My psychologist who became a dear friend during our many SM
Posted By: Me, too on 2008-02-04
In Reply to: I don't let people hurt my feelings any more sm - elaine
visits told me (and it took some time for me to realize this is so true and to apply it) that the only way a person can hurt us is if we want something from him/her. If we really don't want or need anything from them they can't hurt us. You are right. We can control our reactions, and we need to. We will never, ever control what comes at us.
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Not me, but a very dear friend
A very dear friend of mine who is very spiritual (and whose husband became a pastor later in life) had a fairly wild youth. She was pregnant with her older daughter when she married her husband. She always regretted that decision and wished she had waited. She was very open with her daughter about it and was open with her about her regrets about the decisions she had made. The daughter got married at 19 - she and her husband had both waited, as a matter of fact. 20 years later they are now still happily married and have 4 kids.
Too funny! A former dear friend
ended up leaving her hubby (he was a bit of a jerk, but the new one isn't any better)and that is exactly how it happened. They both worked the nightshift in a hospital.
I hooked up with my dear friend after 30 yrs
She was my first roommate - We lost contact because both our phone #s were and still are nonpublished for 40 years.......her son is my godson - we all rehooked up, I flew to see them in the mountains - it was TRULY LIKE 30 years HAD NOT PASSED! Yes, we all look older but it was like we just picked up where we had left off. It was a great feeling. And her son and I see each other 4-5 times a year, he and his children stay here regularly.
Hope you find the same!!! Old good friends are hard to replace.....
my dear friend has a house in malibu
that so far has been spared, but he is worried. I pray for everyone involved that they get this under control soon. It is so scary and devastating to me and I am in Minnesota. Would hate to be going through this myself. Despite what they are all going through, the people seem to be in good spirits. I would be hysterical. I wish I had half of their strength.
I went to a psychologist who offered it.
I met with the psychologist for an initial visit and we figured out that my anxiety was more acute than my depression, and I didn't know how to relax. So he taught a relaxation technique and then I met with the biofeedback tech instead of him after that. She hooked me up to a machine that read how well I could do the exercises and from her feedback I learned how to relax. That's when I realized exercise caused that feeling also, especially if your rib cage is really working. Expanding those muscles with exercise seems to be a great trigger.
Does his school have a psychologist? Maybe time for
s
Male psychologist on CNN stated SM
he was powerful man who was afraid to discuss his feelings with his wife and "just wanted a hug". Pretty expensive, ahem, hugs.
The child psychologist didn't
recommend the Nanny shows. We spoke a lot about some of the techniques used on the show and he didn't feel they were appropriate. I have tried to get to the root of the problem, but there just doesn't seem to be a reason other than that's just how he's wired.
Apples to oranges comparing MT to a psychologist! sm
I'm currently going to school for an advanced degree in a completely unrelated field from MT, while working FT as an MT and having an unemployed husband, as well.
My disdain for this profession in no way affects my ability to be successful in my next career, and it's unfair of you to attack the OP for daring to feel overwhelmed by everything she's got in her life right now.
We all have our tipping points, and kudos to her for having foresight into what she really wants to do and pursuing it.
The MT industry is lousy, it has little respect and no thanks. We all have our reasons for being in it.
dear husband, dear daughter, etc...
xx
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
Oh dear, that should be the end of our lot sm
not "and the ned of our lot". Been a loooong weekend and it's not over yet. LOL. Anyway, thanks for all the helpful advice.
I am not your dear.
If you ever see your kids or grandkids hungry, bet you change your mind real fast.
The first D is Dear...nm
Dear God yes!
That is my favorite comfort food!
I demand you buy some this weekend and eat it!
LOL
But seriously, it's awesome. You should try it!
Dear Dog
Go brush your own hair. I have to brush mine.
Love,
Mom
Dear DH
You no longer travel 6 weeks at a time, with a week in between travels. Learn to pick up your flipping dirty laundry or I will shove it up your, uh, in your ear.
Love, your wife
Dear Son
You have a rogue sock in your room that I cannot find, but the odor is lofting out into the hall. Please do your best to find it.
Love,
Mom
Dear IRS:
You suck.
Dear Everyone -
Yes, I am crabby - I have both PMS and perimenopause. When I tell you to "stop bugging me", I mean it.
Leave me alone since I gave you fair warning - Or Else suffer the consequences.
Signed - Really, REALLY IRRITABLE.
