I just don't see why any parent would just allow a child decide to move out
Posted By: Confused on 2008-01-08
In Reply to: Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants - money & easy way is rob store, R U ok with that?
It makes no sense to me. He is 16 years old and still a child. I guess I just don't understand how you have no problem with him deciding to move out and not even try to do anything about it other than take his house key. It sounds as though this 16-year old is running the show here. The whole thing is very disturbing to me.
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How old is your child/children and when did you decide he wasn't worth the effort? nm
!
If a child is a minor, it is the parent's
responsibility to get them to school and make sure they stay there. One mother here in my town had to go and sit with her daughter at school everyday for a while just to be sure she was there.
Why is a parent volunteer in charge of the ESL child?!? sm
I'm astounded that this task is being left to someone who is not even a teacher, let alone not a specialist. Is this a financially depressed area/school that has lack of funding for such programs? Or a school that normally doesn't have ESL kids and they just don't know what to do with him?
Bless you for trying, I don't have any answers, just a dumbfounded look on my face.
You're the parent, she's a minor child
This is sadly too common. Your daughter is pushing your bottons in a big way.
I remember being that age and partying it up. One day it just became very boring and that was the end of it. Sadly, many people I knew didn't have it quite that easy.
My first real love and a friend of his were killed from DWI at 19. Not only did they hit a car with a family of 6 (who managed to live), the rest of us had 2 funerals to go to. The priest for my boyfriend's funeral was actually his uncle!
The pattern she displays is not good. Many "good girls" hit this age and venture into situations which they're ill-equipped to handle.
My guess is that she's doing plenty more than she says. It's not that she doesn't love you.
I have no idea how expensive it is to get a drug test done on her hair, but that may be one avenue. Of course, it'd be easy to get hair from a brush, etc. I have no idea how you could get a UDS unless you simply asked her point-blank for one (since she claims she has nothing to hide). I'm just not buying it, I'm sorry to say.
About 2-3 years ago a friend of mine from high school was found dead in her apt. from alcoholism. This was one of the girls who had parties at her house in high school. She didn't even live to see 50 and died alone, sick, and miserable. When I found out from another friend I was surprised at first, but started retracing backwards and it was clear as a bell. Her father was an alcoholic. We didn't realize the significance of alcoholism in previous generations like we do now.
I also agree with another post I read about that this is "your" home, so she needs to abide by your rules. Of course, Dr. Phil says that all the time, too.
I can't have kids, but I remember being one. Speaking of Dr. Phil, maybe you could check his boards, too.
It's so frustrating to get to this point, but just know that many here will support you and offer as much advice as possible, even if it may be from an MT without kids.
Please keep us posted, and best of luck to you.
What kind of parent gives their child permission to break the law?
How do you know for sure there's only going to be 3 people there? Any adults? What kind of alcohol? How much? Will she end up in the ER close to death from alcohol poisoning? She knows it's not right or she wouldn't have asked. Telling her it's okay to break the law - you'd better hope nothing bad happens, she will be telling the police or whatever that she had your permission (and are you going to lie and deny it, putting it all on her?)
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
Let us know what you decide - nm
nm
I think you should tell them and let them decide what they want to do.
My husband died six months ago suddenly and unexpectedly. My niece, who just turned 12, has always been extremely close to my husband and me, and spends a lot of time at our house. LIke your children, she had never experienced death in a close relative before. The day he died, my brother and sister-in-law picked her up from school and broke the news to her. She was sad of course and she cried for quite a while.
Her parents gave her the choice of what she wanted to do in regards to go to the funeral home and/or attend the funeral. She chose to come to the funeral home and sit with me, and to attend the funeral.
She later wrote on the subject when the class had to write an essay at school about a life altering event. She wrote about how much she loved her uncle and she felt that was her last chance to say goodbye, as she didn't get to say goodbye before he died. She was sad that he died suddenly and she didn't know ahead of time, and that seemed to hurt her a lot, even though nothing could change that.
As for me, her presence at that time made me feel a little better. My husband's death has made she and I even closer. She's very smart and mature for her age. She knows sometimes when I get a little sad, that I'm thinking of my husband, and she totally understands, cause she still misses him too.
