Parents what would you do?
Posted By: LinK on 2008-09-10
In Reply to:
I'm looking for some advice. My daughter just started the 9th grade. She's been in accellerated/Honors classes for a few years and she has always maintained a 98+ average. This year she's taking Physics, a 12th grade class. She's only been back to school for less than two weeks and she's so stressed out. She wants to drop out of the class already. I told her to give it to the first semester which will be over in ten weeks to see how it goes. My husband feels that she has to take it eventually so she should say in the class. She's afraid that this course is going to ruin her grade point average that she's very proud of. I think she should talk to the teacher and her counselor to see what advice they have. Her teacher is one that gives the work and says do it without really teaching them how to do anything. I'm so illiterate when it comes to science I'm no help at all. My husband took physics years ago and he tried to work with her last night, but I'm not sure how much he remembers himself. What would you do if your child was in the same predicament?
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Yes, my dad's parents
My dad died when I was 18. I love my daddy, and I love my pop (step-dad). It is so sad that my children never got to meet their grandpa, but they do also have a grandpa (my pop) that loves them with all his heart. I also have a brother, who was named after my dad, and felt it only right that if anyone uses my dad's name it be his choice, not mine. Does that make sense? Thanks for your input!!!
My parents did it,
and they would say DON'T get Sears to do it. They did a horrible job.
My parents have several sm
and are very happy. I don't know how my dad went about aquiring them (he does have his real estate license)so that is probably a plus even though that is not his regular job. My parents are able to spend 3 weeks straight in Florida each year due to time shares. Two weeks at one place and one week at another. He also will swap time shares with others so they don't always have to go to the same places every year. My husband and I looked into one at Hilton Head and it just didn't seem like a very good deal to us. I didn't talk to my father first, but felt sure he would have advised against this one. This is just from my experience. I have heard horror stories from others. Good Luck.
What about your parents
Treat them as if they were your parents. Most of the time when I was married and we went to my in-laws, we knocked but then walked in especially if it was through the garage. I did the same at my parents, went through the sliding glass door. They did the same at our house. To me is is a minor thing and I did not care, thought it was great that they liked me and felt welcome enough to come on over and drop by. If they ended up seeing something they shouldn't then perhaps next time they would have called. Or if someone was there that they did not plan on seeing whatever. Sometimes we had the best last minute pot luck and card games that way. But that is me.
My parents are the same way. They don't like to
"invite" themselves along to the in-laws' houses on holidays, and won't even accept direct invitations from the in-laws because they think I pressured the invitation. My in-laws (and I) always figure "the more, the merrier!" When I host here, I invite all of my in-laws' extended families, but they don't want to come either. So we all wind up doing the two dinner thing and trying to schedule around EVERYONE. It's annoying. I'd rather rent a big hall and have EVERYONE show up for potluck. But nobody wants to leave their houses. Always some excuse, like young kids, but they didn't mind making me haul my young kids all over the state. And I'm the one in the family with the most kids. I say go anyway to the in-laws. Your parents can stay at your house alone for the evening, or they can come with you. It's their choice, but your plans are already made.
27 and 31 here, in the NE. Many other parents we
s
it's not just the parents...
kids today have different issues to face than kids did even up to the 50s and 60s. Most kids are watching MTV before they are out of diapers. It's just easier to put something electronic in a kid's hand than have to act like a parent. Kids are having kids at earlier ages than ever. A few years ago I lived in south Philly and watched a girl about 12 yo with a baby talking to a young boy on a bicycle. She told him she wanted money for the baby and he told her his mom didn't give him any lunch money that week, so he didn't have anything to give her.
My situation has been different because of the abandonment issues my GD has had to adjust to... but get this. One reason I can not spank her is because she came to me with some violent behavior from her parents. Her mom would let her run across the room (to the mom), jump on her and wrestle until she was so over stimulated the baby would bite mom on the face...and mom just laughed. I could not spank her for biting me...one violent action did not change the first. I have had to learn many new techniques since I raised my kids...obviously spaking did not work on them! I was very firm with them and used spanking as a last resort, but I can't do that with this child. She has to trust me and spankings do not build trust. We have a great relationship now, but I constantly have to reinforce changing her behavior from what she had when she came to me, along with just asserting her own indpendence as she grows older, with my words and deeds, not with violence.
My parents used to do this...
