thanks for the advise, you say some very smart things - sm
Posted By: on 2008-08-24
In Reply to: Ouch - my husband had to come clean to me too sm - penny wise
though I am really not sure about the in person thing. I am serious about trying not to be killed in this, he has threatened to kill me before over some really stupid stuff (and we have a lot of guns in this house), and as this is a major thing, and he has been through this with me before....just before we married I was $12K in the hole. I paid it all off though within weeks of the wedding and we were debt-free for about 7 years (except for mortgage). He has told me before if he ever kills me, he will kill himself too....not that this is any solace to me as I really want to live. Generally he is full of hot air, but you never know what will send a person over the edge and I think this debt may be what does it for him. There are a number of extenuating circumstances that caused the debt, it was not me alone of course. He likes to spend as he pleases and I do try to stop him as much as I can but sometimes it is not possible (unless I drop the bomb of course), family illnesses, we did private school for a while too which did not help, and just got a new used car....which we owe his parent $10K for which I am paying them $500 a month for as well which is really putting a crimp on things...but he insisted we had to get rid of my reliable truck for better gas mileage....the new car has needed $800 in repairs so far in 4 months which is just wonderful. When I do drop the bomb, probably in the next month or so, I may try to farm the kids out to friends houses then give him a letter with all the dirty details and the possible solutions. I think having it all down in writing will help some. I know there will be tears on both sides, and my stress level will plummet once it is off my chest. I notice my skin problems act up when we are short on cash, then clear when we get a paycheck. I am sure my BP is jumping about and I cannot lose weight no matter how hard I try too, though I think that is a mechanism to keep him away from me as much as possible. Needless to say it is a total mess.
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I would advise this -
Do you have some place in town that can handle picture conservation, like a museum, that kind of thing? You might even try calling photo devlopers or photographers to see what they recommend. Sometimes they can work miracles. I had an old picture restored from the 1800s that had a water stain on it. When they had finished I could hardly tell. Yours do sound worse than mine was, however. Good luck to you! :-)
Advise for my dog!
Help! My 11 year lhasa-poo (light of my life of course!) has a torn anterior cruciate ligament of the back leg. He cannot put any weight on it. Surgery which is not that successful on an older dog is $10,000! SO! Anyone have experience or tips about this? I can hardly function for worrying about my Simon! Thanks to all, Ginny
Some advise from one who has been there
In earlier years I thought I could not afford insurance, young like her with 1 child then. Worked at hospital and worked on outside basis for other doctors transcribing. son in accident, needd orthopedic surgery, 2 admits to the hospital. The hospital made deductions, the surgeon did as freebie as I had no money. What would have happened if not working at those 2 places? After then got insurance and had ever since - over 30 years without letting it drop. I learned my lesson and it could have been a very expensive one.
advise
ok, what would you do? Took a MT job outside home, quit home MT job, worked 1 week 1 day, got let go yesterday. Employment agency never told supervisor that I had vacation planned and paid for for 1 week end of February. I told her on Friday and she was furious and said "I never would have gone along with that". Then I was let go, after a full day's work, on Monday. Agency called me 6:00 last night to tell me. They said the reason was "things were not getting fixed that needed to be fixed". Have no idea what they mean. After only 2 days training was put by myself to work. Never, ever told by anyone about quality of my work, I don't think it was ever checked. I now have a closet of new clothes & shoes. I am so angry and my self-esteem is in the toilet. Have been an MT for over 20 years and now my confidence is shattered. What do you guys think I should do? Please help this tired old lady.
Sclerotherapy advise
Anybody ever have treatment for spider veins with sclerotherapy? and what has been your experience.
I am strongly considering it. I have tried the creams and they do not work. I have a big patch on the upper inner part of my thigh. It just looks gross.
I also have broken capillaries on my face. Any suggestions other than laser therapy or even sclerotherapy? I am a bit nervous about doing that to my face. Thanks.
