wow that's SO true-we tend to the elder parent who....
Posted By: was the least abusive.............sm on 2006-11-05
In Reply to: Don't worry, after they have counseling - sm
at least some of us will make/made that choice - I certainly did.....well, the abusive one died many years prior to the nonabusive parent (the Lord does have one strange sense of humor I thought back then *lol*) and took care of the nonabusive parent for 10 years until their demise.
Children are forgiving, but if a parent NEVER says *I'm sorry* or *I was wrong* when, indeed, they are/were wrong, well I do not believe children/offspring forget.
just my 3 cents worth......
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The news does tend to be bad, true. Put your head back in the sand then.
However, see if you can stomach this....2 yr old toddler disappears for a month as her mother appears to party like a 22 year old with no children by the camera's eye. When grandma finally realizes something is amiss upon discovering her daughters abandoned car with the smell of decomposing human tissue in the trunk, the 911 calls begin. Casey Anthony is a deeply disturbed young woman who by all appearances seems to have done away with her beautiful little girl by means of a shovel and gasoline. The truly unfortunate person here is the child, Caylee, whose mother is a monster.
Need help with in-home elder care...
Hi everyone, I need some help finding something we are in need of here at our house. My mother now lives with us, she has numerous medical problems including a recent triple bypass that she's trying to recover from right now. I have been worried that something might happen to her getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night or something other situation in which we wouldn't be aware she needed help. This is a fairly large house, and we could either be upstairs in bed and would never hear her, or even just out in our family room and would not be able to hear her in her living room. Tonight was the proof I was scared of. Her sugar bottomed out..I was at one end of the house and she was at the other..and no way of her to let us know she needed help. I did go in there in time to find her and get her some orange juice and get her alright again, but I felt so horrible thinking of how scared she must have been not being able to do anything for herself. I have been looking and looking for some type of home monitor that she could wear a wristband or necklace with an alert button on it that she could push and it would send an alert to a receiver in the other areas of the home. I can find tons of home alert systems but they are all for the programs that send the alert to a company who then alerts ambulance, police, etc....that's not what we need. I have even thought of putting my daughter's old baby monitor in her room, but there are several rooms which she spends her time in...not to mention she could have a fall in the hallway completely out of range of any of it. Has anyone ever seen or personally used any type of alert system that would help fit our needs? Sorry for the long post, I guess after that scare I needed to do a little venting too. I don't want her to be in that situation again of helplessness. Thanks to all who took the time to read and respond.
Just beginning my journey in elder care
93-year-old dad fell six weeks ago (luckily, didn't break any bones). However, he is now dependent on a walker. My 86-year-old mom is getting burned out from taking care of him.
They live in another state and I just visited last weekend. Starting to get an idea of the situation and what they need, what I can do (from a distance), with visits every two months or so.
A friend had a lot of good suggestions. I also am reminding myself that I need to take care of myself (am dealing with a stressful job situation) in order to be able to help them out.
I tend to believe
that everything is vitamin deficiency. I have had similar symptoms and felt better with magnesium supplementation and Kelp. I also take regular vitamins in addition. You could also be having some side effects from the bcp and Ambien.
I tend to take the attitude that our bodies heal themselves, but I do have to make sure that the food I eat has some nutrition to it, that my bed is facing the right direction, and that I get some fresh air and a little exercise.
I did formerly think everything was mental, but my diet was mostly junk and I smoked two packs a day. The behavior was crazy, but I wasn't, just unhealthy.
I tend to be like your SIL
I tend to be like your SIL and rarely call people. There is something in the back of my mind that thinks I'm bugging them and I can't get past that. It's weird, I know. It also comes from years of working in a business where I had to make small talk with people I don't know and having to answer constantly ringing phones.
Just because I completely get where she is POSSIBLY coming from, I would say to not take it to heart so much and keep on making the effort.
You know, I don't know, but I would tend to believe the other posters have hit
the nail on the head that it is a comfort zone and perhaps he cannot or will not be without a woman. He is not terribly outgoing, so I do suspect he has esteem issues of his own. In any case, I think I will follow the advice here and wait and see what life brings and not try to settle for less than.
You may be right, I tend to be very negative
So thanks for the honesty, I may just get that DVD.
Tend to agree with you
especially with the way we are being "kept alive" longer these days with more and more medical breakthroughs, medicines, proceduers, etc. It's not uncommon to live into your 80s and 90s any more.
