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Stayed "because of the kids?" I say "leave because of the kids"

Posted By: next, do what they said on MSN Money board on 2005-09-27
In Reply to: I'm emotionally and financially stuck - Needing Support Ladies

You're in no position to buy right now. Keep saving, keep paying down your bills, and for heaven's sake get rid of that dead weight of a BF you're living with. You can do better.

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Do little kids like caramel? My big kids won't even eat it! We make the basic Baker's chocolat
I never said you shouldn't have kids! Feeling guilty? I asked WHY you had kids.
You clearly stated in your post that you ship the kids off to camp all day, and they're TIRED AT NIGHT!!  You know exactly what you said.  You said it as a PERK - AS IN GREAT! They're gone all day, it wears them out, and so I shovel dinner in their mouths and off to bed!  You can try to paint it any way you want, but YOU SAID IT.  Again, I only hope your kids never hear you speak that way or write that way. Shame on you.  Why have kids at all?  Just another parent who has them, gets rid of them for day AND night, BRAGS ABOUT IT, and then calls ME wicked!  Give me a break!  Camp is fine - its WHAT YOU SAID AND YOU KNOW IT.  Your own words showed your heart. Period.
Kids are demanding and so is MT work. My question is how CAN you do this with kids, rather than how
When you have two young kids, 11 months apart, (like I stated they are now 4 and 5) and have been doing this since they were born with no help from their father and no family around, YES, the kids get neglected. Part time might work but living on one salary, part time, is not an option. How can you possible tell me that anyone with two young kids can stay at home and work a full-time, 8-hour shift, and still give their kids the attention they NEED. I dont care how good you are at multitasking and how great your organizational skills are. It is a very difficult thing to do. And I am offended by your post making it sound as if it is easy to do.

I do agree that it can depend on how well your kids behave and how well they are able to play on their own. But my kids were not able to play well on their own. They needed constant attention.

So please take the time to realize that there are people out there in different situations than your own.

Reading our posts should help you to understand that everyone has a different situation. I believe everyone should have the right to shares their experiences as it might benefit the original poster in her questions and concerns.

I dont think anyone should be bashed for taking the time out to write about their experiences. I dont usually come on here to argue but you really ticked me off with your post. And try reading the post correctly. I said next time around I would have put them in day care. What I DID do with them was set them up to an activity like art or put on a movie for them. Geez.
So, should I return the $75 (x2 kids) in music cards I got the kids for x-mas...sm
My son has been telling me about free music sites and I was very leary.  How do they skirt the law Radguy?
I don't have kids, but my Mom was from the "old school," and still had everyone, kids inclu

call her by her first name.  The little neighbor girl next door from the time she could speak called her Aggie (my mom's first name), and they were great buddies until the day my mom pased away. 

I don't think there really is much in a name, but more in the respect you are given and the way you are treated.   Personally, I kind of cringe inside when someone calls me Ms. Anything or God forbid, "maam" (makes me feel like Methuselah!) ... I'm always just plain Merrie.  :-)

But, as someone pointed out, to each his own.  If you want to be addressed a certain way, you have that right, and people should respect that.  I'm glad you corrected the child ... hope it "sticks."    

Please do not simply give up, kids or no kids!
Talk with a professional. This can be worked through if he really puts forth the effort and you participate. The right counseling can truly make your marriage even better than it was before, if BOTH parties are willing to be honest. Give it a try. Nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain!
No I said thank God I do not have kids
I think the wrong point is being taken here. Yes he does not worry about money and is used to that. I am afraid of not making ends meet if I stop working my day job and I refuse to stop working either MT jobs as we all know it takes a lot of education to make it.
I am my kids mom

My children are lucky to have their mother taking care of them, not a stranger.  I work my butt of taking care of my kids and have made many sacrifices to be able to live this life of working PT and being a full time mother.  I know that I am my kids mom. 

I know that it must be hard for you to look at your kids and tell them that you don't want them to be with you everyday.  The sacrifices could be made. 