I can't advise but can commiserate
My husband got rear-ended on the job three years ago, is still having pain and numbness in his back and leg. The company he worked for didn't file for Worker's Comp or even fill out an incident report, which we didn't find out until his bills weren't getting paid. We got a lawyer, who is useless. They finally got going on the Worker's Comp but now they've stopped paying again - he's getting his Lyrica through Pfizer's patient care plan because we have no insurance and WC won't pay. Any phone calls get redirected when he calls WC insurance carrier. He's pretty much resigned to living in pain the rest of his life. I don't know how people can cheat and get away with it when he can be legitimately hurt and not get any help at all!
my advise (for whatever its worth)
dont raise him anymore, stop today. if it is something you dont want to do, then dont do it. if he doesnt want to be responsible for the bills, then let bill collectors call, whatever the case may be. find something for yourself. that is what i have had to do. sometimes i forget, but im much much better when i do. i take a walk in the morning all by myself. i rearrange the furniture (okay im weird) lol, he hates that, but i dont care, it makes me happy. we are not here to MAKE SURE they are happy. they can either be happy with the person you are inside or hit the pavement. i know you will make the right choices. also too, i had to stop talking to my family about him because at this point, they hate him, and want me to leave. i am an adult and i have to make my own choice, and i pray it works (and works functionally) for us.
btw, his mother has OCD, she cleaned his whole childhood. she has a hugely dysfunctional relationship with her mother, and did have with her daugher, who is an alcoholic. she is very selfish, and is just generally miserable. she is a christian, but is the kind that has all the right things to say, but doesnt act on any of them. analyzing her helps me to see why my husband is like he is.
BTW, the company I advise you
to avoid is
The Cleaning Authority.
They have a rigid schedule they refuse to deviate from, they mark up your walls with their tools, and they break furniture. They don't know how to properly clean a laminate floor or sinks. You have different workers each time, so tipping well makes no difference in the job they do. Complete waste of money, no matter how many times you meet with the supervisor.
You want advice, not advise
NM
Good advise
No need to tell him too far in advance. Overall he's a good man. I'm not making excuses for him but we do laugh a lot (like every day we are horsing around). We don't really fight all that much. I'd say overall we have a good marriage, but he just gets in these moods sometimes. I often wonder if he's going through mid life crisis but don't know. The issue of him working and where we are going to live is a whole nother story because he could decide on one thing and then the next day its something else. Last weekend he was getting ready to tell me what he wanted to do but before he did he mowed the lawn and when he came back in he had told me he changed his mind. I laughed and said that's why I told him to wait and mow the lawn first before telling me what his thoughts are. HA HA. What really doesn't help matters is all this blasted news about the polygamy people in Texas because my sister is a Mormon. HA HA HA Oh well...like you say, i'll wait. My sister and I were talking bout maybe July. I'll definitely keep you posted as to how it goes.
Simple advise...(sm)
Review all available material to you and go by what makes sense. I like to read and have recently started a study that will compare religions as well as athieism. As well, I think the huge contributor to all religions and non-religions is the state of being at the times of change. For example, when the Bible was put together, there seemingly were several books left out. Of particular interest to me is the book of Mary. My question there is why was it left out. At that time women did not have the ability to speak their minds as they do now. Is that why it was left out? If so, was there something important in there that all christians should know? If so, where does that leave christians now? Yep...there are tons and tons of questions, and I don't believe you will get all your answers out of just one source.
There are also questions about athieism, like where and how did everything begin? You can find a ton of sources about how things evolved, but not so much on where it began.
Read, look deeper than just the words, and trust your instincts.
Anyone gluten-free who could advise me? (sm)
Would love to talk to someone who has gone gluten-free and see what your symptoms were, what you are able to eat, and what your results were. I think this may be my problem. Thanks so much!
I don't understand how people can advise
to stay in a marriage when you stated you are not happy, you want out and you do not love him. Why stay in this marriage? You know the answer and you do not need validation or feel bad because you want out. There is nothing worse than having to wake up and go to bed with a person you do not love. Life is to short to stay in a loveless marriage. Be good to yourself and be happy. Why have regrets when you are older.
They usually advise Motrin and Tylenol for pain. sm
I see a lot of this in ER work, and they are never really concerned. Only the pt is concerned and in pain. Take some otc pain meds and it should go away soon.
I've heard good things and about things about taking prednisone. My mom was on it for SM
for awhile and it made her look so swollen. I sympathize with you.
you were smart to do that.
