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What is considered appropriate if a neighbor's relative passes away. SM

Posted By: MTSO on 2006-11-10
In Reply to:

My neighbor's uncle passed away. She and I are friends, but not best friends, we basically see each other every day as we walk our dogs and we talk every day. Her uncle just passed away and I was unable to go to the wake. The funeral is today, but I cannot go to that either. What is the appropriate thing to do here, a card, flowers, what? Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks.


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restaurant certificates? movie passes? Isotoners? nm
s
Book of movie passes? Gift card to a popular restaurant? Ice or roller skating
s
Have a relative who does this
but she has never really talked much about it, she left her job when she had a child and wanted some type of work from home, but last I heard she had taken in babysitting, I would assume the $40,000 a year (ha ha)that you hear about was not to be. I think the most you can hope for is a few free meals and a couple of bucks for spending money, not any kind of real income to live on.
I have a relative who......sm
It is an antidepressant but as with a lot of antidepressants, it can help with pain. People who have chronic pain tend to get depressed from the chronic pain, or they have depression, which causes them to feel more aches and pains. Either way, Cymbalta is suppose to be better in helping the individual deal with their pain better, but how much I suppose depends on the person taking it. They haven't been on it long, so not sure of the effect yet. Hope this helps.
it's all relative
I was telling my girlfriend I could use one of the smaller hand held baskets in the grocery now and still spend the same amount I bought in the regular grocery cart and she said, "Oh yeah, well I just spent the same amount filling up the lawnmower that I used to spend filling up my truck"!
What to do about the relative who - sm
Brings 2 pies to a holiday feast but asks for and expects to take home half (and I do mean HALF) the leftovers.  I have let them do this for a few years now to save the embarrassment of telling someone they cannot have food to take home, but I am about at my limit this year.  Let me add they have never invited me to their house for a huge holiday meal and seem to find relatives to eat with every holiday out of the year.  Is there something I could say that would not come off mean but that maybe, just maybe WE want the leftovers ourselves to be free from cooking for a day or two? 
yes, it is relative to you. But this still does not
make her beautiful and elegant.
Now it is considered, get this
astronaut stress. Well, I have QA stress. Anyone got a knife?
Well have you considered
dental hygiene? My other sister does that and last I heard made around $200 a day. She has a 2-year degree.
maybe a close relative the pet knows?
nm
Bailed relative out
He was sinking deeper and deeper. Getting pay day loan from one place to pay off pay day loan for another place. We finally bailed him out ONLY because I kept a strict eye on his finances, wrote out the envelopes, told him on what day to send what payment, etc. Before I agreed to bail him out I wanted to know what he got paid (take home), what his bills were, etc. He was getting paid enough to pay his bills and have some money left over even after paying me a certain amount each month (he owed me $1800). I said it would take awhile but I didn't want him to be strapped and I told him I was allotting him money to do some "fun" stuff (the guy is 48 years old going on 12). Anyway...after about 2 months the little "you know what" decided to quit his job because one of his "you know what" friends told him he could collect more money through unemployment. Also he was tired of taking the bus to work and having to sit and listen to people and he couldn't sleep on the way to work...the poor baby! So instead he doesn't get rid of the car we told him to get rid of cos he couldn't afford gas and was driving around with no insurance. But he didn't do what we told him to, he quit his job and didn't tell us, and then when I called there they told me he quit 2 months earlier. Talk about being quite a bit "peturbed". I told him I spent at least 2 weeks figuring out his budget and he didn't have the decency to tell me he quit. So, blah, blah, blah 4 years later and he has paid me back $700. I told him if he had held onto his job he would have paid me back and if he saved any of the extra cash coming in he would have at least 25K in a savings account now. Sure wished I listened to the advice my grandfather told me growing up when he wouldn't lend me money to buy a car. He told me - never lend relatives money because they won't pay it back. Talk about hard lessons learned. - oh sorry...that was a totally different rant. I wish all those payday loan places would be shut down. They pray on the needy and people will never get out of it unless they go "cold turkey". Don't know how many times we told brother-in-law he needs to do without something, but he never listens...always self gratification and forget everyone else....oops...sorry again....another rant. P.S. We don't talk to relative very much anymore
Which relative tortures you the most?
I believe the men will be found innocent in this survey........
Relative newlywed
A little over 2 years and still feels like the honeymoon period. We got along fabulously before and still do.

I think we get along so well due to mutual respect and consideration. In fact we're so considerate of each other a few of our friends say we're 'sickening,' lol!

