blatant emotional abuse
Posted By: put him out on 2007-07-30
In Reply to: If your husband had a problem with your weight and (sm) - Butter and clutter
You say he is out and about all the time with work or just doing fun stuff.
Talk to an attorney then, when he leaves the next time, have the separation papers filed and put his rear end out. He has probably already talked to an attorney if he is trying to talk YOU into taking the kids and leaving.
A judge is going to be more favorable toward keeping the kids in their home.
His abusive behavior toward you touches on the kids emotional health too.
Give him the boot girl!
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i need some emotional support
Not sure how much of DH yelling I can take. I work 2 jobs. Yesterday I had to put in 5 hours for one. DH is supposed to help with the kids. Well, his level of helping yesterday was just sitting in his chair and yelling at them to stop doing this or that. He said about 5 times that my 15-mo had a dirty diaper. I had the attitude like “well go change it, I am working.” He never changed it and I don’t know how long she stayed in that dirty diaper but by the time I got to changing her, she was red. Then I went to help my 5 year old with her Valentines. She did 20 Valentines and she insisted on doing them herself. It took her 2 hours but she did it all. I was proud of her and amazed. Dh kept hollering for us to get through because he wanted some Ice cream. I told him since he can drive he can go get it himself. He got mad and started yelling. My 15 MO kept bothering us. I got some toys to try to help distract her and it would work for a little bit but then she would pester us some more. I told dh to keep her distracted and he shouted “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO.” WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY? WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? I told dh that she acts like she is hungry, has she had anything to eat. “she has been eating popcorn all after noon” I knew better than to ask him anymore so I got up and started to go find her something to eat and he yelled “SIT DOWN” and gave me a look that could kill.
I told dh that I just don’t know how to deal with him anymore. I feel he is angry with me or resentful. When we first got married, his Mommy was practically sleeping in between us. She balanced our check book, she went through or mail to see what bills had to be paid, still does, she has to know everything about what we are doing. She and dh are best friends. MIL went on all the vacations with us and it was always where dh wanted to go and MIL always loved where dh wanted to go. When I had the kids, it had to be all about her. I told dh thiat if this sick business did not stop, I was leaving. It stopped. Poor MIL don’t get to see her DGK anymore. Boo hoo hoo, (coming from dh and MIL). I am so mean. This is all another story.
One minute dh says he loves me, then next he treats me like this. My family, unfortunately, loves dh. He doesn’t act like this around them. He is no niceeee and MIL is so niceeee.
I have to go. I got to get my kids up and ready for school.
Emotional support
Sounds like you are carrying the load yourself. It's amazing how men are so insensitive and wrapped up in themselves. You basically have to hit them over the head with a baseball bat to get any sense into them. Obviously, if you were working and you have little ones running around and needing care, how hard can it be for him to jump in there and do what needs to be done? Hang in there. Maybe you can try talking to him and spelling out for him what you expect from him when you are working, especially with the kids. Good luck!
I was so emotional did not notice and SM
made mistakes in mine as well. No problem. I think we got our point across. I wish you and me could team up and wipe some of the needless suffering and abuse out. 
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional Blackmail is all this is. People use it to control and manipulate and they get away with it because it has worked in the past. We have a similar situation in our family (not husband) and it is emotionally and physically draining. I really feel for you because I know how these types of people can consume your life. You know the answer to your question, it's just how to make it happen. That's the hard part. It's almost like we let it happen because we are just exhausted and we know something should have been done years ago. Sometimes we feel it's our fault too because we allowed it. Boot him out! He will cry fake tears, cut himself with a toothpick, swallow some Tums, but eventually, if you hold your ground, he will catch on!
You seem to be a very emotional, overimpulsive
person. I counted over 20 exclamation marks at the end of your 1-word post. Is this neceassary?
Still, I believe as a parent or friend or whatever you can use whatever expression you want to use, but for a teacher it is NOT o.k.
It is imposing and intruding.