I am so glad I posted. Even though I declined on that rat hole, I need all this for future referance.
Thanks. You guys are great.
You are smart
Although so many posters are telling this is normal, I was disturbed by your original post because you seemed alarmed at his tone of voice. Of course kids say hateful things to each other all the time, but the fact that a 10yo would say this to his mother, not in the heat of anger directed his sister, tolls the alarm bell.
It is normal for siblings to fight, but there is also plenty of abuse within families which would never be tolerated if a stranger were to do. I've seen people whose children have thrown scissors, at each, stuck forks in a sibling's tongue, broken bones on purpose, and they parents have actually tolerated this.
You sound a great mom. You recognize his perfectionism which he needs to learn to recognize and deal with as soon as possible. The very best to you and your family.
My kids are smart. sm
Haysees I have always liked reading your posts, but don't critisize my children that you know nothing about. My husband and I are very active in our children's lives and that is how I know they have some pretty wonderful teachers.
What smart oddballs you have.
They sound really fun. I might still have a cat if she'd have used the toilet ... instead of my bed!
Grr.
She is one smart cookie
You can't fool her! I'm glad she's eating. That is always a good sign. Hope you both have a good day.
I wasn't trying to be smart, I was
actually confused.
Smart girl
You are right on track. Right now don't worry about divorce or not. Take advantage of NOW while you can and get to school. Medical transcription has no where to go now. There is no bright future for it where you can "advance your career." I too am in a marriage I would leave if I could, but I want to be smart about it and get that education first.
smart comments
Me, too. Makes me want to jump in and blast them back! No reason for it.
Smart mouths
Chances are the parents have smart mouths as well, or they have no backbones.
I would have sent the kid home last night when he condescended to you at the end of the first argument. If he is almost 11 and hasn't learned to respect other people's rules, he probably will never learn this lesson. Attitudes are pretty well set by that age and if he gets away with that kind of behavior at home, he's going to have a tough row to hoe in the real world.
Congrats to you! I would not have that kid in my house again if I were you and I would your son and that boy know the reason why.
I think he is smart by admitting it now.
*
How is saying think MTs are smart being uppity? I
x
Some women are too smart
They're brainwashed, and may never wise up. Nowhere in the Bible does it condone this type of lifestyle. Some lecherous man declared himself a prophet and wrote his own book - and that's what they base their religion on, not the Bible.
smart type
I had someone tell me that Stedman's smart type was the way to go as far as spell checker and speed typing program. what do you use? and have you used it?
I said she was smart, but after her interviews
thought everyone would know the truth. That statement of her being smart on my end was said tongue in cheek.
you are one smart lady and sm
willbe rewarded. Now you can use that money for the decorating and yes that is the fun part!
That was a smart call. NM
x
Sounds like a smart decision.
I'd so the same if I were you. I will pray for optimal outcome for you.
Regarding hormones, remember that the recommendation is now now against hormones after some huge studies. Use has decreased a lot, and for the second year in a row, cancer rates have dropped substantially. But I don't know anything about risks of short-term use, and maybe that's what you are considering.
Very smart. We should all follow, but for some reason, it's almost sm
entertainment for some. Isn't that sad?? We find "entertainment" in someone else's grief and sorrow. What else do you call it? I hardly ever watch t.v. In fact, I didn't find out about the shootings until 3:30 when I read that 30+ people were dead! I was shocked!
The media wouldn't give it to us if we didn't show intense interest in it. It seems the more drama it is, the higher the ratings. So, so sad.
Like I said, I read about the accounts on-line at People.com where they never have any news on there - just celebrity gossip. I know, it's not much better, but it's hardly ever death, shootings, earthquakes, terrorism, kidnapping, and the like. I can't handle that kind of stuff.
