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Parents: Are your kids spoiled? sm

Posted By: Inquiring mind on 2006-08-28
In Reply to:

For instance, do they do chores that are age appropriate, do their own homework, get themselves up in the morning and ready for the day if they're older than say age 10?  Here's how it works in our house:

6-year-old:  Responsible for cleaning her room, feeding her fish and bunny rabbit and her bathroom each week.  Puts dirty clothes into the hamper and puts up clean clothes except those that have to be hung, which we do since she's not tall enough.  Likes to mop the kitchen floor so we let her do that.  Does her own homework after I make sure she remembers the directions.

15-year-old:  Has to clean her own room and bathroom - alternates the bathroom cleaning with the 6-year-old since they share a bathroom.   If she cooks anything that's not a meal for everyone she has to clean up after herself.    She's now learning to do laundry - my DH always took care of that for her in the past or her mom did, but  I've forced the issue that she can do her own laundry now that she's 15.   Also has to do her own homework without help from us.  For instance, while doing English she commonly asks for the meaning of a word.  I tell her to go to webster.com and look it up or grab the dictionary - which is how we learned as kids.   Also her dad (and bio-mom) used to help do her homework by looking up stuff and writing the answers which she'd re-write but that stopped while we were dating as I got him to realize that he wasn't helping her by doing this and she needed to do her own school work and not whine to get him to help.  She is also required to get herself up and out the door for school in the morning, on time, and knows that if she oversleeps and misses the bus because she's goofing off then she gets no PC or TV privileges for the day.  It only took her 1 time of missing the bus  to learn to get up on time. 

What about your household? 



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Totally agree. Her kids are brats and spoiled with dirty money. I know she works
For parents, what do you think of your kids' friends?

I am wondering if it's ME or if it's my kids' friends that's the problem.  I just can't stand barely any of them.  We have little sailors running around cussing, compulsive liars, thieves, two-faced "unfriends", blackmailers, anger management problems, slobs, and perverts running around here.  And the violent and graphically disgusting games these kids try to play.  Is this everywhere?  Or am I just overly sensitive?  Parents can't choose their kids' friends because the kids'll rebel against the control, right?  I just feel like I can't have anyone over here because I'm constantly correcting them and cleaning up after them.  They don't listen worth a darn anyway.  I certainly don't want my kids to go to their houses if these kids behave this badly here.

I tried going into details, but this post got so long.  I don't think it's our neighborhood either because we have to drive for playdates with some of these kids.  What, do we just attract the people with issues?  I try to tell myself that these are just kids or perhaps their home life isn't in line with the same value system as we have.  I try to be tolerant because some of these kids have had problems in their lives.  However, having problems is no excuse for bad behavior.  I'm no perfect prude and neither are my kids.  We've had our share of problems.  I also know I can't "shelter" my kids from the outisde world.  But geez, it's just ridiculous.  Whatever happened to the days when parents were parents and kids behaved?  Children should not be cussing, stealing and telling horrific stories of murder and incest.

To give you an example, one of these little punks even told the whole neighborhood that my husband and I were druggies and dealers.  We found out about it when our elderly neighbor came over and told us.  We've always been totally against drugs, not even experimenting with them when we were teens.  Plus, we both have to go through yearly drug screening tests at work, too.  What is with the world today?

Parents with ADD/ADHD kids....sm

Does your child's school work well with you on educating them or don't like having to give your child extra attention? 

My 1st grader is having problems staying focused in class with her 24 peers in the room and being asked to stay on task for an hour at a time.  At home she does just fine when things are broken down into 15-20 minute intervals.   The 2 teachers she has don't want to spend extra time with her or eliminate distractions so I've now officially requested an IEP meeting to force this with them.  She had no problems at the same school last year in kindergarten because her teacher had worked with other kids like her in the past and was able to teach her on her level using the techniques recommended.  

We met with her 2 teachers yesterday and they actually had the audacity to suggest that we work extensively with her at home on the areas she's struggling in.  I'm not home schooling this kid just because they don't want to help her stay focused when my taxpayer money is being paid to support the schools and federal laws require they meet her needs.

Interestingly when I had a prior foster child that had ADD this very same school and teachers were very accommodating and worked very well with me on meeting her needs.  Not sure why her current teachers don't want to but we're going to have to work on that.

What about you and your child?  Did you have to go to the extremes of getting an IEP and forcing them to do what they're required to do or did you get immediate cooperation?   I'm not going to put my child on ADD/ADHD medication just because they don't want to deal with it. 

