You may have to report it but not as sibling abuse (sm)
Posted By: NCMT on 2008-09-21
In Reply to: Neglect - Need Advicevice
Child abuse and neglect by the parents that BOTH children live with. The 8 year old doesn't need to be punished, they both need to be taken care of. The thing is, as you know DHS is not always going to fix the problem and if the mother finds out it was you, she will probably not let you see your GS again. That is a problem. I am not sure. Does your son have any type of rights to visitation, etc? Can he not go to court and say that his child is not being taken care of appropriately? Where is the older child's father?
Complete Discussion Below:  marks the location of current message within thread
The messages you are viewing
are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select
the boards given in left menu
Other related messages found in our database
Sibling abuse
I picked up my 6-YO grandson today to bring him to my house for the weekend. When I got there I could tell he'd been crying and had a puffy bottom lip. He showed me where he had a missing tooth and said his 8 1/2-YO half brother (not my grandson) knocked it out. His mom sits on the couch and says nothing to dispute it, so I'm sure it's true. This brother is also his babysitter after school until mom and step-dad get home.
Not too long ago DHS was involved and step-dad was charged with abusing my grandson. Of course they always try counseling first before thinking about removing a child from the home.
I constantly worry about the environment he is in as I've seen the way older brother treats him, but never anything quite like this. At what point is it considered sibling abuse as opposed to normal fighting that brothers might do. Is this something I should report to DHS?
p.s. His mom is just beginning to speak to me again. She blames me for the last DHS thing even though I wasn't the one who reported it (only because I didn't know about it). Once I heard about it, I did go make a report about neglect that I'd observed. Then they were conveniently busy for the next 5 weekends so I couldn't see my grandson. It's a long story, but there is nothing in writing about visitation. I have pretty much had visitation with him every other weekend for the last six years.
What to do.
Sibling abuse
They're home alone 2 to 3 hours before parents get home. Parents are trying to save money, which is the only important thing to them. I agree entirely that he is too young.
The thing is, parents were home today when this happened. They were probably just getting up. They do not get out of bed before 10 on the weekend, even though kids are up at 6 or 7. I pick my grandson up at 10, and he has not had breakfast yet. This is the norm.
Yes, I'd say it is sibling jealousy - sm
I am going through something similar but for different reasons. Jess, my 8, soon to be 9-y/o, is very jealous of her younger sister who is 7, and in the last 2 years since her cancer diagnosis and treatment, etc. Jen has gotten an inordinate amount of attention due to her illness, i.e. Gifts, cards, comments, etc. She also has the most beautiful hair which grew back almost the same color (it was very bright red before) but even more beautiful than before, now it has a lot of blond highlights in it and everyone always comments on how pretty her hair is, etc. and it makes my other daughter feel bad to say the least. She on the other hand is very beautiful too with very pretty hair too though brunette with blond and red highlights, nice bod and will knock them dead in a few years, and also very smart, a lot smarter than her younger sister is-- read earlier, great speller and writer, understood math sooner, etc. BUT she is so jealous of her and has been saying lately she hates her and we try to give her one on one time but that is hard to do as it's usually just me all day/night with them and my DH has been traveling a lot for work lately, so it can't just leave one and go off with the other. I know she does not really mean it. They do love each other a lot and usually get along quite well. So when she feels out of sorts I try to give her 10 minutes of my time for some girl talk and 100% of my attention while her sister is doing something else in the house. So lately I have taken to going to her bedroom when she is going to bed for a little chat, just the 2 of us. She really likes that and Jen doesn't mind in the least that I do this, so that is good. She gets more of my time since my older one holes herself up in her room a lot and plays her DS Lite. I also try to take them out 2 x a week now during the Summer and do something fun together and they always have a blast too (did King Dominion water park today), I think that helps a lot in providing happy sisterly feelings in our case.
Would you report.
If you saw someone moving there furniture out of the house 2 days before their housefire?