I know this is kind of rambling, but I hope it makes sense. I think kids want to be a part of our experiences, the good and the bad, and I think to exclude them, even when you think you're protecting them, makes them feel left out.
Good luck to you and your family. My prayers are with you.
So then why take any drugs at all? Or why not let's just decide which
x
Couldn't decide whether to
laugh or vomit with that story!
if you decide to give
my suggestion would be to get something bigger than 0-3 months. they go through that stage so quickly and lots of people give that size.
How do you decide to have a baby?
This is different for EVERYONE I'm sure, but in general, if any of you are mothers... did you decide the time was right, did it just happen... did you plan?
I've been told if you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them...
The predicament is this. my future husband is ready to have a baby now. He wants to be a father, and as much as this makes me fall in love with him all over again, I joked with him that his biological clock was ticking and he said in all seriousness, that he guesses it is. However, mine is not. Not now. Will this happen to me? Does it happen to every woman at some point? We are in our late 20s, but I am just asking in general, how do you compromise on something as big as having a baby? I do want a family and children, but I guess I'm just looking for people's stories on this one... Thank you!
How do you decide to have a baby?
This is different for EVERYONE I'm sure, but in general, if any of you are mothers... did you decide the time was right, did it just happen... did you plan?
I've been told if you wait until you can afford to have children, you'll never have them...
The predicament is this. my future husband is ready to have a baby now (when i say now, we would wait until after marriage). He wants to be a father, and as much as this makes me fall in love with him all over again, I joked with him that his biological clock was ticking and he said in all seriousness, that he guesses it is. However, mine is not. Not now. Will this happen to me? Does it happen to every woman at some point? We are in our late 20s, but I am just asking in general, how do you compromise on something as big as having a baby? I do want a family and children, but I guess I'm just looking for people's stories on this one... Thank you!
Easy for men to decide
Some guys are good dads - willing to pitch in and help take care of the child's needs, and give it plenty of time and attention.
There are quite a few guys out there that like the IDEA of a child - as long as it doesn't cramp their style. This means it all devolves upon the mother - care of the child 24/7, criticism from him and his family if you aren't doing it their way, but of course any bragging rights are all theirs.
Then there are the demands of academia - when your child gets sent home with a backpack full of paperwork to review on a nightly basis, whose job will that be?
Another thought is the possibility of divorce down the road - what happens then? Quite a few dads who let mom do all the work suddenly become superdad when the thought of child support comes along, and they will do anything to win custody so that YOU have to pay THEM. Even if you win custody, the head games with visitation schedules, daddy's new girlfriend pushing her way into the picture, etc. never end.
Be careful. Having a baby to stroke a man's ego can get very messy very fast. Its a huge responsibility and too often the mother does all the work and the father takes all the credit. Take the worst case scenarios into consideration before you decide.
So who gets to decide what is illegal and what is not? You? sm
That's a slippery slope. Like the poster below who wants sugar taxes - actually that's not a bad idea since sugary drinks and snacks are making our kids fat. Let's see - then we should tax fast food or control the amount that fatties can eat, right?
Where does it end?
Still trying to decide whether to have a hysterectomy. See message
I posted last week about my dilema about whether to have a hysterectomy or not after my left ovarian cyst (which was removed along with ovary) came back with a pathology report stating papillary serous tumor, borderline. Doctor says I should have hysterectomy for "insurance" and preventative measures. However, according to their group discussion, my tumor was borderline, but "more on the benign side". I am so confused. I'm 42 and I don't want to have a hysterectomy, but yet, I don't want to have a problem with cancer either. I have the option to follow every six months. Is this safe? Am I better off getting a hysterectomy? I just don't know what to do!!!!
So even animals help decide our fate???
Where did you read this or learn about this? I've never heard that animals will speak for or against us on judgement day...interesting. Guess I'm in the clear, I don't do animals, don't own them, don't abuse them, don't like 'em!
Be careful if you decide to wean
and hand feed with formula and syringe. Don't know about your type of birds, but I have a parrot that I hand fed with a syringe and the breeders instructed me and watched me do it myself to be sure I was doing it correctly before they let me take him home. Apparently you can kill them if it goes down the wrong way, but it was really easy feeding him. Maybe there's somebody in your area who is a bird expert you could talk to?
