They are both the kids parents - they should both help (nm)
Posted By: Carolina on 2008-04-03
In Reply to: Hmmm. they're her kids too... - phillychick
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It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but -
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves.
The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)
Dr/kids/parents
Need some advice. My 12 year old son has been ill on and off since October of last year. My hubby and I have had him to the dr. several times since October. In January a new care provider diagnosed him with Mono. He had missed 12 days of school with that and we were told it would take a great amount of time to get him over this, as he probably (according to the new doc) had mono at that time and was never properly diagnosed. After sending him back to school the 3rd week in January he comes home and relates to us that he hurts and is sooooo tired. This resulted in another dr. visit. This time we were told that he was still fighting whatever infection and this was normal. He missed a week of school with that episode.
This morning he wakes up and is complaining of an earache and running a slight fever. I am very concerned and have run out of ideas on what to do next? I just want to make sure he is properly cared for and there is not some underlying process going on that they are not able to diagnose.
Can anyone offer some advice to this worry wart of a mother.!!!!!!!!!!
Well duh....kids do need two parents BUT - sm
that is not always the case. Some moms and dad are just plain bad parents. In this woman's case she is trying to do the best she can, being mom and dad, and kid is trying to push it to the limits. Maybe the dad was the feared one in the house, certainly sounds that way, so the son now thinks with dad gone mom will let him do whatever he wants. Maybe that is what has happened with his friends. It is a lot of work to be a single parent. I have two friends that are single parents. #1--She left/divorced her DH when their only child was only a year or so old. He is $14K behind in child support but she is afraid of him so will not take him to court for the money. Luckily she has a very good job, and has now moved back in with her widowed dad to help take care of him. Her daughter is now a very well-adjusted 14-y/o who never sees her dad because he just won't make any effort. My friend has bent over backwards to try to get him to be an active father, he is just a total aaaasssss though. #2- Her kids actually begged her to divorce their dad. He was very verbally abusive and controlling. My friend had to hide money to have any. She would buy stuff at the store then return it for cash in order to save up money to leave him. The kids were quite happy with the divorce and hated to go to their dad's on the visitation weekends. Her daughter did it for about 2 years then refused to go--he of course took my friend to court on that, but luckily for the daughter she was not forced to go back to visitation. Now her son, 16, just told dad he does not want to visit with him anymore either. My friend is waiting for the court documents to come now...hopefully he won't take her back to court again. The dad puts strings on everything and they are not allowed to do anything over there, no friends, no TV, no electronics. Either clean the house, read, or stare at the walls basically, and be yelled at most of the time as well. He never takes them anywhere (to cheap), and spends most of his time tinkering with his truck or one of his motorcycles. He used to hold the child support hostage on my friend, would not give it to her if she ticked him off or until she would do something he wanted her to do, she finally got tired of that crap and went to the state and now gets it through the state/family courts. Only 2 years left on the one and 1 on the other so almost done with that. Then she can basically cut all ties with her ex, she will probably have a big party when the younger child turns 18. ----So in both their cases the dad's stink. #1's ex is AWOL basically, and #2's is a controlling jerk, it is his way or not at all basically. ----some men/women do step up to the plate and become better parents but I believe that they are the exception to the rule. ---I am sure counseling would help the entire family come to grips with the changes they are going through , and children need to be given firm boundries, etc. so they knows what is expected of they.
parents are suppose to be there for their kids, but he needs to get his s**t together
What kind of man lives on mommy? I am sure you don't want your son on this path.... I feel bad for you too! People go into the reserves so they can also have another job or go to college.... this sounds like a case for Dr. Phil... in fact I have seen this on there and he told the mothers to give them an ultimatum of either help out or GET OUT!!!
Some kids think this is funny, their parents laugh
and I for one totally agree with the school system. My daughter and her friends years ago thought that was cute to pass gas and belch out loud. She was called down on it every time I was around and thank goodness, she is now 33 and has finally learned how to behave herself and act like she has some sense. I think parents overlook their responsibility for not calling down kids on doing this. It is not fun for grownups and should be attended to promptly. Unless medical concern, it really shows lack of manners and upbringing.
lazy parents don't monitor their kids or keep them on the right
nm
Parents DO NOT owe kids college education.