I can remember begging my mom for the list of names and numbers and she'd never give in. Drove us 4 kids up the wall! But thinking back, it was fun! Merry Christmas y'all!!!
Where are the parents???
I don't put the blame totally on Brittany (most of it I do, but not all of it). Her parents should be hauled down with her. Where in the world were they when this all was beginning. If it was me my mom and dad would be right there beside me saying what in the world is going on and they would get me the counseling I needed (and not allow me to leave when I wanted to). I don't care if she is a "pop" star or not. If more of the parents of these "stars" would act like parents you would think their children would behave more rationally. I look at Brittany and lots of her friends and they really are still children. I have a brother-in-law who is 48 and acts like he's 16 and needs to be kept in line by his mom. Maybe the parents are too worried that their famous kids will stop giving them money....who knows. Maybe not, but it looks like it to me.
parents
I had a daughter in a similar situation. Her school had a tutoring program after schools with actual teachers and that really helped her a lot. She actually was doing okay in the class, but just didn't feel confident. The teachers made her feel more sure of herself and that seemed to make all the difference. I'd talk with the physics teacher or counselor to see if they can work with her before she drops the class.
parents
careful, your face will freeze that way. go to your room and wait. killer was "I never thought I could be so disappointed in you. I thought we raised you better than that".
parents
how could I forget this one? Can't never accomplished anything.
never make fun of what someone does for a living as long as it is an honest job.
parents
My parents helped very little - they were very loving, but very poor. I worked, had no car, ate very simple cheap foods - that is the only way I could have done it. . I could not help my daughter much either - she got scholarships, took out loans and worked - full time one year while attending college full-time. . If parents can help, I think they should. . I think this mom is willing to help, just not change her entire life, which she should not have to.
This all comes down to the parents
I think those women are making a big mistake. I love my sister and nephew, don't get me wrong. But he is like that 7 yo and it drives me crazy. BUT my sister and BIL are to blame, I feel. He gets a toy every time they're in a store. He gets a new toy if he's good at the dentist. My sister feels "guilty" if he likes something and she doesn't run out and get it. They buy him major video games just because, instead of reserving these things for birthdays or Christmas. They will go out and buy him a $200 item in the middle of the week and when I ask what the occasion is? Nothing, we just thought he'd like it!
He is well behaved and they don't use the toys as bribes, but yet still, it's unbelievable some of the stuff they do. Yes, it's their only child, but I'm amazed. Growing up when we would talk, my sister had definite opinions about what she would and would not do when she had children, and this is not how she felt back then.
But he doesn't know anything about Monopoly or playing cards, or any of that stuff. In my opinion, they're raising him to be materialistic and as an adult I can see him as one of those guys who always has to have the latest toys to impress the other guys. Just my opinion.
You might be right, but my parents had me so...
afraid of them that I would NEVER have considered such a thing. Although I do not have a teenager yet, my hope is to have that kind of fear and, yes, respect by the time they are that age. However, I might live to eat my words yet. I just think that with a teenage girl, this might not really have been about a wedding after all--it could have been about a date to a wedding and I find that scary.
See what I mean? Some parents have no
consideration for anyone but themselves. Yes, parenting is a tough job. Some people do it better than others. But it doesn't give the less-than-adequate parents the right to inflict their out-of-control brats on others.
I love how they all go on the defensive, too, if you call them out on it. Suddenly they accuse the person objecting to their kids of not having kids themselves. (Usually not true).
It all boils down to consideration. And letting your infant scream through 3/4 of a movie, or a wedding ceremony, is pretty much akin to looking the other way while your dog drops a load of steaming poop on a neighbor's front lawn.
I would believe most parents would know
already.
You could do what my parents did to me
I stayed past curfew one too many times. First time they let it slide, second time the warned me and third time said I disobeyed, so they marched into my room, grabbed a suitcase and said if I didn't want to obey their rules than to get out and see if I could live somewhere cheaper and have a car whenever I wanted it. Even though the car was mine (old Valiant (think Chrysler made it, but it was mine), but they told me the car was not an option and would not be going with me.
It took me about 30 minutes of begging and pleading for them to let me to stay and I had to do some extra work around the house as punishment for disobeying them.
The only thing was back then 18 was legal age (drinking, etc). Your daughter is not of legal age yet. I'm not saying this is your or your daughter because I don't know you, but parents seem to always believe their kids are responsible. My sister thinks her 19-year-old son is responsible, but he shows time and time again he is not. I have a friend who boasted about how responsible her 17-year-old son is, he doesn't smoke or drink and studies in school and gets good grades and only goes out to go to the library. A few days later (Sat night) the police had brought him home as he was caught at a party drinking.
