cat with no playmates, I would strongly recommend - (sm)
that you have your catsitter come daily. When I went on a trip and for cheapness reasons had my sitter come every other day, he was oh, so lonely and depressed. Having the radio on did help - that was her idea. But daily visits are better, then kitty has something to look forward to. Hopefully MIL will play with her too!
Another hint: My CA suddenly got very ill with kidney failure a number of years later, while I was also away on a trip. THANK GOODNESS my sitter came every day, or she would have found a dead kitty. She took him to an emergency vet that saved his life.
Now I always leave ALL necessary info. for the sitter: Vet's number & how to get there, as well as emergency vet. I also leave a blank check made out to EACH vet (regular & emerg.), because the sitter had to cough up a $500 deposit out of her own pocket the first time.
Other ideas: I leave a couple extra bowls of water around the house, especially in the summertime.
If kitty likes treats, sometimes it's fun to hide some around the house so that she has to "hunt" for them.
I unplug things she is capable of turning on - such as the paper shredder and both computer printers, since mine is so fond of turning them on.
For young cats especially, the toilet bowl lid should be down, to prevent accidental drowning.
Also, it's wise in any case to have kitty microchipped... provides a little peace of mind, should the unthinkable happen and she gets out and gets lost.
Providing a brand-new and very interesting toy just as you leave gives them something new to think about. Or else hiding an old favorite for a few days before you leave, and then presenting it again just before you leave.
I live in an apt., so I have a little sign in the door that says "In case of fire, please save me" (along with a photo of my cat.)
I strongly believe that time and place we die is predestined...
I came twice into situations where I escaped death.
Strongly recommend crating when not home or able to supervise
We adopted a 1 yo Rottweiler who literally ate the couch after he totally destroyed the living room, tore curtains from the windows, spread trash from the kitchen throughout, shredded newspapers, had the stuffing out of the pillows . . . all in one day! I was at my wit's end and called the vet, who recommended a crate for when we weren't home or if he needed a "timeout." It worked great. We used it for about 1-1/2 years. He was having separation anxiety, so he was only in there when we both were gone. She may have to do it at night too, depending on when the dog is chewing things. Our dog started sleeping in there at other times with the door open. He loved it. It's not cruel if used correctly and not as a punishment. It saves a lot of stress for both the dog and the owner.
Strongly recommend crating when not home or able to supervise
We adopted a 1 yo Rottweiler who literally ate the couch after he totally destroyed the living room, tore curtains from the windows, spread trash from the kitchen throughout, shredded newspapers, had the stuffing out of the pillows . . . all in one day! I was at my wit's end and called the vet, who recommended a crate for when we weren't home or if he needed a "timeout." It worked great. We used it for about 1-1/2 years. He was having separation anxiety, so he was only in there when we both were gone. She may have to do it at night too, depending on when the dog is chewing things. Our dog started sleeping in there at other times with the door open. He loved it. It's not cruel if used correctly and not as a punishment. It saves a lot of stress for both the dog and the owner.
None of these : ( but thanks for replies!
x
Thank you for your replies....
I thought about it some more last night and I kinda feel the same. His comment was inappropriate but I'm sure that he has had a chance to feel regretful about what he has said and realize the inappropriateness of it. Hopefully he will think twice before making this type of comment again to someone else.
Thanks again for your replies.
Thanks for the replies
It is actually just my FIL that is the probably. Him and my MIL divorced many, many years ago. I love my MIL I am blessed with a great one, but boy oh boy does my FIL make up for that. Anyways everyone have a Merry Christmas. I know I need to just let it go, he is not going to change he has been this way for too long.
God bless you all!
THANKS FOR REPLIES
That makes me feel better. She told me she will try to get to the bank this week between classes. She just left Sunday to go back to school. If it happened a week earlier she could have taken care of it back home. I know she did not make the charges. There was a couple of charges for singles on line and another 75 dollar authorization fee that she has no idea what it was. I know she did not make the charges because she was quite upset when she called me and she also does not use her money foolishly, plus my name is on this account so she would know I would look at it. Thanks again.
