Same problem here with nieces and
Posted By: tired MTinOH on 2007-09-28
In Reply to: Is this really a thank you? - please say thank you
nephews, years of sending birthday and Christmas gifts and buying things for school events (they are out of state) and never a thank you. So, guess what? I stopped sending.
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my nieces fly alone
They come from Phoenix to Wisconsin to visit each at the holidays 'cuz they are off of school and their dad is not off of work. Mom, very sadly, passed away a few years back. The kids reached an age where they hated the daything but were not old enough to be left alone. So they come visit us for a couple of weeks. They fly alone. They get an ID tag from the airlines when the check in. Then the flight attendant takes them personally. My brother-in-law has to tell them exactly who will be picking the kids up, and when we do pick them up, the flight attendants escort them off the plane. We have to show our ID and it has to match exactly what my brother-in-law said. The airlines are usually really good about kids flying unaccompanied.
I got toys for the nieces and nephews. Did pretty
good. Got Battleship w/a handheld electronic Battleship package for 8 bucks, a 20 pack of Hot Wheels race cars for 9 bucks, Barbie stable and horse for 23 bucks (two items), 4-Ever Best Friends for 11 bucks, My Little Pony Styling Pony for 9 bucks, and Pirates of the Caribbean PSP game for 39 bucks. I also bought 3 beautiful Christmas sweaters for 12 bucks each. I think I did pretty good.
I raised mine and 3 nieces as one family sm
I did it alone with child support help and being an MT. You can only imagine the hours it took to support 7 kids!!!!
Anyway, we never had money for fun stuff and if we had all the necessities it was a very good month. I finally told them: Look, I make $20-25 when I am working. Working means my hands are on the keyboard. I don't get paid to pick up your junk, clean the kitchen or scrub the toilet. Every time I have to take time away from the desk to do these things FOR YOU, it is costing YOU $20-25 for things you need/want. The more hours I can work, the more we have in the bank.
I can't tell you why they listened, but they did. They got to where they would name a "price" for a bigger job like cleaning the family room alone, doing all 3 bathrooms for me or cleaning the kitchen and then doing the floor in the kitchen and diningroom (it was huge). The "price" might be a movie ticket, a whole weekend with a friend, nail polish, large candy bars, a much-desired item of clothing. Small jobs could be added up and presented to me as a list and negiotations began. They worked, I "paid" and the house was no longer a mess. I also made more money under less stressful conditions.
My own kids, now grown, have all come to me and thanked me for the way I raised them. I used to say, I know you don't like this, but by the time you are 21, you'll thank me. They were all 19 when the said they feel that they were raised better than all their friends and thank you for being a great mom. They marvel at the spotless house I now keep alone and that I am always to calm like I have no stress. I remind them, I only have to take care of myself these days and you all were a LOT of work.
My sisters and nieces and nephews and I stopped
exchanging gifts several years ago. My mom and dad and my family stopped exchanging gifts a couple of years ago. This year, my 2 grown children and my husband and I agreed to keep Christmas very, very simple. One gift each. No big major spending. We have a new grandson who is a week old and, of course, he will receive gifts from us, but, even for him the spending will be kept to a minimum this year 'cause he won't know the difference. Maybe you need to just tell your family that you've decided to cut back this year. They may not understand, but you should not have to stress about such a beautiful time of the year. I know that I am actually looking forward to the holidays for the first time in a long time because I'm not so concerned about how I'm going to be able to buy gifts for everybody. We are by no means rich people, but we do have what we need and a lot of what we want. There is really nothing that any of us needs. We are truly blessed. 
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