Have become a single parent...how to survive

Hello. 

First, I want to apologize if this is not on the right board.  I wasn't sure where to put it.

Second, I am not looking for pity...just advice.

I have two wonderful children (a 5 year old and a 5 month old) who are my life and because of that I have left there father (verbally abusive to everyone) to make a better life for all of us.  I am a new MT (have only been in the business for 4 months now and make enough to pay rent but that is all.  With an infant it is hard to work during the day so I start my work around 7pm and work until it is done.  I am not that fast yet but am gaining speed and could handle another small account.  Can anyone tell me how they have made single parenting work as an MT or have any ideas on how to make it work, please.  I am deperate to stay home with them.  Honestly, daycare cost would kill my paycheck if I had to work outside of the home and I am trying to stay off of government support. 

I appreciate any help or advice I receive.

Thank you.

• Have become a single parent...how to survive - NewMT
  • single mom MT - ej
  • single - cheryl
  • You poor thing. Good luck to you. - former single mom
  • be sure you get child support - a man needs to support his children
  • forgot to add - dls
    • I sure need to work at this. - Perfect.
  • You could... - MTOMT
  • single mom - dls
  • I have been doing it by myself for 7-1/2 years.. - i_am_mtheaded
    • LOL @ both legs! I remember those days! - thanks for the memory.
  • Unless you can rely on family to help, or maybe hire a young tween aged girl to occupy them - in the house for a while, I dunno. NM

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We moved out of Florida after getting hit with 3 hurricanes last summer, but since Hurricane Andrew in 1992, we took it very seriously.  As long as the roof held, we had 3 weeks of emergency canned goods, batteries, a portable TV and radio, oil lamps, sterno, pallets of bottled drinking water and at least 120 gallons of stored water in containers tinctured with bleach for personal hygiene and flushing toilets.  Cars gas tanks were topped off before the hurricane. 

I no longer live in Florida, but everybody should always have some emergency supplies and extra food and water on hand.  Every part of the country has some kind of weather or power outages at times.  My parents lived during the depression and taught us to be self sufficient and never wait for a hand out. 

asdf

I've been in that boat, too. Chore lists didn't help. Taking anything away didn't help.  Holding their allowance didn't help. Going on strike didn't help. All I ended up was triple the work.  . It was their job to bring in wood for the stove to keep warm. I left the fire go out one night. That got their attention when they woke up and it was only 50 degrees in the house (pretty warm considering it was 0 outside).  Never had to worry about heat anymore, but the other stuff....well...

At that time, I held down 2 full time jobs and 1 job at home typing college books part time. (I was young, so could handle it).  Well, one day I sat them down and told them that if they EVER wanted to go out on their own, they would have to know how to clean, wash clothes, iron, cook, etc. I taught them how to cook the basics. I showed them how to do everything else. Well, they still didn't pitch in....didn't know what else to do so I left all their stuff alone. Stopped doing their wash and closed their bedroom door. Ignored them when they asked for something like they did me.

My guys all went out on their own between age 18-21. You should have seen their place. Spotless and they did it all themselves. Now that they are all married, my boys cook meals for their wives at least once or twice a week. They help their wives clean and do all the stuff I wish they would have done at home. But, you know what? That's fantastic. I know I taught them something that stayed with them and all my DIL's love me for it.

Now, all I have to do is get hubby trained. I'm still supermom to him even though he often states "I don't know how you do it all."  

My opinion is not to worry about it. If they are embarrassed, they may do something. If not, then when their friends come around, just mention, "I'm sorry the house is such a mess but since I work 2 jobs, I just don't have time to do everything else." They might get the message then. 

Of course I feel "responsible", even "obligated" to take care of my aging parents. They took care of me, now it's my turn to give back. However, I'm not in that position right now as my parents are both in their early to mid 60s, so don't require taking care of yet...so who knows how I'll feel when faced with that responsibility. But, I hope that I feel the same way I do now. My husband and I have discussed more than once perhaps buying a larger home with an in-law suite to accommodate our aging parents.

