Was it rude of my bride friend to register for...
Posted By: info? on 2007-04-25
In Reply to:
My friend just got married. When I went to the store and requested a copy of the bridal registry, I found several $200-$600 items on the registry. I was shocked.
I do not know if it is proper or not, but I have always been told you "pay for your meal" in the gift you bring, so I always assume at least $75 to $100 for a sit down meal. But, she and her fiancé are both middle class at best, so I was not initially expecting a big wedding.
When I saw so many $200 to $600 on the registry, I concluded, incorrectly, that they had decided to throw a big bash. I bought my gift very late and the registry still did not show that ANY items over $150 had sold. I spent $150 on my gift, which was more than it looked like anyone else was paying, but if you wait until the last minute, your options at the low end are very limited! That is my own fault!
They actually served a very low budget buffet, prepared by neighbors and friends, for the meal. It was actually a lower budget wedding than I expected. I am not criticizing their decision to save money on the wedding. I think lots of people spend way too much money on weddings. BUT, I do think it was rather presumptuous of her to register for such pricey items when most of her friends and family cannot afford them and when she was not throwing a fancy wedding.
I am not complaining about spending $150 and not getting "my money's worth" from the meal...that is NOT my point at all. BUT, I do think if you are going to put items like that on your bridal registry you need to consider who your friends are and whether or not your circles can afford such items. I am in a financial position where I could decide to buy a $150 item, but not all of her friends could even go that high and there was very little below $100 to choose from even if they were the first ones to shop.
Is it really typical for middle class people to request such high ticket items for wedding gifts these days? Or was it actually as presumptuous as I perceive it to be?
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Was it rude for your friend to want expensive gift?
Probably not but just not intelligent for the ones who would feel obligated to get one. A gift is simply that. You buy what YOU want to buy, not what another person wants to receive. A gift is given from the heart, makes no difference about the cost of it. Only someone shallow would worry about whether their gift was good enough.
I have never acted like I did on that post with my friend because she has never been rude like that
The way I responded to that post was because of the way the person responded. Saying when someone is nice enough to send a card she put it in a drawer cause she didn't want it. That takes a rude person. I wouldn't even tell anyone if I did something like that. The saying I needed to mind my own business really chapped my a**. Concern is not interfering in someone's business especially is I have left her alone as she wants for now. But you have to understand this is a friend who went from talking to me on the phone almost everyday to nothing. She also emailed me everyday. Now nothing. I know her life has changed but she has changed so drastically that I am only concerned.
you may not be bitter, angry, or uptight, but you are RUDE rude rude!
You talk about being attacked when you are the one calling names... yes someone called you Doctor to start with, which was pretty childish, but they were saying so because you acted so matter-of-factly about diagnosing someone saying they were just having vivid dreams, and then going off on a tangent about their Xanax use...
Xanax affects EVERYONE differently so just because your husband is a certain way does not mean that is the same for this person. I take Xanax to fly... guess what it is a LIFE SAVER! I never take it to sleep nor do I ever take it for anything else...
maybe you are being rude because you are reacting, but my guess is you will have a response to me pointing this out... and it might be rude. just a guess.
Rude people deserve a rude response-but an idea (sm)
I am very kind-hearted, and even a sucker at times but when someone is very rude and disgusting, I have no problem telling them to go away. If she doesn't want to completely cut this woman out of her life, she needs to say something like, "I have decided that I am only going to be able to have you come over on Wednesdays." She can make up an excuse like, "I am not getting enough time to myself" "I haven't had time for my other friends" or just act like she feels like she desperately needs a regular schedule, so "Wednesday is your day." See ya next week! If she shows up on a day that is not her day she can say, "Suzie Q, your day is Wednsday - I'm sorry, but I am really determined to stick to my schedule"
I wouldn't register.
home. Housewarming is more like a gathering. Some people may bring something and some might not. I did a combo housewarming/holiday time (beginning of December) open house. Most brought bottle of wine, holiday decoration, etc. Some did not bring anything at all. It sure was fun though. Have a great time.