Dear Mom
Please stop calling me 2 and 3 times when I don't answer the phone. Please stop immediately calling my cell phone when you don't get me at home. I'm 34 years old. I work, I'm married, and I have 3 kids, so I might be kind of busy some days. When I do answer, please don't scream at me -- "Where have you been? I've been calling you for an hour!" I might be working or I might be at the school or I might be working out -- anyway you look at it, I'm 34 years old and have a right to make my own decisions.
When you do talk to me, please don't lay the guilt trip on me because "no one will help you hang your wallpaper." Did you ask my brother, who lives 2 hours away to help? Did you ask my sister who lives 2 hours away to help? Did you ask my other brother who lives an hour away but comes home every weekend to hang out with his friends to help? Probably not. You called me because I'm only 5 minutes away and you know I "don't really work". Perhaps I would be willing to help with you these things if you'd call ahead and ask me when I'm available, instead of waiting till you get up one day and just feel like getting the wallpaper hung.
BTW, why can't you just hire someone to hang it? That's what I did this summer when I needed a babysitter and you weren't available.
Dear God, ,,,,,sm
PLEASE bless this country and keep us all safe from evil. And please bless all lawmakers, from the Prez on downward, with WISDOM and strenth to lead us out of our current problems (because YOU are beyond all problems and adversity), and please bring all AMERICANS together, help us forget our divions/past ideologies, and work hard together, making wise sacrifices and helping each other as brother and sister. Amen
Dear Sue
As a customer who had $10K in fraudulent charges added to her credit card when her identity was stolen, ahem - I don't care if it is illegal or not, I'M GRATEFUL that anyone wants to verify my identity!!
Dear Mom
Thanks. I needed that reminder. I'm glad you let me take it out on you instead of my real mom.
Dear Mom
Yes I know you care. I know you spent your life raising me and my siblings. I realize you may be lonely, but part of that is your own fault. I would call more often if you were more pleasant to talk to instead of always complaining about someone or something that didn't go your way. I would enjoy spending more time with you if you made it pleasant, instead of complaining to the waitress that the coffee tastes bad and that they put too much mayo on your sandwich and that you don't like the restaurant because they don't let you seat yourself. When I ask you to pick, you always say it doesn't matter when obviously it does.
You're married. You should ask Dad to help you hang the wallpaper. He doesn't like spending time with you either because you constantly pick fights. Anything that goes wrong is always his fault. Why can't you just laugh it off once in a while? Have you forgotten how to have fun? Where is that woman I used to know when I was a teenager? We had such good times together then and laughed more than ever. What has happened to make you so bitter? I've tried to talk to you about it, but you just won't listen to reason. You always say it was someone else's fault. When do you accept the blame?
Dear Sis:
The next time you come over to my house and something comes up missing we are going to have a serious problem on our hands. I am really tired of seeing your daughters wearing my kids missing clothing and when asked you say you bought them. NOT TRUE. I cannot believe that you would steal something like an apple corer or my neat little pill cutter that I bought. I cannot believe that you have stolen so much from me that your children are starting to do it now too. Your daughter stole my daughter's stuffed whale and you KNOW THIS yet stick up for her when questioned. AMAZING. I mean what.... doesn't welfare give you enough help? Also, I am tired of you calling me during my well-known work hours just to talk about absolutely nothing so that I can listen to you yell and scream at your kids and your husband. And when I say I have to go, I am working, you say that really sucks to have to work. Yeah, it kinda does.... but I dont want to have to resort to stealing instead. My suggestion to you would be to GET A JOB and BUY YOUR OWN THINGS.
Thanks, Big Sis
Dear Mom:
Typical to play the guilt card inferring you will be dead soon. I remember grandpa doing that and you did not call him more because of it (or see him more). I truly hope I do not do the same thing to my own children. There are many things that you do that I try to live by as an example of what NOT to do so I can have a healthy and happy life. You playing the guilt card just makes me resent what you do (or try to do) even more. You have to remember I have a life to and it is my turn to live it, warts and all.
Dear Mom...
Dear Mom:
Thank you for being a wonderful, loving, kind, and caring mother and grandmother.
Thank you for respecting the fact that I do work at home and have a husband and 3 children.
Thank you for, on the occasions you must call during my work hours, making it short and sweet, getting down to business, and letting me go so I can get back to work!
I love our hour-long phone conversations when I'm not busy and Dad's in the garage working. I love having lunch with you on Fridays when I can. I love walking around the mall with you and window shopping...cause we're both too broke to buy anything!
You are my best friend and I cherish every moment we spend together, not only as mother and daughter, but as friends.