I figure as long as we don't veer off course in this area, we're good to go pretty much for a few decades.
Oh BTW, am considered senior so
noticed how you signed and am sure probably older by lots of years than you!!
Have you considered a Kodak? sm
I just bought a Z712 IS, it is 7.1 megapixels, with 12X optical. It is really nice. I just upgraded from another Kodak with 4 MP and 10X optical that I've used over the last 4 years, taken thousands of pictures (daughter's high school years and marching band - some pictures even made it into the yearbook). So, was really excited about getting one with 7.1 megapixels, and 12x optical. Tried a few shots last night and they were great. Anyway, they have them on e-bay. We've been really happy. It is considered refurbished, but was never used before. Not a problem with our old camera.
and at what point is it considered

is it okay to spank as long as you only do it 3 times? or maybe if you only hit on the bottom? or maybe you "spank" with a belt? or whatever other object you can get your hands on?


The problem with spanking is some adults don't know when to stop.  I, too, was beaten with a belt as a child and I have never laid a belt to my children and never will.  Spanking with a belt is BEATING.  I was "slapped" across the face numerous times as a child for speaking out of turn, and to this day, I still wince when my mom gets upset and raises a hand.  It's not respect for my parents that I have in these instances, its fear.  It's a shame that too many adults have come to confuse the two.


Have you considered Dyson? sm

We have had a Dyson for about four or five years now, and I adore it.  You just would not believe what all it picks up.  Hubby and I both have allergies AND indoor cats, and if we use the Dyson as often as we should, we can tell a significant difference.  We bought ours after trying a friends.  They are lighter weight than the Rainbows and Kirbys, and also have an added advantage of being significantly cheaper.  Just a thought. 


HC


I have a relative who has a wealth of knowledge
and was telling her about the posts on this board, namely this thread. She tells me she got a high school graduation and later baby shower invite from her great niece- this person never called, never wrote- my relative said they went in the garbage. She and I are on the same page. BTW, I have gotten late calls on days, like Mothers Day, Thanksgiving- etc. from people and I, like you, think after thought.
No, I do not do this all the time. I have a relative coming from out sm
of town to visit. That's all.
Abe Lincoln is a distant relative
My children are direct descendants of Abraham Lincoln. Their father did all of the geneaology for his family and they traced it back to Abe Lincoln and his descendants, and my son was born on Abe Lincoln's birthday!
Anyone else have The Food Poisoning Relative

My sister-in-law has very long artificial nails which accumulate a lot of raw meat  underneath them when she cooks I always get the crud.  I try to warn the kids when she cooks breakfast to stick to the cold cereal!


JAN--A SISTER-IN-LAW IS NOT A BLOOD RELATIVE.
Did that tell her? 
Pushy relative question
I have an aunt who lives across the country from me who I am pretty close to.  She is my only family that I still speak with.  (We basically mutually disbanded.  It was for the better.)  When I was in my late teens and early 20s, she was there for me when no one else was.  I appreciate that and am very grateful.  The problem is that now I am 37, am married and have 2 children.  She hates my husband and my husband hates her.  She has no children of her own and can be very bossy, pushy, rude, inconsiderate, condiscending (sp?) etc.  Every time she comes for a visit or goes anywhere really, all she does is complain how it is not up to her standards somehow and she was slighted and wronged by someone.  She has a terrible relationship with her husband's kids because of all the things I previously mentioned.  Every time she comes and visits, my husband leaves "on buisness" because he can't stand to be around her.  I don't mind because they will come to blows after a while together because he won't tolerate her BS.  I have flat out told her that my husband does not like to have house guests overnight.  He has offered to pay for her hotel room, but she insists that she stays with us.  She has plenty of money (She's a millionaire.), but now again is insisting on coming to or house this year.  I get so stressed out every time she comes. it makes me sick to my stomach.  Any advice on how to deal with this. I hate to sound as if I don't love her, because I do, in spite of her shortcomings, which I realize we all have.  Why won't she just stay in the nice hotel 3 minutes from my house?
But a lot of things are considered sins...

Like living together, sex outside of marriage, even using birth control of any kind, depending on your religious beliefs.  Yet all grocery stores carry magazines and tabloids that report on celebrities and other people doing those things and more, and books (fiction and nonfiction) with that kind of thing.  Why are those books and magazines with hetero sins any different from the ones with homosexuality?  Isn't sin, sin?  And it's everywhere, so how far do you want to take your boycott?  I really do respect your opinion and your right to it.  I just don't quite understand it. 


I don't understand why some people seem to have such a seething *hatred* of homosexuals.  I mean, gay people are just people, like anybody else.  Some good, some bad.  I don't want to know what they do in the privacy of their own home, but I don't want to know what hetero people do in the privacy of their own home, either!  Either way, as long as it's two consenting adults, why would I care?  It's none of my business. 