Wow, our 3-year-old car was only $145 to register here.
I thought that was bad!
CLASSMATES ya have to register costs zero
very easy at classmates.com, except for their ads (ignore them) - find the state, the school, the year you're interested in, then scroll away for the people's names. Most marrieds put up their maiden names at classmates.com.
Register on the DO NOT CALL registry
Google do not call registry and put your phone number in. I even put in my cell phone number. It does not cost anything and if they still call you, tell them you are on the do not call list and will turn them in. The house will get a lot quieter.
Misha - I clicked on it but one has to register
x
Beautiful bride!
Congratulations to ALL of you ;-)
Are you serious? What bride pays for the dresses? LOL
x
You are not unreasonable...the bride sounds..
like a pain, I feel sorry for the groom! If she does not like your dress she can buy you a new one and any accessories you might need to go along with it. Or you can simply not be the keeper of the guest book, which is what I would do if I were you! Good luck and don't feel bad! If this ruins her "special day" she is pretty shallow!
Gaaa.... what a snotty bride! Here's what I would do -sm
Tell her you'll 'look around for something, but at this late date you don't know if you'll find anything.' Then WEAR the red dress. Totally do your hair and makeup, and you're gonna look SMASHING. Go ahead and look better than the bride. Serves her right for being so snotty.
And oh, yeah - 'Guest Book Monitor' - BLEAH. The first wedding I ever went to was my best junior high friend's wedding. But I guess I was no longer even a 'good' friend in high school or jr. college, 'cause at her wedding I was left out of the wedding party and told I had to be in charge of the guest book.
I stood by it in the church, and that allowed me to have my preferred seating.... way in the back of the church! Then at the reception, there was that danged book again, and her mom telling me I had to make sure EVERYONE signed it. Well, I lasted maybe 5 minutes, until I smelled food. After that, I left the book to it's own fate, and went in to the reception and ate to my heart's content. As soon as the cake had been cut, I got one of the first pieces. I'd been seated at a table with a bunch of older people I didn't know at all and had nothing to talk about with. Never did see my friend all day, other than walking down the aisle! So, I developed an 'upset stomach' and left early so I could go home and go for a nice long, QUIET bike ride. Didn't say goodbye to anyone. And I never signed the Guest Book, either.
Bride 65, grooom 68, 2nd marriage for both. No
asd
9-year old bride "marries"
See the link below.
The guest list is up to the bride & groom....sm
no one else! Of course if grandma wants to foot the bill for the wedding then I'm sure they'd consider her desires.
The bride magazines say no white, ivory, too sexy, and don't
try to match the brides maid colors. Ask the bride for her ideas of color, styles. The style should be similar to the mother of the bride, if possible, such as length. A 2 piece suit would be nice and tasteful, short for day or long for evening.
The majority of bridesmaids buy their own dresses unless bride's family
is extremely wealthy.
I've never had a bride offer to pay for the attendant's dresses. nm
s
This is tthe same bride?!?! lol, the one having bridesmaids, flower girl, etc.
and was upset about you wearing red? I absolutely thought you were talking about a much younger gal like in her 20s!
She is 65? This is just way too much!
LOL.
stick to your guns and let the bride and groom decide who they would like at the wedding(sm)
Twenty years ago there were 150 people at my wedding. I knew MAYBE 20 of them. My parents INSISTED on inviting every single long-distance cousin and relative, most of whom I (and certainly my husband) did not know and had never met. Granted, MA and Dad were paying for the wedding but I've always felt like I missed out on having MY wedding because, in order to stay within their budget, I only invited about five or ten friends. And my husband and his parents felt like they COULDN'T invite anyone because of the budget restraints and my parents' guest list. We ended up with about 20 people on my husband's side of the church (basically his immediate family), three of his friends, five of mine, and the rest were mostly my distant, DISTANT unknown relatives (with a few close relatives scattered among the many distants). I look back now and wish that I had taken better charge of the situation. It certainly would have cost my parents less money because I wasn't going to invite that many people.
This is a REAL contract a bride asked her bridesmaids to sign...