Question for parents about kids and the internet...sm

Which parental control program do you use?  What do you like/dislike about it?  Our 11-year-old is wanting to have privileges to be on the PC without our direct supervision and I told her that she can't do this until I put a monitoring system in place.  Thank you.

Parents - do you have your kids save money? sm
Our children have savings accounts and know that 33% of any money they earn from doing extra chores, babysitting, given as gifts, has to go into their savings account.  Do you have your children save money and if so, what are the rules at your house for this?  
do you know how many kids come in the ER on an overdose and the parents say "Not my child?" nm
I can't stand it when parents spoil their kids with brand new cars....sm

especially since a lot of times the teenager ends up wrecking it because they don't care.  Those I've seen that have taken better care of their vehicles and drove them properly were those that had some investment in a good used vehicle.  They had to work to pay for the gas and insurance at minimum.  That's what I did when I was a teenager and the only reason I got a car then was because I had an after school job and it was easier for my parents to help me get a vehicle than drive me back and forth. 

Parents of College Students..Any of your kids going on Spring Break?
Ugh!  I have a son going with a group of friends to Mexico for thier first "spring break."  They are all good kids, but I've seen the late-night Girls Gone Wild videos... They better be good. 
I am well aware of that - just angry that parents teach their kids to cheat! nm
"As I tell my girls." That speaks volumes about your attitude. You need to be back in the 1950s.

No doctor, nurse or any other health professional bases their treatment on a typed report on the chart - and if any of your employees believe that bunk, they deserve to have you as a boss.
Wow, I must be a spoiled
I could never imagine staying in one job for that long if I was as miserable as you appear to have been for quite some time (20 years).

I have only been at this for five years. I have worked in two major hospitals, one clinic, and at home. I have always DETESTED working inside, especially during the day and especially with meaningless office banter and gossip, not to mention the snobbery of most upper management or "administrators".

This led to me to MT at home, which I love. I do not work for a large national with multiple benefits, so what you are offered sounds good to me.

Honestly, as long as you can keep your production going (overtime is not a problem where I work...they would love you for it) and not let the isolation that sometimes is overwhelming (for some...not all)from bothering you, it sounds to me that you enjoy working at home.

IMO, VR and India will not take all of the jobs before you plan to retire. I don't know where you live, but where I am, there are plenty of IC jobs to choose from. I am honestly too lazy to go after them because I like not having to deal with all of that. I like to get lines, get paid, and be able to play with my dogs and wear pajamas. So, in that way, I am spoiled.

I would try to secure another job before quitting my first, though. It can take a week or so to get used to your new company's system, templates, QA people (!), etc... to get your production up.

GOod luck and if you have any more questions, hopefully some of the nicer people on this board can help.
Yes too spoiled I think but that is mainly my DH - sm
I spoil them too, but not to the same extent. They are 6 & 8 now (girls). He seems to think he has to buy them something everytime he goes out of town (sometimes this is as much as once a week), so it can add up quick, and they were starting to ask him every night he came home from work "what did you get me", I told him it was way out of hand and had to stop. He had gotten better finally but still not quite where I want him to be. They generally wake themselves up in the morning, but if they are not up yet I wake them up. They pick out their clothes and dress themselves, brush teeth. I get their breakfast though and brush their hair. My 8-y/o does her homework on her own for the most part, I might sit with her while she does it, then check it when she is done. As for chores, nothing on a regular basis, but that is changing shortly, have quite a few things that I do that they can handle just fine. They both clean their rooms (the older one under duress); take turns cleaning their bathroom; and help pick up the LR adn DR (again under duress) when I want to clean/vacuum. We do not do allowances as yet, but are teaching the 8-y/o about $$. She keeps wanting games for the DS Lite, which she paid $60 toward the purchase of to her uncle for her birthday a couple weeks ago; she sells our eggs (have some chickens) and we let her have the $$ which she saves up to get things; granted the egg money won't get her far ($10 a month if that) so I have to keep an eye on how much my DH slips her (which drives me nuts, keep telling him to at least make her do something for the $ and quit just giving it to her). I just don't want my kids thinking they will just be handed $ whenever they want it from dear old dad. Hopefully my visions of the future will not come true.
Thanks everyone for your responses.  I am at fault by spoiling her so much; I really love being with her, I've been knitting sweaters and watching the Wizard of Oz with her and reading, she loves for me to read books to her and play with her, she's an only child and both her mom and my son work and they are young so you know how the priorities are at that age, nobody spends time with her but me so she's thrilled when I see her.  She cries when her Mom comes to get her and climbs on me saying "No" she doesn't want to go.  My son is usually busy playing video games or on the cellphone when she here visiting so she comes to me for attention.  I feel bad, but I really have to work, I've been out of work for 2 years now.  I appreciate all of your feedback.  You guys are great!!
Not all of us are parents. Not everyone had caring parents. nm,
She sounds spoiled
She sounds like a self-centered spoiled employee, IMO.  Does she not take pride in her work?  If not, she is in the wrong field.  I think if a Transcriptionist ever gets to the point the errors don't bother them, they need to consider a profession change.  Yes -- they're small mistakes right now, but how long until she transcribes the wrong medication dosage or something really big?  As I tell my girls, a decimal in the wrong place can mean life or death for a patient if the doctor does not thoroughly check the work and calls in a wrong dosage.
Lazy (spoiled) dictators
They're so used to somebody (like us and/or nurses, etc) picking up after them and waiting on them hand and foot, that they just don't think they need to bother.  When I worked on-site in a hospital, it was easier just to get the chart and write their dis summaries for them, but of course we can't do that from out here so I guess we have to use our mind reading skills. 
Yes very spoiled but very responsible and do chores. sm
Most kids are "spoiled" in some way or another. I have two teens who do not ask for any material things. They do not care about name brand clothing or shoes, etc. They are leaders - not followers.