BTW, I just saw Brokeback Mountain on HBO for the first time the other night.  I thought it was heartbreaking.  To think that two people who love each other so much could never really be together.  How is that okay?  (Yes, I know it was fiction, but it happens/has happened in reality.)  I just think that's so incredibly sad.  Don't we need more love in this world?


Okay, off my soapbox!


It is considered a double negative, sm
and not standardly use.  Use "regardless", or "irrespective".  It is considered bad grammar.
considered quality foods by whom? sm
I have heard many negative things about both of these pet foods for years. I do not consider them to be quality foods, by a long shot, and this was even before the tainted food scandal. That's what I am talking about.
Considered being the driver instead of the passenger?
I too have RLS. I have found that for some reason I do much better as the driver than as a passenger. Can't explain it but it's true.
Have considered it before - would they listen to me, his wife? (sm)
Would I have to show proof?
What exactly is considered Middle Class?
Unless I heard wrong last night, during the debate, $250,000 is considered "Middle" class. I don't think so.


Anyone?

18 IS legally considered an adult.
x

Is Express Scribe considered a FTP?--nm
;;
anybody know if organ donation was considered? nm
xx
Well, there's an angle I hadn't considered...
Good point, longtimeMT...I hadn't considered the possibility that her 'type' are usually the ones on the boards of HOAs. The ones who think they know what's best for everyone.

I'm giggling so hard at her ludicrous posts that I fear I might wet myself. Talk about pretentious! I'll take my cozy little apartment with my hubby and pets and the WARMTH and LOVE therein over her snooty TRACT HOUSING any day.

Too bad she doesn't appear to realize she isn't IMPRESSING us, she's ENTERTAINING us!!!
I guess inexpensive is relative to the area...
I live in the SF Bay area where EVERYTHING is crazy expensive! She charges about 40% less than the going rate for someone at a comparable salon. It's probably more expensive than usual too because I have dark, dark hair that is overall highlighted to make it all blond. I guess that's probably more expensive than just a plain color job.

Anyway, thanks for your opinion!!!
Medicare questions for helping my relative
I have a relative who wants to live alone although she really needs some basic care such as grocery buying, food prepared, light cleaning in her home, going to doctors appointments, the very basics of everyday life. I will be able to pay through her bank what she needs for lights, cable and things like that (she has gotten to where she cannot make out a check because of tremors in her hands). She went to live with another relative and it has not worked out at all. She has been on her own for years and wants to be that way again as much as possible. Is there anyone out there who knows what Medicare does to help out the elderly and give me any information you might have.
Here's another shot that shows his relative size.
Yes, he is missing his tail. This species uses the tail as a single-use defense mechanism (where, when threatened by a predator, the lizard goes one way and the tail goes the other), and it does not grow back, unlike some other species.
Have you considered a home equity loan to
pay off all your credit cards?
Have you considered Florida? They have some of the most beautiful beaches I have
ever had the pleasure of walking on in the U.S. My son was stationed at Eglin AFB in Florida; he and my DIL lived in Ft. Walton Beach, and I would go there quite often...I immediately fell in love with their beaches..I usually don't like sand but theirs is white and very fine..they don't call it the Emerald Coast for nothing.  The people are very friendly and I had the time of my life there.  I also love to fish and they have the best seafood. I am a native Californian but I LOVE FLORIDA.  They have a very special place in my heart...just an idea for vacation.. 
Anyplace bluejeans are considered 'inappropriate' is
nm
I can type 95 wpm, am a distant relative of Shirley Temple.
//
Can anyone tell Jan a sister-in-law is not family as far as blood relative, my goodness!
Her children, the children of my brother, would have been heirs BUT Jan, you need to understand TVA which is a huge place, never found them and took a year trying to do so. I never knew this money was there, never had anything to do with obtaining the money up front, nothing. TVA contacted me. I had to get death certificates which I was questioned about being as it was my stepmom and the dept wanted to know WHY I wanted that. I got her death certificate, the death certificate of my brother, the names- do you realize that I had to have this all notarized as to telling the truth. I do not now nor have I in the past years since 1973 had AN ADDRESS FOR THE SIL AND HER CHILDREN, MY NIECE AND NEPHEW. This has been 36 YEARS AND NO ADDRESSES. If the TVA (Tennessee Valley Authority) could not find, how was I supposed to find? You want me to hire a detective on my MT salary and go hunting is that right? You want me to take off from work and go to another state and look for someone when I have NO ADDRESSES in 36 YEARS and I might find? I probably would not have a job when I got back as even taking off long enough for a doctor's appt is frowned upon but you want me just to leave my home and look for persons I have no contact with. Do you understand how you sound? Why can you not get off this soap box and put more attention on your own affairs, that is the money your sister is getting off your mother. I understand where you are coming from but this has been settled now at least 3-4 years. I have stolen from no one. I did get 1 phone call after my father's funeral (remember those same kids you have said I stole from that did not show up at the funeral home nor funeral, they must have really cared about their g'father) and after about a week the SIL called to see what kind of money had been left to her son, my nephew. She was able to call because he wanted to see what he had coming to him. Don't give a flip about g'father, only the money he might have for you. None was there then. Take a rest, ok?
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Iams and Science Diet are considered quality pet foods and they
ijl
Make sure whatever you use for skewers aren't considered a weapon by the school. sm
Some schools are absolutely militant about anything that even looks like something that might be used as a weapon, no matter the reason or who has it.
What price range? I recently made a slide show for a relative (sm)
from their old photos
My neighbor
dropped by with a beautiful gerbera plant with bright orange flowers, the kind I like, some notecards with watercolor art of a Siberian husky's profile, and a kind sympathy card with a big, fluffy guardian type dog sitting watch on the front.