On a slightly different note, I felt middle aged the first time a grocery clerk called me "ma'm". Oh boy did I feel old even though I'm only 48 
Sister! Except I tend to not even
start what I figure I won't finish, LOL. But sleep is one of my (only) 3 hobbies.
I just want to garden and walk my puppies and watch TV and sleep.
Is there any money in putting in gardens for other people when I don't even have a degree in horticulture? Sigh.
For the aircraft, I tend to wonder if (sm)
it was some sort of military craft they were testing and the bird I wonder if may have been an exotic pet someone had that escaped or was abandoned. Either way, it didn't belong where it was.
I tend to agree with you - sm
Also a huge, huge fan for years and then the story line seemed to get more and more ridiculous. I kept watching but would often flip through a magazine at the same time. I was going to quit watching last year, but when I heard it was the final season I figured I would see it through to the end. Yep, they should have ended it when it was still a great show. Glad they put it to bed at last!
I tend to agree
R's parents are not, to my knowledge, alcoholics. However, multiple family members on his mother's side are; those that don't admit to being alcoholics just consider themselves 'hard drinkin' good ol' boys. However, I think R's childhood created a 'perfect storm'. His parents, while not alcoholics, did used to like to drink with friends and many weekends would dump the 2 kids off with the maternal grandparents so they could go drink and carouse. Lesson learned: Booze and buddies are more important than family with a dash of feeling unloved.
Add to that the fact that alcohol helps numb the pain and lets you feel like you're a different person for a while. In addition, since literally everybody he spends time with drinks and 'smokes' as much as he does, he is accepted. After I had called the police, he was shocked because I would do such a thing. In his circle, it is accepted that you get drunk, sometimes you hit each other, and you just accept it because everyone knows you do stupid things drunk and it doesn't mean anything. I probably perpetuated that by not calling in the cops the very first time he laid hands upon me.
I'm not 100% sure I believe in the genetic risk. I tend to lean toward environmental. After his arrest, R went 2 months without drinking. There were several days in there where he would groan about really wanting a Budweiser, but he worked through those days. But then he started spending more and more time with his cousin, and then one day he didn't work through it anymore and twisted off the cap and has been drinking steadily again for the last month.
Although I'm not a big Dr. Phil fan, I heard a quote from him that went, "We generate the reality we think we deserve." I think psychotherapy would help R more than AA, so that he can get back to where he realizes that sober R is not unworthy of anything.
I know, I know, Us Pittsburghers tend to go just a
invite all you over for a party, though -- If you lived nearby you would be welcome.
Anyway -- Great game by two great teams.
And I am psyched!!!!!  I am calm now. A little bit.
Oh what the heck ---  GO PENGUINS!!!
The younger ones tend to have more 'stamina.' If the 2 of you get
ENJOY!
We do tend to remember the image
we had of ourselves from back when we all used to look in the mirror most often (that is, in our teens and early 20s). Men have an even stronger tendency for this than women. I remember Steve Martin being interviewed. He confessed that even though all the men in his family had had their hair turn white at early ages, he had not noticed it was happening to him until he saw himself in a movie.
People do tend to underestimate
the cost of having pets. Their intentions may be good, but it's an education problem. Where I live, if you don't have the dog on flea control and heartworm prevention, a dog just can't be healthy (well, I have heard some raw diet experts say their dogs can be kept free of fleas with their natural techniques, but they are highly educated on the subject). I've got a partial bag of dog food I can't use; wish you were in my area so I could donate it, but you didn't say.
Those places tend to be more expensive sm
Glad you found something that works for you, but that is not the case with everyone. QVC, Catherine's, etc, tend to be more expensive, which is okay for a special occasion outfit once in a great while, but I cannot afford to spend that kind of money on my everyday clothing. Also, if I can't try it on, I usually don't buy it. I have bought clothing from catalogs and feel for me that it is not worth the hassle. Things look one way on TV or in a picture that do not translate well on me. Even in a store, I have picked something up that I thought was really nice and hated it once I tried it on, as I am sure many women have. I am not defending wearing too-small clothes. I am only trying to come up with a reason for someone doing so. You wouldn't catch me dead out of the house in something too small.
Men do tend to die younger, so it makes sense
to find a younger one. Mine is 4 years older, and he is aging faster because he hasn't taken care of himself. High school and college sports can take a heavy toll on a man.
I find they tend to be polite and reserved.
It makes me feel like the rest of us must seem loud, nosy and obnoxious to them, but then again I tend to be paranoid when people are too quiet, LOL.