When teacher say that they sometimes address the pupils with terms of endearment, because they do hot remember their names (?), there is a question for this: 'What is your name?'
It seems to me that teachers who call the pupils by 'endearing' expressions, need some endearing themselves!
Men just are not the emotional creatures that women are--sm
like another poster stated, if he was not like this before marriage, he never will be. However, you should still talk to him. He cannot do on his own what he does not know you want from him. He will never do it *on his own* because he does not know that is what you expect. He is not a mind reader. If you don't talk to him about this, you are going to end up resentful of him and your relationship will not last. You sound like you want him to treat you like a baby instead of a wife. Maybe you should reevaluate what your expectations are from a marriage.
11-year-old boys - always this emotional? sm
My son is 11 and he seems to cry lately about little things...he has to take a shower, he gets teary-eyed. He can't find the shirt he wants to wear because it is in the laundry....tears up. He argues about not wanting to take a shower, and is extremely picky about which clothes he will wear. He wants to let his hair grow longish, which is fine with me, but he then wants to brush it all into his face and almost hide behind it. The last time I had him get his hair just trimmed a little he cried beforehand and said "I'm already fat, I at least want my hair to be cool." He is barely chubby, not fat at all, and brushing his hair in his face doesn't look cool. I am all for kids having "cool" hairstyles and I buy him the type of clothing he wants, but he decides a week later that he no longer likes the shirt or shoes I just bought a week before when he really liked it. Is this normal?
Emotional upset and stress. Such as reading MT
x
I personally think the funeral is what makes you an emotional wreck.
Funerals compound the grief for me. The dark lighting, the sad music, the morbid displaying of a dead body in the casket! No way for me. I hope to God my parents don't want funerals.
Memorial service, no problem.
I think the traditional funeral service is antiquated and just makes things worse.
Needing A Mental/Emotional Jump Start
You good people are probably as good to ask as anybody although if we had a philosophy board, it might be better. My question is Why? Why are we killing ourselves? And I mean this in the broader sense than just the MT industry. I have an ex (46 years old) who is an alcoholic. He lives waaaaaaay out in a very rural area. He owns his own house, land, and a lot of horses, something he acquired 20 years ago when he had a really really good job. He has a regular income now of about $1000/month from CDs, primarily funded from an industrial accident about 10 years ago.
Anyway, neither he nor any of his friends work. They sit around, start drinking at noon and light their first joint, and just drink steadily until passing out around 2 AM. They play horseshoes, cribbage, shoot pool, shoot the breeze, joy ride, poach deer, etc. His house is kind of a dump (jiggle the toilet handle, turn on the tub water with pliers, no windows that open) and lots of projects undertaken while drunk, some done, many half finished. As they say, the Lord provides for fools and drunks, and that seems to be the case here, as he never goes hungry, has never had to do without his vices because of money, etc. Somehow, something always falls into his lap when he needs it, and I'm not talking $20...he'll rent a chunk of land to a farmer for several K and gets all caught up, or he sells some old fencing and gets a grand. He bought a couple of timeshares years and years ago so he takes these great vacations a couple of times a year where the lodging is only $150/week.
I had to leave because I just couldn't stand the lifestyle (I don't drink, smoke pot, or shoot pool), but I'm wondering why. I'm killing myself working 2 jobs to keep the roof over my head and maintain even a meager quality of life, and while I don't have the drunken projects he does, my house is no palace. If it weren't for my kids chipping in and helping, my car would have been reclaimed by the finance company a couple months ago.
So I'm having a hard time hanging on to my motivation lately. There's probably some jealousy involved, but it's also making me wonder why I bother. If I really wanted to, he would probably take me back and there are moments that I wonder 'Why not?'. What is wrong with the way he is living? Footloose and fancy free without a care in the world?
How do you find the strength/will to go on plugging away when it would be so easy to fall into the idiot/drunk category and just the Lord take care of everyday existence like he does for the ex?