Thanks for the replies everyone....sm
Okay....he is definitely not fooling around, he barely leaves my side. And no way closet gay or bi, actually he's very anti-gay. Metro? Not real sure but don't think so either. He doesn't like nail polish or other girly things like that, thank goodness! He's in his 30s and we're together around 6 years so maybe some sort of mid life thing. But after reading some of these posts, I'd think I'd rather have a man that is comfortable enough with me to do these things, as odd as I thought at first, than a macho male chauvenist pig. Ugh, had a couple of those in my life. I asked how his *bath* was and he said not so great, water got cold and I was hoping it would help my back. He has a bad back. For the candle, after I bought it he laughed and said you better not tell anyone about this. As for the soaps, well he smells really good and I like that. And now I am thinking he went out and got more of those because he felt bad he used them and I was complaining about that. But, I will keep my eye out and post if any other weird things come up, like if he starts stealing my makeup and panties! LOL
Thank you all for the replies
I am going to try....
new bedding for her
a different antihistamine suggested, will check with vet on the dose
having her thyroid checked
finding an animal allergist in my area
and if i move to pittsburgh anytime soon - i will get her a reflexologist
AND if i do move to pittsburgh, on my way there i am going to stop at the Missouri pit bull rescue and adopt Wonder.
Thank you all again. i appreciate the time you took to post for us...we both do, me and my best friend 
Thanks for all the replies....sm
We tried the epson salts before I got back here to the board, so hopefully that will help. It got him out of stacking firewood over lunch, so he was happy as a clam!
Thanks for replies
I don't think I have a hiatal hernia, or at least not on the swallow. MD did mention maybe an ulcer but that was not seen either. I appreciate all opinions. I may try licorice root and strictly avoiding all the foods as the other posters suggested, most I have but the coffee is hard. And I'm going to make an appt with GI. I guess I was mostly wondering if anyone has this as severe as I do because it just doesn't seem normal :(
I Want to Thank Everyone for all your Replies!
Thanks for helping me to feel more at ease about it! I truly appreciate it!
I want to thank everyone for the replies....s/m
It really helps and I appreciate every reply.
Thanks again!
Thank you all for your replies!
I'm still nervous, but I'm feeling more positive about it.
Thanks to all who responded!
replies gone??
wonder where the replies on this went... i was just looking at one, a long one regarding a woman's long history as a Transcriptionist and with her own cancer saga..
Mods/Admin??
Thanks for the replies!
I will be making beef stew this weekend. My family absolutely loves soups and stews and this weekend will be the kind of weather for it.
Thanks for replies but
had testing for arthritis and gout, had neither one. I have been going to a podiatrist along with orthopedist, etc. but still no answers. Thought someone here might have had the same thing happen.
Thank you all for your replies....sm
I am sorry to hear that there are so many others in my same situation. it is so hard. It is such a trapped feeling. At this point I have talked to my son about trying to stick it out just another couple of years so we can be more sure that he will have some more say in who he lives with. And we are just trying to focus on happy things, things we can do to make life more enjoyable, etc. I just don't know what else to do right now. But I am going to def look into family counselling as soon as our new insurance kicks in.
Thanks to all for your replies...sm
I am sorry to hear so many people are having these problems because it is so debilitating at times and if there are this many on this site with these problems, there must be many, many women suffering from these things! Misha, I am going to try your suggestions as well. Thanks for all who have replied, and if anyone else has any input - I'd appreciate that too :-)
Thank you all for your replies (sm)
I am worried about my little guy - there is so much pressure on kids these days to grow up too fast. I am going to look into the youth group resources at our church. I don't want to suddenly send him to a counselor and send him a message that something is wrong with him.
Thank you all for your replies (sm)
I am sorry to know so many can relate. And that's just the ones who visited the board today and saw this and decided to reply :(
thanks for your replies sm
My next visit I'm going to tell him I'd like to come in once a month. I don't want him to feel like I'm undermining his intelligence, I guess you could say. I know he went to school for this, but I know my body and I feel really good. I do try to exercise at least four times a week. I do need to lose some weight too. My insurance covered so much a year and then I had to start paying $40 back in November. I spend about five minutes with him. I don't really have back problems, just my low back I hurt about 8 months or so after having my first boy (he's 10 now). I thought going to a chiropractor would help that part. It does to some extent, but I still have that "catching" feeling in my low back. Anyway, I just wondered about other people's experience. My husband thinks chiropractors are quacks. He's not much on going to the doctor unless he really has to. I told him he'd probably feel really good after going to a chiropractor. I wanted to go to one for so long, but was scared he would mess my back up even more.
Thanks for the replies sm
I am just a little worried, funny about the "no bashing" comments, as I hesitate to post on this board anymore. I love the helping people but hate the fighting. There are some helpful people on here. I hate to give medical advice and usually try not to, but in the end, I am usually right about my concerns and feel bad that I didn't open my mouth. "No dietary restrictions" seems a bit dangerous for someone who almost lost their life and is in rough shape. I will keep all in mind and keep it under my hat (for now). I don't think people realize the stuff we hear in our work, especially if we do acute care for many places, I could write novels! Thanks again. That is potent stuff they take and the bleeding thing scares me. Hope you all stay well and your loved ones, be well. Don't you love the "what does she know" looks? They don't realize how much we hear in a day's work.