Thank God you have no kids. NM
How much can you get done with 2 kids?
I haven't done transcription for a few years and would like to get back in. My question is--if you don't mind me asking--how many lines a week can you get done with kids? Is 1000 reasonable or way out there? I have 5 kids, but 3 of them will be in school during the day and the other two nap...any advice?
For kids
Tacos, as son to work and daughter off too, and me and hubby home made wedding soup, ummm ummm good, and sweet italian sausage on hard rolls, not stale, just good.
28 WF, M, 2 kids. nm
Kids come first for both of us, then each other, I don't think I'd want a man who
and catering to me constantly. I like the fact that he does all the cooking, and most of the grocery shopping and gets me things I like w/o me having to ask him to buy them. I do the same for him. We don't get much alone time but enjoy what time we do get together. My man does a lot other men don't but doesn't act like a doormat either.
Same here... kids come first, then each other. sm
Our kids are still at home, and the kids come first. I've seen lots of other parents who put themselves/each other first, and the kids always seem to be second thoughts to them. That's not how it works in our family. We're all equally important, but the kids' needs come first. If I only have $30 and we all need shoes, the kids get them first. I wouldn't have it any other way.
How old are the kids?nm

We have three kids.
DH does his own. So do the kids.

I used to have Mount Everest on the basement floor every single day and then I just got fed up and stopped doing laundry except for my own and household items, i.e., towels, etc. Half of the pile was clean stuff that I had folded and put in the kids' rooms that they just put back in the pile when they "cleaned" their rooms.

It took them a while to adjust, but the youngest was 8 and the older ones were 12 and 17 and I left their stuff in the mountain until they realized that they couild actually work the washing machine AND the dryer. They also know if they put the washer on the extra small cycle for only one pair of pants, one shirt, one pair of socks and one pair of underwear for themselves, and I actually find it, it gets hauled out of the washer and thrown back on the pile wet.

And don't even think about not scraping AND rinsing your plate. You won't get fed.

hee hee


yep and even KIDS..........nm
How many kids do you have?
My kids are now in their mid-20's and
we always had them save their money. I'd give them $20 of their paychecks and put the rest in high-interest CD's for them.

My son recently used the money from his childhood savings as a downpayment on his house.

My daughter is using hers to pay off her student loans from college.

They are now very responsible savers/investors.

Teach them young. It's a great learning experience that can be applied to the rest of their lives.
We pay our kids...
to watch the baby, but it works like this. They are 14 and 16 and the "baby" is 4. They watch her for more than 2 hours, they get $6 an hour. Those first 2 hours are considered just being part of our family.
It would be the end of it for me. Not something I would want as an example for the kids, either.
Do you have kids?
Your kids will be gone before you know it.

sound like an experienced MT and I'm sure if something happens to the job you have, you can find another one with no problem.  And there are ALWAYS hospital jobs open.  When the time comes that you need it, a job will be there.  Don't stress out over it and enjoy the time you have with your family.  That time goes by so fast.  We really are lucky or blessed or whatever you want to call it to be able to do what so many people would love to do - bring in some income and still stay home with our families.  MT has served me well over the years.  I never tried to work with little babies or toddlers, but have ever since they got a little older.   AND - so many kids are own their own between the time that school is out when a parent gets home.  I saw my kids' friends through middle school and high school just run wild after school, cause there was no one to know they weren't home or to even care.  I realize my kids would have been running with them if I had been at work - and I'm glad I was at home!

I have kids to think about
I'm a single mom. No way am I dragging my kids around the country constantly for any job.
Yes, I do just like most have kids but
I used to work in an office and do not let them or others interfere with my working. It is called teaching your kids, I believe. Same works for all outsiders I know. Oh, for your info, I mostly was telling the person above how to save on costs (they mentioned about how much more it cost working from home, things you can take off on taxes and the like. I saw nothing wrong with it myself. Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?
Sorry kids?! You are QA?

What do YOUR kids have to do
Not everyone chose this career in order to stay home with their kids.  I know I didn't, and I worked inhouse first.  I liked the job and mastered it outside the home; then took the opportunty to work at home once I was a good MT, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.  Don't assume everyone joined this profession merely to sit home with a bunch of rugrats.  Some of us actually consider it a career, vs an alternative to paying a sitter, or a supplement to hubby's income.  So leave the hubby and kids out of it, many MTs don't have either.
Use the kids for an example...
If you have kids, they do that yearly testing and the classrooms always send out a printed sheet to make sure your child is psychologically and physically ready for the test.

I don't remember all of the tips, but one was to make sure you've had plenty of rest the night before and to eat a good breakfast so being hungry or having low blood sugar at test time doesn't interfere with your processing abilities.

Not a lot, but I think those are 2 pretty good tips. Nothing can be as distracting as an empty tummy or being amped up on adrenaline from lack of sleep or being tired from a sudden drop in blood sugar.

I'm going to tell you just as I always told my daughter. Just do your best, no one can expect any more nor any less from you.