I'd say yes they really did abuse
the 'emergency' but rather than contacting an attorney I would just try to recall where you might have given her contact information - call them and change ASAP and I would not even fill in that spot in the future citing your experience in these two situations and the problems it caused and if they fuss - give them a phoney name and addy and let it go. I think it is there for your safety really, secondly for them to collect should you not pay a bill - I have only been called once in my 55 years as my son got behind on his credit union car payment and they traced me down through 3 counties - so think you definitely had an unusual experience.
Abuse
Call your local shelter and they will advise you on ways to leave safely. NEVER take abuse - physically, verbally, or mentally from anyone. Forget the church kid, learn to love yourself, and lead by example for your children. If you act like a doormat, do not be suprised when you get stepped on!
You need a long time on your own before you are ready to think about entering another relationship. You are not out of your present relationship yet, but you can be if that is your decision. Best wishes to you.
Lilly
I think it is abuse.
Take the poor doggy into your house. Your cat may hide, but my guess is the dog will ignore the cat. I got my Sheltie when I had 2 cats and they all got along just fine. Please don't leave this poor thing outside, especially if it hot in your area. If you cannot bring it in, call the authorities. It is kinder than leaving her out to suffer.
It is ABUSE!
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This IS animal abuse. Thankfully, in most states animal cruelty is becoming a felony. In my state (NY) it can be punishable up to $5000. Animal abandonment is also a felony with one year in jail and up to $1000 fine. Failure to provide proper nutrients is another law that seems to have been broken.
Our animals needs protection from the elements, proper food and water (and not just a bowl to catch rain water,either) They also need love and companionship, and by this I mean not regulated to the backyard to vegetate.
Animals can think....how do explain service dogs, search and rescue, and guide dogs? Have you ever seen a dog given a task to do and watch him/her go through the paces to get it done?
As I stated before, contact an area dog club to see if they have members willing to help, or if they know of a Sheltie rescue who can help. Contact your area vets for such phone numbers. Or, you can contact me and I'll see if I can locate a Sheltie rescue that can help.
Abuse
Your post makes me very sad. Your husband is abusive. Husbands and boyfriends come and go in our lives; however, family is ALWAYS family. Please seek counseling for yourself. You cannot change him. After you become stronger through counseling, you will see the situation clearly for what it is - abusive.
Call your sister and invite her for a visit. Better yet, get a plane ticket and go see her. Don't ask, just do it.
Best wishes.
Lilly
Abuse
Every county has a program for abused woman and children. You do not have to be physically abused for them to help you. Find out the name of the program near you, Domestic violence, Reach, etc. You can call them and they will allow you to take your children and live in a house, the whereabouts is not known to anyone on the outside. It is free and they are very caring. You can start there and they will help see that you and your children are safe away from this maniac. Good luck.
There's always abuse
of the system. Making it illegal doesn't stop that. There are a lot of drugs out there that are, in my opinion, worse than marijuana as far as addictive qualities and doctor's prescribe those drugs routinely and easily for things such as back pain which is not life threatening but can be debilitating. I think it would be much easier to hold standards to legal medical use marijuana than it would to criminalize alcohol and the numerous other prescription drugs that are out there and abused.
it's abuse duh
x
Child abuse
That's your opinion - and pedofilia - obviously you did not BF or have a good bond with your children. Do you also consider it child abuse that I did not use disposable diapers? What about the fact that I worked as a wet nurse? Some things are just natural - You should read the book, The Family Bed - BF may be looked upon differently in the US - but that is only cultural - and I do not bend to cultural issues - I did as I pleased - and no one else cared or ever even discouraged me from BF my son as long as I did. Unless you've been there - you do not understand - sorry for you.
It is not abuse, but it is neglect
If you cannot take the dog in, I would definitely call the authorities. It is completely unfair and wrong for the dog to be left alone outside for that long with no shelter and no place to go. Who knows, maybe your cat and they dog will get along. I have 3 cats and a 128-pound German shepherd, and they call get along just fine together! But, if you cannot do this, just call the authorities for help/advice. I'm sure the dog would want you to do this so that it can get out of this situation!