*Bridesmaid’s Contract*
Hello my beautiful bridesmaids! Let me just say again how happy I am that you are going to be a part of my special day! Below are just a few guidelines for the wedding that I’d like you to review, please initial by each point, sign at the end and send back to me. Just want to make sure they’re aren’t any surprises! The planning bride is a happy bride!
Thanks a bunch! Love ya!
-The Bride-To-Be
______ My hair will remain at the length it is now or longer.
______ I will not change my hair color without first consulting BRIDE and providing a sample photo or hair swatch for consideration.
______ I will use Sally Hansen’s “Maximum Growth-Daily Nail Growth program” every day for the 4 months before the wedding day.
______ I will not gain more than 4lbs from the weight I was when I was asked to be a bridesmaid.
(Sarah and Anne only for the point below…)
______ I will join a well-known weight loss program and through whatever means necessary will lose the desired amount of weight as previously discussed with BRIDE at the time when asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
______ I swear to attend all showers, (lingerie, kitchen, bridal & bachelorette) to arrive in a timely manner and do everything in my power to support and “be there” for the bride.
______ I will purchase the DESIGNER style # 464 dress below in Pistachio/Ivory within 3 weeks of today.
______ I will NOT knowingly get pregnant without notifying BRIDE at least 6 months prior to the wedding so a suitable alternate can be found. I will also give my purchased bridesmaid dress to said alternate.
I do hereby swear that I will adhere to all of the above & other understood bridesmaid duties for the wedding on DATE, 2008
X_________________________
(sign, print and date)
a friend's b/friend died last year, drank, took vicodin...
Truly don't mean to be rude, but... sm
You called him a sociopath, then asked "doesn't he have any remorse or guilt?" Well, no, not if he's a sociopath. (Which I also think he is, BTW.)
That's a big part of what makes someone a sociopath/physiopath (aka antisocial personality disorder) - not having a conscience or the ability to empathize about the feelings of others, among other things. There are, (unfortunately) a lot of people in our society who are sociopaths, to some degree or other. It's pretty scary.
He's a sickening man. I've always wondered what it must be like for his two kids, being raised by the father who murdered your mother. It always seemed insane to me that he was given custody of them.
Because they are rude.
x
How rude!
So what if you misread . . . I thought the recipe you shared sounded really good, and easy to boot! I personally would probably "cook a chicken breast" rather than using canned, but then I always change recipes to suit my taste (doesn't mean I wouldn't eat the canned chicken). Anyway, I thank you for sharing.
rude
If it was me I would have stopped and said what did you say. I am sure they probably would have shut up. Then i would have asked where do you live, so I can talk to your parents. LOL! You people are telling her to consider the source but come on if it was you walking you would have been ticked off!
please don't be rude
I'm a physical therapy graduate (party working as an MT) and my wife's a nurse. These are just our initial income since we're just starting. I'm working on my state board as Physical Therapist. I would not think that you're just rude to me.
No. I think it is rude.
nm
I think it's rude...if they ask okay, if not no way!!!
nm
You are so rude....That's all I can say to you. nm
.
Once again you are rude
I don't understand why you don't think your replies are rude. She was replying to Ms. Done with what she has been through. I don't find that her case is all that different. I was reading all the posts below and actually got lost so I'll post here. I'll tell you what I have learned. When you are growing up and your parents are miserable together that is what children think a relationship is supposed to be like because they don't know any better. They think its okay to insult and belittle their spouse, they think its okay to fight all the time. It's not. I wrote in my post and I'll write it again. Children are a lot stronger than we believe. The children always come first before anything, but when you are in an abusive relationship you cannot honestly say to a person "hey, so what if your being abused the bruises are not visible, stay in, keep letting him treat you like this, because there is not a visible injury the kids don't care". You know what. The kids DO care. Kids want their parents to be happy. When the parents are happy they have so much more to give to the kids instead of having to hide the misery they are going through. Sure sometimes its hard in the beginning but kids are genuinely more happy when their parents are happy. And they will in turn learn to treat their spouses with respect. Of course someone should try counseling before just up and leaving, but if you have a spouse that writes you letters pointing out your errors and flaws and then feels they have done nothing wrong that is not healthy. If that spouse will not agree to counseling then there are another alternative and that is to leave. Do not stay in an abusive relationship and keep being abused by a spouse because you have to stay there for your kids. That was what people did in the 60s and 70s and probably before then. This is the year 2008. There are better ways to live.