With much love,
Your daughter
Dear Mom
I wish you were here. I miss you. I miss talking with you. I hate that you are not here to see your grandchildren becoming adults that you would be so proud of. I am sorry we never made Christmas candy together, mine just never turns out right. I am glad that I told you in our very last conversation that "I love you" but I really wish you were here to hear me say it again.
Dear DH...
Thank you for being so "terrible" that your ex decided she had enough of you and tossed you to the side. Wow, you are terrible; same job for 25 years, respectable, handsome, has a good relationship with his family, honest, moral, respects my work in and around the house, you were not a deadbeat dad, you always compliment me, you make me laugh daily, you know the freedom of living debt free and saving for the future, you take me on the best vacations and most importantly, you love me for who I am, flaws and all.
Oh, and to the ex...you blew it honey...no wonder you called a couple of years ago and tried to get him back; it didn't work. Thanks, things have only gotten better!
A grateful wife
Dear Dad...sm
Please get a life for yourself. You have been divorced now for over 6 months. Probably closer to 9 months. I know you are sorry you messed up and cheated repeatedly on mom but there is nothing I can do about it. I do get tired of listening to you whine about her not forgiving you. I mean, really, she only forgave you 3 times and gave you another chance to which you were caught doing the same thing. Go be with your girlfriend and be happy. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Also please learn to be a man and take care of yourself. My mom is not going to take care of you anymore. You have to stand on your own 2 feet now. No, I can't give you gas money or money to eat because I work and have to buy my own gas and food.
Please accept the fact that mom is not going to take you back and quit calling literally ALL day long and all night. Quit coming to her house and banging on the windows and doors and threatening her. No wonder she called the sheriff.
Please quit threatening to kill yourself. You have been threatening this for almost a year now. We both know you are not going to kill yourself you just want attention. Please don't tell me you are going to shoot at the police so they will kill you. That is insane.
Please quit calling me every night to ask if I have seen or talked to mom that day and what was she doing. What time did she come home from work? Did she go anywhere? Was anybody over at her house? Etc. I am tired of being asked 50 questions.
Please learn to buy food for your apartment and eat there. I am tired of you calling me and asking me what I am cooking and can you come eat all the time.
In short, get a life, learn to stand on your own 2 feet, accept the fact mom and you are over, quit threatening to kill yourself, quit calling me to ask 50 questions about mom, and eat at your own house.
Oh, dear.
What can I say that the others have not already said? My heart breaks for you, and I will keep you in my prayers.
My best friend is a disabled veteran, and every day she struggles with feelings of guilt that she is somehow "mooching" off of society because she is not able to hold down a job.
I wonder if she feels that way in part because there are so many people abusing the safety net. That safety net is there for people like you and her.
I do hope you will be able to get out of that toxic living situation as quickly as possible, and then see what you can do about building some kind of life for yourself, in which YOU make all the choices. And please come back and let us know how you are doing!
Dear Santa....
Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning , or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always, MOM...!
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my reques ts if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.
AMEN to that
Dear Santa:
Dear Santa:
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.
I want to slap Martha Stewart. Now, hear me out, Santa. I won't scar her or draw blood or anything. Just one good smack, right across her smug little cheek. I get all cozy inside just thinking about it. Don't grant this wish just for me, do it for thousands of women across the country. Through sheer vicarious satisfaction, you'll be giving a gift to us all. Those of us leading average, garden variety lives aren't concerned with gracious living. We feel pretty good about ourselves if our paper plates match when we stack them on the counter, buffet-style for dinner. We're tired of Martha showing us how to make centerpieces from hollyhock dipped in 18-carat gold. We're plumb out of liquid gold. Unless it's of the furniture polish variety. We can't whip up Martha's creamy holiday sauce, spiced with turmeric. Most of us can't even say turmeric, let alone figure out what to do with it.
