You shouldn't feel responsible....
Posted By: MTTTTTTTT on 2009-06-04
In Reply to: My husband is an alcoholic currently in rehab for his addiction. - LoriMT
As mean as it sounds, you have put up with it and YOU have decided for yourself that enough is enough and if you tell him so and IF he bounces back to alcoholism, then basically he is a grown man and that is HIS choice, you cannot let it affect you or make you feel responsible.
My sister-in-law is in the same boat as far as her husband being an alcoholic. It has put so much stress on her and their children and it has been going on about 15 years. He won't seek help though and she won't leave him. She just says that she is hoping one day he wakes up and sees what a good wife she is. I feel bad for her that she has wasted so much time on someone like that.
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You shouldn't feel this way so early in your marriage (sm)
Take it from someone who stuck around way too long and now has a much more complicated situation (children and money involved) - cut your losses now and find someone you are a better match with. It has nothing to do with your weight. Your husband should be treating you with lots of love and attention right now in your marriage...if not, something is wrong. You can find someone else who would be a better match for you. Don't wait until there are children and finances and so many other complicating factors keeping you there!! However things are at the beginning of a marriage, they will only get worse as time goes on. I know it is hard, I know you love him, but it is not going to work. Again, cut your losses now, and move on to a better future!
You shouldn't feel guilty because (see message)
you can't be really sure that is what she would have wanted. When my cat died, many years ago, she went away to be by herself when she died. We had to look for her to find her. Some animals just prefer to be alone. You spent time with her before she died, and then you made her comfortable. Perhaps it was easier for her to "leave" if you weren't there with her. I am so sorry for your loss.
Yes, but if only 1 kid responsible, do you really think
the whole school would be given notice of being punished? Think about it. I am sure and anyone who does this type of work knows there are products out there to help a gaseous distention. My goodness. My DIA parapro here in Georgia and she tells me when her classroom children do things like this and she tells them to say excuse me - they tell her their parents don't mind. You all need to research this a little and I am sure you would be surprised as to whether medically related or attention getting actions.
You are not responsible for others
especially in an age group like this, just as you are not responsible for your parents. When you are grown, responsible for your own actions. Saying this did not have to happen- your life is written before you are born and no matter, that is already decided. This is the way it was supposed to be or never would have happened. I am not saying this is horrible situation but just the way these lives were supposed to start and if not this way, another way but I believe things are going to happen like your whole life is already planned out. Make plans but does not matter.
There are a lot of responsible and
a lot of irresponsible 15 year olds out there. In our state you can't get a license until you are at least16 and 3 months and then after driver's ed and behind the wheel. At 15 my son was definitely responsible enough. My daughter will be 15 in January and I don't know if I would say the same about her. You are the parent and you know your child and what they can and can't handle.
You are not responsible if he won't help himself (sm)
Tell him you think he needs to go to be observed a little while at the mental ward at the hospital. If he will not work and will not go get welfare, that is his problem, not yours. He should not expect you to take care of him if he won't even apply for welfare - anyone can fill out the paperwork for that, good grief. I think I would have to tell him off really well...or seriously tell him that since he won't do anything at all to take care of himself, he needs to go to a nursing home or mental hospital. Tell him you will have him committed.
be responsible and fix your cat.
nm
No matter how responsible you are
and how much time you spend with them, you cannot be there 24-7 to supervise them. That is completely unrealistic. Can we take them to the doctor, to the store, to the kids' school? Come on now.
There is a responsible way to crate an animal. No matter how much you train them, my labs still would have eaten anything in site for a certain period of time. There is no way I would leave them unattended to run my errands and chance them getting into something that could harm them. Regardless of the material objects as you call them, they could get hurt.
Also, a child does need a crib and a playpen. To say that those are used so that you do not have to supervise your kids is ridiculous. Everyone has to go to the restroom at some point. Should we carry them everywhere or perhaps let them run around so they can get into something that would harm them until we finish our business? Wow....
I believe a pediatrician would even tell you that those are necessary in raising a healthy child, and I am not talking about someone who puts their kids in a playpen all day instead of spending time with them either.
