dating someone with kids is hard
Posted By: Emily Ayn on 2008-10-09
In Reply to: How do you handle being jealous of stepkids? - anon
Bottom line is he SHOULD put her first, because if he didn't what kind of man would he be? My point to you is that although I understand COMPLETELY how you feel... it's just not always justified. I couldn't deal with my situation with kids so I left it. I respect him as a man for being a great dad, but having broken homes and split families is sometimes very difficult, as atested to the way the daughter acts towards you. You have to realize this is the way it's gonna be... deal with it or leave... (im not trying to say it is easy or anything... just facts you know?)
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Might be a little hard at first, but then you get used to it. Have your kids help.
xx
Since there are kids involved, I'd think long and hard (sm)
about leaving him. It's quite easy for others to tell you he needs to be dumped, but they sure won't live with the aftermath.
Take the 100k and remodel the house. Forget adding on. Spend the money on creating a fabuous kitchen with hearth room, fix structural defects, redo the kids' rooms; totally redecorate exactly the way you want with no regard to his taste, and get a nice new minivan to haul the kids around to play dates.
Oh, spare a little money to build a bedroom in the barn. He loves the yard and barn so much, he can live there.
See, this way if you stay and work on your marriage, you'll have a beautiful home you can live with. If his selfish ways finally push you beyond tolerance and love for him, you'll have a great house to put on the market. With your half of the sale, you'll finally be able to have the home you've always dreamed of. It's a win-win for you.
I agree! Many kids are overweight, lazy and don't want to work hard for anything!
Good luck to them in the working world...how many do you think will actually do well? It's a scary thought.
Dating
I am married and have been for years, so I don't have much insight into dating anymore, but I would be leary of dating at work, just because if it does not work out, it could be uncomfortable, but other than that aspect of it, have fun and don't be shy. 
dating
What bothers me is that you say you recently came out of a long marriage/relationship. I speak from experience when I say it is NOT wise to jump right into something else - take time for yourself and your kids for awhile. JMO
She is dating him.....
not marrying him.
Online dating... Have you tried it?
I'm thinking about trying this. What are your experiences? Which ones are the best dating sites? Thanks!
Online dating
Yes, found my husband on Match.Com, dated two years and have been married for 1 1/2 years now. I was very lucky to have found a good honest man. We are in our sixties.
The dating game.
I hate it and that's why I continue to be single and loving it. Knowing the simplistic mind and approach of men to relationships, think of it this way (just to put it bluntly). They are like boys with new toys. If they play too much with the toy, sooner or later, they will set it aside and forget about it. As far as "games," yes dating is a game, a "cat and mouse" game. The cat enjoys inmensely chasing after the mouse. You have to "dangle the catnip" for the cat and let him work for it. If the mouse does the chasing, then it is not fun for the cat. Many men have the same thing in mind while dating "hit and run" (if you know what I mean), as in "why buy the cow, when you have tasted the milk." You have to let him do the chasing. When a woman goes too much after a man, he just sits in his all mighty throne knowing that he doesn't have to do anything, but wait for you to come to him to tell him how much you need him. If he really has any real true intentions, he will call you or write to you wondering what you have been up to. There is nothing worse for a man that not to know what a woman is thinking. 
When my hubby and I were dating we
went to a Halloween party and he spent the entire afternoon before the party dipping his hand in wax so it would have layer after layer of wax and look like a dead hand. Then he put on an oversized overcoat, wrapped his head in ACE bandage and wore sunglasses and a hat and really huge moon boots...(this was in the 80's mind you). Then when he got to the party he realized that he forgot to leave a hole open for his mouth so we had to cut one out so he could breathe, eat and talk. It was hilarious. No one knew who he was. It was funny....
Believe it or not a Dating Service
I was sick of meeting losers so I decided to take the chance. We were engaged after three months and married nine months later and will be married for 17 years in September. The first time he introduced me to his friends a week or so later, they told him we were going to get married.
