What makes some people forgive so easily and others not so easy? sm
Posted By: anon on 2006-11-21
In Reply to:
The reason I ask is that I am in a very unique situation. I have a family member (an in law) who basically hates me. She and I have sort of been at it on and off for 8 years. She's a very mean person, very judgmental, hates everybody. I mean, seriously. It's bad. She rubbed off on me for too long. We were friends! I used to point and make fun at others ONLY when around her. When I finally caught on that she was not a very good influence and that I was so easily pursuaded by her meanness towards other people (backstabbing, etc), I began to keep my distance. And she caught on. Now she hates me. For no reason, really, other than I don't call her anymore, don't hang out with her anymore. And here lately she has been doing evil things to me like returning cards I've sent to her family with a giant "return to sender" on the envelope, getting her sister against me (I mean, come on, how old are we??), etc. She will be at my mother in law's for the holidays with her kids and I am cringing inside. In fact, just today, I received a nasty email from her when I got home saying some pretty mean things, calling me crazy, insane, etc. which I know I'm not, but it hurts anyways to hear stuff like that. She has a very hard time forgiving people, I've seen it over and over in her life, and now it has come to the fact that I need her to forgive me in order for ME to have peace in my life. It's just the kind of person that I am. I am totally willing to look past all the mean things she's done and said the past year and try to move forward positively!
So, fast forward. I've written her an email basically BEGGING for her forgiveness and saying I'm sorry for whatever I've done to hurt you (I know I've hurt her by not wanting to be around her,etc), and told her it wasn't good for us to be on the outs like this. I am pretty sensitive (if you can't tell already), and I really, really, really wish she could get past all of this and just forgive. We all need a little forgiveness, don't we?? What do you think? Why is it that some are so easily forgiven and others will go to their grave filled with HATE? I don't understand it one bit.
I'm not saying I'm any better than she is. I know I'm not. I just don't have an evil vein in my body to not forgive people and I HATE when others talk about others behind their backs. It's mean. I grew up around that stuff and once I reached adulthood and realized that I didn't need to talk about others to make myself feel better, I hated being around it. Give me some advice. Should I send the letter?
Please help me. Would you send it? She obviously needs love. What would you do? Would you just tell her to forget it and move on or would you be like her and hate back? 
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At 90 it is dementia which makes people - sm
do stuff they would not normally do. Did your dad have a history of being a dirty old man? I have heard many a story about men who start acting totally inappropriately when dementia sets in, kissing, grabbing, swearing, talking dirty, etc, that is/was totally out of character for them. I hope in your case that is all it was.
alcohol makes her nuts, along with millions of other people.
nm
Differences in people is what makes the world go round. There's no cut and dried anything anymore
department store, where there is no food being served, and her "baby" isn't being a problem, then you shouldn't have the BIG problem with it that you obviously have. I know my dog is a dog, but I have trained her to be quite well behaved, so I don't have a problem taking her around. Only you are the one who is taking this whole thing as rude. I take my dog into the mall all the time and it's no big deal. I'm not being rude or discourteous to anyone and I mind my own business. It really sounds like you need to do the same. Live and let live.
WHAT?! "Kids" can easily pay for their own...
car and car insurance and all other living expenses! I moved out when I was 17 and have been paying for ALL of my own bills ever since (I'm now 27). Yes, it was difficult and I had to buy clothes at Wal-Mart instead of Macy's, but it's very feasible. I also completed college, got married and had a baby all in that same time and have done just fine. You really just need to teach your kids responsibility and quit spoiling them and they will be able to make it on their own.
They get cold really easily (sm)
They are low to the ground as you know, and don't have much fur on their tummies so they get really cold easily. I have had one for 13 years and he has always lived inside, stays outside a lot during the day but comes in whenever he wants and sleeps inside. He gets shakey shivery freezing cold if he is outside in the cold for long. I do have two outside dogs who are quite happy out there but they are not dachsunds. I would at least make sure he has somewhere to sleep where he can be warm. They make really great pets.
that's okay im not easily offended
and im EASILY amused.
#7 is very funny
I could easily get hooked too. That is why I
do not watch those shopping channels anymore.
Fabric softener makes towels softer, yes, but it also makes them less absorbent. sm
Which is, after all, the function of a towel, absorbency. :-)
Know from experience that his PCP can easily prescribe something...just ask.
