Spanking just taught my child it was okay to hit.
Posted By: Now he hits when he is mad. on 2007-12-19
In Reply to: Do you have kids anon? - kam
We never spanked our kid until he was around 2.5. Then dad got fed up with his behavior one day and spanked him. We also tried swatting him on the hand when he did something bad. Now my son has decided that hitting is what we do when we are mad and now hits me whenever he is upset. He never did this until he started receiving spankings. I really don't think spanking/switching is the answer and just sends the wrong message to the kids. But that is just my opinion and I realize everyone is entitled to raise their kids as they see fit.
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So sorry I was taught as a child if given something
I should say thank you and accept, but then my mother taught me manners. If you do not like a gift you receive you can a) return or b) pass it on to someone who will. I give what I want to and if you don’t like, then do 1 of the above. Mind your manners. When I give something, I do not ask a person what they want and my gift comes because I want to give, not have to.
Spanking.
spanking versus ISS
Here is a quick question for all of you that think that the spanking from the school is okay and before any of you make any snap judgements, I was spanked as a child and when my children were smaller, they too were spanked(BY THEIR PARENTS)....Do you all realize that this school that uses these "swats" as punishment, would be on the phone immediately if they saw you or found out that you "swatted" that same child as punishment for deeds done wrong at home? Since nowadays they want to tell you what you can and cannot do as a parent to acutally parent your child( and then of course complain about said kids nowadays), that by alloing them to do something to your child that they would gladly report you for is quite ridiculous.
How long is this ISS. For five tardies..it sure as heck shouldn't be a whole day or even a half day..it should be something realistic. Yes, I do know what it is like to have to deal with school principals who are jerks, just remember that this is your child and not theirs and that it is your job to look out for them.
If you really feel that just to get this over with right now, you want to let them swat her, that is your choice but since she is so obviously not interested in ISS, I would definitely make sure that she and the school knows that this is a one time pass and yes, I too would either make her do some work around the house or take something away if only for the hassle.
Btw, five tardies in 4 or 5 months is really not that terrible IMO. That is about one a month. My goodness, we all assumed it was cause she talks anyone think that maybe the girl had to use the bathroom during her time of the month. I would also find out when she was tardy and how tardy. My son was given a tardy cause the bus was late getting him to school and I called and let them know that that is not acceptable in my book. They had given several kids on his bus tardies and after several phone calls and a check with the bus company, the tardies were removed. Yes, if my son had been chatting or something, I would not have bothered to call, I would have just remind him that tardiness of his own making is not acceptable.
Best of luck.
The problem with spanking (For me) is that
my kids don't seem to think it's a big deal. My husband piped in because I don't hit hard enough (true perhaps, I value my hands!). I don't want to be swinging a bat though! I suppose an inexperienced spanker should just find an alternative punishment.
So I guess I mean spanking is OK for certain circumstances IF your hand gives a good smack!
spanking, not beating.
Teens this day and age have no fear, of anything, it seems. Back in my days of growing up, just the thought of my parents finding out I did something I wasn't suppose to, was enough for me to keep myself in line.
And NO, we were never beaten, but did get a few pats with the belt, which were far and few inbetween.
You say spanking does not build trust?
It sure makes a kid do good, though. I would not raise my kids to be terrors and surely not with g'kids. I just do not have it period.
You can get in trouble for spanking with an object...
I'm not against spanking when appropriate, but I used to work as a legal secretary and saw people get child abuse charges for spanking with belts. I think if you use a bare hand it is legal, but the law probably varies from state to state. Just wanted to warn you!
I don't automatically think spanking is abuse
said it was okay to give 'em the belt. That is abuse, plain and simple. If you feel a need to spank your child, then do it with your own hand, not another object. It's too easy to hit too hard with an object because you're not feeling the pain you're subjecting them to.
As for the gov't interfering, they have to because there are too many wackos in this world that do beat their kids to a pulp. If they all parented with a little more sense, like you obvioulsy do, then I would agree that the gov't shouldn't interefere, but unfortunately the wackos of this world don't care.