Abuse causing this?
I had a son (I hear boys are worse than girls) who wet the bed until probably early teens. My aunt was a nurse, said NOT to belittle, get after, etc., etc. He definitely was NOT abused. Think children just do sometimes. I was told he would grow out of it and he did.
Sibling abuse
I picked up my 6-YO grandson today to bring him to my house for the weekend. When I got there I could tell he'd been crying and had a puffy bottom lip. He showed me where he had a missing tooth and said his 8 1/2-YO half brother (not my grandson) knocked it out. His mom sits on the couch and says nothing to dispute it, so I'm sure it's true. This brother is also his babysitter after school until mom and step-dad get home.
Not too long ago DHS was involved and step-dad was charged with abusing my grandson. Of course they always try counseling first before thinking about removing a child from the home.
I constantly worry about the environment he is in as I've seen the way older brother treats him, but never anything quite like this. At what point is it considered sibling abuse as opposed to normal fighting that brothers might do. Is this something I should report to DHS?
p.s. His mom is just beginning to speak to me again. She blames me for the last DHS thing even though I wasn't the one who reported it (only because I didn't know about it). Once I heard about it, I did go make a report about neglect that I'd observed. Then they were conveniently busy for the next 5 weekends so I couldn't see my grandson. It's a long story, but there is nothing in writing about visitation. I have pretty much had visitation with him every other weekend for the last six years.
What to do.
Sibling abuse
They're home alone 2 to 3 hours before parents get home. Parents are trying to save money, which is the only important thing to them. I agree entirely that he is too young.
The thing is, parents were home today when this happened. They were probably just getting up. They do not get out of bed before 10 on the weekend, even though kids are up at 6 or 7. I pick my grandson up at 10, and he has not had breakfast yet. This is the norm.
Child abuse, hardly
My child was circumcised years ago, did fine. Years later my 2 male grandchildren were not circumcised and as they were aging were running into lots of trouble, could not retract the foreskin because as they grew, so did the foreskin, could not keep the penis clean and finally at an older age (when more painful for them) had to get circumcised. Well known fact, smegma collects there and causes infection and could lead to worst things than just infection, has been linked to penile cancer.
no, not child abuse. what will they think of next? SM
How about - combing the tangles out of your daughter's hair (ouch)?
or ripping off a band aide?
or making them eat their vegies?
Or maybe it's all that substance abuse she admitted to
I know I don't look like that and I'm close to that age. :P
THIS IS CALLED ELDERLY ABUSE
And the courts see it as this. You can have abuse other than striking a person. Taking advantage, which this is, of a person her age is something that needs to be nipped in the bud not tomorrow but immediately. A person can have an excellent mind, no dementia but are flattered when they think someone is smitten with them. Family and children services know about things like this. She is in a position for the right person to take plenty of advantage of whether it is her money or otherwise.
What constitues animal abuse
I would like to know what you all think about this situation. Our neighbor next door has been gone almost 12 days. We just moved here so do not know them. The day they left there was a little sheltie dog that found its way to our yard and all weekend long laid under their truck and on their front lawn and ours. We gave it food and water, but it had no collar. Couldn't bring ourselves to call authorities as the life span is not long for strays. 3 days later it was gone, we assumed its owner found her or she found her way home. A few days ago we heard a dog crying and found her in the back yard of our neighbors who have been gone a long time but she is being given food and water. She has just been alone for almost two weeks and crying from only what we can assume is loneliness. Don't know our neighbors enough that when they return to say anything to them but I sure feel like giving them a piece of my mind. If we didn't have a cat we would have taken her in. It is so heartbreaking to think people don't think of their pets as anything more than a piece of property like an old shawl they don't know what to do with anymore. Just want to know what people think about this. I about cried myself to sleep last night thinking of how she must feel.
