I re-read, so you do live together - you have to decide if he is (sm)

going to function as a dad or not, and if so, you need to BOTH be involved in decisions, not just him.  If he is not going to function as dad, he should not be involved in conferences at all.

• Question about son, school, teacher, and boyfriend - A bit upset
  • The operative word here is boyfriend... - ttmttoo
  • Breach of confidentiality - FLMTFL
  • Maybe the teacher doesn't realize his boyfriend and not dad? I would inform her immediately! sm - Carolina MT
    • "he is" not his sorry - nm - Carolina MT
      • I re-read, so you do live together - you have to decide if he is (sm) - Carolina MT
  • I think you are right - jlynn

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My husband died six months ago suddenly and unexpectedly.  My niece, who just turned 12, has always been extremely close to my husband and me, and spends a lot of time at our house.  LIke your children, she had never experienced death in a close relative before.  The day he died, my brother and sister-in-law picked her up from school and broke the news to her.  She was sad of course and she cried for quite a while. 

Her parents gave her the choice of what she wanted to do in regards to go to the funeral home and/or attend the funeral.  She chose to come to the funeral home and sit with me, and to attend the funeral. 

She later wrote on the subject when the class had to write an essay at school about a life altering event.  She wrote about how much she loved her uncle and she felt that was her last chance to say goodbye, as she didn't get to say goodbye before he died.  She was sad that he died suddenly and she didn't know ahead of time, and that seemed to hurt her a lot, even though nothing could change that.

As for me, her presence at that time made me feel a little better.  My husband's death has made she and I even closer.  She's very smart and mature for her age.  She knows sometimes when I get a little sad, that I'm thinking of my husband, and she totally understands, cause she still misses him too.

I know this is kind of rambling, but I hope it makes sense.  I think kids want to be a part of our experiences, the good and the bad, and I think to exclude them, even when you think you're protecting them, makes them feel left out. 

Good luck to you and your family.  My prayers are with you.

Some guys are good dads - willing to pitch in and help take care of the child's needs, and give it plenty of time and attention.

There are quite a few guys out there that like the IDEA of a child - as long as it doesn't cramp their style.  This means it all devolves upon the mother - care of the child 24/7, criticism from him and his family if you aren't doing it their way, but of course any bragging rights are all theirs.

Then there are the demands of academia - when your child gets sent home with a backpack full of paperwork to review on a nightly basis, whose job will that be?

Another thought is the possibility of divorce down the road - what happens then?  Quite a few dads who let mom do all the work suddenly become superdad when the thought of child support comes along, and they will do anything to win custody so that YOU have to pay THEM.  Even if you win custody, the head games with visitation schedules, daddy's new girlfriend pushing her way into the picture, etc. never end.

Be careful.  Having a baby to stroke a man's ego can get very messy very fast.  Its a huge responsibility and too often the mother does all the work and the father takes all the credit.  Take the worst case scenarios into consideration before you decide.

to give in to something and enjoy it, which I have not and will not do in this case. 

The puzzlement for me is how the attraction comes out of nowhere like that, and of course this time when it happened it is more troubling because he is so young.  It must be pheromones.  I think that's the best explanation.

on men/relationships...That is when the right one comes along! That's how it happened for me. I, like you, had decided I was done with men, too many bad experiences, and then I met THE right guy for me.  That was almost 11 years ago and we have been married for 7-1/2 years. We have a happy marriage and a beautiful little 15-month-old girl. It's when you stop looking that the right one comes along!

The most important thing, though, is to trust your instincts. They will never steer you wrong. From your description, it sounds like a good thing, but if there is a doubt that nags at you, don't dismiss it. Just don't let prior bad relationships cloud your judgment, because they are all different.

I'd call the Chamber(s) of Commerce of whatever city you decide to stay in and ask them the condition(s) of the area(s)  post-Katrina.....just my opinion.

Have fun on vacation!!!  :)

I have a dilemma.  I am an animal lover and have something I cannot come to a conclusion about.  At a restaurant where I eat lunch every Friday with a friend of mine, I have noticed a young male kitty hanging around outside looking for food.  This past week he ran up to my friend and rubbed her legs and quietly meowed.  I purposely did not try to pet him because I knew I would get attached and ignored him.  Well, ever since then I find myself thinking about him and wanting to rescue him.  Meanwhile, I already have 4 inside cats (2 rescues, 2 Maine Coons) and hubby really does not want another cat in the house because a few years ago I promised we would  never have more than 4 (had up to 5 at one point previously).  I actually have a huge screened deck he could stay on indefinitely because I do not believe in letting cats run loose for their own safety.  I could provide plenty of food, a warm place to sleep, and veterinary care.  At some point I would even probably work him into our household, but I just cannot do it at the moment.  Just not sure I would be doing right by that kitty because I am sure he would be upset and confused for a good while as to where he was and what was going on, but is that better than being hungry and cold?  I know there are lots of animal lovers out there.  What does everyone think?? 

after I found HUGE holes in the walkway between my house and barn.  I thought they were just little mice stealing grain, but then I spotted one and it was a HONKIN RAT!  My poor olderly cat was out there with me at the time and saw it, and he hissed at it and ran away! 

I asked for advice on what to do at a local agricultural board, because I have other animals and didn't want to use poison and conventional traps weren't working.  They advised putting a large pale of water out with some seeds floating in it, figuring the rats would go for the seeds and end up drowning.  That was a no-go because the water just froze up solid.  I wound up reluctantly going with Decon because I just can't have my house destroyed.  I haven't had seen any more rats or evidence of them stealing grain, so I'm guessing they have died.  The guy at the grain store promised me the rats would not die in the building and stink the joint up, rather they would crawl off and die outside.  I don't know if I believe that, as it is still winter here and decomposition would be holding off until it warms up.  We'll see, but at least the destruction has been halted.

Good luck and I too say have no mercy, because you just don't need them destroying hour house or causing a spark chewing wires and burnin' the place down.  It is war!   

  (How un-PC is this emoticon?!)

I know plenty of 80+ y/o people where I live (and I'm 25 years behind them...kinda sorta)....who are MORE active than many I know much younger.  I see them going to the airports to jaunt around Paris/Spain, or just several times a year flying cross country to spend holidays with families, etc, etc.  So if you see 80+ as *old* or *very old* - think again.  It's an individual basis kind of thing, in my mind - OH AND BY THE WAY, none of the people I speak of have had plastic surgery of any kind and look FABULOUS!.........GOD BLESS 'EM!!!!  Good genes - genetics -