She's your mother. There shouldn't be "boundaries."
Posted By: SM on 2009-05-28
In Reply to: extended family, boundaries, and etiquette...sm - flybye
One day, your mother will be gone and you will look back on this vacation as time you missed and your children missed out on with her.
I'm very close with my mother. She's my rock. The one person I know I can always count on if ever I or my children need anything. My dad passed away at age 49 and both my parents instilled a strong sense of family on my brother and sister and I. Blood is blood. We should always "do" for family.
Yes, my mom gives me unsolicited advice, yes she has irritated me repeatedly over the years, yes we've had our spats and cold wars, and yes she has intruded in my home and turned her nose up at my housekeeping abilities. But in the end she's my mother. She's earned the right to give me unsolicited advice and she's always welcome in my home. And of course I don't do things as well as she did, she was a career housewife. I haven't had the luxury. But she does what most mothers do and what I will do someday, I'm sure.
Just tell you mom to bring her own spending money and let her know that maybe she and your dad she get their own hotel room because there are far too many people for just one room. You may even be able to have one or two of your kids sleep in their room. It might work nice for you. You and your hubbie maybe could leave the kids with your parents one night at the hotel with your parents at the pool or something and go out on a date.
Or maybe tell her you think it's great she go and she can help you with the kids and give you some alone time on your trip. She may decide she doesn't want to go afterall and then everything works out the way everyone wants.
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Maybe you shouldn't take any.
Curious as to why you listed biracial up there. What does that have to do with anything?
It doesn't sound like you really want any of them. Maybe foster care where someone wants to take of them would be a better place.
so therefore, i shouldn't have this cat and should get right of it
x
They shouldn't be treated the same
A 15yo and an 8yo should not be treated equally anyway. If the 15yo wants what the 8yo wants, tell him/her they can have the same bedtime, curfew, privileges etc. if they want everything to be fair.
You're right. I shouldn't
tell him it will be a long time before I die. I was just trying to comfort him. We have also talked about how everybody will die when God decides it is their time. We are regular church members. He has been raised in church and knows all that, I guess it's just now really sinking in. My husband will take care of my kids if I die. As far as if we both die, we have that taken care of also. We were married 18 years before we had them. They are definitely God's little miracles to us! I'm sorry for your loss, but you're right; you will see him again someday and I'm sure he has never left your heart! God Bless you and thank you for your kind advice.
Shouldn't I have a better self-definition by now?? sm
I am up early, not sure if this will interest anyone, but want to sort of wonder "out loud" on here for a moment. I am 40 years old, yet I still am ambivalent about my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, etc. I find myself not being steadfast either way...I don't know if that means I don't yet know who I am (though by now you would think I should!) or if that means that I am just always going to be a flexible thinker? I sometimes read posts on the liberal board and the conservative board and I can always see both points of view and find ways that I feel they are both right and sometimes both wrong so I never lean to far to either side. I grew up going to a Christian church and I believe in the general overall beliefs of Christians, but then I don't discredit other religions that others grew up with either. And I don't necessarily agree with everything that most mainstream Christians believe. Does all of this mean I am ignorant? Or is it ignorant to be too closed-minded to believe that others also have valid points of view, that I don't always have to be right, and that there is more than one way to be "right"? So sometimes I feel "undefined" and wonder how I can ever define myself...then other times I think I have defined myself exactly as I want to be. Does anyone else feel "undefined"? and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
What amazes me, though it probably shouldn't
is the number of people on this thread bashing someone for doing things right, when anon up above just suggests the OP file bankruptcy. What's wrong with you people? You think it's okay to just turn your back on the mess you've created? Not one of you commented on that poster's suggestion, yet you waste your time bashing someone who does have their act together. I would rather have PhillyChick in my corner anyday over anyone who thinks it's okay to just rack up debt and walk away. You people need to get your heads checked.