Boarding on abuse of the children
Ladies, you need to have a talk with these men. They are really abusing these children by running them down, waking them up from sleep? What gives with this? A child needs a lot of sleep anyway, more so than we do and why a person would harp on a child much less wake up from sleep to harp some more borders on nothing but abuse. The guys you are with need a wakeup call. Why are you letting them get away with this? They should find healthier outlets than what they have now.
It's only child abuse if you hit them hard enough
check with your CPS. There is a BIG difference between spanking and beating.
I don't automatically think spanking is abuse
said it was okay to give 'em the belt. That is abuse, plain and simple. If you feel a need to spank your child, then do it with your own hand, not another object. It's too easy to hit too hard with an object because you're not feeling the pain you're subjecting them to.
As for the gov't interfering, they have to because there are too many wackos in this world that do beat their kids to a pulp. If they all parented with a little more sense, like you obvioulsy do, then I would agree that the gov't shouldn't interefere, but unfortunately the wackos of this world don't care.
It sounds to me as if you're raising some wonderful children. You've definitely offered up some very good advice. I saw no where in your post where you said that you've used a belt, and I'm not saying that you did. I'm simply referring to the OP that started this thread that beating with a belt is abuse.
Here is why you DO NOT take an abuse spouse like this to counseling sm
BTDT a couple of times. He manipulated the whole thing to his "issues" with me.
He told counselor: She makes me angry. Counselor looks at me: Why do you feel the need to make him angry?
He told the counselor: I don't like her looks. Counselor asks me: I have you considered getting some help with your weight and looks (umm 140 at 5Ə"??? Where was the problem?)
He told the counselor: She makes this marriage about the kids instead of making it about me...I make all the money...I do all the work (never housework)...and she sits on the couch and eats bonbons all day (what is a bonbon?). THIS MARRIAGE NEEDS TO BE ABOUT ME and what I want, NOT about the kids. Counselor: Why do love your kids so much and why can't you put him first?
LOUSY counselor. I went to another one on my own who said: You may not have bruises, but you are being abused. I know the situation you are in and he forbids you to work and it isn't like you actually have the time. It may take you some time to choose to get out. So, lets focus on ways for you to be stronger until you can walk out the door. HE didn't get any better HE got worse as I started to develop a backbone.
So to all those who say go to counseling, stay in it, learn to be stronger, don't let his words hurt you...YOU ARE FULL OF IT. You all may like being treated the way that DONE is, but I don't. I am a person too, as is DONE. Anyone I might ever be with needs to think I am so wonderful, special, lovely, kind... you name it, they could not stand NOT to be with me. DONE'S husband is telling her, essentially...you okay I guess, but not that great. Plus which, you can't do anything the way I think it should be done. You don't have feelings because you are average looking and this marriage is all about me. Toro poo poo.
Some of you are not very bright, I am sorry to say, but there it is.
some advice about animal abuse
turn him in as soon as possible. People like that do not deserve animals. Someone ought kick him once in awhile.
Call the Animal Protection Society in your area immediately. I can't stand people who abuse animals and someone who knows this is being done and not doing anything about it is just as bad
You may have to report it but not as sibling abuse (sm)
Child abuse and neglect by the parents that BOTH children live with. The 8 year old doesn't need to be punished, they both need to be taken care of. The thing is, as you know DHS is not always going to fix the problem and if the mother finds out it was you, she will probably not let you see your GS again. That is a problem. I am not sure. Does your son have any type of rights to visitation, etc? Can he not go to court and say that his child is not being taken care of appropriately? Where is the older child's father?
Let me clearly state that this is abuse on many levels.
I'm another one who has BTDT...17 years ago, but when I read something like this, it seems like it was last week.
I remember exactly what my state of mind was when I finally was able to realize I had reached the end of my rope. That alone took me 10 years to figure out. I was overwhelmed with what lay beyond the escape I could not imagine being able to engineer. The fear was paralyzing. It would have been nice to have help and support, but I was so ashamed that I could not seek it or accept it. I ended up learning how to take my anger and turn it inside out. I transformed it into self-empowerment.