I re-read, so you do live together - you have to decide if he is (sm)
going to function as a dad or not, and if so, you need to BOTH be involved in decisions, not just him. If he is not going to function as dad, he should not be involved in conferences at all.
Mercy is for God to decide - she should rot where she lays
I posted below - but have more to say. She needs to rot where she lies. That may sound harsh but I have no compassion for her and anyone else involved in those horrendous crimes they committed. "Charles Mansion brainwashed me" or whatever it is she claims. Oh brother - let me get my violin out. She knew what she was doing. You would think at some point while she is in the act of doing the horrendous things she did she would think somewhere in her pea brain - wait a minute, this is not right, and she could have easily sneaked out or called the police or something. I lived across the whole country (east coast) and still felt the horror that happened to them. It was hard growing up knowing that those pieces of garbage were out there and it could have happened to any of us just as easily. They just happened upon that house. I had nightmares because of it. Between that and the Hillside strangler and all the other creeps out there, it was hard not to have nightmares. She committed the crimes and she needs to do her time. She had no mercy for Sharon Tate and her unborn child and she so much as said so. Why she would think the court should have mercy on her. Brain tumor? Good and I hope its a very painful death for her. I always say do unto others. If she committed torture, then she should be tortured. The only one she should be asked Mercy for is from God. Maybe she should contact Roman Polanski and ask him if he thinks she should be let out early. "I would like to be out one day" Give me a break! I'm sure Sharon Tate and the other people would have liked to live. They should tell her and her family that they have no right in asking to be let out. I don't care if she can't sit up in bed. That is her problem. In fact I think they should post all the crime scene photos in her cell and let her look at those day after day and say until she dies and tell her this is why you are not being let out. Besides, if she has brain cancer who knows what she will be thinking as it progresses. Well I'm glad she's "not the same person than when she went in". But then again that's what all the prisoners say too. She did the crime - do the time (and I hope she suffers. I have no tolerance for what she did).
Is that good? I can't decide whether this would be tasty or not? nm
.
Well in my mind lust is when you decide
to give in to something and enjoy it, which I have not and will not do in this case.
The puzzlement for me is how the attraction comes out of nowhere like that, and of course this time when it happened it is more troubling because he is so young. It must be pheromones. I think that's the best explanation.
Yep, some oldies decide on invitro
to have kids but I don’t want to have a kid in college just when I would like to retire. I see advanced maternal age listed all the time when the mother is only 34 or so, so wonder what category 41 falls under. Too many birth defects possible as the mother ages. Others can have their kids if they want at past 50, just not my cup of tea.
funny thing about when you decide to give up...
on men/relationships...That is when the right one comes along! That's how it happened for me. I, like you, had decided I was done with men, too many bad experiences, and then I met THE right guy for me. That was almost 11 years ago and we have been married for 7-1/2 years. We have a happy marriage and a beautiful little 15-month-old girl. It's when you stop looking that the right one comes along!
The most important thing, though, is to trust your instincts. They will never steer you wrong. From your description, it sounds like a good thing, but if there is a doubt that nags at you, don't dismiss it. Just don't let prior bad relationships cloud your judgment, because they are all different.
when u decide on a city, suggest contacting....
I'd call the Chamber(s) of Commerce of whatever city you decide to stay in and ask them the condition(s) of the area(s) post-Katrina.....just my opinion.
Have fun on vacation!!! :)
Hi, Kelly, in case you decide to use Rogaine,
please check with your doctor first because of your thyroid issue!