Good luck to you!
You could do it with kids
I have 3 kids at home all day long while I work. I don't recommend MT though. MT34+ is right...its not what it used to be. I'm thinking about medical billing/coding myself. I think they make a little more too, although I would like to work in a hospital to do it.
I did it before I had kids so that when I did (sm)
have them I could stay home. I thought it would be better for me to be established in this field. I have 2 more years and my youngest will be starting school. I have been in this business since 1996. So, in that sense it has been good to us, because I was able to raise my children and not send them to a daycare, which was my dream.
My kids. sm
After my husband died, I wanted to move out of the city and work from home in order to be there for my 3 boys. I was working for a law firm, and I did not like it.

I took an at-home course and moved south. I volunteered at a hospital for 8 weeks in the MT department, and they offered me a job after 6 weeks. I moonlighted to get clients so when JCAHO came in, I got laid off, but I had clients by then. The great thing was that during the night there had been blizzard that came through. I could literally cross the yard and be at the hospital to work, but I was at home enjoying the beauty of the snow.

My kids are grown now, and I feel so lost. The money in MT is drying up, with EMRs and national companies entering the scene. I'm afraid I didn't keep up or at least learn to work for national companies sooner. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do from here. I'm greatful I'm working and being at home, but now I make less than $1000. I used to pull in about $3000 a month.

Went to school for computer repair, but it was not a course to prepare me for A+ certification. Waiting to start a mentor program for acute care transcription.

Sorry for the long post. I'm hopeful things will change, but it's really testing what I'm made of.
The kids are going to bug you any time you're

not focused solely on them.  That's why mommies never get to go potty by themselves, talk on the phone, go shopping, read a book, or any of those other fun things that we used to do before children.  You're going to need to concentrate on medical billing as much as medical transcription.  Plus, I don't know that there's really as much of a market for it.  I tried to get into it before I got into MT, but those ads are often bigger scams than the other work at home ads.  A lot of the hospitals and clinics don't use medical billing services because it's all been automated through their computer system.

The transcription will get better when your kids get older.  If your kids are interrupting you that much, what about hiring a neighborhood teen to "babysit" or entertain them for a few hours?  You can pay a younger teen less since you'll be there anyway.  Work while the kids are asleep.

Kids at home?
Do your kids stay at home and how old are they?  I have three, one that is 9, 4, and 1, and it is becoming increasingly difficult to type this summer.  I am considering a sitter once school starts, so I will be all aone during the day.  What do you do?
My thoughts exactly. Thank God I don't have kids! nm
Now that was romantic. No wonder you have no kids.

On MT at home with kids...

I haven't read all the responses yet (I'm trying to get some work done tonight, too!), but I thought I'd just add this, in case one of the reasons you are thinking about doing this is to stay home with kids.  If not, just ignore this.  That's why I am doing it - I quit an office job when I had my second son, stayed home for a few years with both kids, but living on 1 income became increasingly difficult.  Now my kids are preschool/school-aged, and I have been doing this for about a year, working 25 hours a week now.  The biggest pro is the biggest con - you're home with your kids.  Yes, I'm here if they need me, I can drop everything and pick a sick kid up from school, I don't have to pay for child care or feel guilty over child care. 

That said, being here and working with head phones on is NOT the same as being here and paying attention to my kids, and boy do they know it!  Very often, I find myself feeling so frustrated because no one is ever happy - the kids aren't happy because I'm not with them, my husband's not happy because he has to deal with the kids as soon as he gets home (of course he's also not happy that we don't have more money!), and I'm not happy because it takes me twice as long to get my lines in as it would if everyone would just leave me alone.

Can you tell I'm having a bad day?  (I am so ready for school to start back up!)  LOL!  Some days are much better, and overall this is the best option for me.  I can work in whatever clothes I like, take a break, answer the phone, etc.  I can work with my cat curled up on my printer and my dog panting at my feet!  I definitely don't miss office politics, panty-hose, and commuting.  Sometimes I miss the company and the occasional office gossip, though.  ;-) 

Anyway, just be aware that if you are planning to work at home with kids, it really will take you much longer.  I honestly don't know how people with very young children do this - unless they work through naps and early morning or late nights.  I do mostly evening and weekend work, with a couple of hours during the day 3 days a week.

Good luck to you!  Hope this helps!