They keep their rooms clean, help out around the house, clean the kitchen, bathrooms, help me do the laundry. Now that school is back in - homework and school work come first. My husband and I spoil our kids on our own just because they are "good kids."
You know, people are totally spoiled now
When I started out we worked on typewriters (do you know what those are?)- some had correcting tapes - you hit the backspace and typed the same mistake, took that off and then you backed spaced again and continued typing. On the first several computers we had no spellchecking at all. Where I learned we had to have less than 3 errors (either medical or English) on a page before we could get production pay. Our work was much, much better than what I see just being posted on here with the misspellings, etc. I use spellcheck now but only because, first of all required and secondly just makes me feel better but not a crutch for me in any way.
One Shiz Tsu here...spoiled rotten! 1 year old.nm
Less than 1 yr, spoiled selfish baby vs confirmed bachelor
Do little kids like caramel? My big kids won't even eat it! We make the basic Baker's chocolat
I never said you shouldn't have kids! Feeling guilty? I asked WHY you had kids.
You clearly stated in your post that you ship the kids off to camp all day, and they're TIRED AT NIGHT!!  You know exactly what you said.  You said it as a PERK - AS IN GREAT! They're gone all day, it wears them out, and so I shovel dinner in their mouths and off to bed!  You can try to paint it any way you want, but YOU SAID IT.  Again, I only hope your kids never hear you speak that way or write that way. Shame on you.  Why have kids at all?  Just another parent who has them, gets rid of them for day AND night, BRAGS ABOUT IT, and then calls ME wicked!  Give me a break!  Camp is fine - its WHAT YOU SAID AND YOU KNOW IT.  Your own words showed your heart. Period.
Kids are demanding and so is MT work. My question is how CAN you do this with kids, rather than how
When you have two young kids, 11 months apart, (like I stated they are now 4 and 5) and have been doing this since they were born with no help from their father and no family around, YES, the kids get neglected. Part time might work but living on one salary, part time, is not an option. How can you possible tell me that anyone with two young kids can stay at home and work a full-time, 8-hour shift, and still give their kids the attention they NEED. I dont care how good you are at multitasking and how great your organizational skills are. It is a very difficult thing to do. And I am offended by your post making it sound as if it is easy to do.

I do agree that it can depend on how well your kids behave and how well they are able to play on their own. But my kids were not able to play well on their own. They needed constant attention.

So please take the time to realize that there are people out there in different situations than your own.

Reading our posts should help you to understand that everyone has a different situation. I believe everyone should have the right to shares their experiences as it might benefit the original poster in her questions and concerns.

I dont think anyone should be bashed for taking the time out to write about their experiences. I dont usually come on here to argue but you really ticked me off with your post. And try reading the post correctly. I said next time around I would have put them in day care. What I DID do with them was set them up to an activity like art or put on a movie for them. Geez.
Stayed "because of the kids?" I say "leave because of the kids"
You're in no position to buy right now. Keep saving, keep paying down your bills, and for heaven's sake get rid of that dead weight of a BF you're living with. You can do better.
So, should I return the $75 (x2 kids) in music cards I got the kids for x-mas...sm
My son has been telling me about free music sites and I was very leary.  How do they skirt the law Radguy?
I don't have kids, but my Mom was from the "old school," and still had everyone, kids inclu

call her by her first name.  The little neighbor girl next door from the time she could speak called her Aggie (my mom's first name), and they were great buddies until the day my mom pased away. 