Were there Herb gardens to tend to in jail? LOL. nm
x
well the word "hijacked" does tend to put one on the defensive
x
As women, I think we all tend to have issues with our MILs...
No one is ever good enough for their sons, kind of thing--lol
Guys tend to pack light, and
probably would be embarrassed by something you were calling a hope chest. Nothing wrong with having a bin with practical essentials for them to take with them, but if it goes beyond what they can see they'll need immediately when they venture out on their own, they might leave it behind. And if it is girly or can't take a beating or isn't flexible about going from DW to MW to oven, it's not going to get used IMO.
Also, I tend to look back at decisions I made and (sm)
question whether I made the right decision. I will blame myself for things...but then often when I look back and think through exactly how I came to the decision that I ended up with, I remember how things were at that time, and how I felt, and I know that if I was in the same situation again, I would make the same decision. I bet you would too. You don't seem like the type of person who would make a big decision like that lightly. I am in the process of making a decision about divorcing. I am a Christian and I think I have probably stayed way longer than I should have. However, I have been praying hard lately, and asking others to pray for me, and things have been miraculously lining up and I believe pointing toward divorce. I am not expecting a bed of roses, nor to be rid of my husband, but I am hoping and praying for some oasis of peace in between his visits.
Computer users tend to forget to blink.
When we don't blink, visual acuity decreases. Get some good wetting eye drops without preservatives and keep them at your desk. Two recommended brands are Systane by Alcon and Refresh Liquigel by Allergan (these are thicker).
These are recommended by my eye doctor who did my LASIK and are not cheap.
Try to get in a habit of blinking more.
Hope these tips help you.
They like heat. Will tend to find warm place to
xx
No! Not if you are not their parent! (sm)
I think that it is better for the parents to tell the children from the very beginning that they were "chosen" and tell them how much they were wanted and how much they are loved. Since they didn't do that, it certainly is no one else's place to do so! If someone slips and the kids go and ask the parents, that's one thing, but for someone else to sit them down and tell them behind the parents' back would be really, really traumatic for them and very wrong!! Please don't do it!!
i am not even a parent, but
i have been blown away by the violent video games, trashy clothes and rude behavior of children and the parents who allow this. kudos to you! what you are doing is wonderful. keep it up.
I am a parent and it seems to me...
that if there are no consequences for her actions, she will more likely do whatever she wants in the future, not think about it and do the right thing. In the real world, she will have to do what superiors tell her to do, or there will be consequences. I think that it is a parent's responsibility to prepare children for that. Of course, I assume that this is an active parent who already speaks to her child and knows what is going on. I believe in obtrusive parenting.
And it should be...why should one parent
bear the brunt of all expenses. It is not too much to ask for the other parent to chip in.
Did you ever think maybe NEITHER parent
Nobody is guaranteed that their parent HAS to pay for their college. It is an option, not a requirement by law. However, if the child got a job and is putting themselves through school, and NEITHER parent is contributing, in Indiana, even if the child is away at school but uses the custodial parent's address as the place they go when school is on break, non-custodial is still forced to pay child support to custodial.
IMO custodial parent should lose that title AND child support when child reaches legal adult age of 18. Then if child support MUST be continued by law merely because child is a student, it should be paid directly to the 18+ year old adult!!!!
Your doctor says this, but you are the parent
and you are going on the theory that she will not become sexually active nor show up with sexually transmitted diseases up to the age of 17. That is your responsibility, not the physicians to choose or not. There are a lot of girls sexually active way before 17 What makes you think your daughter is different?
I think depends a lot on the parent.
My mom does nothing but preach about how horrible girls are and how she wishes that she had only boys. (I am her only daughter, so imagine how that makes me feel.) Let's compare my teen years with my brother's. Me: Straight A student, preferred books to running with friends, worked from age 14, saved my money, bought my own clothes, received scholarships and paid my way through college. Brother: Drugs, parties, bad grades, skipped school, finally quit and joined army and cursed mom out as he left home. Beyond the teen years, I've been married 23 years to a wonderful man, have three great kids (boys). Brother has three ex-wives and who knows how many children. Oh! And the cherry on this sundae... when I was 16, my brother tried to kill me. Beat me nearly half to death, choked me and police came to take him away. Still, in mom's eyes, he can do no wrong and girls are all evil.
OK. Just a little vent. We all need one now and then.
Noncustodial Parent
Children pay dearly when adults act like this. They need their mom, dad, grandparents, and family members in their lives on a REGULAR basis. Withholding visitation for any reason will come back to haunt the custodial parent one day ... and their children will pay the price.