No, he is an adult and responsible for himself.
nm
Too bad some responsible adult...
could not get those kids. We have a celebutard, immature, crazy mother against a wanna be anything hanger on who is only interested in money...some role models! I hope there is money put away for the therapy those kids will need. The parents even give white trash a bad name!
sounds like you have a very responsible son!
that's awesome. He hasn't pushed the issue so I may just wait until he asks again. i also need to check the policy at school regarding boys wearing earrings.
no, it is not all a matter of responsible
ownership. There have been very loving responsible owners themselves attacked by their own dogs. A popular dog breed can be overbred indiscriminately and ruined. Unfortuntately this breed is too unpredictable. I've always been around animals, large and small and have both now. I would never have a pit bull. I visit my friend less often now who now has one, and won't get out of the car if it is loose. Not to mention that these dogs don't just bite, which would be bad enough, they instinctively go for the kill. I haven't read the link you provided yet, but do NOT believe that breed-specific legislation is stupid. This particular bill may be over the top, but breed-specific laws are brought on by a need, and wouldn't get off the ground without plenty of facts on record to support it.
A responsible owner would never allow...sm
Their pitbull to wander around public. That is why we have attacks. Owners should be responsible and keep them as well as any dog in a fenced in yard. Or if out in public on a leash. Mine will never be wandering around in public on its own. That is totally irresponsible. If I saw a pitbull out in public I would be cautious myself.
Dear Responsible
I think responsible and owner of pitbull somehow just does not go together.
The owners who are not responsible are ...sm
the problem. I would be mad too if I went out and was approached by a pit bull who growled at me, and I own a pitbull. He should be kept in his owners yard or home. No dog, pit or otherwise, should be allowed to roam around the neighborhood.
I fully understand you being furious. I would be too.
You are not responsible for any loonies out there
By having feedback like I got from this site, gave me an understanding of how to approach this sorta awkward situation. You just have people out there that seem to thrive on what they perceive to be right and what is the actual truth.
Yes. Make your teenager responsible for as much as she can pay for.
and maybe a little more. Don't make it easy. Make sure that she has to work a little (not so much that grades suffers), has to budget, and plan and take the responsibility of driving seriously. This is more than likely the most dangerous thing your child has done so far her life. Make sure she understands that. It's not a social thing, a drive-around-with-your-friends thing. Preparing a young person for driving responsibilities is life and death.
Unfortunately, in the last three yeas, I've been to three funerals for teenage drivers -- all of whom were out of control in every aspect of their lives. Our state does not allow children to become licensed drivers until age 16-1/2. Our house rule was age 17. We did pay for the driver's ed, because it was pricey, our sons truly could not afford it, and we wanted our boys to have ever chance to learn to drive safely. Even though we taught them ourselves, as well, sometimes kids hear better what total strangers say to them! Also, I had a rule during permit driving sessions with my boys. They were never allowed to argue with me while we drove together. I was the teacher. I knew more than them. No arguing over anything, or else I terminated the lesson, car was pulled over, I drove home and that was the end until I felt we were ready for another driving lesson. That rule drove home how serious a responsibility driving is. I only had to do it once to one of my sons.
My oldest was lucky enough to inherit is grandfather's pristine 1991 Toyota (38,000 original miles) when pop-pop no longer could drive. It's a decent, dependable car. My son pays for repairs and gas. We pay for the insurance at this point, simply because we live in a big eastern city, and insurance is sky high. But, our son is also paying his own college tuition, so I have no problem helping him out with the insurance on his car.
This is a big deal. Make sure your daughter grasps the gravity of the responsibility. Don't argue with her about anything. These decisions have to be made by the parents, because it's a health and safety issue for your daughter and everyone else on the road with her.
Make him responsible for the decision
If he wants to switch schools and give up the scholarship, tell him he has to get the funding to do it. I had to do the same thing with my daughter. She gave up a good scholarship at a great private school for pharmacy because she wanted to come back closer to home to be around her boyfriend. She ended up having to take out the loans to pay for it.
There is nothing written in stone that says we have to pay for our children's educations. It is nice if you can help as a parent, but I think kids learn much more if they have some of their own resources invested.
Dear Ms Thinks she is responsible
Truely funny how pitbull owners go on the defensive with what other dogs do. I am sure animal control knows how to be around and handle but even these people are attacked by these dogs. I rescue animals (not these as I want no responsibility for their acting out)but where I rescue these dogs are not adopted out, just put down. Even the people who are in the "know" so to speak do not want to be responsible.
YOU are not responsible for his debts, HIS ESTATE is....
You should read the posts better.
Was your brother your stepbrother and your mother your stepmother?
Therefore you did not care to help in locating your stepnephew/niece, so that they can get their shares?