When DD started college we paid,,,, at first. But she did NOTHING to help herself. From her part time job, all her money went to nails, clothes, meals out with friends, etc. She did nothing about getting scholarships. After 1st year, I said I wouldnt pay anything else. DH continued to help her. She did apply for scholarship thru DH work and got $2000. Of that money, she ended up dropping a class paid for with that money, cause it was too early (8:00am). Bottom line, she did nothing towards finishing school, in fact, quit going, did not increase work hours. I stopped giving her ANY money at that point. She ended up marrying Marine boyfriend and is now working at Dollar Store. These were HER choices, instead of completing her teaching degree, of which she only had 2 years to go. I told her why should I spend my hard earned money on her when she was doing absolutely nothing to help herself. She knew if she was making an effort to her future I would help her, but not if she wasnt doing anything for herself.
I think in this day and age parents should plan a way for their kids to attend college (sm)
$1000 a month is nothing compared to what it actually takes to raise two kids.
She made her choice but parents at least owe their kids a chance (sm)
She was given that chance and blew it - some would blow it and some would not. But I still think that with the way our country works today if you do not at least try to help your kids get through college you have not finished your job as a parent.
Help! Pushy parents think I work from home and can drive their kids etc
I am constantly being asked to watch people's kids because I work from home. The latest is a friend of my son attending the same camp in another town. The friend I will call Scotty. Scotty has two parents. His father works from home as a computer consultant. My friends and I have called Scotty's dad to work on our computers and he never even returns the call or shows up. Scotty's mom recently asked me if I could drive her son home from them because the dad gets busy and doesn't like to leave clients. I told her that I too am working from home and have to minimize my time in the car. Scotty does not live close to us. I feel like a big meanie but they have pushed me before. Last year our kids were not even in the same camp but the mom called and asked if I would drive and pick up her son every day because i live in the same town as the camp. I was like ??? no way.
They used to drop Scotty off at my house on school holidays. They would drop him off at 7 AM and then once the mom called me at 5 PM and said she wanted to get an oil change and asked me if I could keep scotty until 7:30 PM. I said NO and then she came to pick him up earlier but stayed at my house uninvited until 9:30 when I just said I HAVE TO GO TAKE A SHOWER.
Anyone have clever ways to handle these situations?
It burns me up when parents support their bratty kids' actions
This kid is going to get some bumps and bruises from the School of Hard Knocks, otherwise known as LIFE.
Poll for parents with school aged kids at home...sm
1. What ages are your kids?
2. Do they have their own cell phone?
3. Do they have their own TV and or computer in their room? If so, are there set hours they're allowed to use these:
4. Do they receive an allowance? If so, are they required to do chores to receive this?
As for our house, here's the answers. Kids are 15 and 8. 15-year-old has a cell phone and pays her bill. 15-year-old has a TV. The kids share 1 PC that is where we can see what they're doing on it, and they're limited to no more than an hour a day on it if it's a school day. We do have parental controls in place. They don't receive an allowance but they are aware of a special chores list that they can choose to do extra things around the house to make money. They are required to keep their rooms and bathrooms cleaned, as well as alternate cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.
It didn't work out due to combining of kids and step kids. nm
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Nope, no kids with him, all of our kids are 20 and over.
I would think that some of the $12,000 A YEAR he paid in support for over 9 years should have been enough to save some for college. He paid his dues so to speak, always paid the support on time, had insurance for them, etc. He told them straight up to pay for their own college. Is there something wrong with that?
Yes, my dad's parents
My dad died when I was 18. I love my daddy, and I love my pop (step-dad). It is so sad that my children never got to meet their grandpa, but they do also have a grandpa (my pop) that loves them with all his heart. I also have a brother, who was named after my dad, and felt it only right that if anyone uses my dad's name it be his choice, not mine. Does that make sense? Thanks for your input!!!
My parents did it,
and they would say DON'T get Sears to do it. They did a horrible job.
My parents have several sm
and are very happy. I don't know how my dad went about aquiring them (he does have his real estate license)so that is probably a plus even though that is not his regular job. My parents are able to spend 3 weeks straight in Florida each year due to time shares. Two weeks at one place and one week at another. He also will swap time shares with others so they don't always have to go to the same places every year. My husband and I looked into one at Hilton Head and it just didn't seem like a very good deal to us. I didn't talk to my father first, but felt sure he would have advised against this one. This is just from my experience. I have heard horror stories from others. Good Luck.
