I just found out that social services will be paying me a visit and I am

freaking out!  My estranged husband, on whom I have a restraining order, showed up at my house today, obviously he had been drinking.  Long story short, one of my son's friends shows up, one that is not allowed at the house.  I immediately sent the teenager away, but my husband proceeds to start raging about how he would run things if he were still living here.  I then told him he could leave as well.  That I kicked the teenager and I expected him to leave too.  He refused and said he would leave if I gave him money because he needs to contribute groceries to his buddy with whom he is staying.  He doesn't work and hasn't worked for much of our marriage.  I told him if he wanted to help out his buddy, he should get a job.  He came into the house, sat down on my couch and refused to leave until I gave him money. 

My son called the police to enforce the restraining order.  The police show up and while he is in their custody, he tells them that I have 10 to 14 teenagers in my house every day and that he doesn't feel that it is a good environment for our 8yo daughter.  He tells there was marijuana in my house. 

So now the police are telling me they have to file a report with family services because my house could be a hostile environment and they have to follow up on every complaint.  The marijuana episode did happen; however, my daughter and I were not at home.  My husband was still living at home at the time and caught my son and a couple of friends smoking it and instead of stopping them immediately and kicking everybody out, I was told that he took a hit off the joint.  I was told that by all three kids whom I questioned separately.  When I confronted my soon to be ex about this, his explanation was that he didn't take a hit, he put it up to his mouth and nose to smell to see if it really was pot.  Still he did not put up fuss, punish our son, or kick anybody.  Instead I find out about the pot from the sister of one of my son's girlfriend who told me because she was worried about her sister and she was the one who originally told me my husband took a hit.

Now, because my husband is angry that I have kicked him out and am filing for divorce, he is telling these lies and half truths to the cops and now I have to worry about getting visited from social services.  I've been crying all evening and I'm wondering what I should expect.  I have to clean my house from top to bottom, make sure this sucker shines and I guess not let my son have any friends over ever again!

I am so upset!  I absolutely hate my ex-husband.  I live in a rat hole as it because he has refused to work and he has junked up with all the crap he refuses to throw away.  The man won't even through away magazines.  I have stacks and stacks of magazines and newspapers that every time I've tried to throw out or recycle, he picked them out of the bins and brought them back into the house.  Now I'm faced with this mountain of crap that I have deal with immediately before I get visited by the social worker. 

I'm sorry to go on and on.  I'm just so overwhelmed and stressed and I just want to curl up in a little ball and die.  My kids are my life.  I don't beat them, I feed them, I clothe them, I play with them, and have fun with them.  They are the reason I work, the reason I breathe.  The idea of having someone come into my home and question my fitness as a mother makes my physically ill.

You guys, thank you for continually listening to my saga.  You guys gave me the strength to kick him out to begin with.

• I just found out that social services will be paying me a visit and I am - AnonMT
  • myself at one point (sm) - I had a Social Service visit
  • Heads Up - Dinosaur
  • When I was little my parents were visited by one - TAB
  • Also - MT211
    • Several of your suggestions require that - NightOwl
  • You are not required by law to let them in. sm - LMT
    • You don't offer to feed someone you have a restraining - order against. nm
    • Why should she offer to feed the twit? - sm - XXX
  • You'll be okay - Happy MT Robin
    • Sneak it to the stores' dumpster sm - What?????
  • Encouraging Thoughts Here - NightOwl
  • I agree that it will be okay and they'll - sm
  • Social Services Visiting - Donna
    • your MTSO made accusations?? sm - MT
      • MTSO made false accusations - Donna
        • That's like something out of a Lifetime movie - Mortified!

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The main thing I'd say is to remain calm and explain to the investigator like you did here.  Their job is to sort out the truth from the fiction.  I was investigated once because my MTSO made false accusations about me to the police. 

I had to answer questions I didn't enjoy but when the interview was over the investigator was done she told me she believed me and I had nothing to worry about, but if the accuser made another call they'd file harassment charges against me. 

The truth is the truth and they'll sort it out.  Patience will serve you well. 

No one has come by yet, but it's only Monday, but I did get the house cleaned with the help of my son, his girlfriend, and two of his friends.  I took the advice below about shuffling all my ex-husband's junk to the garage.  He has a fixer upper car in the garage anyway, so I just piled stuff around it, on top of it, and in it.  The garage is a complete mess, but we don't live in there, so whatever.  My son and his buddies cleaned up outside the house too.  We had about 10 bags of trash for the trash truck this morning, but they took every one of them.  Thank goodness!!