That's right. I had one report where pt had SM
cancer of the pancreas and, according to report, was supposd to be dead ten years ago. The guy was alive and doing fairly well with gastrostomy tube. I doubt when doctors give so much time left to live, unless the patient is in really bad shape and we are talking about days; but years? No. SIL may be around for a lot longer.
As for me, I would go to Europe. Maybe stay in Europe! LOL!
Here's two from the same report
Cataractectomy and hyperpotassemia. I used to always change these to cataract extraction and hyperkalemia but in these days of verbatim, I put them through as is. They just look stupid to me.
I'd say yes they really did abuse
the 'emergency' but rather than contacting an attorney I would just try to recall where you might have given her contact information - call them and change ASAP and I would not even fill in that spot in the future citing your experience in these two situations and the problems it caused and if they fuss - give them a phoney name and addy and let it go. I think it is there for your safety really, secondly for them to collect should you not pay a bill - I have only been called once in my 55 years as my son got behind on his credit union car payment and they traced me down through 3 counties - so think you definitely had an unusual experience.
Abuse
Call your local shelter and they will advise you on ways to leave safely. NEVER take abuse - physically, verbally, or mentally from anyone. Forget the church kid, learn to love yourself, and lead by example for your children. If you act like a doormat, do not be suprised when you get stepped on!
You need a long time on your own before you are ready to think about entering another relationship. You are not out of your present relationship yet, but you can be if that is your decision. Best wishes to you.
Lilly
I think it is abuse.
Take the poor doggy into your house. Your cat may hide, but my guess is the dog will ignore the cat. I got my Sheltie when I had 2 cats and they all got along just fine. Please don't leave this poor thing outside, especially if it hot in your area. If you cannot bring it in, call the authorities. It is kinder than leaving her out to suffer.
It is ABUSE!
<>
This IS animal abuse. Thankfully, in most states animal cruelty is becoming a felony. In my state (NY) it can be punishable up to $5000. Animal abandonment is also a felony with one year in jail and up to $1000 fine. Failure to provide proper nutrients is another law that seems to have been broken.
Our animals needs protection from the elements, proper food and water (and not just a bowl to catch rain water,either) They also need love and companionship, and by this I mean not regulated to the backyard to vegetate.
Animals can think....how do explain service dogs, search and rescue, and guide dogs? Have you ever seen a dog given a task to do and watch him/her go through the paces to get it done?
As I stated before, contact an area dog club to see if they have members willing to help, or if they know of a Sheltie rescue who can help. Contact your area vets for such phone numbers. Or, you can contact me and I'll see if I can locate a Sheltie rescue that can help.
Abuse
Your post makes me very sad. Your husband is abusive. Husbands and boyfriends come and go in our lives; however, family is ALWAYS family. Please seek counseling for yourself. You cannot change him. After you become stronger through counseling, you will see the situation clearly for what it is - abusive.
Call your sister and invite her for a visit. Better yet, get a plane ticket and go see her. Don't ask, just do it.
Best wishes.
Lilly
Abuse
Every county has a program for abused woman and children. You do not have to be physically abused for them to help you. Find out the name of the program near you, Domestic violence, Reach, etc. You can call them and they will allow you to take your children and live in a house, the whereabouts is not known to anyone on the outside. It is free and they are very caring. You can start there and they will help see that you and your children are safe away from this maniac. Good luck.
There's always abuse
of the system. Making it illegal doesn't stop that. There are a lot of drugs out there that are, in my opinion, worse than marijuana as far as addictive qualities and doctor's prescribe those drugs routinely and easily for things such as back pain which is not life threatening but can be debilitating. I think it would be much easier to hold standards to legal medical use marijuana than it would to criminalize alcohol and the numerous other prescription drugs that are out there and abused.
it's abuse duh
x
My ER report today -
CHIEF COMPLAINT: Difficulty pooping. 
Third report of the morning...
Doctor starts to spell patient's name...D - i - g, as in Zebra. Yes, he's an ESL and it's too early in the morning for this! 
Get a copy of the op report!