Took a lot of time for my parents to consider me responsible after some of the stuff I did (staying out past curfew, etc). Parents should not be so quick to trust their kids. They need to earn trust.
Where are parents?
Are the parents going to be home that allow this? In Connecticut if there was underage drinking and something went wrong the parents would be in trouble as much as the rest of the kids. Just in one month we lost 5 teenagers in 3 different accidents for drinking and loosing control of their cars and running them up a pole. A parents worse nightmare.
I never had a problem with my two daughters with drinking underage at home. When they are at college I do not loose any sleep over it because what I don't see or know I cannot worry about it. I trust they will make the right decisions but they are away so who knows.
My parents.
x
Any foster parents out there?
x
You're asking what I and other parents were asking...sm
when the other teacher was out so long. Our school system is probably the worst about holding back kids. I'm a foster parent and had a prior foster child that desperately needed to be held back (she was academically 2 years behind her peers and emotionally 2 years behind them) and they refused to hold her back because she had already been held back in the 1st grade due to poor attendance while she was with her birth parents, regardless of the fact that she was emotionally and educationally behind the kids her age.
They were all good parents as far as I know - sm
There were no reports in the news stating any reason why this group from Kansas thought they were bad parents. They were just parents with broken hearts. I agree with you that they need to be kept away from funerals.
Any parents here making a
to only have one child..? We're seriously considering not having any more..One is PLENTY OF WORK AND LOVE!!
If possible, their parents should be told..
that their boys are insulting and ridiculing adult women on the street. Having raised 3 sons, they were encouraged to be kids and have fun but they were CERTAINLY taught respect for adults and that it's wrong to insult anybody ''for fun'' (particularly adults). Unbelievable that the poster below called this ''minute''. There is nothing ''minute'' about ridicule and nasty remarks--particularly directed at a perfect stranger just going about her own business!
Yea, they might but the parents not as enthused
as when their children were little and I do not think it has that much to do with independence, I think the baby and toddler thing just hyped too much. I for one really disappointed in my children and nothing to do with if they are on their own or not.
Parents, what are you thinking about?
I have read today more about the little girl who was kidnapped in Portugal. I have no idea what her parents were thinking about norr for that reason, what a lot of parents are thinking about now. You cannot leave your children to go dine, even for 5 minutes, no matter how closeby you think you are. You cannot let your children run around in the stores unattended while you shop or leave them in the toy section to keep them occupied. You cannot leave them in the bathtub while you go to answer the phone or the door. It only takes a second for a child to drown. Don’t leave them in the vehicle while you run in the store or pump your gas leaving your vehicle running or the keys inside. There are all kinds of stories about the children kidnapped here just for those reasons. I do not care what section of the country you live in, don’t leave your doors open, be it daytime or night. You think you are safe. It only takes a few minutes for someone to swoop down and grab a child. The parents of this child in Portugal are 100% to blame for their child being kidnapped. They could have taken their children with them that evening or the resort where they were staying offered babysitting and yet the family opted not to have this. I hope for the best in her recovery. It was supposed to have been a family vacation so take the kids with you, be it a late evening dinner or the like. What a shame!
NO WAY. It is not your place to tell them, let their parents tell them when they
think the time is right!!!!!
How many parents here are afraid to
let their kids play outside because of the numerous kidnappers and pedophiles wandering around your neighborhoods.
You did right. Surprised so many parents ok with
x
yea - they were the party parents -
acted like they were their age and had all their friends for parties with plenty of booze - I'm no prude but that kind of rubbed me wrong. I simply don't have the money to spend on things like that. DD seems to forget all the things I paid for - I even wrote checks on charge accounts so she could have a car in high school. Now I'm paying!
By the way - did you make it through the storms okay? - I was without power for 29 hours!
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
They are both the kids parents - they should both help (nm)
x
Yep! I think both parents copped out. (nm)
x
ha ha---we ALL owe our parents an apology:-)
Unfortunately we never realize that until our OWN kids put us through stuff.
That is for the individual and his/her parents to...
decide. Let's wait for the facts in this particular case.