The smart I was referring to was in regard to
nm
Smart mouthed kids (sm)
Son has a friend who slept over last night (they are both almost 11)....he keeps arguing with me. I consider myself a very lenient parent, but my kids know not to speak disrespectfully to me and they know our household rules and generally go by them. Last night he was trying to explain his point of view to me and then said, "you follow me? Didn't think so..." and turned his head as if to say he was finished....I informed him that I was the adult here and he was not to speak to me that way. This morning he again was arguing with me about one of my rules about an XBox game. I said, "that is the rule, I am not going to argue with you about it." And he said, "Don't then." This time I very firmly said, "You do not speak to me that way or I will be calling your parents." He said, "sorry" and has not done it since. But who are the parents who let their children talk to them this way? I work hard to give my children a good life - I put thought and effort into their daily schedules and having friends over, etc. I will not be talked to like that. You shouldn't either!
I would have sent his smart mouth home
when he did it again after the first warning.
I have four kids in my house that I have to deal with every day. If one of them even thought they could get away with that because their friend did..... I would be in BIG trouble!
Maybe a little chat with his parents is in order. Just let them know that you will not tolerate backtalk from your kids and certainly not from their friends. So if it happens again, you will be bringing him home immediately, day or night.
If you have to do that once, it will definitely get the message across to the smart mouth and I bet he would be very careful not to do it again.
Sorry, I thought MTs were smart enough to figure it
x
Teenagers - so smart, yet so dumb
A Middletown teenager is expected to be in court this week for allegedly ordering more than $37,000 of candy online to be charged to Middletown High School.
Jad Holmes, 18, is scheduled to be in Middletown Municipal Court on Wednesday, Feb. 11, for two counts of telecommunications fraud, both fifth-degree felonies, according to court records.
Holmes is accused of placing two orders — for $19,880 and $17,372, respectively — through a Michigan-based company, according to police records.
The order was to be shipped to his address and billed to Middletown High School, records show.
After taking possession of one order, he was arrested by Middletown police, according to records.
Holmes also is charged with two counts of theft of drugs, both fourth-degree felonies, according to court records.
He's being held in Middletown City Jail on a bond of $30,700, according to jail records.
Although strange, she is smart and knows how to work
nm
It's a smart thing to be prepared
Pantry is semi full. Could be better stocked, but we've got enough to keep us fed if something happened and we couldn't get to store for a awhile. We've been reading many sites that say people need to be more ready than they are. You never know when an emergency could happen and growing up in an area where we would snow storms lasting for days we were always prepared. Even today you never know when your going to get stuck.
Seeds are very important. If you don't plan and a crisis happens you cannot wait until then as that is what everyone else will be doing. I've read you should have at least 5 or more years of seeds on hand.
I am most definitely ready for a life without credit cards, shopping, etc. I can't even tell you the last time I went to a mall or shopping (except maybe some socks last year). I've got everything I need (clothes and stuff) and with the times the way they are I absolutely hate spending money on anything unless absolutely needed.
Spam - grew up on the stuff and loved it. Now I know what its made of and I would never eat it unless it was desperate times. My dad told me that in other countries it's a delicacy. I said to him yea, right up there with Moxie.
Not unusual at all - my DH had one growing up and still talks about how smart it was! (nm)
.
smart cookie on the waiting....and remember some
some states honor common-law marriages - living together as a couple for 7+ years - and there are laws protecting the spousal unit in those cases...don't know what state you are in....but think about that....*S*
When in doubt, do nothing :)
Smart how? This was Oct of last year. I highly doubt SIL sm
is at any risk at all.
I understand the whole quarantine thing, but this is taking it too far. I'm sure this guy has had tons of clients. It just does not sound prudent to have to quarantine each and every client. Sounds absurd.
Yes well at least he's smart enough to do what he's doing behind closed doors. He's no priz
x
Love your idea, 1 smart broad!
NM
And incredibly mature and smart. You are blessed. nm
!
You'd be smart not to bother getting newborn size.
The baby would be out of them in about 2 weeks from what I remember, so much better to get the next size up.
This is the smart way to save - it is called "paying yourself first" and sm
is endorsed by Suzy Orman, Dave Ramsey and other financial planners. If you save it b/f you see it, you're much more likely to leave it alone.
Personally I've been debt-free (including my home) for 7 years and have never felt better. I don't understand people who have the urge to buy things they do not need (like the poster who said they had jackets coming from QVC today - why?).
our smart alarm clock did change the time (nm)
x
Hate shows where smart-a$$ kids are smarter than
x
I guess he is smart, he is making a load of money I am sure!
x
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