My take on single moms

This is not meant to start any arguing between anyone.  This is just my outlook.  I was raised by a single mom.  Through no choice of her own, my father decided to end their marriage to be with another woman.  I was 5 when we were kicked out of the only home we ever knew with nowhere to go.  We had to live with some friends of hers for 3 months while she saved up money to get us a place to live.  She was a nurse and worked her butt off 7 nights a week, working 60 to  70 hours a week to put food in my mouth and clothes on my back.  She went without, didnt ever have nice clothes, didnt have a social life, was the sole supporter and had to be a mom and a dad to me.  She was everything to me and what she sacrificed for me she did willingly and lovingly.  She gave up everything for herself so that I could have a bright future. 

I saw what my mom went through as a single mom.  There was no support there when the pipes broke, the car wouldnt start and she couldnt get to work, if her child was ill, if she were ill.  There was no second income, nobody to lean on. 

Through all her struggles raising me, she never was bitter and never complained about being a single mom.  But I feel that any single mother out there trying to raise children to be all they can, at the same time solely supporting the family should be regarded with a little respect.  Look how hard it is in this day to make it even as a married couple with kids. It is hard. 

If you havent walked down that road, you will never imagine how hard it is.  I think some compassion is due to that lady and her children.  Maybe not just because she is a single mom, but because at some point in our own walk, we may need some compassion sometime ourselves. 

• My take on single moms - sm
  • Many single older people need help, too. - not just single moms
    • you are one of those angels who live among us. May a little of you rub off on us all.NM - fg
  • God BLESS your mom and your love and - andromeda
    • so much in common, Andromeda - Aunt Lou
  • I am a single mom - Michigan MT
    • It's none of my business, but am curious as to why - you allow ex not to pay CS (nm)
      • I didn't WANT any child support - Agred to 50/50 custody
        • Wow! I really respect your post. You really sound like you have the kids' interests as #1, and th - Laurie
      • response to allow ex not to pay - sandy
        • Response to why do not make ex pay CS... - Michigan MT
      • I have a friend whose ex-hus owes $10K+ in back child support, she will never try to get it either - - Laura E.
        • Another perspective on child support - My husband's experience...
  • Another perspective - See Msg
    • Applause*Applause*Applause - You're right!
    • Great post! nm - nm
  • But did your mom go on to bring more kids into that situation? That's a big part of the problem. - IMO
    • No, she didnt but so what if she did? - Michelle
      • My point is that it would be extremely irresponsible for her to have more kids in that situation. nm - IMO
  • Well, if its about the post below where the single mom got shafted on a job, - Laurie
    • Yes it was about that - sm

The messages you are viewing are archived/old.
To view latest messages and participate in discussions, select the boards given in left menu

Hi all.  I'm hoping there are a few single moms out there who can give me some advice.  I have two children, ages 15 and 11.

Background:  I divorced my husband in June.  Everything was going well financially until I lost my Independent Contractor position unexpectedly in October.  I could not find any work for a month and had no savings.

Now, I come to find out my ex will be dropping all medical coverage this spring.  He will be self-employed at that time and have no access to insurance.

AS OF THIS SPRING, my financial status looks bleak.  I have no savings, no retirement, no medical insurance and no life insurance.  I'm totally lost here. 

I have a few options:  I could stay self-employed and buy all of my insurance, etc.  I could work when I wanted and be home with my kids, attend their school functions, and so on.

I could get a full-time MT job in an office with full benefits, etc.  However, my kids will be alone on vacations and in the summer.  They may need to forego some school functions and may need to stay at home alone when they are sick.

I've been self-employed now for almost 8 years and the kids and I are very used to it.  I hate to give it up, but, I do need to do what I have to.

Any advice?

What about birthmothers?  I am one of those.

Lynda

I know I've heard of a mouth swish home remedy that can be swabbed inside the mouth to numb the area.  If anyone knows what I'm talking about, PLEASE post!

Thanks in advance,

Exhausted Mama

out there who don't have close contact with their kids in this group, that I feel very fortunate when mine want to talk to me.  My daughter (19) and I are very close and she still lives here, and sometimes I really do have to cut it short with her.  However, my son lives away from home, and when he does stop by and wants to talk, I definitely stop and listen.   