As a parent of an adopted
child, I would definitely say the answer is 'no" and it is for this very reason that my husband and I have from the beginning talked to our son about the fact that he is special because he is adopted - we wanted to be the ones to tell him the truth rather than him hear it from someone else. This is definitely something that the parents should do and should do so when they feel comfortable talking about it with their children...My son is 6 and he knows he is adopted. He understands that he came from someone elses belly (he's my heart baby as we have told him. We answer his questions when he asks them and tell him just want he asked for - divulging nothing else to confuse him - take for instance at 4 is when he noticed my SIL's pregnant belly and knew the baby was there - he at that point put 2-n-2 together and realized something was up - which prompted us to talk about him being from someone else's belly. Then a few months ago he asked about this other person - why she didn't keep him, what was her name....(yes we were very surprised as our social worker said little boys are usually much older before they really inquire!)...but we answered his questions reinforcing the positives of being adopted because he had brought us so much happiness and that this other woman did love him enough to know she couldn't raise him and loved him enough to give him to us -making us a family! Sorry for rambling....adoption issues usually get me on a soap box sometimes!! Either way the answer to your question is definitely not your place to tell - leave it up to the parents.
Need some advice whether you are a parent or not
Sorry that this is a bit long....One of the doctors I work for is also my step-uncle. He is my step-mother's (been married to my dad for 29 years) brother. He is an ENT doctor and goes to Africa a couple of times a year to do cleft lip and palate surgeries. Each trip is 2 weeks long and has been put together by my uncle and a couple of other christian doctors to also bring the message of christ to the patients and their families. Well, my uncle just called me to tell me they are working on the trip for July of next year and would like to add my son to the team. He will be 17 by then and getting ready to start his senior year in high school. I have often talked about my son on this board and always said he was very responsible for his age. My son, my DH and my uncle have discussed this in the past and my son really wants to do this. He is defintely planning on going into medicine and is a strong christian. I know this is a chance of a lifetime but I can't help but worry if letting him go is the right thing to do. Normally if anyone under 18 goes they have to have a parent with them but my uncle will be his legal guardian for the trip since they can only take a limited number of people.
Here is one of the reasons I am having such a hard time with the decision. My son was at VA Tech on a high school field trip the day of the shootings and this is where he plans on attending college. Since then I have kept a bit of a tighter grip on him. I know he would be devestated if we said no (actucally my DH is all for the trip). Has anyone had any experience similar to this or any opinions on my situation? Thanks.
Another Husky parent!
Wow! A lot of you guys have this breed of dog! They sure are gorgeous! Who is the brown "dude" in the lower left corner trying to sneak in on the shot? Too cute! :)
I have right to my opinion, same as you. Parent job
x
Do think being parent alone protects someone from
x
any parent who ever let their kid idolize her should be.....
nm
were you a single parent
x
Please tell me I am not the only parent to feel this way
I am a mother of 3 children a boy 18, a girl 11, and a boy 5. In my home, driving is not a right of passage, it is a privilege. You must obey house rules, keep your grades up, and you have to purchase your own vehicle. You must also have a job to pay for insurance and gas, as we are not a bank or an ATM machine at your disposal. If you cannot follow the above, umm sorry 'bout your luck!
Am I the only parent out there with children that sees no point in cell phones for kids, especially for the younger ones. I swear most of the kids my daughter's age DO have one and she is 11. Am I one of the few who monitors what their children watch on TV? Am I the only parent that makes their children earn time for video games and then has a set time limit for it when they do get to play? Am I the only mother in the world who thinks its horrible to let your daughter run around in clothing with words across the behind?? Seriously who do you think is looking at this and why do you want to draw attention to your child's rear end? Ooohhh ya and all the parents who sign their kids up for little league things and dump and run. These practices and events are not free babysitting!!! I honestly know of a few mothers that take their daughters to gymnastics and leave them there and go down to the bar and grill and have a few drinks while they wait for their kids!
Okay, so I know it sounds like I am whining, but I have had enough! I am tired of being told by other parents that I am a prude, I need to catch up to the times, and the one I hate most of all is "our kids need us to be their friends"! I have a responsibility to my children to RAISE them.
My children and I all have good relationships. We talk about everything under the sun. They come to me with most of their troubles or questions and know they have nothing to fear, I will hear anything and answer them openly and honestly.
That can be done without letting the "tail wag the dog" so to speak. Are ppl to busy or so self-absorbed anymore to take the time to raise their children?
