My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
Posted By: trose on 2008-03-24
In Reply to: Stay together for the children - yes or no? (sm) - Carolina MT
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
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Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
Yes, my dad's parents
My dad died when I was 18. I love my daddy, and I love my pop (step-dad). It is so sad that my children never got to meet their grandpa, but they do also have a grandpa (my pop) that loves them with all his heart. I also have a brother, who was named after my dad, and felt it only right that if anyone uses my dad's name it be his choice, not mine. Does that make sense? Thanks for your input!!!
My parents did it,
and they would say DON'T get Sears to do it. They did a horrible job.
My parents have several sm
and are very happy. I don't know how my dad went about aquiring them (he does have his real estate license)so that is probably a plus even though that is not his regular job. My parents are able to spend 3 weeks straight in Florida each year due to time shares. Two weeks at one place and one week at another. He also will swap time shares with others so they don't always have to go to the same places every year. My husband and I looked into one at Hilton Head and it just didn't seem like a very good deal to us. I didn't talk to my father first, but felt sure he would have advised against this one. This is just from my experience. I have heard horror stories from others. Good Luck.
What about your parents
Treat them as if they were your parents. Most of the time when I was married and we went to my in-laws, we knocked but then walked in especially if it was through the garage. I did the same at my parents, went through the sliding glass door. They did the same at our house. To me is is a minor thing and I did not care, thought it was great that they liked me and felt welcome enough to come on over and drop by. If they ended up seeing something they shouldn't then perhaps next time they would have called. Or if someone was there that they did not plan on seeing whatever. Sometimes we had the best last minute pot luck and card games that way. But that is me.
My parents are the same way. They don't like to
"invite" themselves along to the in-laws' houses on holidays, and won't even accept direct invitations from the in-laws because they think I pressured the invitation. My in-laws (and I) always figure "the more, the merrier!" When I host here, I invite all of my in-laws' extended families, but they don't want to come either. So we all wind up doing the two dinner thing and trying to schedule around EVERYONE. It's annoying. I'd rather rent a big hall and have EVERYONE show up for potluck. But nobody wants to leave their houses. Always some excuse, like young kids, but they didn't mind making me haul my young kids all over the state. And I'm the one in the family with the most kids. I say go anyway to the in-laws. Your parents can stay at your house alone for the evening, or they can come with you. It's their choice, but your plans are already made.
27 and 31 here, in the NE. Many other parents we
s
it's not just the parents...
kids today have different issues to face than kids did even up to the 50s and 60s. Most kids are watching MTV before they are out of diapers. It's just easier to put something electronic in a kid's hand than have to act like a parent. Kids are having kids at earlier ages than ever. A few years ago I lived in south Philly and watched a girl about 12 yo with a baby talking to a young boy on a bicycle. She told him she wanted money for the baby and he told her his mom didn't give him any lunch money that week, so he didn't have anything to give her.
My situation has been different because of the abandonment issues my GD has had to adjust to... but get this. One reason I can not spank her is because she came to me with some violent behavior from her parents. Her mom would let her run across the room (to the mom), jump on her and wrestle until she was so over stimulated the baby would bite mom on the face...and mom just laughed. I could not spank her for biting me...one violent action did not change the first. I have had to learn many new techniques since I raised my kids...obviously spaking did not work on them! I was very firm with them and used spanking as a last resort, but I can't do that with this child. She has to trust me and spankings do not build trust. We have a great relationship now, but I constantly have to reinforce changing her behavior from what she had when she came to me, along with just asserting her own indpendence as she grows older, with my words and deeds, not with violence.
My parents used to do this...
I can remember begging my mom for the list of names and numbers and she'd never give in. Drove us 4 kids up the wall! But thinking back, it was fun! Merry Christmas y'all!!!
Where are the parents???
I don't put the blame totally on Brittany (most of it I do, but not all of it). Her parents should be hauled down with her. Where in the world were they when this all was beginning. If it was me my mom and dad would be right there beside me saying what in the world is going on and they would get me the counseling I needed (and not allow me to leave when I wanted to). I don't care if she is a "pop" star or not. If more of the parents of these "stars" would act like parents you would think their children would behave more rationally. I look at Brittany and lots of her friends and they really are still children. I have a brother-in-law who is 48 and acts like he's 16 and needs to be kept in line by his mom. Maybe the parents are too worried that their famous kids will stop giving them money....who knows. Maybe not, but it looks like it to me.
parents
I had a daughter in a similar situation. Her school had a tutoring program after schools with actual teachers and that really helped her a lot. She actually was doing okay in the class, but just didn't feel confident. The teachers made her feel more sure of herself and that seemed to make all the difference. I'd talk with the physics teacher or counselor to see if they can work with her before she drops the class.
Parents what would you do?