Now, with that all being said, I definitely know what you mean about all this talking and listening cutting into the overall production for the day.  I just tack on another hour to an already long day and count my blessings that my kids and I can still talk.  Of course, if I have a deadline, I really do put a Do Not Disturb sticky note up, and they don't bother me.

Just as a side note and not to go into any details here, but my son was really into drugs and alcohol and wouldn't hold a job for about 6 or 7 years and honestly would hardly talk to me at all unless he had his hand out, wanting money.  Well, I guess I really should say that when we did talk and he wasn't asking for money, he was always lying to me to cover up what he was doing.  It was a hard road but we got through it, and I do love for him to talk to me now because I really feel like I have my son back.  So I guess I look at those interruptions a little differently.   :)

of 2 beautiful girls, 10 and 8.  I support myself.  I do not make my ex pay child support and he sees his children whenever he wants.  It is possible to be a single mother in this world and not be bitter and angry.  I have it better than most divorced single parents, but I have worked hard to get it this way.  I guess my point is that whatever the situation, it can be changed to achieve the desired outcome.  Everything takes time, love, and a lot of hard work, and being 30 years old and having gotten where I am today, I am quite proud to be a single mom.

Very good and clear description of what will happen at this company.

I believe they are taking the bottom of the barrel of hospitals out there and

not putting any restrictions or caveats on the work - instead making the MT

"eat" the loss and MQ is playing the odds.

But if all you get is bad dictators - you will not survive.  Probably the reason the

hospital had to outsource IN THE FIRST PLACE - is because of the doctors.

What I've never understood is WHY CAN'T THE HOSPITAL DEMAND

APPROPRIATE AND DISTINCT DICTATION.......IT IS TO THEIR LEGAL AND

MONETARY BENEFIT.

I mean they require appropriate credentials, and timely dictation of reports - just because we are mostly women "typing" is that the reason no consideration has been given to what has been thrown at "transcription"?  I have wondered.  I know you say "transcription" in a medical staff meeting and the eyes of administrators go DARK and they nearly throw up in your face.  The hospital just WANTS IT DONE AND DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING MORE ABOUT HOW IT GOT DONE.

Well, it would be simple if they also spot checked physician's dictation

as part of Quality Assurance and if they were not doing it right - in English - with

English structure sentences - they were kicked off staff just as when they don't

do their charts timely.

simple 

Two people could not fit in this cottage it is so small.  The $1,100 mortgage alone I could not do without working for 2-3 companies consistently.  And pay a car payment or take a trip on top of that?  Or pay for medical insurance?  Forget it, it's not in the budget.  If I have a slow week my finances are in ruin. 

Thank you everyone for your replies!

according to David, so I'm WAY out there dangling on the cliff! The odd thing is - he just got divorced from someone 20 years older than him - isn't divorce a sin? Somehow he has neglected to mention THAT little detail about HIS life. Hmm...perhaps I shall use THAT against him, lol. Well, as my Mom would say - I'm going for the grandchildren!

PS:  Can y'all go with me and my other sisters?

S/B able to get something reasonable.  If you're looking for family coverage it is doubtful you would find anything under $350.00/mo.  You might want to look into medical savings accounts.  You have to qualify for these and I'm not sure what the criteria is, but Google it.   If you are a non-smoker and have no pre-existing medical issues, aren't grossly overweight, and not planning a baby anytime soon, you might want to look at getting mainly a major medical plan that would cover you in event of hospitalization or something catastrophic, and just pay routine care out of pocket.

We currently have insurance through DH job, but when I was looking for independent coverage Celtic had the cheapest and then Medcost was the next cheapest.  I called several agencies and they all quoted me on Medcost, but the premiums varied as much as $200.00/mo.   BCBS has something caled Blue Advantage that you might want to look at.  I hate BCBS because they are such a pain to deal with and deny a large percentage of claims, but it might be an option. 