If only more of us would take the responsibility of taking care of our elderly parents, then perhaps we would not hear of some of the horrors that happen to the elderly such as getting bilked out of their life savings, being abused in a nursing home, having accidents while trying to take care of themselves, etc...Thanks for the thought provoking question....have a wonderful day!

I never want anyone to think I am yelling at them, even if something is a MAJOR no-no. 

The above is what the poster wrote.  I am not saying that I don't think her approach is good.  I am just stating that words like MAJOR no-no are as if she is talking to a child.  That's all I was pointing out.  I don't like baby talk when it comes to being professional.  Do we not strive for professionalism in this business? 

So, some of you here like being talked to like a baby?  That makes QA so special and great?      

A little please and thank you goes a long way.  I don't need a QA person to be sugary sweet to get the point.  We are adults here.

of 2 beautiful girls, 10 and 8.  I support myself.  I do not make my ex pay child support and he sees his children whenever he wants.  It is possible to be a single mother in this world and not be bitter and angry.  I have it better than most divorced single parents, but I have worked hard to get it this way.  I guess my point is that whatever the situation, it can be changed to achieve the desired outcome.  Everything takes time, love, and a lot of hard work, and being 30 years old and having gotten where I am today, I am quite proud to be a single mom.

This is not meant to start any arguing between anyone.  This is just my outlook.  I was raised by a single mom.  Through no choice of her own, my father decided to end their marriage to be with another woman.  I was 5 when we were kicked out of the only home we ever knew with nowhere to go.  We had to live with some friends of hers for 3 months while she saved up money to get us a place to live.  She was a nurse and worked her butt off 7 nights a week, working 60 to  70 hours a week to put food in my mouth and clothes on my back.  She went without, didnt ever have nice clothes, didnt have a social life, was the sole supporter and had to be a mom and a dad to me.  She was everything to me and what she sacrificed for me she did willingly and lovingly.  She gave up everything for herself so that I could have a bright future. 

I saw what my mom went through as a single mom.  There was no support there when the pipes broke, the car wouldnt start and she couldnt get to work, if her child was ill, if she were ill.  There was no second income, nobody to lean on. 

Through all her struggles raising me, she never was bitter and never complained about being a single mom.  But I feel that any single mother out there trying to raise children to be all they can, at the same time solely supporting the family should be regarded with a little respect.  Look how hard it is in this day to make it even as a married couple with kids. It is hard. 

If you havent walked down that road, you will never imagine how hard it is.  I think some compassion is due to that lady and her children.  Maybe not just because she is a single mom, but because at some point in our own walk, we may need some compassion sometime ourselves. 

Very good and clear description of what will happen at this company.

I believe they are taking the bottom of the barrel of hospitals out there and

not putting any restrictions or caveats on the work - instead making the MT

"eat" the loss and MQ is playing the odds.

But if all you get is bad dictators - you will not survive.  Probably the reason the

hospital had to outsource IN THE FIRST PLACE - is because of the doctors.

What I've never understood is WHY CAN'T THE HOSPITAL DEMAND

APPROPRIATE AND DISTINCT DICTATION.......IT IS TO THEIR LEGAL AND

MONETARY BENEFIT.

I mean they require appropriate credentials, and timely dictation of reports - just because we are mostly women "typing" is that the reason no consideration has been given to what has been thrown at "transcription"?  I have wondered.  I know you say "transcription" in a medical staff meeting and the eyes of administrators go DARK and they nearly throw up in your face.  The hospital just WANTS IT DONE AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING MORE ABOUT HOW IT GOT DONE.

Well, it would be simple if they also spot checked physician's dictation

as part of Quality Assurance and if they were not doing it right - in English - with

English structure sentences - they were kicked off staff just as when they don't

do their charts timely.

simple 

Two people could not fit in this cottage it is so small.  The $1,100 mortgage alone I could not do without working for 2-3 companies consistently.  And pay a car payment or take a trip on top of that?  Or pay for medical insurance?  Forget it, it's not in the budget.  If I have a slow week my finances are in ruin. 