Thanks everyone for your replies (sm)
My son and I had a long heart-to-heart talk last night and I ended up getting a long hug - which is not real typical for him. He was very quiet this morning so we will see how he feels this afternoon.
He told me he feels like he's a "bad kid." The thing is he is a very good child most of the time. Other than the types of things I mentioned in my original post, he does very little wrong. He never gets in fights, doesn't get in trouble at school other than occasionally being reprimanded for talking too much or something minor. I felt so bad and spent some time talking to him and telling him that he is actually a really good boy - he asked me why he has cried some recently and I told him it was all normal and that there is nothing wrong with him. I think I am going to try the calendar idea by the way - thanks for that idea! I also think maybe my tone is the problem - I am not yelling but maybe it feels like yelling to him - same feeling. So, I am going to work on that as well. Thanks again for all of your input. I may post an update at some point soon. Nice to have all of you to talk with!
Thanks for all your replies!
I also came up with a couple of websites: thiriftyfun.com and wonderbread.com with some activities. This is the 100th anniversary of 4H in my state, so there may be special programs related to that, through the county extension service, I believe. I hope she'll consider the library in their town, too. Appreciate the suggestions and good luck to all in the same boat!
Thank you for all of your replies :) Sounds like I will be getting a
dd
Thanks for all replies and advice. I appreciate it! nm
x
Thank you for replies. I am going to have someone check it out.
x
Thank you everyone for your replies. It has helped a lot to know that I am in...sm
the right here. I started to think for a second that maybe I was being selfish.
DH told me last night he will break the bad news to his sister after the holidays.
I told him I need a vacation, too and that it's not easy working full-time and overtime from home. I need out of this place. It's hard not to think about work when you're home especially when you know there's a backlog cloud looming over your head. I'm sure some of you know what I mean.
He's convinced now that the money should be spent on the entire family not just him, our youngest and his sister's family.
You guys have been a great help! Thanks again and happy holidays, I feel a little less stressed now.
Wow! I loved all the replies!
What a bunch of great things everyone did! Really cool. I don't mean to brag about us MTs, but I do think we are a cool bunch...lots in common too! From loving Wii and video games and fun and intelligent TV marathons to everything else listed. It is so nice to know we all have so many things in common and that we are all "out there" keeping each other company! I remember being an MT not so long ago before the I-net, and not even really knowing anyone quite like me.. now I don't feel so alone rather feel quite in good company! Thanks for writing and keep letting us know what you did, and or are still doing. Kind regards and thanks again the Holiday MT. :)
LOL! Read DH all the replies...
....and all he says is, Whatever. I know he thought I was making it up, so thanks for the support.
Thanks for your replies and suggestions
I'm not interested in buying a house and don't care for Florida. I'm looking at condos and even renting for awhile. Wouldn't mind living in warmer weather year round but wouldn't do that without taking a trip and spending sometime there before making such a big decision. Thank you all.
From reading your replies....sm
I don't think it is the breed. I think it is just these 2 little gremlins. I am just not used to a dog acting like this because all the dogs I have ever had never acted like that. Which I had never owned a boston so I said I don't know if it is the fact they haven't raised them properly or if bostons are just all like this. I believe now they are just bad owners since you all have bostons and they don't behave like that. I know my sister has 2 but I am not around them enough to know the dogs really well but my mom is and she said oh no the minute they start acting up they go outside in the fenced in backyard or to the kennel in the utility room and she doesn't have to do that often either. SO they have pretty much learned I guess if they want to stay in the house and roam freely they have to act civilized.
Replies to this are hilarious! Most of these people
Thank you all for your kind replies. it is truly appreciated. sm
i am trying so hard to be strong and i have already seen such an improvement in my children and their behaviors. it had gotten so bad that my 14yo says mom choose him or me cuz i am moving out if he doesn't. that is just so sad cuz he is their father you know. it is like one poster said, i guess i am in mourning and never thought of it that way. it is just too hard for me to comprehend why someone would have that lifestyle before their children and the man i fell in love with is gone. i just keep thinking why couldn't he change, why couldn't he be the man i fell in love with and the family man i desire, etc. i am taking it one day at a time and will get through this eventually. my household is so much better now and i am doing this for my kids so they don't turn out like me. trying to change my life drastically is the hardest part of the unknown that i have been used to for so long and i really am no less lonely than i was i guess as someone said. he tried to love on me before when he was here, but i had so much hate build up for him, that i would always push him away and not want it. so i guess i am not as lonely, LOL. again, thank you all for your kind and encouraging words. i will remember them.