OK, Santa, maybe you think I'm being a little harsh. But I'll bet with all the holiday rush you didn't catch that interview with Martha in last week's USA Weekend. I'm surprised there was enough room on the page for her ego. We discovered that not only does Martha avoid take-out pizza (she's only ordered it once), she refuses to eat it cold (No cold pizza? Is Martha Stewart living?) When it was pointed out that she could microwave it, she replied, "I don't have a microwave." The reporter, Jeffrey Zaslow, noted that she said this "in a tone that suggests you shouldn't either." Well, lah-dee-dah. Imagine that, Santa! That lovely microwave you brought me years ago, in which I've learned to make complicated dishes like popcorn and hot chocolate, has been declared undesirable by Queen Martha. What next? The coffee maker? In the article, we learned that Martha has 40 sets of dishes adorning an entire wall in her home. Forty sets. Can you spell "overkill"? And neatly put away, no less. If my dishes make it to the dishwasher that qualifies as "put away" in my house! Martha tells us she's already making homemade holiday gifts for friends. "Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone," she boasts. Not just scarves mind you. Amazing scarves. Martha's obviously not shy about giving herself a little pat on the back. In fact, she does so with such frequency that one has to wonder if her back is black and blue. She goes on to tell us that "homemaking is glamour for the 90s," and says her most glamorous friends are "interested in stain removal, how to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel." I have one piece of advice, Martha: "Get new friends." Glamorous friends fly to Paris on a whim. They drift past the Greek Islands on yachts, sipping champagne from crystal goblets. They step out for the evening in shimmering satin gowns, whisked away by tuxedoed chauffeurs. They do not spend their days pondering the finer art of toilet bowl sanitation. Zaslow notes that Martha was named one of America's 25 most influential people by Time magazine (nosing out Mother Theresa, Madeline Allbright and Maya Angelou, no doubt). The proof of Martha's influence: after she bought white-fleshed peaches in the supermarket, Martha says, "People saw me buy them. In an instant, they were all gone." I hope Martha never decides to jump off a bridge. A guest in Martha's home told Zaslow how Martha gets up early to rollerblade with her dogs to pick fresh wild blackberries for breakfast. This confirms what I've suspected about Martha all along: She's obviously got too much time on her hands. Teaching the dogs to rollerblade. What a show off. If you think the dogs are spoiled, listen to how Martha treats her friends: She gave one friend all 272 books from the Knopf Everyman Library. It didn't cost much. Pocket change, really.
Yep, be careful, dear...
I had a similar experience with a dentist when I was in my mid-20's. He wasn't that good-looking, I was married, and not therefore not tempted, but he did make personal, complimentary remarks when I went into the office for a check-up on a Saturday when his staff wasn't in. My first impression (even back then as a naive and young 22-year-old) is that probably he just wanted to see how many of his female patients would "bite." (No pun intended.) But...if he is not married, and you're able to go into this with a skeptical eye, see where it may lead...expressing wanting to get to know you better is pretty flirty, to my thinking!
Frankly, my dear if you
only knew. I do not get into other's business, never. I could care less about much of anything unless I feel it impacts MY life and very few things do. I have children, don't tell them my thoughts, just believe in live and let live. I can only govern myself - I have absolutely no desire to tell my child, you or the next person what to do. I have more important things to do with my time. Only my immediate family and animals really matter to me anyway.
Dear Grossed out
Sorry it grossed you out - it was a beautiful experience for everyone in our family - when he went to school we explained to him that he would have to stop nursing because I would not be able to come to school to nurse him during his milk break - he had no problem with this - and within a week he was weaned. I guess the fact that I worked as a wet nurse grosses you out, as well. Unfortunately, you just don't know what you are missing or missed - or maybe you don't have children yet. It is your decision to make - not the states, the government, or certainly a stranger's. Good luck if you ever have kids and decide to BF. If so, email me anytime for information and encouragement.
Dear Janet
If you can get past the biting stage when they are teething - the rest is a breeze. If you don't like it - don't look - but it is not "odd".
How about Dear Dr. and Mrs. Rebellion. .....j/k
m
You poor dear. I know exactly what you are saying.
I have 4 children with my husband. I don't even like leaving them at home with him. It's not that he is abusive but I just feel like I should be there in case he starts his antics with them. They are pretty tough though. Even at their early ages they have him figured out and sometimes I think they cope with him better than I do. They have this wonderful ability to mentally block him out that I wish I had sometimes. They just act like he isn't even in the room. I guess God takes care of them b/c they are the innocent victims.
Dear Frustrated:
First let me say I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. I hope he comes to his senses and makes the right decision. I hope my post doesn't seem harsh, because it is not meant to be and I hope it doesn't come across that way.
Wow, I guess I have to consider myself lucky. I'll tell you my story, but I guess my advice would be to suggest the Army if he wants to switch schools. If he thinks he is miserable where he is at now, he could try being a soldier, going through boot camp, being away from family and friends, eating MREs, working 16-hours days with no time off, not being able to shower, sleeping in a ditch, etc. Once he puts 4 years in he could go to college on the GI bill.
When my son graduated from boot camp we went to his graduation at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. One of the speakers made a statement and I find this is so true. His statement was, "We've managed to do in 9 weeks what you've been trying to do for 18 years."
My son was always a good kid too, never into any trouble, but now he was a man. I could see the difference already. We took him out to dinner and he was calling the waitress Ma'am.