It sounds to me as if you're raising some wonderful children. You've definitely offered up some very good advice. I saw no where in your post where you said that you've used a belt, and I'm not saying that you did. I'm simply referring to the OP that started this thread that beating with a belt is abuse.
All spanking does is make kids respect you to your face (sm)
it does not teach them anything at all. When my kids were very young and I could not reason with them, they did occasionally get a swat to get them to listen to me, but once they are old enough to reason, there is no reason to use physical force on them. I am telling you, all it does is raise sneaky kids.
spanking builds fear that you mistake as respect
A child who has been abandoned by both parents has no trust in anyone. Why do you think spanking is the right way to build trust? We just need to agree to disagree on this issue. I trust the counselor's recommendations more than yours as hers have proven to work. Spanking does not _make_ ALL kids do good. Sigh.
I was always taught the same sm
It is the thought that counts but I just could not justify that last Christmas.
My MIL (who I get along with great) collects a particular item (she has well over 100) and gives me and my SIL one every Christmas. At Thanksgiving I politely told her I just didn't have the room for anymore. I also told my SIL that if given the chance please tell her mother I don't want another one. She just laughed and said I don't think that is what she is going to get you. Even SIL agrees her mother's collection is way out of hand.
When I opened my gift from her it was of course this particular item I did not want. Her exact words were "I know you said you didn't want or need another one but I thought this one would be useful." I did thank her but I assure you it was not the most sincere thank you.
I think this year for Christmas I will give her a bottle of wine and say "I know you don't drink, but I do and this way when I visit I can have a glass." LOL!
I was taught
I was taught that a woman can be assertive, but it is rude to be aggressive. Guess shoes have different rules LOL
That's what we were always taught
We were told growing up that the use of foul language just showed how limited someone's vocabulary was. And I will say that most of the people I know well do NOT use the F word on a casual basis. For that matter, most of the people I know do not curse at all on the average day.
I always think it's bizarre that movies use so much gratuitous cursing, considering that is not how most people talk. At least that's what I thought.
And you were not taught manners
growing up - so rude.....Your post sounds like the wedding gift receipt I got which was also rude - the couple already had a thank you printed out- I took the time to get them 1 - they should have the decency to write a quick note- to have printed was not the way I was brought up.
I was taught to be gracious
Regardless of the gift, you must always be gracious. They didn't need to give you anything at all and I was taught it was the thought that counts. What you do with it afterwards is up to you, but I have a few hideous gifts hanging around yet that I don't part with because of who gave them to me. A particularly creepy clown music box given to my kids comes to mind. It was given to them by an old lady who lived next door to us and I guess she thought it was nice. My kids are grown now but they said that thing always gave them the willies! LOL!
That's how I taught my kids.
Why would you call them anything different? I raised my children as to be intelligent human beings and never, ever used "baby talk" with them.
If you call them the right name from the beginning, the kids don't develop that "embarrassment" about using the right terms later on.
some parents need to be taught to....
nm
Should say the child found in Florida proved to be the Caylee child, homicide.
NM
I just think this younger generation just needs to be taught! sm
I am a woman in my 30s. Got married almost 10 years ago. I lived up north for a long time and married a man from the "true" south. Okay. Here I go - and I may get flamed for this, but here I go...When I lived in NY, I NEVER saw a thank-you note or even saw anyone in my family write one. Never. So, I was never "taught" that you write thank-you notes due to my upbringing.
I think it is a cultural thing. Maybe it's even a socioeconmic thing. Yes, we were very poor growing up in NY. Both my parents made around 26,000 combined with 3 children.
Fast-forward. I move down here, meet this amazing guy with a large family - most have money - lots of it - we have a huge wedding - I receive more gifts than I could even count - met people at my wedding I've never seen before in my life - the southern generosity has been overwhelming, and still is. We go on our long honeymoon and when I get home, my MIL calls and says to me, "Mrs. so and so (from the wedding shower), still hasn't received your thank-you note. Maybe you just forgot to send hers out. In any case, just thought I'd let you know! EMBARASSING! So, I pulled out my thank-you cards that came with my wedding invites and began writing thank you notes. That is where the LOVE of writing thank-you notes and just-writing-to-say-hello notes began. I LOVE doing it now. Love it. My family up north and around the country are amazed.