What about your parents
Treat them as if they were your parents. Most of the time when I was married and we went to my in-laws, we knocked but then walked in especially if it was through the garage. I did the same at my parents, went through the sliding glass door. They did the same at our house. To me is is a minor thing and I did not care, thought it was great that they liked me and felt welcome enough to come on over and drop by. If they ended up seeing something they shouldn't then perhaps next time they would have called. Or if someone was there that they did not plan on seeing whatever. Sometimes we had the best last minute pot luck and card games that way. But that is me.
My parents are the same way. They don't like to
"invite" themselves along to the in-laws' houses on holidays, and won't even accept direct invitations from the in-laws because they think I pressured the invitation. My in-laws (and I) always figure "the more, the merrier!" When I host here, I invite all of my in-laws' extended families, but they don't want to come either. So we all wind up doing the two dinner thing and trying to schedule around EVERYONE. It's annoying. I'd rather rent a big hall and have EVERYONE show up for potluck. But nobody wants to leave their houses. Always some excuse, like young kids, but they didn't mind making me haul my young kids all over the state. And I'm the one in the family with the most kids. I say go anyway to the in-laws. Your parents can stay at your house alone for the evening, or they can come with you. It's their choice, but your plans are already made.
27 and 31 here, in the NE. Many other parents we
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it's not just the parents...
kids today have different issues to face than kids did even up to the 50s and 60s. Most kids are watching MTV before they are out of diapers. It's just easier to put something electronic in a kid's hand than have to act like a parent. Kids are having kids at earlier ages than ever. A few years ago I lived in south Philly and watched a girl about 12 yo with a baby talking to a young boy on a bicycle. She told him she wanted money for the baby and he told her his mom didn't give him any lunch money that week, so he didn't have anything to give her.
My situation has been different because of the abandonment issues my GD has had to adjust to... but get this. One reason I can not spank her is because she came to me with some violent behavior from her parents. Her mom would let her run across the room (to the mom), jump on her and wrestle until she was so over stimulated the baby would bite mom on the face...and mom just laughed. I could not spank her for biting me...one violent action did not change the first. I have had to learn many new techniques since I raised my kids...obviously spaking did not work on them! I was very firm with them and used spanking as a last resort, but I can't do that with this child. She has to trust me and spankings do not build trust. We have a great relationship now, but I constantly have to reinforce changing her behavior from what she had when she came to me, along with just asserting her own indpendence as she grows older, with my words and deeds, not with violence.
My parents used to do this...
I can remember begging my mom for the list of names and numbers and she'd never give in. Drove us 4 kids up the wall! But thinking back, it was fun! Merry Christmas y'all!!!
Where are the parents???
I don't put the blame totally on Brittany (most of it I do, but not all of it). Her parents should be hauled down with her. Where in the world were they when this all was beginning. If it was me my mom and dad would be right there beside me saying what in the world is going on and they would get me the counseling I needed (and not allow me to leave when I wanted to). I don't care if she is a "pop" star or not. If more of the parents of these "stars" would act like parents you would think their children would behave more rationally. I look at Brittany and lots of her friends and they really are still children. I have a brother-in-law who is 48 and acts like he's 16 and needs to be kept in line by his mom. Maybe the parents are too worried that their famous kids will stop giving them money....who knows. Maybe not, but it looks like it to me.
parents
I had a daughter in a similar situation. Her school had a tutoring program after schools with actual teachers and that really helped her a lot. She actually was doing okay in the class, but just didn't feel confident. The teachers made her feel more sure of herself and that seemed to make all the difference. I'd talk with the physics teacher or counselor to see if they can work with her before she drops the class.
Parents what would you do?