Before you say it, this has nothing to do with whether the OP has extenuating circumstances or not. The OP wasn't even asking about bankruptcy. The OP was asking for suggestions on how to pay things back, and for that, I applaud her.
well it shouldn't be. She should at least get to get a second opinion (sm)
I think she is being diagnosed to easily with something that can stay on her medical record and that is so unfair.
Maybe because no one has said to them they SHOULDN'T wear it...
nothing uglier than muffin top under too tight shirts, fat thighs in too tight jeans, sucking down an soda and eating a burger. Some people need to look in a mirror, or better yet, shop at a real department store, spend some money on good quality clothing, stop trying to dress like a teenager, and bring along a friend who will tell you how you REALLY look in the clothes you try on.
shouldn't this be on the WAHM board?
just wondering why pregnancy, potty training etc questions are not being re routed to the WAHM board? Otherwise, what is that board for? just a question, not a criticism.
Well, she shouldn't have married him...that never works.
x
It shouldn't matter. Of all the couples I know currently, (sm)
only ONE is same-race. The rest are white/black, black/Pacific Islander, Asian/white, etc. And the only same-race couple I know is gay. So no, it shouldn't matter in the slightest.
You shouldn't be so judgmental and nasty
without knowing all the facts. News flash: Life isn't always black and white, cut and dried. Try to put yourself in her shoes and not be so critical because you don't know any of the details of what's going on. Jeesh.
he shouldn't even ask-it's too obvious and classless
again, just my own *take* on the situation...betcha these people always get called by virtual strangers or acquaintenances to stay with them while the guests do Disney Parks.....living in Orlando and all that....
it reeks of using them.....just to stay there.....
Bad taste, to say the very least.
But, shouldn't this be on the RELIGION Board?? nm
x
Shouldn't teenagers at least have at home ....sm
a CLEAN environment?
Shouldn't this really be on the Politics board? sm
you are labeling global warming science as rotten, and basically making remarks about Obama that pretty much should be noted on the politics board, not GAB.
You shouldn't feel responsible....
As mean as it sounds, you have put up with it and YOU have decided for yourself that enough is enough and if you tell him so and IF he bounces back to alcoholism, then basically he is a grown man and that is HIS choice, you cannot let it affect you or make you feel responsible.
My sister-in-law is in the same boat as far as her husband being an alcoholic. It has put so much stress on her and their children and it has been going on about 15 years. He won't seek help though and she won't leave him. She just says that she is hoping one day he wakes up and sees what a good wife she is. I feel bad for her that she has wasted so much time on someone like that.
my thought is that it shouldn't even be called
'assisted suicide', it should be called 'facilitating a less painful transition.'
If the terminally ill patient himself and the doctors agree to stop the pain and suffering, then definitely, yes.
Then she shouldn't post here if she doesn't want
with someone telling her to get up off her butt and look for a job? It takes two months to realize you aren't making enough money?
I feel more sorry for someone who experiences a true tragedy. Not someone who sits around and waits for the crap to hit the fan.
She needs to read some of the recommendations here and do something.
It is better than nothing.
All the kids should pitch in to hire help. Shouldn't all be on
:P
It shouldn't matter, but in this imperfect world
it upsets a lot of people - who ought to be minding their own business.
I asked my mother about marrying outside your race when I was young, and she replied that marriage was difficult enough that you should look for somebody you have things in common with, and religion and race are 2 biggies.
I have been married for 20 years, so I haven't had to think about it for quite a while though.
You shouldn't feel this way so early in your marriage (sm)
Take it from someone who stuck around way too long and now has a much more complicated situation (children and money involved) - cut your losses now and find someone you are a better match with. It has nothing to do with your weight. Your husband should be treating you with lots of love and attention right now in your marriage...if not, something is wrong. You can find someone else who would be a better match for you. Don't wait until there are children and finances and so many other complicating factors keeping you there!! However things are at the beginning of a marriage, they will only get worse as time goes on. I know it is hard, I know you love him, but it is not going to work. Again, cut your losses now, and move on to a better future!