I'm looking for some advice. My daughter just started the 9th grade. She's been in accellerated/Honors classes for a few years and she has always maintained a 98+ average. This year she's taking Physics, a 12th grade class. She's only been back to school for less than two weeks and she's so stressed out. She wants to drop out of the class already. I told her to give it to the first semester which will be over in ten weeks to see how it goes. My husband feels that she has to take it eventually so she should say in the class. She's afraid that this course is going to ruin her grade point average that she's very proud of. I think she should talk to the teacher and her counselor to see what advice they have. Her teacher is one that gives the work and says do it without really teaching them how to do anything. I'm so illiterate when it comes to science I'm no help at all. My husband took physics years ago and he tried to work with her last night, but I'm not sure how much he remembers himself. What would you do if your child was in the same predicament?
parents
careful, your face will freeze that way. go to your room and wait. killer was "I never thought I could be so disappointed in you. I thought we raised you better than that".
parents
how could I forget this one? Can't never accomplished anything.
never make fun of what someone does for a living as long as it is an honest job.
parents
My parents helped very little - they were very loving, but very poor. I worked, had no car, ate very simple cheap foods - that is the only way I could have done it. . I could not help my daughter much either - she got scholarships, took out loans and worked - full time one year while attending college full-time. . If parents can help, I think they should. . I think this mom is willing to help, just not change her entire life, which she should not have to.
This all comes down to the parents
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don't get me wrong. But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they're in a store. He gets a new toy if he's good at the dentist. My sister feels "guilty" if he likes something and she doesn't run out and get it. They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it!
He is well behaved and they don't use the toys as bribes, but yet still, it's unbelievable some of the stuff they do. Yes, it's their only child, but I'm amazed. Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then.
But he doesn't know anything about Monopoly or playing cards, or any of that stuff. In my opinion, they're raising him to be materialistic and as an adult I can see him as one of those guys who always has to have the latest toys to impress the other guys. Just my opinion.
You might be right, but my parents had me so...
afraid of them that I would NEVER have considered such a thing. Although I do not have a teenager yet, my hope is to have that kind of fear and, yes, respect by the time they are that age. However, I might live to eat my words yet. I just think that with a teenage girl, this might not really have been about a wedding after all--it could have been about a date to a wedding and I find that scary.
See what I mean? Some parents have no
consideration for anyone but themselves. Yes, parenting is a tough job. Some people do it better than others. But it doesn't give the less-than-adequate parents the right to inflict their out-of-control brats on others.
I love how they all go on the defensive, too, if you call them out on it. Suddenly they accuse the person objecting to their kids of not having kids themselves. (Usually not true).
It all boils down to consideration. And letting your infant scream through 3/4 of a movie, or a wedding ceremony, is pretty much akin to looking the other way while your dog drops a load of steaming poop on a neighbor's front lawn.
I would believe most parents would know
already.
You could do what my parents did to me
I stayed past curfew one too many times. First time they let it slide, second time the warned me and third time said I disobeyed, so they marched into my room, grabbed a suitcase and said if I didn't want to obey their rules than to get out and see if I could live somewhere cheaper and have a car whenever I wanted it. Even though the car was mine (old Valiant (think Chrysler made it, but it was mine), but they told me the car was not an option and would not be going with me.
It took me about 30 minutes of begging and pleading for them to let me to stay and I had to do some extra work around the house as punishment for disobeying them.
The only thing was back then 18 was legal age (drinking, etc). Your daughter is not of legal age yet. I'm not saying this is your or your daughter because I don't know you, but parents seem to always believe their kids are responsible. My sister thinks her 19-year-old son is responsible, but he shows time and time again he is not. I have a friend who boasted about how responsible her 17-year-old son is, he doesn't smoke or drink and studies in school and gets good grades and only goes out to go to the library. A few days later (Sat night) the police had brought him home as he was caught at a party drinking.
Took a lot of time for my parents to consider me responsible after some of the stuff I did (staying out past curfew, etc). Parents should not be so quick to trust their kids. They need to earn trust.
Where are parents?
Are the parents going to be home that allow this? In Connecticut if there was underage drinking and something went wrong the parents would be in trouble as much as the rest of the kids. Just in one month we lost 5 teenagers in 3 different accidents for drinking and loosing control of their cars and running them up a pole. A parents worse nightmare.
I never had a problem with my two daughters with drinking underage at home. When they are at college I do not loose any sleep over it because what I don't see or know I cannot worry about it. I trust they will make the right decisions but they are away so who knows.
My parents.
x
Any foster parents out there?
x
You're asking what I and other parents were asking...sm
when the other teacher was out so long. Our school system is probably the worst about holding back kids. I'm a foster parent and had a prior foster child that desperately needed to be held back (she was academically 2 years behind her peers and emotionally 2 years behind them) and they refused to hold her back because she had already been held back in the 1st grade due to poor attendance while she was with her birth parents, regardless of the fact that she was emotionally and educationally behind the kids her age.
They were all good parents as far as I know - sm
There were no reports in the news stating any reason why this group from Kansas thought they were bad parents. They were just parents with broken hearts. I agree with you that they need to be kept away from funerals.
Any parents here making a
to only have one child..? We're seriously considering not having any more..One is PLENTY OF WORK AND LOVE!!
If possible, their parents should be told..
that their boys are insulting and ridiculing adult women on the street. Having raised 3 sons, they were encouraged to be kids and have fun but they were CERTAINLY taught respect for adults and that it's wrong to insult anybody ''for fun'' (particularly adults). Unbelievable that the poster below called this ''minute''. There is nothing ''minute'' about ridicule and nasty remarks--particularly directed at a perfect stranger just going about her own business!
Yea, they might but the parents not as enthused
as when their children were little and I do not think it has that much to do with independence, I think the baby and toddler thing just hyped too much. I for one really disappointed in my children and nothing to do with if they are on their own or not.
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