I am sure there are plenty of people who would like to help. You just may not know who they are or how to find them, but they're out there. Everybody's situation is different. It would be helpful to know where you live (town or city and state). I would be more than happy to help you gather some information, but need to know the geography.
Also, what kind of support system do you have beyond your household? How many kids? What about friends and family? Any possibility of staying with them, or would you feel safer being in a location your husband does not know about? If you are an MT, your job is portable....a huge help in this circumstance.
Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with and see what we can help you come up with. This kind of thing probably has a better outcome if you have a plan (especially in view of your children and their schooling), but even without one, it can be done.
Let me be the first to assure you, life is really sweet once you get yourself and your kids to the other side.
I really feel that what she is doing is child abuse.
nm
your parenting style is really bordering on abuse
and what makes this so sad is the fact that your children are so young and cannot control what is happening to them. They are trapped in a world ruled by your iron fist.
I think that constitute abuse! Dogs are very social - sm
animals, and their human families are their *pack*. That poor dog is bored and lonely. It's crying proves that food and water alone are not enough to nourish an intelligent, social animal like a little Sheltie. I would tip off animal control. I'm sure it can be done annonymously. If the dog is confiscated, you can help it out by looking for a Sheltie-rescue in your area, and if not, possibly a regular animal rescue group. If she's healthy & has a good temperament, they may pull her from the shelter and foster her 'til someone can adopt her.
Or -- if that sounds too drastic, if you know the other people are gone, why not climb the fence into her backyard, and befriend & play with the dog? That would be better than nothing, although it sounds like the best option would be to find that dog a new family.
why does He allow abuse of helpless children/animals?
nm
I also read abuse of prescription drugs.
Legal, illegal- does that really matter how it is obtained?
Makes me sick. They do have proof of abuse. PLUS
NM
Need some advice about possible animal abuse sm (this is long)
my son rode school bus home with a friend to the friend's house last friday (i had never been to their house, but his friend has been here once and i've talked a few times with parents on the phone). these people some like really nice people, very religious. i went to pick up my son friday evening and was a little shocked. had a weird vibe about the dad right off the bat. i don't like to judge people at all, but when i first saw him i thought hoosier, looked kinda creepy to me. their house was ok, but i felt dirty when i left. he has a couple of dogs, one he says he doesn't like that it's the most stupid dog he's ever seen (extremely adorable dog! seems very lovable) and another dog that has puppies and he bragged "listened to him very well". when i was getting ready to leave, this "momma" dog comes around to the front and seemed extremely scared, especially when he was by her. he was trying to show me how good his dog listened to him. but she was putting her head down, slouching down like he's getting ready to strike her. it made me feel so uncomfortable. i'm a HUGE animal lover. so the next day my son goes back for a b-day party. on the way to their house, my son tells me that the dad kicked the "momma" dog because she was eating the cat's food. (the cat is really skinny too). when i got to the house i was able to get a better look at this dog because it was daylight and the poor thing looks so unhappy and her rear end area looks like her hair is coming off, i don't know if it's mange or what. i just felt so helpless for this dog.
i called my vet office and asked them who can i call if i suspect animal abuse (we don't have a local humane society or ASPCA type place, just animal control), and they said the police. i'm kinda scared, because my son really likes his friend and i don't want to cause problems, but these people have six kids (they seem like really nice kids, well mannered). but the look on the dog's face just breaks my heart and here it is tuesday and i can't get those two dogs out of my mind. oh, another thing, when i was leaving there friday evening i said something about keeping the kittens (yes, they have kittens too) away so i don't hit any and he said something like it's ok, if they get in the way, owell.
so my question is do i get a hold of the police and tell them this???? i just want the dogs taken away. i want to be anonymous. i don't want to cause trouble for this family, but just want the animals taken away. the dad told me that this is the third litter of puppies for this momma dog since last november, and if he finds out who the daddy is ........ well i thought to myself, why don't you get her spade. i was furious! i thought about writing a letter to the police station. what do you all think?
thanks
Do you think that piercing a child's ears is abuse?
nm
humans who abuse/kill children and animals
should be eliminated....quietly, and under cover.