See what this board has come to? Blurry or not that shouldn't be posted.
p
You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
But these are kids; they shouldn't have to fight at a young age nm
:)
Silly Girl shouldn't have to treat her
husband like a dog or a child. After all, she is his wife, not his mother. If she wants a pet, she can go to the animal shelter and get a dog. She married a man and he needs to act like one. It sounds like she gives and gives, and he takes. I think Silly Girl should start taking care of herself for a change.
It shouldn't be about wearing a ring, but more...see message
the way he acted toward you. My husband doesn't wear his wedding ring, just cos he doesn't feel like it, and I don't wear mine either. No big deal, but sounds like this guy was flirting with you and that's what I think was wrong.
ARRGH, I knew I shouldn't have opened up this sm
discussion. I was working, and was going to watch whenever I had time (love DVR), but I just had to peak, lol. Oh well, of course, I am still going to watch it 
Definitely understand that - you shouldn't have to have your property be forever a memorial! (sm)
you were VERY kind to leave it there and take care of it for six months. So ridiculous that people gave you a hard time. I'm sorry that happened to you! Bad enough that you have to know something so awful happened in front of your home without a constant reminder and strangers coming up to your house all the time. And it is not your job to maintain it for them. If the family understood, then certainly no one else should have any say whatsoever.
I did my taxes in February, no reason why $ shouldn't be here today
:(
Shouldn't this be moved to the Weight Loss board?
No, west coasters shouldn't have to wait to come to this board. Again, do not post
If you feel that you must post, post something in the subject line that there is spoiler information on the inside of the post then make your post inside so those who don't want to know will know not to open your post.
I see ads in our paper and phone books for "stagers" all the time now. Shouldn't be
s
it's not illegal, but it's inappropriate & he shouldn't be allowed to teach anymore
x
Guess talking with dying aunt over daughter just shouldn’t happen
Yes I did say disconnect (have thought about that for some time just due to the excessive amount spent on land phone though and daughter suggested disconnecting also to save $$$) the fuss was the fact about others assumming something. I took what I considered to be the more important of the 2 calls- basically I talk with the daughter every week several times and the aunt - well what would most do?
Whatever my mother-in-law and mother are cooking--lol
we go to my in-laws for Christmas Eve and usually have ham and kielbasa (we are Polish) and then my mom usually has turkey or roasted chicken on Christmas Day
I agree - a mother is a mother and a daughter is a daughter for life sm
despite the problems they had, which i truly believe stem for anna's drug problems. obviously her mom wasn't too bad or she would not have raised daniel for a while. i think the mother wants her buried in Texas so the grave will be close enough that she can go visit it without having to come up with expenses of going to the bahamas to get there. although i contradict that too in poor anna needs to be buried with her son.
mother in-law help sm
Ok, so here is what is going on. My mother in-law fell down some stairs and broke her leg. She did not have insurance. She had not been to a doctor in 27 years. She has been in the hospital for about 4 days. They had to do surgery and things are looking good. She will have to have rehab for a few months, use a walker and so on. Well, guess who they ask to take care of her for the next few months? The "stay-at-home" mom who has all the free time in the world haha (not to mention I have a 3 year old who stays at home with me and a busy 6 year old in school). This would consist of me taking her to the restroom, bathing, changing dressings, helping with rehab exercises, not to mention working 8 hours a day and making sure my 3 year old doesn't climb on her. I feel bad for saying no, but I think that they should feel bad for asking me. She has 5 children. I feel that it is way too much responsibility for me to take on and that it absurd that they asked me. Aren't there facilities where she can go at least for the 1st month? Please help, just need advise.
And for anyone who wants to say "if it was your mother..." Believe it or not, in June MY mother fell down some stairs and broke her ankle. I was at her house every afternoon and we had people come in multiple times daily to check on her. However, the mother in-law is about 25 years older and the extent of the injury is greater. I would have never asked my husband to take care of her and help her do these things.