No, you can not be held responsible for their bill -
nm
You are only responsible for changing your behavior, not someone elses
I am the product of a divorce years and years ago and thank goodness my mother had enough sense to not stay with my father. He was actually caught running around on her with other women. I knew my father growing up, spent time with he and my stepmom, loved her but I missed absolutely nothing by not having him in my house every day. You are responsible for your own self-. The advice you are giving is like saying a man messes around on a woman, drinks too much and maybe after the marriage he will change. You can only make yourself happy, no one else can do that for you. I have never had a time when I could not stand my husband, never and I would believe he probably feels the same. We laugh when others say they have to work at marriage- we just do not get this. Like I said, product of divorce, happily married myself, never missed my father, saw him but never, ever close in my life. By the way, I am one of the older and wiser group also.
Because you breed out of wedlock then that makes you a responsible person?
Sorry, not where I come from. I am so glad I did not bring home (well years ago it just WAS NOT done) children. If a female got pregnant, sent away to an unwed mother home, most of the time the child given up for adoption. When I was growing up you did not pop out babies right and left without a husband. I have had more than my share of responsibility, been able to stand on my own 2 feet and provide really well for my family. I made the right decision for me and do not regret and have never looked back on my decisions.
I completely believe Howard Stern is responsible for both Daniel
much for it just to be overdoses in two cases. I don't buy it.
I see where you are coming from because I would be nagged by guilt and feeling responsible
for the problem. I have those tendencies too. No way should you cash your IRA for a car.
Maybe you shouldn't take any.
Curious as to why you listed biracial up there. What does that have to do with anything?
It doesn't sound like you really want any of them. Maybe foster care where someone wants to take of them would be a better place.
so therefore, i shouldn't have this cat and should get right of it
x
They shouldn't be treated the same
A 15yo and an 8yo should not be treated equally anyway. If the 15yo wants what the 8yo wants, tell him/her they can have the same bedtime, curfew, privileges etc. if they want everything to be fair.
You're right. I shouldn't
tell him it will be a long time before I die. I was just trying to comfort him. We have also talked about how everybody will die when God decides it is their time. We are regular church members. He has been raised in church and knows all that, I guess it's just now really sinking in. My husband will take care of my kids if I die. As far as if we both die, we have that taken care of also. We were married 18 years before we had them. They are definitely God's little miracles to us! I'm sorry for your loss, but you're right; you will see him again someday and I'm sure he has never left your heart! God Bless you and thank you for your kind advice.
Shouldn't I have a better self-definition by now?? sm
I am up early, not sure if this will interest anyone, but want to sort of wonder "out loud" on here for a moment. I am 40 years old, yet I still am ambivalent about my religious beliefs, my political beliefs, etc. I find myself not being steadfast either way...I don't know if that means I don't yet know who I am (though by now you would think I should!) or if that means that I am just always going to be a flexible thinker? I sometimes read posts on the liberal board and the conservative board and I can always see both points of view and find ways that I feel they are both right and sometimes both wrong so I never lean to far to either side. I grew up going to a Christian church and I believe in the general overall beliefs of Christians, but then I don't discredit other religions that others grew up with either. And I don't necessarily agree with everything that most mainstream Christians believe. Does all of this mean I am ignorant? Or is it ignorant to be too closed-minded to believe that others also have valid points of view, that I don't always have to be right, and that there is more than one way to be "right"? So sometimes I feel "undefined" and wonder how I can ever define myself...then other times I think I have defined myself exactly as I want to be. Does anyone else feel "undefined"? and is it a good thing or a bad thing?
What amazes me, though it probably shouldn't
is the number of people on this thread bashing someone for doing things right, when anon up above just suggests the OP file bankruptcy. What's wrong with you people? You think it's okay to just turn your back on the mess you've created? Not one of you commented on that poster's suggestion, yet you waste your time bashing someone who does have their act together. I would rather have PhillyChick in my corner anyday over anyone who thinks it's okay to just rack up debt and walk away. You people need to get your heads checked.
Before you say it, this has nothing to do with whether the OP has extenuating circumstances or not. The OP wasn't even asking about bankruptcy. The OP was asking for suggestions on how to pay things back, and for that, I applaud her.
well it shouldn't be. She should at least get to get a second opinion (sm)
I think she is being diagnosed to easily with something that can stay on her medical record and that is so unfair.
Maybe because no one has said to them they SHOULDN'T wear it...
nothing uglier than muffin top under too tight shirts, fat thighs in too tight jeans, sucking down an soda and eating a burger. Some people need to look in a mirror, or better yet, shop at a real department store, spend some money on good quality clothing, stop trying to dress like a teenager, and bring along a friend who will tell you how you REALLY look in the clothes you try on.
shouldn't this be on the WAHM board?
just wondering why pregnancy, potty training etc questions are not being re routed to the WAHM board? Otherwise, what is that board for? just a question, not a criticism.