I'm way more calmer now than I was on Friday when all this crap broke loose.  Thanks to everyone for calming me down.  I'm ready now for when the social worker stops by.  I saw another officer over the weekend at the gas station and he asked me about my situation, asked me if my ex was ever served and then told me that he was proud of me for finally getting rid of him and that he would talk to his boss about this whole "social services thing."  He said his boss (who was the officer at my house on Friday) doesn't really know the ins and outs of the community like the officers do and he'd make sure he let him know that my ex is the one causing all the trouble.

So that made me feel better too.  I just can't believe how ugly this is getting.  I guess I'd better prepare myself because it will probably get worse before it gets better.  The divorce is just beginning.

I am in a bad situation. I had my house foreclosed on last year but it was in a prior bankruptcy, that is good. But we had to let our car go back, which was in my husband's name and now they are hounding us over paying it back...they are saying 11k but if we give them 6k that would settle it.  Like we told them, if we had 6k we would not have let the car go back in the first place.  Plus we have several doctor bills.  We lost it all due to my health all of a sudden. No place to turn, no one to ask.  Wanting to get out lives back. Wondering if anyone has had experience with Credit Counseling and if they really do speak with creditors, get what you owed cut in half and help you out of a bad situation.

Thanks....

11 years old is much too young to be home alone all day, much less with a younger sibling. Even 13 years old is pushing it. Alone, maybe. With a younger sibling, absolutely not.

If it were me, I would call Child Protective Services. You might wait a couple of weeks after the incident you mentioned so it won't be totally obvious that you are the one who called. But this is a bad situation and it is not going to get any better unless someone does something about it.

Good luck!

She will receive social security at a rate of 50% of what he receives as long as they have been married for 10 years.  Am not sure if you can begin to collect this at age 6 or have to wait until 65 or 66.  As far as medicare goes though, she is not eligible for this until she reaches 65/66 unless she is deemed disabled and not able to work and then she goes on SSI.   Up to 3 wives-ex-wives can receive 50% of what the husband's social security allotment is without reduction but it never reduces the husband's amount. (as long as they have been married for 10 years).   They did this so that all of the older ladies that never worked in the 40's 50's etc. could receive something when they retired as long as their husband was eligible.  Now if he should die, she will receive more and that will stay in effect until she dies.   With as expensive as Medicare and supplements are becoming it is no longer a deal to get Medicare and hardly any docs will take Medicare "only". 

Patti

I work Wed-Sun, so I will be off tomorrow.  So, my daughter is going to take me to visit my mom who lives approx.2 hours away. I am really looking forward to my visit.  She is a beautiful lady.  She has Alzheimer's plus some other things going on, but when she is here mentally, I enjoy every moment, down to the twinkle in her eye.

I posted the other day about where I had seen that social worker before, and couldn't find her on the cast list - wouldn't have helped if I had.  I was watching Sally Field on the Boniva commercial and it popped into my head.  Social worker was on that Boniva commercial where those 4 women were supposed to be being quiet in a museum.  Isn't it funny how the brain works?  - haha - especially mine.

I was at a bridge and on the other side I saw people sitting on lush lawn and playing in the water, lots of laughter, etc.  I was met by a spirit who said (telepathically) that I had things to do before I came in but that it was totally my decision to stay or return.  I chose to return.  That evening I told my doctor the whole story, from the moment the nurse told him I had passed to what they did to my body next and my experience on the other side.  Needless to say, he was speechless.  This was in 1964 and none of these experiences had been published yet.

Where is one you will not believe:  My sister has emphysema.  She went to a pulmonary specialist.  He sent her for a bunch of tests.  On her next visit to him, he tells her she has 1-2 years to live or less.  She started crying.  He said "Are you crying?"  She just looked at him.  He said "Why are you crying?" 

Well, you can imagine how upset we have been over the last 3 months.  It was hard for me to even talk to her, as we cried the whole time.  I would try to comfort her, but I needed comforting too, as she is the only relative I have left other than my immediate family.

She called me last night and said "I AM NOT DYING."  It seems the tests were all mixed up from the hospital where she had them done.  I told her we should sue them for all they have put us through.  I cannot believe they did this.  You just have no ideal what we have been through.  You can imagine what my sister and her husband have been through.  I am so glad she called me immediately and told me.

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

There's a clever caption for that picture of yours there, I just know it... :-D

and my son, who was 5 then, was talking to him.  The pastor asked my son what time his bedtime was and he replied, "it's s'posed to be 9 o'clock, but mommy says we piss 'round till 10."  I almost died of embarrassment.  Unfortunately, pissin' is a word I use quite often and never realized how much kids picked up on it.  Thankfully, the pastor laughed and said he understood completely as he grew up on a farm and there was a lot of that going on there.