would it be rude?
to just tell your family members you are making a christmas dinner and invite everyone over, no presents allowed? We just bought a house and are not in the best financial situation at the moment. I have tried hinting around at doing things like dirty santa or drawing names but no one likes that idea. So I want to scrap presents all together. I am working on Christmas day so that would be a good excuse not to visit anyone that day. We are also in a central location and that would make it easier to have everyone over to our house. What do you think?
How Rude!!!!
Good for you! The fact that she told you to "hold on" while she finished texting would have sent me right over the edge! Congrats to you for teaching her a lesson her parents obviously don't care to teach. I have 2 teenage girls and we have made that rule quite clear that they will lose ALL privileges if they even think of texting while driving or talking while driving. The phone must be turned off when they drive and we have "tested" them on it many times just to make sure they are following the rules.
How rude !
Why bother posting something so rude? Why not just ignore this thread and be on your way?
I am in no way trying to be rude,,,,,,but
what does your post have to do with this thread? I personally wanted to adopt children until I met my now husband and realzed that if I could give birth that is what I wanted to do. Feeling selfish, my brother would love to have a child but his wife does not. It is a very personal choice, and I honestly think when the time is ready you will know. If you don't feel it, don't do it. It is so okay to not want to have children. You are not doing anything wrong. I wish there were more people out there that don't want children and accidentally have them would have used protection. Do it only when you know in your heart that you are ready. Trust me, you will know when you are ready.
who is rude
Negative thoughts you are giving right back, you are no good obviously.
I didn't start it but I can always finish it, so get over yourself like you are the only one to have an opinion. people like you make me SICK
you just hate for no reason hate hate hate
you should be so proud!
They are not being rude!
You said " I think it's pretty rude of smokers to smoke inside when youre sharing with a nonsmoker anyway."
I think its really, really rude to move into a house where there are smokers and just expect them to stop smoking in the house. Because YOU don't like it. Well, maybe they don't want to leave their comfort zone, drop what they're doing and go out into whatever weather and deal with the bugs, etc. just so YOU can be all comfortable instead. Ever consider that?
And what's next - you inform them they can't eat meat in the house because YOU are a vegan, or some other fool thing?
There are few enough places left that smokers can do their thing in comfort. But you can bet every time they find one, sooner or later a nonsmoker will barge into that place and think they are entitled to punish and banish them for smoking. Save everyone some grief and wait until you find a nonsmoking house to live in!
YOU are rude
and actually they ARE desperate
did you even READ MY POST?
i NEVER ASKED THEM TO SMOKE OUTSIDE.
get it again?
I NEVER ASKED THEM TO SMOKE OUTSIDE.
They offered. I ASKED YOU PEOPLE IF IT WAS RUDE IF I ASKED THEM TO! EVEN AFTER THEY OFFERED.
what dont you get about that! and i said if they invite a nonsmoker to live with them, then i think it is rude. and by the way, they like me very much.
you talk about me getting over myself? you have no idea of the situation! MY QUESTION WAS HOW DO I GET THE SMOKE SMELL OUT OF MY ROOM, MY CLOTHES!
and i got jumped on for expecting them to smoke outside.
TELL ME WHERE I STATED "I EXPECT THEM TO SMOKE OUTSIDE NOW THAT I LIVE HERE".
YOU need to get over YOUrself you are obviously trying to be better than everyone and cut me down for something i never even did.
Not exactly sure why you think this is rude, though...
8 is a big litter for a dog and an average litter for a pig. How is this not a "litter" of babies?
They are not being rude, they just
want to tell you that you should not be lenient and give in every time to the despicable behaviour of your father.
It may be rude.