Dating Service
I was tired of not being able to meet anyone. I actually got matched with a lot of great guys, but no one struck me as "the one" until I met my now husband. We talked for about 5 hours at the restaurant our first date and saw each other every day after that. We were engaged after a month and got married a year later. Now almost 18 years late we have to great daughters 15 and 5.
cougar dating
http://www.futurescopes.com/age-gap-dating/681/cougar-dating-tips-older-women-dating-younger-men
Met through a dating service
I was sick of not being able to find anyone decent. I say it was fate, because he said he hated answering machines so when he called me the first time, and I wasn't home, he could have said forget it, but he decided to give me one more call and I was home that time. If he gave up the first time I never would have met him. We dated for one month, got engaged and married a year later. It will be 18 years this September.
Dating's easier said that done
I miss dating. For me, there's a satisfaction or companionship that I get from a male partner that I don't get from work or family. Unfortunately, living where I do and working like I do, I'm not really coming across a lot of available ones. With my children's blessing, I've done internet dating, but the last couple of times have turned out very very badly. There aren't a lot of social venues where I am so I'm out of luck there. The one guy I dated told me that a single employed 'mature' woman, I was a bit of a commodity as there has been an exodus out of the rural areas, but that has not translated into my dance card being filled. Oh, well. I probably shouldn't let myself be distracted from work anyway. But, gosh, I miss a deep male voice asking me how I'm doing.
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
Interracial dating views
Do you think most people still have a bad opinion of interracial dating and should that matter anyway?
I'm dating a man 18 years older. If you like him, go for it! :)
x
try specialty dating websites
I met my husband 4 years ago through an online dating site that catered to people of our religion. I think these specialty dating sites where you already have something in common have a higher success rate. You can find sites for pet lovers or cowboys... lots of different ones out there.
More info? Do you mean for a couple who is dating or?? (sm)
not sure what situation you mean?
Interesting dating "survey"
Would you ever date/marry.....
someone who is less educated than yourself?
YES, DID SO, HE HAS A 2-YEAR TECHNICAL DEGREE, I HAVE A 4-YEAR BA that I NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH UNFORTUNATELY. ACTUALLY I ONLY EVER DATED 1 GUY I THINK WITH A COLLEGE DEGREE AND HE ENDED UP BEING A REAL WEINIE, DID THE CLASSIC DUMP OF JUST STOPPING CALLING AFTER 3 MONTHS OF DATING FOR WHICH I DID TAKE HIM TO TASK FOR, WHAT A JERK. I WAS 21 HE WAS 25 OR SO.
someone of a different race?
PROBABLY NOT.
someone whose parent's are divorced?
YES, WHY WOULD THAT MATTER?
someone who has bad credit or alot of bad debt?
NO.
who is overweight or obese?
NO.
someone who affliates or supports a different political party than yourself?
YES, AS LONG AS YOU AGREE TO DISAGREE DON'T SEE THAT AS AN ISSUE UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY WORK IN POLITICS.
someone who is rude to customer service staff?
NO, IF THEY ARE RUDE TO STAFF THEN HE/SHE WILL BE JUST AS RUDE TO YOU.
someone who talks a longtime on their cell phone when you are eating?
NO, WOULD NOT ESPECIALLY THRILL ME UNLESS IT IS SOMEONE THAT THEY HAVE NOT TALKED TO IN YEARS, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE THE EXCEPTION, NOT THE RULE.
someone who enjoys a different genre of music?
YES. CAN BE ENLIGHTENING LEARNING DIFFERENT MUSIC.
someone who does not enjoy the same leisure activities as yourself?
YES, BUT THEN AGAIN THEY WOULD NEED TO AT LEAST TRY IT, AND YOU TRY WHATEVER IT IS THEY LIKE TO DO, BE IT BOWLING OR BINGO.
someone who is a very picky eater or someone who is a vegeterian/vegan and you are not?
NO, THAT WOULD BE TO AGGRAVATING.
someone who prefers to spend leisure time alone or with friends (without you)?
NO, THAT IS JUST CHILDISH, HAVE TO BE ABLE TO BALANCE THE TWO, OR ADD YOU TO THE "GROUP". EVERYONE NEEDS A NIGHT AWAY NOW AND THEN BUT NOT ALL THE TIME. WHAT IS THE POINT IN BEING TOGETHER THEN?
I was dating one of his good friends...sm
dumped the friend for DH and never looked back. That was 24 years ago.
