I have BTDT
Posted By: wish you the best :-) on 2008-03-25
In Reply to: Stay together for the children - yes or no? (sm) - Carolina MT
I did leave my husband after 17 years of marriage, daughter 5, son 12. My situation was similar regarding the decision making.
I cannot give you advice about leaving, only about what to do if you decide to leave. Just dedicate your life to your children. Not because you have to make anything up to them, but because it is their turn to have their best chance at a good life.
I always looked at it like my child shouldn't suffer for my mistakes any more than they have to. I never dated or looked for a daddy for them. I let their dad as much leeway as far as custody as he wanted (which wasn't much because he didn't want to give me time to play --- I didn't want to play, just wanted to be happy with my kids with peace of mind -- no man necessary). Anyhow, I just worked and spend time with my kids.
They are now in their 20s and in college. I can't say it's been easy, but they are both well adjusted and doing incredibly well in school aiming toward fulfilling careers.
They also have a healthy relationship with their father. I never spoke a bad word about him. Over the years, they pretty much figured out what went wrong, but understanding that no one is perfect and that unconditional love is very powerful if expressed by both parents.
It's really hard to make things right for your kids. Just try to give them as much love and time as you can and as amicable as possible with your potentially future ex.
On a personal note, my parents fought like crazy and I got out as soon as I could, married 1 day after I turned 18. When I was at home, thinking about college or my life 10 years down the road never entered my head because of the intensely bad home life. I'm not blaming anything on my parents, but looking back I really think they were too distracted to think about the kids.
Just think about your kids whatever you do.
Good luck :-)
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BTDT :(
Yes, a few years ago I did do that, Chapter 7. It was business related, lot of CC debt to finance the business, loans, etc. At the time, it was choose paying my home bills and feeding my new baby or throwing good money after bad with my flower shop. So the bankruptcy was actually the best thing I could have done at the time. We also had nothing for them to take...still don't...
I could file again later this year, not that I want to. I am almost done with the 10 years of that black mark on my credit record, and I am 37 now. I will be 40 when I am free of it. And I want to own my own home so desperately, so I don't think I will do it again... Actually, ALL of the accounts I put in my bankruptcy have already aged off of my credit report, just the actual legal case of the Bankruptcy is still on there...How about that!
This one large credit card debt and of course that thousands in interest is really all that I owe now.
FYI...After you go through your bankruptcy it is such a relief...Credit-wise the worst part is really only the first couple of years.
Ask your vet which food they ALL can eat. BTDT nm.
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BTDT, don't want to go that route again, tx. NM
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I've BTDT and know it's not simple
Even the best DV organization/ shelter can't protect you when you leave them. It is very dangerous.
I just saw trying to leave while he was awake not really trying to leave. I apologize to the OP for not being compassionate.
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