At least somebody's kids are getting disciplined
Hopefully, they'll expand into more schools now that we've seen what mollycoddling does to kids and the effect that has on the rest of the world.
I spank my kids, sure, but that's for me to do. No


At home with kids

I am sorry but this really bugs me.  Anyone working at home is doing a JOB -- this is not something added to watching your kids, doing your laundry, grocery shopping or whatever.  You made a committment to do this job.  Would they let you bring in your kids to the office -- NO because they expect to have the work done.  So you need to set aside the time to do your job and if you need daycare get it.  But you cannot add on a 6-8 hour job with three kids at home. Plain and simple -- it is a job.  It is your choice to watch your kids during the day and you cannot expect young children to occupy themselves when Mom is home.  So either work at night, get a babysitter or be quiet as you made this choice.  If you hired a babysitter would you want them to be doing a job while watching your children?  


It can be done both with babies and kids...
I would agree that it is a lot easier to do when you have a baby because you can work around the baby's schedule, at least I was lucky to have a very flexible employer at the time I had my three little ones.  As they get older, it is more difficult because you will be running around with them to do their activities/school stuff, and they want to spend one on one time with you, etc... but I also agree that if you have something to keep them busy like the leap pad or computer, or play things you can do it.  I've managed to do this at home for 8 years with three kids starting when my 10 year old was 2 so it is possible to get it done. You need to be very organized and disciplined to get the work done but it definitely can be done with babies and kids around. Good luck!! 
Kids and clothes
Well that gives me hope. Thanks. I did try buying them clothes but you could hear their groans clear across the country. They chucked the clothes into a corner of a closet and never wore them. I took them shopping recently and they turned their nose up at anything I would choose for them.

I hope it's just a phase. I've seen plenty of 40-year-old women wearing slutty clothes and I would feel awful if they grew up to do that. I used to have problems knowing how to dress too. Unfortunately the way I found out about it was most embarrassing. I was reprimanded at work for my appearance. How humiliating! At least I got the message and tried to do better. I would rather they found out from me than find out from their boss like I did.
Kids are sweet!

Three of my grandkids were here to spend a week with us.  They are ages 9, 6, and 4.  I had forgotten how earnest they are at that age, how sweet & sincere.  They argued over who got to help me open the gate to our driveway when we went out (we live in the boonies).  We ended up taking turns.

A conversation with the 6 y/o:  "Grandma? This is funny, right? You know James? In my class? He brought Cheetos and I brought Fritos.  Get it? Cheetos & Fritos? That's funny, right?"

I am trying to enjoy them as much as I can before they get to that teenage, who-wants-to-go-to-grandma's phase. 

Can I ask a ques? When are you ever w/your kids?

your life will level off.

Right now, from my reading of what you are saying is, YOU ARE SCATTERED.

You run from place to place to place and in between you are doing clothes, wiping noses, and trying to be all things to all people.  It will catch up with you.

You need to circle the wagons and get your living expenses down to a manageable roar.   Aren't you getting any child support?  Maybe that will help.  I never got it - I had such a deadbeat for the kid's father.  And we made it but we didn't have extras.  But we had each other.  My son now has just finished his PhD.  You have to save some of "you" for the kids, you really do.

If you are going to have kids and kool aid you need
to have a red carpet or a dark brown one. :)
go as 4 of the "Brady Kids" !nm

OT Regarding kids and Internet
I just got my old computer all fixed and set up for DH and the kids to use.  HOWEVER, I was wondering if there were settings in Internet Explorer or Mozilla Firefox so the kids couldn't delete the cookies and history?  Only DH or I could do it with a password?  Also, does anyone use censoring software, like GuardDog, CyberSitter, or CleanNet, for their kids?  I'd like something to block offensive content, but I'd also like to be able to see what they're doing out there IF the need comes up.  The younger kids aren't a problem because they only know DisneyChannel or CartoonNetwork.  However, my niece had problems with using the Internet too much and meeting older guys.  I don't want to resort to keylogging software because I trust my kids and I know they're not doing anything they're not supposed to.  It's the "other guy" I worry about with the Internet stalking, peer pressure and that type of thing.  The kids aren't allowed in chatrooms, instant messaging or message boards.  I do have all their passwords.
But then how will you be different from the rest of the kids?

Last year, we took the kids out and were not
home to give out candy, so, we had none to give, obviously. Well, someone saw us return home, which was after 8:00, the end of trick or treat for my area, and they rang our doorbell. The outside light was off and everything. We did not answer the door and needless to say then smashed all of our pumpkins on the road! LOL. Hope that doesn't happen again this year. People are sick!
I wish kids came to our house...
but we are at the end of the road, several blocks from the last house before ours.  For many years I bought candy, and the kids just didn't come.  :(  I love to see them all dressed up cute - especially the ones from about 4-8 or so.  I never even buy candy for Halloween now.
We had maybe four kids total.
When we used to live in the "suburbia" neighborhood by the schools, we went through hundreds of pieces of candy.