RE: Thanks everyone for your replies. I have forwarded them on to my niece who is the one (sm)
who had the positive test. She is only 21 and this is her first pregnancy. All your replies are greatly appreciated!! Thank you!
Original Poster - thanks for your replies. I have never (sm)
met anyone that I seem to get along with so well. I have never dated outside of my own race before, but when I am with him, it doesn't even cross my mind, and he says it doesn't his either. We both just see each other as individuals. There are so many good people and bad people of every race. When you find someone to care about who cares about you and you can get along well and you want to be together, it seems so petty and trivial to think about someone's race. In this case there are not a lot of cultural or religious differences. We have different colored skin but have had very similar lives.
...back a few. Not sure where the post/replies are right now. nm
s
Thank you all for your replies, that reall helped (sm)
at the very least, I am going to rent at first and see how things go before buying.
Thank you all so much. I have chills just reading your replies. I
am going to speak to the supervisor today at our mall and just make them aware of this. They have people who go around the mall all day and watch for people just hanging around. When I got home what I really thought was strange is the fact that the hospital and home they wanted to get to is specifically for the elderly, and has no ER or admission to the public. The hospital is just used for the patient's who can no longer remain in the nursing home itself. Unless they were going there to visit someone, or going for a job application they would have no business there. I know I did the right thing. I can only imagine how I would have felt having one beside me and the other in the back seat. Thank you so much. I will report this today.
thanks for your replies..i am moving next week to
a townhouse. No more upstairs/downstairs issues. People along the sides, but pure wall with no obvious way for smoke. This should be better. I will have two floors and nobody under I live in PA and there are no clauses in my lease for non-smoking so it is time to smell my own fresh air. It's a shame the LL didn't afford me the same rights as the smoker. Sure, my neighbor has the right to smoke in her own home, but I have the right also to not breathe her smoke in MY home. I know in some cases this is called trespass, but I am just too tired to fight it anymore. Next weekend I will be free free free! Thanksagain for your comments. I can always trust this site to give me a little support and lift my spirits.
TY for replies/advice - see "wait a minute" below for
update. I plan on talking to principal and teacher today and go from there.
I wouldn't call them sharp replies. But sometimes
You took action. That is good. But I don't feel bad for someone who knows they aren't getting work and do nothing about it for months on end.
It's like putting your hand in fire and saying *ow this is hot* but then you don't take your hand out of the fire. It makes no sense.
I raised 2 kids on my own, as my ex decided he would rather drink and carry on and act like a teenager his whole life. I HAD to take action. I couldn't just sit and suck my thumb and cry.
But if someone wants to wallow in their misery, then that is on them. No pity here.
The OP asked for opinions, unfortunately not everyone is going to say what she wants to hear.
Again, why did she just sit when work wasn't coming in? So she had 4 paychecks to realize things weren't going too good.
Well, sorry that the MTSO is greedy and does have work and does not pay well, but then if one keeps taking it, then whose fault is it? 
Did you sit on your duff? No. You are doing what it takes. That is what the OP needs to do.
Did you read how many heartless and rude replies
the OP got to her post just telling in what bad situation she is?
Why should then the government, the MTOs adn the clients be worried what happens to the MT industry and all the MTs whose livelihood depends on it?
It is dog eats dog!
Thank you very much for posting that.
I felt like I was making fun of obese people in having the opinion that obesity is a choice. But, I still stand behind the fact that it certainly is a CHOICE, and until one who is obese owns up to their lifestyle habits and stop blaming others, they will never lose that weight, but simply live each day thinking they have an "excuse".
This could be me posting...
I go through the same thing every year. In fact, when I first got married I had no idea what these baskets were. I had not even heard of them. I was using one that has a plastic insert liner for my sponges by my sink when MIL got a little offended and told me how expensive they are.
I have only been married six years, so far only six baskets, that I keep in the cupboard above my fridge. Don't know what I will do when I run out room up there. I don't mind the baskets, I just don't know what to do with them. About the only time I use them is when I have company for dinner and I use them for the rolls.
Thank you for posting this!
I checked out the website - www.steppables.com. We have a stone path down a slope in our back yard and I want to plant fragrant ground cover in the spaces between the stones. That is a great site!
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