Thank you everyone for your replies!

according to David, so I'm WAY out there dangling on the cliff! The odd thing is - he just got divorced from someone 20 years older than him - isn't divorce a sin? Somehow he has neglected to mention THAT little detail about HIS life. Hmm...perhaps I shall use THAT against him, lol. Well, as my Mom would say - I'm going for the grandchildren!

PS:  Can y'all go with me and my other sisters?

Hi all.  I'm hoping there are a few single moms out there who can give me some advice.  I have two children, ages 15 and 11.

Background:  I divorced my husband in June.  Everything was going well financially until I lost my Independent Contractor position unexpectedly in October.  I could not find any work for a month and had no savings.

Now, I come to find out my ex will be dropping all medical coverage this spring.  He will be self-employed at that time and have no access to insurance.

AS OF THIS SPRING, my financial status looks bleak.  I have no savings, no retirement, no medical insurance and no life insurance.  I'm totally lost here. 

I have a few options:  I could stay self-employed and buy all of my insurance, etc.  I could work when I wanted and be home with my kids, attend their school functions, and so on.

I could get a full-time MT job in an office with full benefits, etc.  However, my kids will be alone on vacations and in the summer.  They may need to forego some school functions and may need to stay at home alone when they are sick.

I've been self-employed now for almost 8 years and the kids and I are very used to it.  I hate to give it up, but, I do need to do what I have to.

Any advice?

S/B able to get something reasonable.  If you're looking for family coverage it is doubtful you would find anything under $350.00/mo.  You might want to look into medical savings accounts.  You have to qualify for these and I'm not sure what the criteria is, but Google it.   If you are a non-smoker and have no pre-existing medical issues, aren't grossly overweight, and not planning a baby anytime soon, you might want to look at getting mainly a major medical plan that would cover you in event of hospitalization or something catastrophic, and just pay routine care out of pocket.

We currently have insurance through DH job, but when I was looking for independent coverage Celtic had the cheapest and then Medcost was the next cheapest.  I called several agencies and they all quoted me on Medcost, but the premiums varied as much as $200.00/mo.   BCBS has something caled Blue Advantage that you might want to look at.  I hate BCBS because they are such a pain to deal with and deny a large percentage of claims, but it might be an option. 

You are not alone!    I am a single mom, have been homeschooling my 12yo daughter since birth, and have been an MT for 6 years.  In fact, I chose MT so I could work and still homeschool.  Do you have a set schedule you work?  What is/are the age(s) of your child/children?  (Boy, that was an awkward sentence!)  My daughter is pretty self-sufficient so I mainly just oversee her schoolwork.  I work for an MTSO (2 docs but not a lot of work from either one) and 3 docs I got on my own.  I don't have a set schedule, which is both a blessing and not so good!  I am never off work!   How about you?

post that they are able to make a decent living doing MT, earning 50K a year.  Those who cannot even imagine doing it doubt it.  These are the people who obviously do not belong in the field, cannot pull anywhere near ever 200 lph.  I could care less whether you believe it or not.  I care about my life, my job, my direct deposits, my tax returns.  I haven't done 40 hours a week in years, but I will still top out at about 52K this year.  I am in no way chained to my keyboard.   I do not, and never would, run around hustling up accounts, dealing with office managers, or any of that bullshit.  I prefer to let my company hustle the accounts, do a good job for them, and be paid accordingly, with full benefits.

 The ones who claim to make a lot by having their own accounts are only naming gross income.  They pay a lot out of that in taxes, and to subcontractors, and probably really actualize about 35K.  Mine is pure profit, all take home. 

It has held true for a long time:  If you cannot hack it in this business, then get a babysittter, buy some new clothes, and go get a job out in that great world.  I love it where I am.