Request a copy of that report or call the physician who performed the procedure. I was put under general for a procedure that should have been done under conscious sedation. I complained of throat soreness, and couldn't understand why. Hence, the OR report confirmed general anesthesia! Oh my gosh! How rude for that tech to say that to your husband! I have never heard of having a colonoscopy without at least some Valium preprocedure, but I guess it could be.
this was a preliminary report - sorry....sm
preliminary is what Dr. Perper just said........and they do think a combination of drugs got her........but won't know for about a month.
I read the report--sm
and this is what I gleaned from it.
First off, this doctor may be an orthopedic hand surgeon, but in this case, along with others, he was a *study researcher*. He and some colleagues, also *study researchers* read 117 reports, but they did not specify where these *reports* came from. (hmmmm). This was not something he had *discovered* on his own and through his own work as an orthopedic surgeon. This was something he *read.*
Anyway, his conclusion from *reading these reports* was, *A major risk factor for carpal tunnel is genetics.*
The very next sentence says, *Exactly what these genetic factors are is not known.* (hmmm)
Then he also says *The quality and strength of evidence supporting genetics or inherent risk factors was felt to be MODERATE.*
Moderate??? 117 reports?? With all the carpal tunnel cases in the United States alone, I really do not feel that 117 reports from unspecified sources is the end-all and know-all for saying that repetitive use does not cause carpal tunnel. First off, I would want to know who these reports were written by, and pointing to only a *moderate* strength of evidence does not convince me, either. Basically, I would need much more proof than this. AND I would wonder exactly how much money this doctor and his co-researchers were paid to come up with this *conclusion.*
But, this is just my opinion. I do my research too and if it doesn't sound right, it usually isn't. Thanks for the link though and for giving me another opportunity to scrutinize yet another empty claim.
Take it seriously and report to the person
you would think would be most instrumental in getting the assistance she seems to need.
I wish to report my hubby
for the crime of stealing the affection of our foster dog, Cedric.
DH is home sick and I think it's a scheme to spend time with Cedric (though he would never admit this!) to win Cedric's heart over to love only him.
How did I lose control ... LOL.
In this day and age..absolutely. I'd report it to someone.
`
do not wait - do something now -- report her
Before another family or child is scarred by this counselor you need to write a letter to the principal and to the school board documenting everything that has happened. If you let it go, it will continue and harm other children. I am all for making children accountable for their actions and sometimes feel that parents do coddle too much sometimes but in this occurence -- do not and I really urge you to do something about it and report it. If you stand by and let this continue then you are partially responsible -- more of us need to become involved and do something about things like this. Let us know what happens. Just document in writing everything that has happened and does happen.
Report length
The longer the better if it's by one of my favorites.
they can be put on your credit report...
I know for sure b/c I have one on mine. :(
Header on an ER report
I will never forget--
ATV versus Tree.
ATV lost.
Rates right up there with bus versus bicycle. Bicycle lost. Car versus semi. Car lost. Car versus pedestrian. Pedestrian lost.
I'd report her to her superiors.
I'd be into that principal's office in a hot minute, have that teacher, and her union rep right there and have her disciplined. That is a breech of confidentiality and by no means should she have done that; it is nobody's business what condition that young boy has or deals with every day.
The bullying needs addressed as well with the principal and those parents called, and then what you do is request he be switched to another school in the district or you'll take to the local newspaper.
I am so tired of these teachers thinking they can just speak to students any way they choose, and not expect any repercussions from it. I had a teacher tell my son that his "mother's sob story doesn't fly that you are adjusting to a new school." Well, I was hot! I set up a meeting and put her in her place, and the principal actually agreed with me and not her. I will not tolerate this any longer.
I am now wondering what to do about the fact that my son is being punished for swearing in the hallway to another student and has to serve a detention but the swearing occurred about a month ago. If that was the case, it needed to be addressed when it happened, not a month later. My son didn't even know what he was being called in about it was so darned long ago. These teachers need to understand that they are the ones that students are supposed to look up to, and this teacher in this OP's life obviously is not setting a good example. This just goes to show how this world has lots to improve upon including people in positions where they are impressionable on our youth. She was wrong, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. JMO.