I may be dating myself but it was David Cassidy!
xxx
Single MTs - every just get sick of dating? sm
I have not been single that long - I am 41 and first and foremost a mom to my kids. I have been dating some though...and have found people to be so unreliable. Last week I told off two people for their unreliability and now my phone is oh-so-quiet. I can't decide if I want my phone to be quiet or if I want the aggravation. Right now I am voting for quiet. What is up with people these days that they just make flippant plans and then blow them off? It is my pet peeve to reserve my time for someone and have them cancel for some flip reason and then want to reschedule. We all have things that happen, but I get lunch plans cancelled because, "Oh, sorry, I overslept and didn't get ready in time - can we meet for dinner instead?" Does this happen to everyone or am I just not worthy of someone at least trying to keep their plans with me?
Dating? What's that? It's been so long I forgot.
Single, twice divorced, no kids, older than you (fifty-umph), and frankly, I'd rather be alone and gaze at my own navel than deal with the kind of stuff you talk about. Been there, done that, own the T-shirt franchise....
In my not-so-humble opinion, it's a function of society at large these days; has nothing whatsoever to do with you. My best friend and I have been observing for years that it's getting harder and harder to find people whose word is good. If their word is no good on the small stuff (lunch), then it's not going to be good on the bigger stuff. Trust me, you do NOT need THAT level of aggravation.
So see what you can do to learn to be your own best friend and company, and otherwise, cultivate the kind of people whose word is good. They may just introduce you to other people whose word is good.
And that's just my own take on the subject. Others' mileage may vary. :)
Dating? I'd rather have a root canal. -(nm)-
dating, marriage & dogs
rule #1
when you swear off men, you automatically will find the love of your life!
rule #2
marry a nerd - they are just as hot as a cowboys when the glasses come off, plus you get the added excitement of knowing your bills will be paid on time...
rule #3
there is no greater love than that of a dog who can't bear to be without you while you are in the potty. Life is short and we need all the joy we can get - Leave the bathroom door open for the little buggers!!!
AND RULE #4
get down on your knees every night and give the Lord thanks for your crazy, sweet life whether single, married, or stepping over dogs to get out of the powder room.
I personally know a guy who does that online dating stuff
He is seeing one girl seriously (or so she thinks) that lives in another state. Every chance he gets, he meets up with other local women. Bottom line is he is having sex with all of them. Friend of my husband. Isn't that nice? So...my advice, if he's still looking, you're not *the one*. Sorry but that's my opinion.
Dating question-have things changed? (sm)
Hi - I am fairly recently divorced and have been dating a man for about 5 months. We get along very well and he is very kind to me, very complimentary, we have a great time together, he tells me he loves me...but one thing is odd to me and I am not sure if it is just his personality or if things are this much different from when I dated 15 years ago before my marriage. We communicate by phone, text and e-mail, but I almost always have to initiate the conversations. He always calls, texts or e-mails me back and is happy to hear from me, has long conversations with me and says wonderful things, and is happy to get together to see each other. But unless I wait 2 or 3 days to hear from him first (which is hard for me!) he never initiates the conversations. Have I just set it up this way and now it continues that way? Does he not really like me as much as he says? We talk almost every day, and when I have asked if I am contacting him too much he says, "No! I love hearing from you. I love looking on my phone and seeing a text from you! You're not calling too much at all." So why doesn't he ever take the initiative? I mean, he is kind of shy, but we've known each other 5 months now! I've never been an aggressive type, so I guess I'm confused. Thanks for any opinions!
Said the woman who is dating an indicted felon!
Natalie Cole has a lot of nerve talking trash about other people when she herself is involved in a relationship with a con man who is currently under four felony indictments!
 
Just back into the dating scene - question (sm)
I have recently gotten back into the dating scene and met a nice guy (online) who lives locally. We have emailed back and forth and he is very nice to talk to. But when I met him recently I realized there was no attraction - at all. But he really likes me. Would it be better for me to just say right now that I am not interested or should I keep talking to him and gradually slow down how much I talk to him? Can I tell him I just want to be friends? I feel like a teenager again! I don't want to hurt his feelings.
