I'm with you--there should be boundaries...

Posted By: Kendra on 2009-05-29
In Reply to: I disagree - there absolutely should be boundaries - Happy MT Robin

I love my mom, but she would not have me act this way, nor would I put up with it from her.

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mom wants to crash my vacation...advice? - Tab
- "Mom, maybe next year." - Don't explain or defend. She knows.
- What I would do - - janet
- The best policy is - Honesty
- I don't blame you for being upset.. afterall.. - Gina
- Just got to tell her no - sm - XXX
- I would just be direct, as others have said. - sm
- Two more ideas - NightOwl
- extended family, boundaries, and etiquette...sm - flybye
  - I totally agree with... - Just Me
  - She's your mother. There shouldn't be "boundaries." - SM
    - I would rather have my kids - Veronica
    - I disagree - there absolutely should be boundaries - Happy MT Robin
      - I'm with you--there should be boundaries... - Kendra
    - and maybe she could just say no because she does not want her to go - - Amanda
- Thing Is, you are going to have to tell her the truth. - Fingers
- My suggestion . . . - Anon
  - that one might work... - Tab

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Mine Has No SweatPant Boundaries
He would even wear them to church if he hadn't been shamed regularly by our style-conscious oldest child, LOL!

I disagree - there absolutely should be boundaries

Especially in a case like this, as not only is Mom crashing her vacation plans, it sounds like Mom wants her to foot the bill. That's uncool in any family relationship. My mom was my rock as well and I miss her desperately since she died last year, but if she had pulled a stunt like this, I'm not sure what I would have done.

OP's in a tough situation. If you tell your mom no she can't come, like it seems we all think you should do, you're in for hurt feelings and possibly a period of not talking to your mom for a while. That may or may not be a bad thing.

If you are uncomfortable being straightforward with your mom about this, how about going to Dad and telling him the situation. Would that work?

You're going to need to buck up and tell her though. You're either going to have your mom po'd at you, or your going to have your husband po'd at you if she ends up going. Personally, I'd rather have Mom po'd than Hubby.

My hubby has no boxer boundaries. He will go down the street if he wants!
xx

extended family, boundaries, and etiquette...sm
to me it sounds like your mom violated your boundaries (perhaps without realizing it). you need to reestablish your healthy boundaries. you tried subtle and subtle didn't work. now you need to be direct; kind but direct. use the "i feel|when you|i want" technique. how did you FEEL when your parents invited themselves along on your hard-earned vacation? if you can figure out the FEELING, then you can tell her, "Mom, Dad, I love you and want to spend time with you. But I felt *_?__* when you invited yourselves on my family vacation. I want to spend this week with just my husband and my kids. It's really important to me and not negotiable. If you want to plan an extended-family vacation, then I'm willing to save more time off and more money to do that because I would love to go on a vacation with you; but not right now. Not this trip." How do you think your mom/dad would respond to this? Accepting? Dysfunctional? Deaf? =)