This is very common and can be very confusing for those going through it. Call your PCP and describe what you are seeing. They have seen it before and should know how to help. Don't suffer needlessly (neither of you). I wish you the best and KNOW there is light at the end of the tunnel...just ask!
I'm sure you could find it easily on google, BUT it sm
sounds like typical southern style dressing with dried cranberries in it. Sounds yummy!
I think parents give up too easily
these days on tattoos. It has been a fad for quite a while, but most people I've talked to regret doing it. People change with maturity, so it is not wise to put a permanent mark on the skin that will be an embarrassment less than 5 years later. It's a complete waste of money and an unnecessary health risk. Just Google worst celebrity tattoos and show him how silly they look down the road. If you help them see the future, most kids can understand consequences of their actions and will be glad you took the time to teach them some wisdom IMO.
Sounds like you could easily turn this into a meal
by tossing in some chicken breasts. My MIL bakes pork chops in cream of mushroom soup, bet you could use that too for something a little different.
I think you can forgive
but that doesn't mean you have to live with it. I have forgiven my EX-husband. lol
Should I forgive? and if so how??? (sm)
My husband hit me about 4 years ago...he slammed my head into a pole on our carport and pulled my hair, bruised my arms, cursed in my face. It was a shock to me because he had never acted that way before, although he had been somewhat aggressive in the past. It wasn't even a big argument, and I was stunned. I left for a week and made him go to anger management counselling. He went to two sessions, I came back home and he quit going. He has never hit me again. It has been four years. But he was never terribly sorry.... I have never felt the same way about him since. I have never wanted to be intimate with him since. I don't even like him touching me. I have prayed, been to marriage counsellors, tried to change my feelings toward him and I just can't.
It seems ridiculous to me to think of divorcing a man for something he did four years ago but I can't seem to feel anything for him anymore. What do I do?
I think you should forgive them both...
maybe not forget, but try not to hold a grudge. Keep in mind that your mother raised you and loves you the way you love your own children and it probably hurts her terribly that she hears nothing from you. It's Christmas time. If ever there was a time to try our best to be Christ-like, I suppose this is it.
I would definitely forgive them sm
and move forward as you normally would but would be cautious in the future. Should they gossip about you in the future I would definitely curtail your time around them - they could be toxic
On the subject of fault. Dont read if easily
If my opinion upsets someone, I think it is their "fault" (for lack of a better word) if they get upset. Everyone owns their own feelings and should not let someone else's opinion have so much power over how they feel. As far as lemmings and masses, those are generalities, a comment on society as a whole, not aimed at any one person.
I am sorry if my opinions have so much influence over others. I will try to keep my thoughts in check.
Please forgive the typos . . .
Trying to help feed Baby Alive while typing. LOL Apparently Santa did a good thing this year.
How many times could you forgive...
Your spouse for having an affair? I just found out that a friend of mine's husband has left her twice for another woman and both times she has forgiven him (this happened before we met). I just don't know if I could do that twice, once MAYBE, but certainly not twice...how bout you?
I say forgive, of course, but forget, NO WAY......sm
To be a true friend and truly care for someone, you first have to respect them and honor their dignity....how can care for anyone, friend, lover, or whatever, if you cannot be TRUTHFUL? How can you say you respect someone whiile blatantly lying to them? As a Christian and hopefully good person, I belive we always have to forgive, but to forget as if nothing had happened, that is impossible, I would think. She betrayed you by lying, not by seeing your ex, that is HER problem if she wants a second-hand loser, but friendship is a sacred bond, I am sure you can forge some newer, better friendships, can you ever feel any confidence in this woman again? Just my firm opinion, I had this done to me many years ago when very young, and although we tried, the friendship was never the same, for obvious reasons. God bless in your decision!