...and dating leads to...? She does not say she is not contemplating marriage. sm
In fact, I got quite the opposite impression.
Look, all I'm saying is that we have an awful lot of situations like this that turn into tragedies, when it didn't have to happen. This is a world in which we must ask ourselves the hard questions and take reasonable precautions to protect ourselves.
It's really hard for me to see how this is something that shouldn't be said, even if you and the OP don't happen to like it.
Dating sympathy (from married person)
I would hate to go back to dating. I've been married 18 years but I do remember what single life and dating were like.
The majority of them were creeps for one reason or another (especially the one going to law school - I got my first clue when I saw a sticker inside his car - his last name is also an occupation and the sticker said _________ know all the right strokes). (eye roll)
I mentioned in another post that I had moved into an apt. with my boyfriend of about a year, and 3 weeks later, he left me for his ex-wife.
At that point, I swore off of men. I figured I'd just live in the same apartment and go to work at the hospital 5 days a week for the rest of my life. That's when my husband walked into my life.
I had first met him in 1985 when, after graduating high school, I went to work at McDonald's. He was a swing manager, 2 years older and so darned handsome. We dated for quite awhile but it wasn't exclusive. He then joined the navy and got married. Three years later, his ex told him she needed to get a life and filed for divorce.
About 3 months prior to this, I swore off men for good. Then, one day, I was working a Saturday at the hospital (I think it was to make up for the day I missed when I had a diagnostic laparoscopy - yeah, it was stupid going back to work the day after you have surgery). I got a phone call from my mom, asking me if I remembered such and such. My husband's sister had called my parents' house but my mom didn't want to give out info, so she called and gave the info to me. I called his sister and we gabbed. I told her I remembered her and definitely remembered him. She asked me to meet her and her boyfriend at a bar along with my (future) husband. Well, I said "what the heck". I agreed to go.
Now, this is 3 days status post a laparoscopy and they weren't as good about getting the CO2 out back in 1990 as they are today and that day, I had gas so bad, I probably could have filled up my gas tank 3 times over. I spent almost the entire date squeezing my cheeks together (thankfully we weren't dancing or doing other physical things - LOL). I still had a really good time but was relieved when I left his house. I lived about 10 minutes away and I swear, I must have passed gas the entire ride home.
He knows all about it now. Heck, I can't remember the last time I even closed the door to the bathroom. We have no kids and if I do close the door, all 3 pugs sit outside and scratch the door, whine and cry. I gave up. I'm sometimes even "lucky" enough to have one of them on my lap while I'm going.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is love/good relationships seem to come when you least expect them. When I pursued dating or had someone fix me up, or met a guy in a bar or whatever, it never ended well. Nowadays, how do you know if you're supposed to pay half for the date?
Like I said, I feel for you guys. If my husband dropped dead tomorrow, I think I'd remain single the rest of my life.
Good luck to all of you and God bless!
How do you feel about older women dating younger men (sm)
As in, he is 9 years younger (29). Have never done this before but we really get along well.
If he wasn't like that while you were dating, he ain't gonna change now. Maybe some couples th
s
Talk about dating yourself? I remember selling them for 0.75 cents! (nm)
xm
I personally know 4 people who met and married via dating websites - sm
I was shocked at first when a good friend of mine in her 30s said she had met the most fantastic man on eharmony and was VERY skeptical, but I met him and he is very nice. They have been married 6 years now and baby 2 is on the way. Two of my husband's friends from work met women this way and both are now happily married from what we can tell. Lastly, my husbands 47yo cousin has met a man she is very serious about. They are flying back and forth from CA to NY every few weeks to spend time together. Maybe it does not work for everyone and there probably are some real losers there too, but I have seen firsthand that it can work. Just something to think about. Best wishes whatever route you take! 
Sounds good! I can tell you that these dating sites do not work. I have never seen so many needy
men on them. I wont meet anyone without talking to them first by phone and believe me when I tell you they all have their stories as to why they are broke, why they have been married 5 times, why they are still raising kids at 60 years old, etc. What you suggested sounds good. I have a few lifelong male friends that I usually always go places with so I never really had an opportunity to meet other new people when I go out and about so I plan to start doing more things on my own. I really dont mind doing that. It may be fun actually. Appreciate all your ideas!