I'm looking for some advice. My daughter just started the 9th grade. She's been in accellerated/Honors classes for a few years and she has always maintained a 98+ average. This year she's taking Physics, a 12th grade class. She's only been back to school for less than two weeks and she's so stressed out. She wants to drop out of the class already. I told her to give it to the first semester which will be over in ten weeks to see how it goes. My husband feels that she has to take it eventually so she should say in the class. She's afraid that this course is going to ruin her grade point average that she's very proud of. I think she should talk to the teacher and her counselor to see what advice they have. Her teacher is one that gives the work and says do it without really teaching them how to do anything. I'm so illiterate when it comes to science I'm no help at all. My husband took physics years ago and he tried to work with her last night, but I'm not sure how much he remembers himself. What would you do if your child was in the same predicament?
parents
careful, your face will freeze that way. go to your room and wait. killer was "I never thought I could be so disappointed in you. I thought we raised you better than that".
parents
how could I forget this one? Can't never accomplished anything.
never make fun of what someone does for a living as long as it is an honest job.
parents
My parents helped very little - they were very loving, but very poor. I worked, had no car, ate very simple cheap foods - that is the only way I could have done it. . I could not help my daughter much either - she got scholarships, took out loans and worked - full time one year while attending college full-time. . If parents can help, I think they should. . I think this mom is willing to help, just not change her entire life, which she should not have to.
This all comes down to the parents
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don't get me wrong. But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they're in a store. He gets a new toy if he's good at the dentist. My sister feels "guilty" if he likes something and she doesn't run out and get it. They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it!
He is well behaved and they don't use the toys as bribes, but yet still, it's unbelievable some of the stuff they do. Yes, it's their only child, but I'm amazed. Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then.
But he doesn't know anything about Monopoly or playing cards, or any of that stuff. In my opinion, they're raising him to be materialistic and as an adult I can see him as one of those guys who always has to have the latest toys to impress the other guys. Just my opinion.
You might be right, but my parents had me so...
afraid of them that I would NEVER have considered such a thing. Although I do not have a teenager yet, my hope is to have that kind of fear and, yes, respect by the time they are that age. However, I might live to eat my words yet. I just think that with a teenage girl, this might not really have been about a wedding after all--it could have been about a date to a wedding and I find that scary.
See what I mean? Some parents have no
consideration for anyone but themselves. Yes, parenting is a tough job. Some people do it better than others. But it doesn't give the less-than-adequate parents the right to inflict their out-of-control brats on others.
I love how they all go on the defensive, too, if you call them out on it. Suddenly they accuse the person objecting to their kids of not having kids themselves. (Usually not true).
It all boils down to consideration. And letting your infant scream through 3/4 of a movie, or a wedding ceremony, is pretty much akin to looking the other way while your dog drops a load of steaming poop on a neighbor's front lawn.
I would believe most parents would know
already.
You could do what my parents did to me
I stayed past curfew one too many times. First time they let it slide, second time the warned me and third time said I disobeyed, so they marched into my room, grabbed a suitcase and said if I didn't want to obey their rules than to get out and see if I could live somewhere cheaper and have a car whenever I wanted it. Even though the car was mine (old Valiant (think Chrysler made it, but it was mine), but they told me the car was not an option and would not be going with me.
It took me about 30 minutes of begging and pleading for them to let me to stay and I had to do some extra work around the house as punishment for disobeying them.
The only thing was back then 18 was legal age (drinking, etc). Your daughter is not of legal age yet. I'm not saying this is your or your daughter because I don't know you, but parents seem to always believe their kids are responsible. My sister thinks her 19-year-old son is responsible, but he shows time and time again he is not. I have a friend who boasted about how responsible her 17-year-old son is, he doesn't smoke or drink and studies in school and gets good grades and only goes out to go to the library. A few days later (Sat night) the police had brought him home as he was caught at a party drinking.
Took a lot of time for my parents to consider me responsible after some of the stuff I did (staying out past curfew, etc). Parents should not be so quick to trust their kids. They need to earn trust.
Where are parents?
Are the parents going to be home that allow this? In Connecticut if there was underage drinking and something went wrong the parents would be in trouble as much as the rest of the kids. Just in one month we lost 5 teenagers in 3 different accidents for drinking and loosing control of their cars and running them up a pole. A parents worse nightmare.
I never had a problem with my two daughters with drinking underage at home. When they are at college I do not loose any sleep over it because what I don't see or know I cannot worry about it. I trust they will make the right decisions but they are away so who knows.
My parents.
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Any foster parents out there?