My mother-in-law
My mother-in-law keeps giving my Longaberger baskets for b-days and Christmas. She loves these baskets and has over 100. She visits the factory several times a year, (about a 4 1/2 hour drive) and often takes the female family members with her. These baskets are beautiful but I am just not a basket person. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but these baskets are expensive and I have over 20. When I tried to mention to her as politely as possible that I just don't need any more baskets, she told me that she often changes hers out so she can enjoy them all. I would much rather have sheets, bath towels, cookware, or even a gift certificate for dinner. My hubby and I have been married 19 years, have to children, and have a very good relationship with my mother-in-law. She is a fabulous grandmother, but I am really tired of the baskets. Any suggestions?
I also have MVP and so does my mother...
so I don't know if there is a correlation or not between the two...
My mother's cat
looked like it had mange and when I asked the vet about it he said he had never seen a cat with mange. A friend told my mom that cats are extremely allergic to poinsettas and my mother had one sitting in the cat's favorite window. After she threw out the flower the cat got better very quickly. 
It's up to your mother-in-law to keep them in the
them. Your sister-in-law should not even bring them over there anymore in my opinion. If your mother-in-law's gate cannot hold them in for sure, then she absolutely should not watch them.
Your sister-in-law sounds selfish to me, so point out to her that it is unsafe for her OWN animals to be out running free, as anyone would have the right to shoot them if they were on their property threatening them. Maybe then she will care! Plus she (or you mom-in-law) could be sued if the dogs injure or kill someone or someone's animals. Not to mention they would have to live with that for the rest of their lives.
Having seen my own mother do a 180
since the death of my own dad 3-1/2 years ago and learning the hard way from things that have happened - I would just keep my mouth shut and say nothing and do nothing.
mother . ..
This may not be comforting to you, but I wish my mom (also 80) would do something like that. I think she would enjoy the company, and the activities. We have an awesome ALF here in our town; it's like a mini city!!!! Be glad she is making this decision for you and that you don't have to push her. She may benefit tremendously from this!!!!
My mother once said and she was right...sm
tis better to raise children in a happy divorced home than a miserable married one.
I divorced my kids father and within 3 years, all of us were in a much better place and now, 16 years later, this still holds true!!! This, I swear!!
I really have to believe that my Mother is up there
watching over her grandchildren. She lived for those kids and that truely was one of the things that hurt me the most when she died so suddenly. My niece is leaving for college in Aug. My son got his license and did very well in the state Forensics competition. Little things like that are the things that she would have been so proud of. I know my mother was a christian but I just hope that she is able to see us here on earth. Thank you for your response.
what was his mother like?
?
My mother does this to me!
She does it all the time and it's infuriating!!! She interrupts my sentence by finishing it herself and it drives me absolutely crazy. I've asked her nicely, I've asked her rudely, it still continues and I have just given up. She's not going to change, especially at her age. Sometimes when she interrupts me, I'll just stop talking altogether and that's the end of the conversation. Try turning the tables and doing it to your boyfriend incessantly and see if he gets the point.
I feel your pain!!
For Mother's Day...sm
my wonderful DIL made me a CD from pictures of my two sons from tiny baby up to my older son's wedding (my younger son was Best Man). Her choice of music and pictures were all just perfect. I LOVE IT!
I wish my mother would be
I don't think I'd be so hip on her folding my panties, lol, but seriously it sounds like she has very good intentions. My MIL lives out-of-state and I wish she lived closer so I could spend more time with her. We all have our quirks. I would love it if my MIL or my own mother took the initiative to check my children's homework, etc. It would be different I suppose if she lived across the street from you but since she is that far away, I'd let her enjoy herself. Had she gone through YOUR MAIL or something private like that, I would be concerned.
My own mother does this
I have told her especially when H is here especially to knock first. She never seems to get the message through her head. 
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