Well, she shouldn't have married him...that never works.
x
It shouldn't matter. Of all the couples I know currently, (sm)
only ONE is same-race. The rest are white/black, black/Pacific Islander, Asian/white, etc. And the only same-race couple I know is gay. So no, it shouldn't matter in the slightest.
You shouldn't be so judgmental and nasty
without knowing all the facts. News flash: Life isn't always black and white, cut and dried. Try to put yourself in her shoes and not be so critical because you don't know any of the details of what's going on. Jeesh.
he shouldn't even ask-it's too obvious and classless
again, just my own *take* on the situation...betcha these people always get called by virtual strangers or acquaintenances to stay with them while the guests do Disney Parks.....living in Orlando and all that....
it reeks of using them.....just to stay there.....
Bad taste, to say the very least.
But, shouldn't this be on the RELIGION Board?? nm
x
Shouldn't teenagers at least have at home ....sm
a CLEAN environment?
Shouldn't this really be on the Politics board? sm
you are labeling global warming science as rotten, and basically making remarks about Obama that pretty much should be noted on the politics board, not GAB.
She's your mother. There shouldn't be "boundaries."
One day, your mother will be gone and you will look back on this vacation as time you missed and your children missed out on with her.
I'm very close with my mother. She's my rock. The one person I know I can always count on if ever I or my children need anything. My dad passed away at age 49 and both my parents instilled a strong sense of family on my brother and sister and I. Blood is blood. We should always "do" for family.
Yes, my mom gives me unsolicited advice, yes she has irritated me repeatedly over the years, yes we've had our spats and cold wars, and yes she has intruded in my home and turned her nose up at my housekeeping abilities. But in the end she's my mother. She's earned the right to give me unsolicited advice and she's always welcome in my home. And of course I don't do things as well as she did, she was a career housewife. I haven't had the luxury. But she does what most mothers do and what I will do someday, I'm sure.
Just tell you mom to bring her own spending money and let her know that maybe she and your dad she get their own hotel room because there are far too many people for just one room. You may even be able to have one or two of your kids sleep in their room. It might work nice for you. You and your hubbie maybe could leave the kids with your parents one night at the hotel with your parents at the pool or something and go out on a date.
Or maybe tell her you think it's great she go and she can help you with the kids and give you some alone time on your trip. She may decide she doesn't want to go afterall and then everything works out the way everyone wants.
my thought is that it shouldn't even be called
'assisted suicide', it should be called 'facilitating a less painful transition.'
If the terminally ill patient himself and the doctors agree to stop the pain and suffering, then definitely, yes.
Then she shouldn't post here if she doesn't want
with someone telling her to get up off her butt and look for a job? It takes two months to realize you aren't making enough money?
I feel more sorry for someone who experiences a true tragedy. Not someone who sits around and waits for the crap to hit the fan.
She needs to read some of the recommendations here and do something.
It is better than nothing.
O talks about our government being fiscally responsible and his wife is wearing $500 designer shoes.
It's not "her money to spend as she pleases." It's my money, your money, his money, her money. O better put up or shut up and that means his family too. No more big talk about the deficit, fiscal responsbility, and redistribution of wealth when when his wife is walking around in designer duds. Am I the only person that sees hypocrisy in that?
All the kids should pitch in to hire help. Shouldn't all be on
:P
It shouldn't matter, but in this imperfect world
it upsets a lot of people - who ought to be minding their own business.
I asked my mother about marrying outside your race when I was young, and she replied that marriage was difficult enough that you should look for somebody you have things in common with, and religion and race are 2 biggies.
I have been married for 20 years, so I haven't had to think about it for quite a while though.
See what this board has come to? Blurry or not that shouldn't be posted.
p
But these are kids; they shouldn't have to fight at a young age nm
:)
Silly Girl shouldn't have to treat her
husband like a dog or a child. After all, she is his wife, not his mother. If she wants a pet, she can go to the animal shelter and get a dog. She married a man and he needs to act like one. It sounds like she gives and gives, and he takes. I think Silly Girl should start taking care of herself for a change.
It shouldn't be about wearing a ring, but more...see message
the way he acted toward you. My husband doesn't wear his wedding ring, just cos he doesn't feel like it, and I don't wear mine either. No big deal, but sounds like this guy was flirting with you and that's what I think was wrong.
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