I think it is worse to be invited to a wedding for a person you have not seen in 20 years. What possible reason would they invite her except for a gift? Has she heard from the bride or groom during the whole engagement process, or did she get a call that said "hey I met a great person and they may be the one". I bet not. But when it comes time to get gifts, they send to everyone they have come in contact with since they were born.
I think the bride and groom(any bride and groom) need to think about how much cost is involved to their guests, bridal party, family, etc, when they plan a wedding and not be offended if people can't participate.
I said it was very sad, do you consider that rude?
It is a sad thing when you possibly have to leave a note, the possibility you will not be there for a child to let them know. What is not sad about that? What is rude about that? Are you sure you read the post correctly? I find it tremendously sad and stand by my first posting. As far as the person in high school you said became pregnant a second time, not trying. After having a first pregnancy she should have known the cause. Birth control usually works in cases like that, condoms, etc.
I think you are very rude. At least if you
cannot give good advice or encouragement in this case you shouldn't even comment. She is down and you trample on her. It is not true that people who cannot get a job in these times are lazy. My neighbor is a registered nurse and she is already loking 4 months for a job and did not get hired yet. She is 32 yrs old.
Regarding the eviction:
If she does not pay rent, the LL has the legal right to evict her. If he is 'nasty', a lot of them are, and he really wants her out, he can speed things up to get her out.
I would not be so harsh, maybe tomorrow it hits you.
New poster or not, you are rude. nm
m
I don't think its rude per se - I'm in the same boat
I constantly have people ask me why I'm not married and why I don't have children. What I find odd is the men - they will ask me "can you not have children?" I will ask them "what kind of question is that??" And the response I get is "well, women tend to have babies at the drop of a hat," or "women just get pregnant without thinking twice about it." All kinds of responses. I've even been asked if I'm a lesbian (which I'm sure I'll get pounced on, but I find that extremely insulting).
I guess the bottom line is that in this day and age, if a woman does not have a child, is not shacking up with some guy after the second date, or has never been married, then there must be something wrong with her in the eyes of society. However, try asking the woman that has 4 kids by 4 different guys why she never married the daddies or why she doesn't use contraception, and boy oh boy, stand back or run for the hills.
My answer has always been - I never met the right one. Which usually gets a response of "maybe you're just too picky."
I could go on and on about this. But think about this - the women that ask you these questions are usually the same women that say one of the following: "Men are dogs, or men are pigs" and "oh god, I couldn't imagine being single and dating. I'll take what I've got at home over your life anytime."
Makes you laugh doesn't it!
Rude or not, we threw ourselves our
own housewarming party too.
We weren't expecting gifts. It was just a fun way to have everyone over, have fun and break the house in.
I didn't register, but a lot of people brought gifts that I happened to like a lot. If you register, I would only tell the people who ask if you are. I wouldn't pass out cards in invites. We also received a lot of gift cards as well. I just put those to use for buying school clothes though since we spent so much on the actual party.
It is rude but common.
I guess you can assume the non-responders will not be coming but it is not uncommon for people that do not respond to show up anyway. If that happens, embarrass them loudly when they arrive! :) I found that including an email address on the invite helps, some people are just weird about calling, especially if it is to tell you that they can't make it.
Agree, it's rude
I try to always RSVP, especially if I can't make it. I figure if someone is going to the trouble of inviting me, the least I can do is respond.
ya know if all Americans were rude like you, they
dense because you don't know how to get over your rude-sounding self
here, let me help............. 
and NOT all who came were legal - Ellis Island or no Ellis Island......sheesh - talk about dense......
Rude Husband
Your husband was rude. You need to discuss it with him in private. Is he under a lot of stress right now? What is going on to make him behave this way? Is this new? Ongoing? YOU are your child's advocate and role model. Children want and need friends. Their friends will often offend depending upon how they are raised, the manners they have been taught, etc. because they are children. Your husband should not have responded on a child's level if he felt the remark was offensive. Confront your husband and demand that he treat everyone with respect in your home. Do not settle for less.
Best wishes!
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