This is a letter I sent to the parents of a
I am writing to inform you that, after much discussion with other parents of children who are in direct contact with your son, Matthew, and daughter, Samantha, i.e. on the bus and in school, it has been the consensus that your children seem to be modeling quite a bit of inappropriate behavior, including bullying and inappropriate language, as well as not being able to keep their hands off of other children. As parents of children in this community, we are concerned about your children’s apparent complete lack of respect for not only the rules of the school and the bus, but also lack of empathy for the feelings of their classmates and fellow bus riders. Bullying is not only painful to the victim, but is also a reflection of the bully’s own ineptness at dealing with their own feelings of insecurity and perhaps a direct reflection of a dysfunctional home life. It also interferes with all of the children’s education and the feeling of safety and community in the school environment.
As the parents of these children, we would avail you to please work with your children to teach them appropriate behavior and to keep their hands to themselves in order to not be disruptive and stressors to the other well-adjusted children in the classroom setting.
Thank you in advance for your efforts to teach your children appropriate behavior and social skills.
What he needs is some parents with some sense (sm)
I feel sorry for you as his neighbor and sorry for him that his parents have raised him to be this way. They shouldn't talk to him that way. If the people who are supposed to love you more than anyone on Earth treat you like that, then how would you possibly learn to treat other people with decency and respect? If anything actually needs to happen, it is that DSS needs to be called and told how the parents talk to their child. He doesn't need military school...he needs to be treated like a human being, then maybe he can act like one...if it is not too late. You should report this to DSS. I am usually the last one who would say that because I think children are almost better off with their parents, messy house or whatever, but in this case, this child needs help.
Did your parents help? I lived on my own but (sm)
it was because my stepfather did not want me there. I worked a full time and a part time job and tried to put myself through college. It took me years just to get an associate degree. If I had had help from my parents it would have been so much easier. It was very difficult as an 18-year-old to earn enough money to take care of myself.
Why not drive down to your parents on
x
Why boys need parents...
This is for those mother's of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older and anyone else who needs a laugh.
It certainly is sad for the kids and their parents but -
I would much prefer to hear about an 11-year-old or 13-year-old being abandoned under the Safe Haven laws rather than hearing about their mother or father deciding the only way out of a desperate situation was to kill their children and themselves.
The children are old enough that they have probably had numerous conversations with their parent(s) about why they are being left and how to find them later (at least I hope so.)
Aging parents
Well, ya know, you just do what you need to do during these times. I helped care for both my folks and they each died in their mid 60s of cancer. I did a lot of praying to find the strength and really kept remembering I only had one mom and one dad and after all they had given up to give us kids a good life growing up, it was the absolutely least I could do. My brothers and sister were just great too and we got to the point we took shifts, even when they were hospitalized. Looking back, we had some really very nice moments. I can actually say I have no regrets and feel no guilt about perhaps what I should have done later. If you do have siblings, ask for help. Take care of yourselves as you really are not as capable of caring for your parents otherwise.
Best one though - I don't have to live with my parents :-) sm
I love them, love to visit them, talk to them on the phone...but I don't have to live with them!
Help! I live next to parents and they ...sm
are driving me mad, well my dad is anyways. I have always lived on my parents land next door to them. I live in a mobile home. Well my mom and dad divorced this year because my dad was cheating. He was calling another woman up to 10 times a day, going to her house, has give her everything he has. He owned cattle and sold them and got $32,000 for them. Well the money disappeared and he was broke before long. This woman he is cheating with is on disability and lives in a house and has a SUV. Her daughter has a car and son a truck and none of them work. Mama has looked on his bank statements and seen where he is making their payments. Well of course mom put him out. Like to never got him out. He got a mobile home and parked it on the land. She got 3 acres and the house in divorce. He has the remaining 7 acres. Well he puts his mobile home on his part and refuses to hook it up. He is staying in this trailer with no power, no sewage, nothing. There is only a bed. He has had the money to hook it up right. My mother has offered him part of the furniture and a TV. He doesn't want it. He refuses to live like a normal human being. Then he comes to my moms house every day when she gets off of work and wants to come in and take a shower. She is like no we aren't married and you dont' live here. You have a trailer and you go hook it up and take a shower over there. Well it has water to it he just doesn't have electricity so no hot water. Well that is his own problem. He chooses not to have it hooked up because I guess he wants an excuse