Changes of a Down syndrome baby go up with age, though. You'll need to decide if an amnio & its
s
DH not happy = his prob. Let him leave or stay or decide
d
I'm 36, married 5 years, and still can't decide. I wish I had an answer for ya. But you're
x
Maybe if she sees the baby, she'll decide not to have it sucked out of her and thrown away like t
x
stick to your guns and let the bride and groom decide who they would like at the wedding(sm)
Twenty years ago there were 150 people at my wedding. I knew MAYBE 20 of them. My parents INSISTED on inviting every single long-distance cousin and relative, most of whom I (and certainly my husband) did not know and had never met. Granted, MA and Dad were paying for the wedding but I've always felt like I missed out on having MY wedding because, in order to stay within their budget, I only invited about five or ten friends. And my husband and his parents felt like they COULDN'T invite anyone because of the budget restraints and my parents' guest list. We ended up with about 20 people on my husband's side of the church (basically his immediate family), three of his friends, five of mine, and the rest were mostly my distant, DISTANT unknown relatives (with a few close relatives scattered among the many distants). I look back now and wish that I had taken better charge of the situation. It certainly would have cost my parents less money because I wasn't going to invite that many people.
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
x
Do think being parent alone protects someone from
x
any parent who ever let their kid idolize her should be.....
nm
were you a single parent
x
Please tell me I am not the only parent to feel this way
I am a mother of 3 children a boy 18, a girl 11, and a boy 5. In my home, driving is not a right of passage, it is a privilege. You must obey house rules, keep your grades up, and you have to purchase your own vehicle. You must also have a job to pay for insurance and gas, as we are not a bank or an ATM machine at your disposal. If you cannot follow the above, umm sorry 'bout your luck!
Am I the only parent out there with children that sees no point in cell phones for kids, especially for the younger ones. I swear most of the kids my daughter's age DO have one and she is 11. Am I one of the few who monitors what their children watch on TV? Am I the only parent that makes their children earn time for video games and then has a set time limit for it when they do get to play? Am I the only mother in the world who thinks its horrible to let your daughter run around in clothing with words across the behind?? Seriously who do you think is looking at this and why do you want to draw attention to your child's rear end? Ooohhh ya and all the parents who sign their kids up for little league things and dump and run. These practices and events are not free babysitting!!! I honestly know of a few mothers that take their daughters to gymnastics and leave them there and go down to the bar and grill and have a few drinks while they wait for their kids!
Okay, so I know it sounds like I am whining, but I have had enough! I am tired of being told by other parents that I am a prude, I need to catch up to the times, and the one I hate most of all is "our kids need us to be their friends"! I have a responsibility to my children to RAISE them.
My children and I all have good relationships. We talk about everything under the sun. They come to me with most of their troubles or questions and know they have nothing to fear, I will hear anything and answer them openly and honestly.
That can be done without letting the "tail wag the dog" so to speak. Are ppl to busy or so self-absorbed anymore to take the time to raise their children?
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
I see nothing wrong with asking your parent
This was my father and I was his next of kin. You try to make it sound dramatic as if he were dying. He was in excellent health with no medical issues at all. He had no other family members except for grandchildren, nieces and nephews. No wife, no siblings. I asked if I outlived him could I have the property. He lived out of state. When I asked him he did a quick deed, I paid for all insurance on the property as well as property taxes for about 4 years prior to his getting killed in an accidental death. I only wish I had asked my mother prior to her death (being as I was her only living child) if I could have had her personal belongings. I did not get those and should have. I learned when she died not to hold back if you want something. Now really, how would you feel if you were an only child and was bypassed with things that rightfully should be yours in the first place. Even in a court of law, a child comes first before others in who gets what when it comes to things like this. Don’t get on your soap box.
No one except a parent can understand, eh??!! sm
Ridiculous, with just a hint of "gotta-belong-to-my-club" elitism tossed in. Any sentient and compassionate human being can understand the issues, perhaps even better than someone whose judgment is emotionally clouded, and including the travesty that false hope and half-truths cause every day in the medical industry. (Hint: Go stand at the Mexican border where you can collect the sad stories.)
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that ESC research should not go forward. I was merely giving the rest of the facts about the dismal history and science of ESC research so far that Obama so conveniently omitted, and saying that we need to do this with protections for embryos in place.
I was just giving you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey used to say. I'm sorry if it's an "inconvenient truth", and despite my reservations, I do wish the very best for your child just as I do for the unborn embryos now at increased risk.
You don’t seem to be a strong parent
With teenage drinking, driving and the like, why even take the chance of having a diaster in the making waiting around the corner. I just do not see my ever wimping out to my child's father or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don’t want to look like the bad guy but here I think you really do.
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