I don't think there really is much in a name, but more in the respect you are given and the way you are treated.   Personally, I kind of cringe inside when someone calls me Ms. Anything or God forbid, "maam" (makes me feel like Methuselah!) ... I'm always just plain Merrie.  :-)

But, as someone pointed out, to each his own.  If you want to be addressed a certain way, you have that right, and people should respect that.  I'm glad you corrected the child ... hope it "sticks."    

Please do not simply give up, kids or no kids!
Talk with a professional. This can be worked through if he really puts forth the effort and you participate. The right counseling can truly make your marriage even better than it was before, if BOTH parties are willing to be honest. Give it a try. Nothing to lose at this point and everything to gain!
My parents use it
I can't help you with the pre-exisiting conditions question, but my parents use AARP for all of their insurance needs. They saved a lot of money when they switched and have been very happy with them.
I don't think that her parents did it, but I do think..sm

that they are covering up for the person who did it (maybe the brother).

To the poster that said the parents just let them go to
party and drink was sad.
My parents "spared the rod" and I'm now (sm)
a self-sufficient, responsible, mature adult, furthering my education, handling my responsibilities, and not calling home begging my parents for money. So just because some parents "spare the rod" doesn't mean their kids are going to turn out to be spoiled little bloodsuckers the rest of their lives. There are other ways to discipline kids without spanking. Yes, some kids need a good spanking once in a while, IMHO, but there are other forms of discipline that are equally as effective. Just my opinion.
Up to the parents, but they dont do it
Hey, I feel like this, the parents have the only ones who have a right to spank or otherwise discipline kids
I don't have issues with my parents are they are

both deceased, but I have "disowned" all my brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews.  I grew up believing I was the black sheep of the family and maybe I am, but their lives are so screwed up and I never heard from them unless they needed something and there was lots of bitterness and anger about various events - mainly my parent's death.  The only way I was able to deal with the issues was to disown them.  I was not interested in making things better because they aren't willing to make an effort and I just don't have time for that. 

My oldest sister hated my mom and was very ugly to her.  My mom did so much for her. All I heard was what a lowsy mother she was.  Well, my sister's daughter had a baby and gave it away, did drugs big time, drinking big time, has lived with several guys.  Her son is gay and can't hold a job, has had so many wrecks he has lost his license twice that I know of.  They just keep buying him vehicles very time he wrecks one.  He can barely make a move without having to ask mommy, is a druggie/drinker/liar.  Only my sister can't see all of this.   We all make mistakes and I don't claim to be a perfect parent, but.....

My parents are retired and
do very well on their savings. It's called preparation. People make their own choices. If you don't PREPARE and do not take RESPONSIBILITY, you will eventually be in such a sad situation. It's not anyone's fault but their own for making poor decisions or failing to make better ones.

Morally, yes - I think other aid should become available to the "mom and pop" situation you are talking about but not reporting and paying taxes on income? No. That is wrong, period.

My boys were taught to pay taxes on their incomes from various jobs. They paid taxes and they paid tithes on it, no matter what it was.

It's called DOING THE RIGHT THING...which seems to be a forgotten concept among the older ones and a brand-spanking new concept among the young ones.

Tax evasion, dear, is ANYONE who fails to report appropriately. They may spend the bulk of money going after big bucks tax evaders but the crime is still the same. It is dishonest and it cheats every loyal, law-abiding citizen.

It doesn't matter if the job is easy or or not (i.e., your reference to house cleaning not being easy). THat has nothing to do with whether a person deserves to report/pay taxes on their income or not.
I am a few miles away from there. SIL parents
Parents just had them done at $5000 an eye. nm
I never did think the parents did it. I'm glad they got him (nm)
I think the parents should be held
responsible. I'm sure the rules are less strict for older kids (he is 16). But it seems a waste of time for the teachers if he is going to only show up part of the every week. He seems to think it is funny that he has really, really bad grades. Seems he is just wasting a spot at school and the teacher's time.
what a brave son (and parents)
How old was he when he did that?  He earned every penny it sounds like.  You couldn't pay me enough to get that close to snakes (shudder). 
My parents did it about 26 years ago - $20K then -sm
that was a 25,000 gallon, cement with plaster in-ground pool with heater, 2 blowers and skimmers, a swimout (a seat in the deep end), steps in shallow end, ladder in deep end with diving board, with a large cement patio area around the whole pool. Pool still in great shape though it does need to be replastered now (can see cement where it has worn thin). My dad just sold the house so its the new owner's issue now.
Take a look at who their parents are. Where's the blame now? nm
If not my kid, then the parents need to step up
and take care of their own child. If I need to work, do not babysit period. I took care of my children when they were little and they can take care of theirs. No time to spare when working.
My parents both worked and over the summer they LET us go to