to come over to moms. Well she tells him no. Then he comes to my house and sits and sits. He comes over because he has no furniture and no TV or nothing. He comes and rumages through my cabinets and bums food. If me and my mom are at my house and decide to cook something he invites himself over there and helps himself. I have never seen anyone who was so annoying. I can't just tell him go away. He refuses to get a washer or dryer which without electricity it wouldn't do any good anyways. So he comes to my house and says can I wash my laundry? Well gues what? I end up doing it cause he doesn't know how to operate the machine. Then he leaves it there and expects me to finish it. I can not hardly do my work because he comes over and says are you busy? I just wanted to talk. I won't take but a minute. Then he just sits there. I am at my wits end. I just want to move. He came over and said can I borrow a duffle bag? I said ok. I give it to him. He says I am gonna go buy one and I will bring it back. I never have got it back. Then he comes over and says can I borrow an ice chest. I let him borrow it and never get it back. He bums off of everyone here but this other woman and her children he gives whatever they want. He has taken money from me and my sister. He has borrowed money against my sisters extra vehicle she had paid for. He asked and she let him. he didn't pay it back. THis is his own daughter he did this to now. My husband had a pickup in my dads name because his credit wasn't good enough to buy it. Big mistake. When the truck was almost paid for my dad borrowed money against the truck behind our backs. THen the truck is stolen and insurance has to pay it off. Well it was worth more than what was owing so we got the differnece. Well he had borrowed $1600 against it and said he didn't have the money to pay it. So it came out of our insurance money from the truck. Finally when we knew he had some money we had to bug him and bug him for the money and he said $1000 is all he owed. He borrowed $1600 and paid one note on it before the truck was stolen. So we were out about $500. He takes from his children. I am at wits end. I want to get far far away from him. My sister lives an hour an a half away and she seems pretty lucky right now. What the heck to do?
Probably borrow from his parents - sm
they are loaded, though act poor (have a couple mil in the bank). Borrow enough to a pay off the house $40K if they would go for it, and I think they would, or sell the house (borrow from them until house is sold) and either rent for a while (we'd have about $140K after the sale of the house and mortgage paid off) or buy a much smaller house. We have land we can sell too so we would not be destitute though it would cause some problems.
Selfish parents
People are selfish these days...no one wants to be bothered with their own kids...and before you think I am TOO old, I am only 49 with 18 and 24 year old sons. I've been involved in all their things all their lives...that is why I had children. A DD too sounds like she resents having to help her children with homework and extracurricular activities. That is the price you pay for the joy of raising your children...get over it. My dh and I have been active in our kids sports and school all their lives and it just shocks me at how many people give their 8-10 year olds $20 and tell them go play somewhere while they are out at a hockey rink, or school gym and these are the kids causing trouble or running around like banchees. Someone could snatch them up at any time and then they'd be wringing their hands and crying. Also I'm shocked that kids cannot make change without a calculor or don't know how to spell or read very well. Before my kids started kindergarten they knew their numbers, colors, letters, could print their name and could read some words, because my husband and I spent the time with them to teach them, spent time WITH them. that is what you do when you're a parent...sorry but this is my biggest pet peeve about parents today.
Grieving parents
My nephew was murdered a few years ago. I know my sister has a drawer full of cards and things that were given to her during that time that she still occasionally goes through and reads. It is comforting just to know someone cares and remembers them. Maybe there is something the boy liked (sports, fishing, etc) that your kids could color a picture or make a card regarding that for the siblings. It has been a big concern of my sister's that her son will not be forgotten.
My sympathies to you and your friend.
Their parents don't teach them
and also, they don't get those classes at school. I guess also I was fortunate in that my mother was a tailor and dressmaker and I used to help her with finishing clothes; buttons, etc.
It is such a disposable society today also. If it is broken, don't fix it but toss it out and buy something new. With the economy the way it is, possibly that might change.
I don’t find anything sad about her parents at all
This is a grown woman who apaprently has some very sick issues going on with her, well maybe others in her family as well because her father stated "she only wanted 1 more girl." She has 6 kids already, duh daddy! I posted below when I first found out about this. The mother apparently married but now just wished to have babies without the marriage. Oh, well, how are those people who rejoice in the single mother issue? Supposedly wished to keep anonymous- yeh how with all that bunch. Besides, the news folks can find out and do find out about things like this. The next thing we will hear is who did the in vitro. Those people have no intergrity.
I would never use the phrases my parents
did with my sister and me with my own kids. Guess what???????????
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