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HELP - Advice needed for my friend ASAP - sm

Posted By: Oh Dear! on 2005-09-26
In Reply to:

My friend and her boyfriend of 5 years recently obtained custody of the boyfriend's now 7-year old daughter.   You talk about a handful of trouble, that's exactly what has been packaged into this mini sized monster child.


Bear with me because this will be quite lengthy.  I  will call the girl by her nickname, Tater.


Tater was 5 when my friend (S) and her boyfriend (D) started with the custody proceedings.  Every time Tater would come for visitations, she was full of these wild stories that were quite alarming to S and D.  She would come and tell them how her mom walks around the house naked all the time with all of these different boyfriends, how one of those boyfriends held a pillow over her (Tater) face one time, and how Tater and her baby brother were often left alone for hours at a time and sometimes overnight while her mom was out "getting drunk" with her boyfriends.


Naturally, S and D were really upset by these stories and so they got an attorney and really pushed for custody.  They got custody in March 2005 and their life has been a living hell since she has come to live with them. 


Less than a day or so after she moved in, she started telling them how one of her mom's boyfriends "did things to her" so S and D were once again in an emotional fit because they thought someone had molested Tater.   They called a psychologist and the police.  Had her evaluated, everything.  Even had Tater talk to a detective that works child abuse cases.  His findings and the psychologist's findings were the same.  She had not been abused and, in fact, had a severe problem with delineating fact from fantasy. 


Tater now sees the psychologist once per week.  The goal of the treatment was originally to get Tater to understand the difference between telling stories and the truth, along with dealing with the fact that her mother now has absolutely no contact with her.  It's been rough for S and D as well as Tater. 


Things went well for a short time, then school started 3 weeks ago.  Since starting school, S and D have been called to the school numerous times because Tater has either said that she couldn't do her homework because her daddy was "all drunk", that when S dropped her off at school she was "drinking wine from a bottle in the car" (it was green tea in a glass bottle,) and that they don't allow her to talk to her mother, which is not true. Her mother has supervised visitation but chooses to opt out. 


She has told her aunt and uncle that S killed her cat on purpose when it was actually her aunt who accidentally ran over the cat but Tater didn't know that.  She told one of the neighbors that her mommy had her (Tater) picture taken once and was in a naughty magazine because her mom got money for it and Tater would get it when she was old enough.  OMG yet?  Yeah!  This kid is something else.


She also made a little boy cry in class by rudely saying how he was so stupid and slow during outloud reading time.


S and D have tried all of the things the psychologist have recommended, taking her toys, taking her TV, radio, making her write apologies and hand deliver them, and sit directly behind the bus driver (for even more trouble on the bus.)


She also missed the bus home purposely last week because she was going to go to a friend's house.  Her grandmother had to come all the way into town (they live about 10 miles out) to get her.   When D and S questioned her about what she was doing, she screamed at them that it was "HER LIFE" and she could do what she wanted if she felt like it.  Remember folks, this kid turned 7 last month!


Now, a few minutes ago, S called me in tears.  She got another call from the school because Tater had told some of the boys that another boy was threatening her and making her scared (which was a lie) so she wanted them to do something about it.  These 3 little boys proceeded to gang up on the other boy and he was hurt.  Not seriously but that he was hurt is bad enough.  These 3 boys and Tater are now suspended.  These are first graders and this is a very small town.


S and D are ready to snap.  I don't know what else to tell her.  The psychologist told S and D that she was afraid that Tater had multiple personality disorder but couldn't make that diagnosis on a definitive basis because, as of yet, there are no clear cut documented cases in children of this age.  They usually don't start developing these tendencies until they are in their mid to late teens. 


I have looked online for any kind of research or specialists that can deal with this but it's very difficult to find information even on pre-adolescents that are out of control. 


I am asking for your help.  If anyone knows of a professional or group that can help S and D with Tater, PLEASE post here ASAP.  At this point, I'm very concerned about THEIR well being. This kid is a serious danger.  There is much more but I think I have told you enough already.   We are in Washington State too, just in case anyone has any ideas where to go for help.


Thank you so very much if any of you can help.


 


 


 


 


 


 


 




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Accessing test dictation:  Using your internet browser , open our site: (name has been changed to yadayadayada for privacy purposes)   


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Sound advice from a fellow MT if you want advice or support (sm)

I have been an MT for over 10 years.  I also am getting burnt out, tired of my job, day in day.  However, I do love transcription and make excellent money at it, have grossed over $50,000 per year the last 5 years.  I decided to go back to nursing school and am very happy with my choice.  However, over these 10 years of transcription I have had my ups and downs.  My biggest issue with being at home working is lack of socialization, being home day in and day out with just the kids and the animals really gets to a person, sure hubby is home at night and thinks working from home is the easy life, thus the return to school and boy has my overall enjoyment of life changed once I realized I was the problem, not everyone else and I needed to find myself again.


Anyway, my biggest advice to you three-fold:


1.  Get into counseling for yourself, find out who you are and what your needs are, whether or not you think you need to, I sense you are feeling overwhelmed and need someone other than your family to talk to that can be nonjudgmental to your feelings and needs.


2.  If you're only making $100 after you pay preschool you can either keep doing it and be miserable, or quit because you are lucky enough to have a husband who can support the family without your income. (See how fast his mind changes just by losing the income you do have as to whether your job means anything.)  Or look for a different company or office that you like more and are more productive if you really want to do transcription (lots of fish in the sea as far as companies).


3.  Find a local "mom's" group where you can get out and socialize.  MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) is an excellent one that is nationwide, they have a website.  Also Mom2Mom is in a lot of areas.  They provide a once a week time for moms with kids the same age to get together, socialize, (some offer spirtual guidance some don't) and each week a different mom takes a turn watching everyone else's children at the facility that hosts it so the other moms can talk about things they have in common.  Every stay-at-home and work-from-home mom needs to socialize with adults, without their kids, or they will have a nervous breakdown eventually no matter how much they love their kids.


Sorry so long but it does get better but you have to take the first step at making yourself happy.


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Thanks, I needed that!
:)