I can forgive, but how to forget?
a few weeks back my youngest son was injured. My mother came by to bring him some ice cream. For some reason something i said or did made my mother angry. I did not know this at the time. My husband and I went to lunch with said child, my mother and grandmother the next day. I noticed they were acting rather stiff and one time hubby, child and I went to the bathroom. When I walked back to the table M and G promptly stopped talking. Confused, the next day I called and asked the grandmother if I had done something wrong. Out of the blue she stated that she didn't think i should not let one child do something without the other (speaking about a birthday party they were BOTH invited to) I laughed and told her they had both been invited, that the child invited all of his friends and their brothers and I would never dream of self inviting my child to a party!!! Anyway I called my mother and told her the same thing. They both still sounded rather stiff. Well along came Thanksgiving. My MIL came over to our house so we didn't go to my grandma's house. My sister in law then told me all the things that were said about me...that I treat my oldest like crap, my youngest is a spoiled brat, etc. and that my grandma was actually CRYING because she believes my oldest is treated so badly. I honestly have NO CLUE where they got all of this!! I was flabbergasted!!! I just wrote them both off and just never really wanted to talk to them. No confrontation, nothing. I didn't even return their calls.
So today my grandma stops by unannounced and begs me to forgive her and that she wants to see my boys some time during christmas. SHe won't talk about the incident, what sparked it or even what the heck my mom thinks is so bad about how i have treated my oldest. I'm at a loss. On one hand I really want to get together with her. She is just going on something that someone else told her about me. On the other hand I feel like my every move will be judged if I am around her with my kids. I told her I forgive her and I honestly do, but i'm not sure how to get past this. I'm having a Christmas lunch Saturday with my brother. Should I invite her or just say to heck with it and not see her?
Call the corporate office, can be found easily enough on internet....
I've done it a few times with McDonalds. Got tired of getting halfway home and realizing something I paid for was missing, again!
no more forgive and forget posts
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081219/ap_on_re_us/palin_johnston_arrest
Please forgive the double post. Wise NM
x
Be the bigger person and forgive! Course my opinion
forgive me-I didn't realize you were the grandparent!
 but I also think you, as a grandparent, can supply all the info to CS....my situation was entirely different and I'm sorry I didn't realize you were the grandparent before I posted...
And God Bless you for taking responsibility for your grandkids, my parents would have done zippo!!  
Sorry meant sequins - this is a forum not work - please forgive me for not proofing
**
YIKES! I shoulda proofread before posting. Forgive all the typos and omissions!
you can give the people the facts, but the decision making process should be left to the people
This is what our country is founded on FREEDOM OF CHOICE! I'm laughing already; you are just as mortal as the rest of us, and don' even attempt to that you've never done anything in your lifetime that was unsafe or unhealthy. NOT gonna buy it.
Not easy....
I have been there and it's not an easy decision to make. I did get a second opinion and that really helped me make my final decision. In my case it was possible cancer of the uterus. When I thought about being a single mom and how much I wanted to see my daughter grow up and after getting the second opinion I had the surgery. Although it was difficult to go through at the time it was really freeing. No more times of the month, no more Kotex supplies, etc. I have never regretted the decision since! Get a second opinion, it's worth the time and effort!
I think it would be easy, too, IF I had someone to do all the
chopping and measuring for me!!! LOL!!!
Does anyone have an easy way to keep a
dog's teeth clean if they resist brushing? I am concerned about her. I tried to brush them a few times and only was successful for part of the lower teeth. I know that if bacteria gets into the blood stream they can really become dangerously sick and even die from this. How about some items that can be bought at pet chain stores? We should have started her out early to get used to it. Any advice would be so appreciated. 
easy way
First of all, there IS no easy way!!
My ex-SIL had gastric bypass right at about the time I started WW.
Just a little background: I was always thin until I started working at home. Then I blew up. Ex-SIL and BIL had not seen me until the weight gain, so it was somewhat of a shock.
Anyhow, we were in the process of embarking on our respective means of weight loss, and ex-BIL said to me, "At least you're doing it the hard way." I told him, without hesitation, that his wife was doing it the hard way. Dang!! She's the one getting cut open!!
I know it was his way of encouraging me because he's nice that way, but it bothers me that people think surgery and accepting the risks involved is easy in any way, shape, or form.
Man, I'm glad you can do the Tobasco. I don't think I would live without it LOL ;-)
Wish you the best!
very easy -
all I do when I cook salmon is add an egg and some flour and fry it up - don't add too much flour or it will be dry and taste flour, just enough so that it will stick together.
Here's an easy one
I find hor'dourves are always nice. Have them before and then if anyone stays after dinner you can pull them back out later or the next day for snacks.
Little smokie sausages, wrap each in 1/2 piece of bacon secured with a toothpick, and roll in brown sugar. Then bake in the oven until the bacon is done. They are really yummy and easy. line the cookie sheet with foil for easy cleanup cause the sugar can be messy.