Not a grandmother but parent myself
Well maybe you were a little defensive then and not resentful but reading your post it sounded like the things you do with/for your kids were more like chores instead of things you chose to do. I am not a grandparent but still a parent as both my sons still live at home as they go to college. I see too many people who just leave their kids to fend for themselves, 2-3 nights every week and every weekend during hockey season and other sports seasons...sorry if I offended you but that's the way you came off.
I see nothing wrong with asking your parent
This was my father and I was his next of kin. You try to make it sound dramatic as if he were dying. He was in excellent health with no medical issues at all. He had no other family members except for grandchildren, nieces and nephews. No wife, no siblings. I asked if I outlived him could I have the property. He lived out of state. When I asked him he did a quick deed, I paid for all insurance on the property as well as property taxes for about 4 years prior to his getting killed in an accidental death. I only wish I had asked my mother prior to her death (being as I was her only living child) if I could have had her personal belongings. I did not get those and should have. I learned when she died not to hold back if you want something. Now really, how would you feel if you were an only child and was bypassed with things that rightfully should be yours in the first place. Even in a court of law, a child comes first before others in who gets what when it comes to things like this. Don’t get on your soap box.
No one except a parent can understand, eh??!! sm
Ridiculous, with just a hint of "gotta-belong-to-my-club" elitism tossed in. Any sentient and compassionate human being can understand the issues, perhaps even better than someone whose judgment is emotionally clouded, and including the travesty that false hope and half-truths cause every day in the medical industry. (Hint: Go stand at the Mexican border where you can collect the sad stories.)
Please re-read my post. I did not suggest that ESC research should not go forward. I was merely giving the rest of the facts about the dismal history and science of ESC research so far that Obama so conveniently omitted, and saying that we need to do this with protections for embryos in place.
I was just giving you the rest of the story, as Paul Harvey used to say. I'm sorry if it's an "inconvenient truth", and despite my reservations, I do wish the very best for your child just as I do for the unborn embryos now at increased risk.
You don’t seem to be a strong parent
With teenage drinking, driving and the like, why even take the chance of having a diaster in the making waiting around the corner. I just do not see my ever wimping out to my child's father or anyone else for that matter. I guess you don’t want to look like the bad guy but here I think you really do.
single-parent dating (sm)
I'm not sure that the length of time you have been dating is really relevant as other posters mentioned. If you feel you need to have the relationship defined, it should be and when it is, you need to decide what to do next.
It is SO hard to date when you have a child, especially a daughter that you want to raise with good morals and self esteem. In order to build a good relationship and be sure the guy likes your kid, you have to invest time and expose the child(ren) to him. If he's not *the one* then you have to repeat the process, thereby exposing you kids to men, attachments, and as far as I'm concerned, confusion on the part of the kids.
I came to this conclusion shortly after my ex and I split when my daughter was 5. I dated one guy, we broke up, and didn't date again until she was out of high school.
I also identified with a line in Jerry MacGuire; words to the effect that spending time with my kid was more fun and fulfilling than any frog or potential prince.
It's my opinion and only my opinion that we had our lives, made our decisions, had our fun, made our mistakes, brought kids into the world and they should be our focus. It's hard to focus and give full attention to a child when there is guy anxiety.
I know many have done it and have been extremely successful with merging families and doing the step-dad/mom thing. I just didn't think it was fair to gamble with my child's future... things don't always happen in real life like they do in movies...
All of this was probably of no help, but I sincerely think you do need to stop and think what is going to give you peace of mind, not necessarily happiness or instant gratification, and know that whatever does give you peace of mind will benefit your child.
Good luck, sweetie! :-)
Glad you recognize it's the PARENT here
and not this CHILD who is probably miserable being the way he is!
You MAY have tried everything possible not to ostracize him (without jeopardizing your kids' safety) but consider if there is a way to HELP him - he is probably desparate for the RIGHT kind of attention.
Think about it. and consider what type of ADULT he might turn out to be if no NORMAL adults try to help him.
Just the weight issue alone is a sign this family is in trouble.
GOOD luck.
Isn't that sad? And touch & parent's voices are
s
In his case 1 parent dishonored himself
The guy's mother was fine with his name change. The father had 11 children and get this, had a whole separate family on outside. His little scheme came to an end when the mother found out and divorce ended that. So a name change "dishonors" a "dishonest" father. Your post does not fly in this situation. Sometimes parents cannot be honored- I know my own father molested my granddaughter- should I still honor him because of his being my father?? Think not.
Step up and be the parent! If he decides he wants
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