When I realized while dating what lousy taste he had, I started buying my own gifts. Been doing it
s
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
*
I know how hard it is......sm
I understand what you're saying. God didn't give us the ability to forget, just the strength to get through it. Have you talked with your husband. Does he seem happy to have this child or has he ever said he was sorry for ever wanting that now that the child is here? Maybe if you could hear him say he was sorry for ever wanting that and couldn't imagine your child not being here, maybe that would help. Seeing true remorse in a person goes a long way in helping you deal with this.
Hard to say
If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have married my husband. He and I are not very well suited to each other at all. But then I wouldn't have my wonderful son, so I can't say I entirely regret it. And after 27 years of marriage, my husband and I finally have a great relationship, with the help of an excellent marriage counselor. What's that saying - I've been happily married for 8 years, but we were married 27 years ago. 
I'm sorry - I know it must be hard for you (sm)
I don't have experience with it, but at lesat she is making the decision and you don't have to make it. There are also assisted living facilities that are not so much a nursing home, if you think that would be an option for her. Best wishes to you.
i know it is hard to believe
but I didn't see a pay phone in the dorm. You can get a room phone installed but it is expensive. I guess that is a thought though.
Even if I could contact AIM, I don't think I would. He is 18 and really I can't tell them not to let him use his free account. He's an adult (at least in terms of the law) even if he isn't acting very mature. The way it is now, I can see if he is online and talk to him. If I did something like that he would jsut make up a new screen name that I wouldn't have at all. I just don't think that is a good idea.
This is so hard
Your dog is beautiful. I know how attached you get and how much love these little guys give us.
We just had to go through much the same thing with our 9-year-old lab, Murphy. He got pancreatitis and was very sick, started to get better, but then really took a turn for the worse. He was unable to get up and walk and just cried and cried. After a couple of days, we all decided it was best to have him euthanized. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but none of us could stand to watch him suffer any more. He has had this look in his eyes like he was saying let me go.
Not saying that that is the right decision for you. I think you will know in your heart when it is time. Just try to keep him as comfortable and happy as possible.
My heart goes out to you and Fox.
re: having a hard day/NC MT
It depends on where your degree is from, and where you plan to go to school. If your college credit is from a community college, it should most certainly transfer. You really have to check with a counselor from the school you wish to attend. Good luck!
I'm so sorry...I know it must be so hard (sm)
at least it has only been 8 months though...so you two have no children together, right? No having to beg for sex when you are a newlywed is not normal. I have a lot of marital issues myself thought not similar...please e-mail me if you want to talk!
7 is a hard age sm
Had a 2nd grader who was after much angst by all, diagnosed as gifted. I was able to put him in private school, quieter, excelled at everything, is now an entrepeneur and doctoral candidate. It was not easy to pay the bills, but worked harder than ever. The school had me thinking it was my parenting skills, or lack of them, his behavior, his needing more male positive image, etc., etc. If I had istened to them he would have been put in a special class with those with learning difficulties. All in all, I was crying every day. Took a lot of time and energy. Looking back, his teacher was at fault for mislabeling him and not appreciating his talent. I think he was smarter than she was. We shudder at even the mention of her name. Some don't deserve to be teaching. Don't let her be mislabeled. Thank goodness, I knew someone in the field who tested as I was transcribing his work. It's a very hard road you have in front of you. Don't be discouraged, please. Good luck with it, it's very difficult. Keep examining the whole picture. God bless you.
So sorry. I know this has to be so hard
but she obviously is in a very loving home. Take a little comfort in knowing that you gave her a wonderful life.
it must be hard
person... i mean if you have only felt the need to apologize one time that must be some sort of record. correct me if i'm wrong, but you were apologizing at that particular time even though you were not at fault?
I did it on my own. It was not hard. No one else will
It did take some time to educate myself but it was not difficult. Got Money magazine and started reading. Also read other mags. I did have someone to talk to but could have done it without this person. Also, the investment groups 800 numbers were able to answer questions I had. It was acutally fun, in an odd way, knowing I was taking care of me, without having to pay someone else to do it. And that someone else would also be paid, out of my money, for giving me advice I could find for myself.
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