Please report this to the police (sm)
This is threatening and dangerous behavior. he is not afraid to knock on your door or to leave a note. Please call the police and report this immediately.
GOOD REPORT~
My brother and his wife & son went to see them this a.m. and when they walked in Lindsay's room she was texting someone on her phone.. she actually, so they have said has worse injuries than Mikey, she messed up her spleen, lacerated her liver, had some internal bleeding & said they might have to do surgery, not sure about that yet, what they thought was a break was an old wound, not a new break.. Mikey's parents talked to the dr. this a.m. & said he would heal, had a collapsed lung, etc, but he is out of danger as far as whether he's gonna make it. so thanks for all the prayers and Thank God for them both going to be okay..
Child abuse
That's your opinion - and pedofilia - obviously you did not BF or have a good bond with your children. Do you also consider it child abuse that I did not use disposable diapers? What about the fact that I worked as a wet nurse? Some things are just natural - You should read the book, The Family Bed - BF may be looked upon differently in the US - but that is only cultural - and I do not bend to cultural issues - I did as I pleased - and no one else cared or ever even discouraged me from BF my son as long as I did. Unless you've been there - you do not understand - sorry for you.
It is not abuse, but it is neglect
If you cannot take the dog in, I would definitely call the authorities. It is completely unfair and wrong for the dog to be left alone outside for that long with no shelter and no place to go. Who knows, maybe your cat and they dog will get along. I have 3 cats and a 128-pound German shepherd, and they call get along just fine together! But, if you cannot do this, just call the authorities for help/advice. I'm sure the dog would want you to do this so that it can get out of this situation!
Abuse causing this?
I had a son (I hear boys are worse than girls) who wet the bed until probably early teens. My aunt was a nurse, said NOT to belittle, get after, etc., etc. He definitely was NOT abused. Think children just do sometimes. I was told he would grow out of it and he did.
Child abuse, hardly
My child was circumcised years ago, did fine. Years later my 2 male grandchildren were not circumcised and as they were aging were running into lots of trouble, could not retract the foreskin because as they grew, so did the foreskin, could not keep the penis clean and finally at an older age (when more painful for them) had to get circumcised. Well known fact, smegma collects there and causes infection and could lead to worst things than just infection, has been linked to penile cancer.
no, not child abuse. what will they think of next? SM
How about - combing the tangles out of your daughter's hair (ouch)?
or ripping off a band aide?
or making them eat their vegies?
Reminds me of a GYN report I typed
was in her 80's and thought she was reaching for the KY jelly on her nightstand, but grabbed body wash instead while she was making whoopee. Poor thing had a terrible infection, hence her visit to the GYN. I still have to commend her for having you know what, plus KY jelly! Woohooooo! What a night, she must of had! Boy, did she pay for it in the end.
I would call the sheriff right now and report - seriously.
That is very, very unusual behavior and you need to make a record of it and protect yourself. Lock all your doors and be very, very cautious now. He knows you are alone now and vulnerable and who knows what he might do. Be careful!
According to news report today......sm
the reason it didn't pop up was because the system is not integrated and so this info would not have been found. I find it weird and scary that the state of Virginia found this man mentally ill and as a threat to himself and OTHERS, and STILL the system just let him walk off and back into the university system without any follow up on him.
Report this to animal control!
You need to file a report of both killings to the animal control officer. My neighbor had 2 Akitas (aggressive like chows) who attacked and killed my cat. Unfortunately my cat for some unknown mind boggling reason jumped over her fence into her fenced-in yard, BUT . . . these 2 dogs had also gotten loose a couple of times and attacked a woman getting her mail from her mailbox! Vicious dogs are vicious dogs and this needs to be documented by you. I feel so bad for your cats, but please don't let it happen to any other poor animals!