My mom also used to take cream cheese and spread it on a platter, top with a layer of cocktail sauce, and then crab meat (real or imitation). Serve with crackers.
Rye bread is fantastic with dill dip. If you can find a round loaf of rye bread and hallow out the center and put the dip in the middle. Then the center part can be chopped up and placed around the outside for dipping. Later people can pull apart from the round "bowl" of bread to dip. Little to no clean up here.
My mom used to do hor'dourves instead of dinner and then just make a ham and rolls in case anyone didn't have dinner yet. I'll keep thinking. I'm sure I can remember a few more easy ones that everyone always seemed to love.
it is wonderful to see how many people have such strong opinions about people in debt.
I thought that the purpose of this board was to be able to post without being judged unfairly or have somebody tell you how wonderful their personal life is, and therefore you are causing their life to be less wonderful with your irresponsibility. Well, the saying "walk a mile in my shoes" is a good one in this case. Since you have no personal information about the person you are lambasting because they are looking for information on their debt, you can feel superior. Had you had personal information about them, you might act in a more human manner. Consider fighting cancer for 4 years, working and being debilitated while you do, suffering the effects of chemo, going into debt to maintain your home for your children and looking for a way out of debt SHOULD YOU EVEN LIVE THROUGH THIS!! Thank you for the kind comments. To the judgmental people I say please take a step back before you judge. You do not know who you are talking to and if you knew the personal information maybe your comments would be kinder.
I get frustrated by the double standard they use when judging people. They let certain people go sa
What do you think about the voting process?
An easy gift would be
to just get her a gift card to the mall in your area at the service desk, and she could use it at any of the stores there in the mall.
If you want to get a gift, gift, do you know any of her interests?
I know this will not be easy to read but I believe
we are responsible for how others 'treat' us because we have allowed it.... not easy to accept - I know - because have been through this myself and it is hard to swallow but if you think about it - it does make sense. When others disrespect us, either by not treating us the same as we treat them or by doing other unacceptable things and we continue to allow them to do this w/o confronting - they will continue to do so and in order to stop you need to stop allowing it and stop accepting it - and realize you are worthy of more. It's a hard step to take and a long road to haul but it can be done. So sorry! Trust me - have been there myself and slip back every so often but it is worth it to change!
Very easy for me- I have an account
with 1 of the major shopping channels, have my television in my work room, sometimes watching a particular show and get the number, call up the site and order. It really does not take that long and I still get 2000-3000 or over a day, no sweat.
Just take it slow and easy
Don't rush into anything, and don't let him pressure you into moving faster than you are comfortable with. After all, if you do get together, hopefully you will have a lot of happy years ahead of you. There's no need to rush things in the beginning.
I have been married for a long time to the same man (never divorced) but if we had taken more time in the beginning, we probably never would have gotten married. Outside circumstances kind of put us in a "do or die" position.
We had a lot of unhappy years, especially in the beginning. So the one thing I always advise anyone who is contemplating marriage and/or a serious relationship is take your time.
And good luck!
How to make (sm) It is easy
I bought a throw blanket, about 5' x 4' or so, then bought same size blanket fabric (had to trim it some so they are both same size. You put them one on top of the other and make cuts in about 2" or so, and about 1 inch apart so that you have fringe on three sides, but leave the top alone. They you just start tying both blankets together. It is kind of trial and error depending on how thick your blanket material is so you need to tye one and see if you need to cut in deeper or not. That's it! You just tie knots in the fringe on the three sides and you are done. If I can find a pic of one I'll try to post it for you.
easy button sm
I gave a gift to a home for troubled kids, attached a gift card to an easy button. Still getting thank you's. Just added a simple touch to money card which I don't like to give, but in this case it worked well, as kids are older, teenage troubled kids.
LOL!! Let me make this easy for you...sm
Lose the attitude, B! And I don't mean blondie. ;) The word I was referring to ends in an H, it also has an I in it too. Then throw in a T and a C and well, I think you are a smart girl. It will come to you. :)
Sure it's easy to get addicted
to food when you eat junk food, candy, cakes, McDonalds, ice cream, etc. I've never seen an obese person who eats healthy. If you are obese, you too are taking advantage of the healthcare system. What does it matter to you about my health...I don't worry or ridicule obese people. Comes down to it's none of your business. I do not smoke on the streets, in front of children, or people who have health problems. When I see an obese person stuff their face with crap and they weight 300 pounds, I find that disgusting. They too are hurting themselves. All addictions are the same no matter what even though you are too opinionated to see that!!