My son left a week after high school graduation for the Army (his choice, certainly not mine, I didn't want him to go). He spent four years in the Army, 3 of which were spent in Germany. When he joined he received a $5000 sign-on bonus. He managed to travel to 25 different countries while in Europe. At the end of his 4 years, he had saved over $20,000 for college. He is in his 3rd year of college now and has taken the maximum number of credits that is allowed and he will graduate in May with 2 degrees, having completed that in 3 years, not 4. His first summer between years 1 and 2 he worked as an intern at a law office, contemplating becoming a lawyer. The second summer between years 2 and 3 he worked for a gas company changing gas meters in the sweltering heat. Soon he'll be done and off to grad school. He's been on the dean's list each semester. The only contribution my husband and I have given him towards his education is a new car to drive and we pay the car insurance. No cash, never paid for any books, never paid a phone bill, nothing, well, except for maybe some treat boxes with food, but that's it.
If you are contributing a significant amount to his education or upkeep then you have more power to dictate to him what he can/can't do regarding the phone bill, what you expect of him as far as grades, etc. I agree with you that if he decides to switch, he is on his own.
We as mothers tend to have the soft spots whereas fathers are more hardened. I can't tell you how many tears I've cried when my son missed his first Christmas home and missed celebrating his 21st birthday at home, had to go to Kuwait, etc.
We do have to let them fall sometimes and see if they can get up on their own, just like when they were toddlers learning to walk.
You should not feel like you are to blame for anything that may happen because of the way you raised him. We have no control over the influences of others on our children. We can only hope their upbringing is still deep rooted in there somewhere and they will make the right decisions. They might make mistakes, but they will learn. We cannot make all of the decisions for them or keep them from making mistakes or they will not learn from them.
I hope everything turns out okay for all of you.
Oh dear...I have finches sm
and never heard this before. They are in my office and I don't burn anything in here but do in other parts of the house. One Sunday we came home from church and all the finches were dead. One was still sitting in her nest. There was a parakeet right beside them and he was fine. We never knew what happened. There were no candles left burning at the time but there may have been previously. This was several years ago so I don't remember exactly. BTW, wer have a cordon blue finch and her (sister) died so we got a society finch for company. We though SF was also a girl but found eggs 2 days ago. We took the eggs out because we had a traumatic experience once with baby finches and I don't really want to go through that again. My kids are driving my crazy wanting baby birds. Don't know what to do. Do you have any thoughts?
no my dear...just the opposite...
suppresses appetite and because of this you can lose weight until your body gets used to it...but NO you do NOT gain weight...I lost weight. I can gain weight just sniffing bakery goods...so Adderall was great for the first few months with weight loss.
Sorry dear but your wrong -
I also know people who have linoleum in their rooms and it DOES look like tile. It had the shading, grout, etc. If I didn't like it then I wouldn't acknowledge it. And FYI it isn't cheap - if you by the right stuff.
When wtaching HGTV they even they say linoleum is taking over alot of "high traffic" areas. If wood is so great in kitchens where there is water, spillage (especially with kids) then why don't they put it in bathrooms.
dear desperate
I'm so glad you've moved so quickly on getting help. I'm no psychologist but if you at all don't feel comfortable w/this one, keep trying others. Sometimes it is hard to find a good fit. I hope your daughter sticks around til Friday to see her. You are doing everything you can--hang in there!
Dear Charmed
It is obvious your sisters do not love you, but don’t let them destroy your life. Join a church, find new friends. Get counseling from a minister. Life is too short, don’t let their bitterness ruin your life. You have already seen that riches don’t make them happy. Start a new life without your sisters.
Dear Ms K9's wife
Try as you might, you cannot tell me your husband can approach any and all pitbulls and put them back on their chain- I was not born yesterday and don’t believe that for 1 minute. Tell someone else who does not know better, ok? You have named (except for the doberman) all dogs the police department close to me do not allow to be rescued because of their known aggressive behavior, chows, rotweilers and the pits. Better luck next time, sweetie.
Dear (insert name here):
!!!Say what you want to say!!!
Dear dishes, go wash yourself.
thx, red raw hands.
Dear 40+ women...
Please quit dressing like a teenager if you aren't in shape. You now have muffin top and flabby arms.
From Someone who works out
Dear co-worker
Stop calling me Fifty million times a day. If I don't answer the phone I am not home, busy doing something, or I just don't want to talk to you. Also, when you call stop calling my name so many times. I know what my name is.
Your co worker Me
Dear Spouse:
Please find a girlfriend. I'm sick and tired of taking your crap.
Hugs,
JMHO
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