Really think court case, child abuse charges
when another mother breastfed her child past a so called normal age. The poster says do not worry about what others think and the kids did not have to wear braces, but what about emotional issues that might come to pass with a 6 year old still on the boob? Most in this country, I am sure, would agree with these posts that you overstepped bounds in a mother-child relationship when this happened. Some things just should not happen.
Animal abuse was finally passed as a felony
and it should be enforced as such...for good reason. These "kids" would probably not think twice about taking a human life. It is well documented that people who will abuse animals will/and do all sorts of other criminal activity. To say they only need counseling and help is not right in my opinion. They DO need counseling, but they also need to pay for the crime they did, period.
Do you not think someone with repeated DWIs probably has a mental problem and has had crap thrown at them as a child? But you would probably want them to serve a sentence. Anyone who engages in criminal activity such as this or repeated criminal activity probably has not had a good upbringing. That does not mean that they do not serve their sentence though.
To compare hollywood celebrities who walk away from DUIs to this case is crazy. If anything, don't let them off cause the others are being let off. Instead, why don't you advocate that more is done in our justice system to assure everyone has to pay for their criminal activity. I do not think 3 years is too much at all. During those 3 years, hopefully they will also get the help they need too.
That is ABUSE Humane society or ASPCA should be called
Dogs dont just bark for no reason. In my opinion a person who puts there dog out and the dog is distressed and barking and the person does nothing to work with the dog and leaves to avoid the barking is abusing that animal. That is like locking a child out. If you really do love dogs like you say anonymously call the ASPCA or Humane sociey and let them explain it to the owner.
Paddling is child abuse. Even Florida doesn't allow it.
xx
Of course they will listen. Mental abuse is extremely prevalent
and the abuse counselor will tell you the cycle of violence, here's an example you may recognize from him: First there is grumbling or little comments that demean you. You question yourself because he just seems to be "trying to help you," then, there is using finances, threats to take things away including children, controlling who you see, where you go, even what you think, then when you voice an opinion the violence. Starts out verbal. Will definitely lead to physical some day. He will also try the "crazy making," If you know the moon is blue for example, he will say it is green cheese, and then make you feel like you are the crazy one. You will question your reality and the truth that the moon is blue. You will become confused.
Then, a gift will appear, some form of kindness from him. You will forgive him figuring you were wrong, maybe it was you, maybe he will change, or whatever. You give in to him. Then it starts all over again, the grumbling. It is like clockwork. This is a proven fact with abusers. These people never change. A minute percentage do seek counseling, but the control they desire is too rooted in their being and their identity. They feed off of this control. Once the person they control is gone for good, they will seek someone else out.
Mental violence is a crime. Stalking is not just physical for example, phone calls, constant badgering when you say no, or say stop treating me this way, this is violence. I could go on about it, but please call the hotline and forgive me for being wordy here. Make that call and all will fall into place.
i care about child abuse, welfare fraud, and
dumping of young males to the streets, so they lessen the competition for the multi-wife thing. This is all well-documented. This is not about just polygamy -- which is also against the law, but its the abuse of children and abuse of our welfare system -- all under the banner of religion. If it was just about men taking multiple ADULT wives, the government would not likely have stepped in to even enforce that law.
What's funny is that for a long time I did not realize it was all abuse (sm)
I knew the physical part was abuse. Other than that I thought he was a jerk, quirky ideas about things, a hard-nose, hard-headed, rude...but I never realized it was all abuse until I finally started reading up on it. Apparently in these situations we start to accept things little by little as being normal. Like slowly boiling before you realize you're done.
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