Thanks to everyone and I am happy to report I have been demoted... SM
to handing out programs at the service, another part of this wedding I do not understand. Is this a normal thing, programs at weddings? Maybe I've just been out of touch for too long or I'm just too kuntry, but I've never heard of a guest book attendant or having programs at a wedding.
Ah well, I'm just happy that when the food is served, I'll be comfy at my table ready to eat and not standing by some silly book making people sign it!
if it does show up on your credit report sm
You could try to get it removed. Tell the credit agency to remove it because you don't owe the money, that you sent a certified letter within 7 days to cancel this and that legally you don't owe it. Check out the state attorney general's office. If it were me, I would not pay it. If it does end up on your credit report, i don't know if paying it will get it removed.
You're doing my husband's report? (nm)
F.R.E.E. credit report.com baby. LOL.
That guy rapping with his little rice burner is HILARIOUS.. I find myself singing that song in the car.
Report it to EBay. Did you use PayPal to
pay for it?? If so, maybe they can cancel the payment.
Or maybe it's all that substance abuse she admitted to
I know I don't look like that and I'm close to that age. :P
THIS IS CALLED ELDERLY ABUSE
And the courts see it as this. You can have abuse other than striking a person. Taking advantage, which this is, of a person her age is something that needs to be nipped in the bud not tomorrow but immediately. A person can have an excellent mind, no dementia but are flattered when they think someone is smitten with them. Family and children services know about things like this. She is in a position for the right person to take plenty of advantage of whether it is her money or otherwise.
blatant emotional abuse
You say he is out and about all the time with work or just doing fun stuff.
Talk to an attorney then, when he leaves the next time, have the separation papers filed and put his rear end out. He has probably already talked to an attorney if he is trying to talk YOU into taking the kids and leaving.
A judge is going to be more favorable toward keeping the kids in their home.
His abusive behavior toward you touches on the kids emotional health too.
Give him the boot girl!
What constitues animal abuse
I would like to know what you all think about this situation. Our neighbor next door has been gone almost 12 days. We just moved here so do not know them. The day they left there was a little sheltie dog that found its way to our yard and all weekend long laid under their truck and on their front lawn and ours. We gave it food and water, but it had no collar. Couldn't bring ourselves to call authorities as the life span is not long for strays. 3 days later it was gone, we assumed its owner found her or she found her way home. A few days ago we heard a dog crying and found her in the back yard of our neighbors who have been gone a long time but she is being given food and water. She has just been alone for almost two weeks and crying from only what we can assume is loneliness. Don't know our neighbors enough that when they return to say anything to them but I sure feel like giving them a piece of my mind. If we didn't have a cat we would have taken her in. It is so heartbreaking to think people don't think of their pets as anything more than a piece of property like an old shawl they don't know what to do with anymore. Just want to know what people think about this. I about cried myself to sleep last night thinking of how she must feel.
Boarding on abuse of the children
Ladies, you need to have a talk with these men. They are really abusing these children by running them down, waking them up from sleep? What gives with this? A child needs a lot of sleep anyway, more so than we do and why a person would harp on a child much less wake up from sleep to harp some more borders on nothing but abuse. The guys you are with need a wakeup call. Why are you letting them get away with this? They should find healthier outlets than what they have now.
It's only child abuse if you hit them hard enough
check with your CPS. There is a BIG difference between spanking and beating.
I don't automatically think spanking is abuse
said it was okay to give 'em the belt. That is abuse, plain and simple. If you feel a need to spank your child, then do it with your own hand, not another object. It's too easy to hit too hard with an object because you're not feeling the pain you're subjecting them to.
As for the gov't interfering, they have to because there are too many wackos in this world that do beat their kids to a pulp. If they all parented with a little more sense, like you obvioulsy do, then I would agree that the gov't shouldn't interefere, but unfortunately the wackos of this world don't care.
It sounds to me as if you're raising some wonderful children. You've definitely offered up some very good advice. I saw no where in your post where you said that you've used a belt, and I'm not saying that you did. I'm simply referring to the OP that started this thread that beating with a belt is abuse.
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
|