You are not alone!    I am a single mom, have been homeschooling my 12yo daughter since birth, and have been an MT for 6 years.  In fact, I chose MT so I could work and still homeschool.  Do you have a set schedule you work?  What is/are the age(s) of your child/children?  (Boy, that was an awkward sentence!)  My daughter is pretty self-sufficient so I mainly just oversee her schoolwork.  I work for an MTSO (2 docs but not a lot of work from either one) and 3 docs I got on my own.  I don't have a set schedule, which is both a blessing and not so good!  I am never off work!   How about you?

post that they are able to make a decent living doing MT, earning 50K a year.  Those who cannot even imagine doing it doubt it.  These are the people who obviously do not belong in the field, cannot pull anywhere near ever 200 lph.  I could care less whether you believe it or not.  I care about my life, my job, my direct deposits, my tax returns.  I haven't done 40 hours a week in years, but I will still top out at about 52K this year.  I am in no way chained to my keyboard.   I do not, and never would, run around hustling up accounts, dealing with office managers, or any of that bullshit.  I prefer to let my company hustle the accounts, do a good job for them, and be paid accordingly, with full benefits.

 The ones who claim to make a lot by having their own accounts are only naming gross income.  They pay a lot out of that in taxes, and to subcontractors, and probably really actualize about 35K.  Mine is pure profit, all take home. 

It has held true for a long time:  If you cannot hack it in this business, then get a babysittter, buy some new clothes, and go get a job out in that great world.  I love it where I am. 

I knew a lady who had lived with a man for 30 years.  He got Alzheimer's and his daughter had him declared incompetent.  She threw this lady out of the house she had lived in for those 30 years (common law marriage not recognized here).  No one could find a will, so this lady was on the streets for all intents and purposes.  She called me one afternoon to ask how much I would charge her a month for rent (she had only social security,  minimal) to live on, had Parkinson disease, heart problems,  diabetes, etc.  Knowing she was a proud lady and I was working in a hospital at the time, I told her I would charge $50.00 a month for food, but if she helped clean the house and cooked in exchange for rent, that would be great.

She lived with me until her death 7 years later.  My mother had passed away about a year earlier, but this dear lady became my best friend and my substitute mother.  I was compensated in ways you never will never know, but monitarily it was wonderful.  She was a wonderful seamstress and could knit, so after that I rarely if ever had to buy any clothes, just some yarn or fabric.  My mother had spoiled me completely, my late husband had spoiled me, and then I had the wonderful fortune of having this lady as my friend who took over where they left off. 

Before she called me, she had rented a room in a cheap motel and it took all her money.  She went to the local food bank to try to get food, but they told her she was not eligible because she had no children.  It would take several months for her to become eligible on medicaid.  Her medications cost so much that she would have to pay 100% by September because she had exhaused her medical benefits, so I bought those for her - unless I could convince a few doctors on staff to help by getting drug reps to contribute a few for her.  Is this what we do to our senior citizens? 

I am not asking for praise.  I just think it is time that we all look around and see what is happening.  There are a lot of people in this world who need compassion and help, and we really should do what we can to ease their discomfort. 

We rented our house with an option to buy back in 2000.  It's not much.  3 bedroom ranch.  Finished basement. Nice little house. Nice yard, GREAT neighborhood.  We were paying $650 a month for rent.  We had to pay electric, heat, water, sewer and rental insurance.  We bought the house 3 years ago for less than $70,000 and our house payment is $649.00 a month (1 dollar less), but includes taxes and insurance in escrow.

After 3 short years, our house has been appraised at $100,000. That amounts to $10,000 a year in profit if we were dumb enough to sell it rent again. A house down the street from us, same size, is renting for $1200 a month!  We rented for nearly 20 years and had nothing to show for it.

The way I see it, worst case scenario, is that if MT doesn't work and things get really bad, we sell, make $30,000 or more and move on.

Go for it  !

Hello. 

First, I want to apologize if this is not on the right board.  I wasn't sure where to put it.

Second, I am not looking for pity...just advice.

I have two wonderful children (a 5 year old and a 5 month old) who are my life and because of that I have left there father (verbally abusive to everyone) to make a better life for all of us.  I am a new MT (have only been in the business for 4 months now and make enough to pay rent but that is all.  With an infant it is hard to work during the day so I start my work around 7pm and work until it is done.  I am not that fast yet but am gaining speed and could handle another small account.  Can anyone tell me how they have made single parenting work as an MT or have any ideas on how to make it work, please.  I am deperate to stay home with them.  Honestly, daycare cost would kill my paycheck if I had to work outside of the home and I am trying to stay off of government support. 

I appreciate any help or advice I receive.

Thank you.