summer camp AND it wasn't cheap for them either.  Three kids going to camp 5 days a week (Thursdays were skate day), compare that to what that would cost today.  My brother, sister, and I were at camp from 8 AM to around 5 or so and yeah we were beat when we got home, but my folks made sure we weren't "latchkey" kids or running the neighborhood getting into who knows what kind of trouble.  My folks spent quality time with us, too, in the evenings, on weekends, holidays, and vacation, but they BOTH had to work to support us.  So, for the person who has unjustly persecuted CampMom, please try to be more considerate. 

P.S. I should also add that my siblings and I have some of the best memories of summer camp.  Did I say that I'm 42 years old?



To all you parents of student athletes - sm

My son came to me today to tell me he is quitting football.  A sport he has played since he was in the 3rd grade.  He is now a junior in high school.   He is an awesome offensive linesman - scholarship bound this year with academics with it.  He has a 4.0 GPA, takes AP courses and could have a scholarship coming his way.

Regardless of all of that, I am just heartbroken to see this young talented man just walk away from the game he once loved.  I have been crying all morning.  

He tells me, "it just is not fun anymore. "   He does not want to play.  He wants to concentrate on his academics.  

This is halfway through his camp, and games start next week.  He started on the varsity team as a Freshman.

I am so upset, but I won't let him see it.  I do not want him to play a sport to please me or anyone else, but himself.  I have to hold all of this in and it is killing me.      This is his decision, and I have talked to him over the past few days about, trying to not let him know how disappointed I would be if he quit.  Well, today, he went to camp and told his coaches he is not playing, handed his equipment in, and so forth.

Any advice from any of you parents out there for me as to how to handle it from a loving mother point of view!  I hide in the bathroom and cry so he doesn't see me.   For the simple reason, if he sees me crying, he will continue to play just for me.  I really don't want that.  He needs to play for himself.

Needless to say, the coach called this morning after he handed in his equipment to talk to him.  I am sure there are more calls to come.  His teammates will be over this afternoon after camp, I am sure of it.  How do I handle this - better yet, how do I help him handle this? 

P.S.  If he feels like he is letting his teammates down, he will give in and play just for them or for me -



To all you parents of student athletes - sm
This has happened to my daughter this year as well. Her reason was that her coach was a jerk and it wasn't fun anymore. She was a great fastpitch pitcher and he tried to change her mechanics and messed her all up. She didn't want to disrespect him by "telling on him" but it finally came out. When she was pitching it just wasn't her. She was not having any fun any more.

I would suggest finding out "why it is not fun any more." Then if it turns out to be the coaches, find another team he can play on. That is what we did. HTH!

I do have a neighbor whose parents live
in Houma.  She went down there to help them get their things in order.  I think she had to bring a generator.  I have not talked to her as of yet.  I will see her tomorrow and let you know.
Go get to know the family and the boy, introduce yourself to the parents.
That way you can get a feeling on the situation.
No, parents don't usually sit there through football practices.
Games, yes. Practice, no. Cut the apron strings already. The kid would probably get teased with Mommy on the bench every single day watching him practice. It's just not done when kids hit middle school and high school. Let the coach do his job without parental scrutiny.
Same thing happens when we go to my parents' house
All the judgmental "repent you sinner crap". Can't have a nice visit and just talk about something normal. Makes me nuts.
has anyone belonged to Parents Without Partners?
I'm looking to join.  I'm 31, just wanted some opinions.
One of the greatest gifts I have are my parents.
My father is a very strong Christian man. He worked hard all our lives and provided a living well enough that allowed my mother to stay home with us.

He took us to church, structured rules for us as teenagers, and loved us fiercely.

As I grew up and got married, I found my husband to be completely incapable of providing for me as my father (and mother) did. While it left me confused for quite a while, I finally realized that no man was worth my time or energy unless he could take care of me as well as or better than my father did and that I do.

I am shocked and hurt at the number of stories I hear from others everywhere about their lack of a wonderful family and childhood.

Honestly, I feel like I am the most blessed person I know considering my family, my children, and where I am in life.

My father gave me strength, discipline, a love for truth and self responsibility, and most importantly the key to knowing God.