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You're asking what I and other parents were asking...sm
when the other teacher was out so long. Our school system is probably the worst about holding back kids. I'm a foster parent and had a prior foster child that desperately needed to be held back (she was academically 2 years behind her peers and emotionally 2 years behind them) and they refused to hold her back because she had already been held back in the 1st grade due to poor attendance while she was with her birth parents, regardless of the fact that she was emotionally and educationally behind the kids her age.
They were all good parents as far as I know - sm
There were no reports in the news stating any reason why this group from Kansas thought they were bad parents. They were just parents with broken hearts. I agree with you that they need to be kept away from funerals.
Any parents here making a
to only have one child..? We're seriously considering not having any more..One is PLENTY OF WORK AND LOVE!!
If possible, their parents should be told..
that their boys are insulting and ridiculing adult women on the street. Having raised 3 sons, they were encouraged to be kids and have fun but they were CERTAINLY taught respect for adults and that it's wrong to insult anybody ''for fun'' (particularly adults). Unbelievable that the poster below called this ''minute''. There is nothing ''minute'' about ridicule and nasty remarks--particularly directed at a perfect stranger just going about her own business!
Yea, they might but the parents not as enthused
as when their children were little and I do not think it has that much to do with independence, I think the baby and toddler thing just hyped too much. I for one really disappointed in my children and nothing to do with if they are on their own or not.
Parents, what are you thinking about?
I have read today more about the little girl who was kidnapped in Portugal. I have no idea what her parents were thinking about norr for that reason, what a lot of parents are thinking about now. You cannot leave your children to go dine, even for 5 minutes, no matter how closeby you think you are. You cannot let your children run around in the stores unattended while you shop or leave them in the toy section to keep them occupied. You cannot leave them in the bathtub while you go to answer the phone or the door. It only takes a second for a child to drown. Don’t leave them in the vehicle while you run in the store or pump your gas leaving your vehicle running or the keys inside. There are all kinds of stories about the children kidnapped here just for those reasons. I do not care what section of the country you live in, don’t leave your doors open, be it daytime or night. You think you are safe. It only takes a few minutes for someone to swoop down and grab a child. The parents of this child in Portugal are 100% to blame for their child being kidnapped. They could have taken their children with them that evening or the resort where they were staying offered babysitting and yet the family opted not to have this. I hope for the best in her recovery. It was supposed to have been a family vacation so take the kids with you, be it a late evening dinner or the like. What a shame!
NO WAY. It is not your place to tell them, let their parents tell them when they
think the time is right!!!!!
How many parents here are afraid to
let their kids play outside because of the numerous kidnappers and pedophiles wandering around your neighborhoods.
You did right. Surprised so many parents ok with
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yea - they were the party parents -
acted like they were their age and had all their friends for parties with plenty of booze - I'm no prude but that kind of rubbed me wrong. I simply don't have the money to spend on things like that. DD seems to forget all the things I paid for - I even wrote checks on charge accounts so she could have a car in high school. Now I'm paying!
By the way - did you make it through the storms okay? - I was without power for 29 hours!
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
Yep! I think both parents copped out. (nm)
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ha ha---we ALL owe our parents an apology:-)
Unfortunately we never realize that until our OWN kids put us through stuff.
That is for the individual and his/her parents to...
decide. Let's wait for the facts in this particular case.
This is a letter I sent to the parents of a
I am writing to inform you that, after much discussion with other parents of children who are in direct contact with your son, Matthew, and daughter, Samantha, i.e. on the bus and in school, it has been the consensus that your children seem to be modeling quite a bit of inappropriate behavior, including bullying and inappropriate language, as well as not being able to keep their hands off of other children. As parents of children in this community, we are concerned about your children’s apparent complete lack of respect for not only the rules of the school and the bus, but also lack of empathy for the feelings of their classmates and fellow bus riders. Bullying is not only painful to the victim, but is also a reflection of the bully’s own ineptness at dealing with their own feelings of insecurity and perhaps a direct reflection of a dysfunctional home life. It also interferes with all of the children’s education and the feeling of safety and community in the school environment.
As the parents of these children, we would avail you to please work with your children to teach them appropriate behavior and to keep their hands to themselves in order to not be disruptive and stressors to the other well-adjusted children in the classroom setting.
Thank you in advance for your efforts to teach your children appropriate behavior and social skills.
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