What I do a lot and is super easy
Is just take a bag of frozen vegetables, usually whatever I have. Broccoli/caul/carrots, broc/caul... or those new steam in the bag veggies. I just cook up some kind of whole wheat pasta, whatever I have, and then throw it together with the veggies. Sometimes I add some kind of pasta sauce or even just sprinkle with parmesan. If it's one of those packages of veggies that's already seasoned, that's really good too. I don't feel like pasta, I'll use rice instead. Quick and easy and you don't feel deprived because of all those veggies.
Easy but good
In a blender: 1 lg can whole tomatoes, 1-3 serrano peppers (sometimes even 1 is very hot, just depends on peppers at the time), Black pepper, Garlic Salt, Salt, and just a little Comino or Cumin (I have been told they are the same and I have tried them side by side and can't tell the difference.) Blend and season to taste. It will take more salt than you might think and just add a little by little of ingredients until you get it just like you like it. My friends have always had to make a couple before getting it seasoned just right. My bunco group requires this every month.
Or this Pico Salsa: 4-6 tomatoes diced, 1 onion diced, 3-6 serrano peppers diced very small, cilantro chopped added to your taste, and 1 fresh lime squeezed for juice. Season with Black Pepper, Salt, Garlic Salt all to taste and about 4 shakes of Worchestershire sauce. This is great pico for eating with chips or added with many dishes. My family prefers this at every gathering.
This is all with Texas preferred heat, so you may want to cut down on the peppers and it all depends on how hot the peppers are that day. The sauce and pico will get hotter over night, so be careful. If your pico gets too hot, try adding tomatoes to cool it off. Hot sauce requires adding more whole tomatoes to cool off but then you have to adjust your seasonings all over again.
It would be easy in my house. He would tell me to never cut
NM
How old do they have to be to peel easy?
Another thing I've learned is to cool them down as fast as possible makes them easier to peel. If you just let them cool down on their own, without running cold water over them, they're harder to peel.
Easy Fudge
Ingredients
3 cups (18 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate chips (or milk-chocolate chips)
1 (14-ounce) can EAGLE BRAND® Sweetened Condensed Milk (NOT evaporated milk)
Dash salt
1/2 to 1 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Instructions
In heavy saucepan, over low heat, melt chocolate chips with EAGLE BRAND® and salt. Remove from heat; stir in nuts (optional) and vanilla. Spread evenly into wax paper lined 8- or 9-inch square pan.
Chill 2 hours or until firm. Turn fudge onto cutting board, peel off paper and cut into squares. Store leftovers covered in refrigerator.
Notes: OTHER GREAT FUDGE FLAVORS: Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip Glazed Fudge: Proceed as above but stir in 3/4 cup peanut butter chips in place of nuts. Glaze: Melt 1/2 cup peanut butter chips with 1/2 cup whipping cream; stir until thick and smooth. Spread over chilled fudge.
Marshmallow Fudge: Proceed as above but omit nuts and add 2 tablespoons butter to mixture; fold in 2 cups miniature marshmallows.
Easy for men to decide
Some guys are good dads - willing to pitch in and help take care of the child's needs, and give it plenty of time and attention.
There are quite a few guys out there that like the IDEA of a child - as long as it doesn't cramp their style. This means it all devolves upon the mother - care of the child 24/7, criticism from him and his family if you aren't doing it their way, but of course any bragging rights are all theirs.
Then there are the demands of academia - when your child gets sent home with a backpack full of paperwork to review on a nightly basis, whose job will that be?
Another thought is the possibility of divorce down the road - what happens then? Quite a few dads who let mom do all the work suddenly become superdad when the thought of child support comes along, and they will do anything to win custody so that YOU have to pay THEM. Even if you win custody, the head games with visitation schedules, daddy's new girlfriend pushing her way into the picture, etc. never end.
Be careful. Having a baby to stroke a man's ego can get very messy very fast. Its a huge responsibility and too often the mother does all the work and the father takes all the credit. Take the worst case scenarios into consideration before you decide.
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