She and I both lost dogs at Christmas, and she had spent a little time with CJ, so she was extremely sad that I lost CJ so soon. It was very thoughtful and kind of her. I was quite touched.
ARE YOU MY NEIGHBOR?

Nice, I have one of those outfits too.  I call it my "Puffy Ninja" outfit.  Kind of like a black Pillsbury Doughboy, right?  I noticed that when I fall down while shoveling it makes it kind of hard to get back up with all those layers.  My husband took pity and bought a snowblower for me to use and put racing stripes on it to lure me into wanting to use it.  Phooey on that.  I'll make hot chocolate for him while he snowblows to his heart's content.  He can enjoy those racing stripes and cold icy water going down his back while I stir the chocolate in my fuzzy slippers.  Doesn't California look good sometimes? 


neighbor
Move - the sooner the better. 
Your Neighbor is too MUCH!!!

First, what state do you live in? Some states have a one-party (the caller) notification and others it takes the authorization of both parties to tape a phone call.  In such a state if you tape a conversation without the other person's permission you can be in deep doo-doo!! 

 

   http://www.rcfp.org/taping/   To see what your state requires, click on the state-by-state guide on the side bar.

 

It sounds like management isn't doing what their suppose to.  I live in a two-family apartment and have a lot of unused land around the house so I have no idea how the rules are in a large apartment complex work. If management won't help, then I would go to the Sheriff and get a restraining order. Sounds like Nosey Neighbor is more or less off kilter by the alcohol intake.

 

As for the pup, call animal control. If she didn't license her dog, in many states it's six months) She might get either a warning or ticket. Plus, I think it would be a health hazard to allow an animal to pee and poo in a common indoor walkway.....isn't it???

 

You don't want to tick management off to the degree that you might have a hefty rent increase or even an eviction. 

 

Let me tell you about my neighbor...sm
I do live in the country. I live on 10 acres along with my parents. My parents live on the other end. BUT my dad had this Mexican guy that worked for him. He let him move his junky camper on the property not very far from me. It is not in my yard but pretty close to it. I would say 150-200 feet over from me. Well I have always had privacy. So I don't like having someone who can see everything I do. Well he used to sit in his camper and peek out his blinds at me when I was in my yard. I would see him. I did not like him at all. Well he had a girlfriend who lived with him. They fought all the time. Every time they would fight almost she would come to my door crying saying he was hitting her and she was afraid. What the heck am I supposed to do? They are illegal so they don't want the law out. Then finally I got to where I didn't answer to the door so she quit coming over here. I guess she got the hint. Well he went back to Mexico. Thank God! She didn't and my dad feels sorry for her and lets her stay. She is nosy. She took it upon herself to have her mail delivered to my mailbox without asking if it was ok. Just gave my address as her own. My address is on my box. Then since she was using my box she took it upon herself to go check the mail and at the same time plunder through mine. If I don't beat her to the mailbox she steals the salepapers. Oh yes. If you ask her about it she says she hasn't. I have seen her. She turns her music up loud so when I go in my yard sometimes I can hear it. She is a hoe and has strange men over all hours of the night who stay until the next morning. She has ended up getting pregnant as a result and still has men come "visit" at night and she is 7 months pregnant. Disgusting! But my dad won't make her leave so either I have to deal with it or move. She is no where around his house so of course it doesn't bother him. I have lived here my whole life so I don't want to leave.
My neighbor uses them as
golf holes in his yard! lol yes i am serious! Atleast yours hides them in the garage. lol