Here again, I was TAUGHT by my new mother-in-law, so to speak, and she did it in a very tactful manner.
Writing notes is just an amazing ministry and I love to do it. I get them printed off and personalized now with either my initial or my full name. You can get them on ebay, they will print 20 of them for you with corresponding envelopes for around 10 bucks.
Anyways, this was my experience.
My grandpappy from Arkansas taught
me to make cornbread, not sweet, heat cast iron skillet with grease (to which corn meal has been sprinkled) til it smokes then pour in the batter, let the oil ooze up on top. It turns out crunchy crust. So good!! He used to eat it cold crumbled into a glass of buttermilk!
I've been taught 'Herb' is the name, and
Jesus himself taught us not to judge others - let he who is without sin (sm)
cast the first stone. None of us has any right to say anything about how anyone else is living. We need to take care of the log in our own eye.... remember?
As an MT you have to be flexible and inventive, that's was I was taught!..nm
nm
I was taught to "always ignore the ignorant."
Unfortunately, I've run into people like that before, and I just ignore the comment, make nice chit-chat for a few minutes and "see you later alligator." At least, I demonstrated what my values are and did not degrade myself to their level. The main word here is "ignorant." There are so many people out there that are ignorant of their own manners, ignorant of other people's feelings, just tactless mules.
Grandpa from Tennessee taught me to cook it
x
Also, abstinence is taught regularly - kids'
We were always taught abstinence when I was in school. It was practically shoved down our throats, and I would estimate that only about 10% of the student population actually abstained. That is great for them, and they should be proud, but you can't leave the other 90% in the dark about safe sex, because they will be having it, and isn't better if they know all about the possible consequences of their actions and how to be as safe as possible? That's just my view of it. Safety first!
No outside contact & children and women taught
nm
Of course I would want to be equally valued. Why can't that be taught at home? nm
x
I find it very offensive that is how you taught your daughter to vote
if my other post is deleted, just thought id add some more.
Not only is it ridiculous that you told your daughter to vote that way, it is ignorant and racist and REALLY SAD
but you just admitted what this election came down to RACE
NOT POLICIES, NOT WHO IS THE BEST FOR THE JOB.
RACE. Exactly what President Elect didn't want it to be about.
how sad are you telling your mixed baby to vote more black than white, when Obama himself is black and white.
sickening and you should be ashamed, how can you live with yourself knowing that you didn't back your vote on intelligence but skin color instead? you just took us back 40 years and admitted it.
there are PLENTY of black republicans, Condeelza Rice, JC Watts, Michael Steele ETC ETC
and this guy my favorite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1mRvxAyHM
AND
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxhYampIl7A&feature=related
Emeril Legasse taught me about hard-boiled eggs
Emeril says to put the eggs in the pot with the cold water, and wait for it to boil, when it's a rolling boil, shut off the stove, and cover the pot for 13 minutes - and voila!! Perfect hard-boiled eggs!!
*S*
How do you feel about toddlers being taught to call their private parts
a v*gina and a peni$ ? Just wondering
Time out and then spanking if time out
If we are out in public however, we do not go home. Spanking right there and then and the kids learn REAL QUICK mom means business. I do not mess around and I have a 17-year-old now that has enlisted in the military and THANKS me for his tough upgrowing. It helped him through basic training.
Yes, with my second child.
He is now 13 and has never had any problems. Just pray, God will work it all out for you and I will keep you in my prayers also.
Tell me a little about your child, please
Thanks.
Thank God. Having your child taken would be the
.
As a child...
I never sucked my thumb and never had a pacifier. I had crowding of teeth as an adult because of wisdom teeth pushing on them. It really is the size/shape of your mouth/palate that determines crooked teeth, and that is determined by genetics.
More than one child
We were planning on only having one child, but 10 years later (she's almost 4 now) we did have a second one which I of course don't regret for a minute. The only thing I can say is don't listen to those that say you have to have a second child. That's all I heard for years. How can yo just have one, and on and on. It's nobody's business but you and your husband.
Yes, have gone since I was a child.
My kids also go, ages 20, 17 and 15. It fills my spiritual tank for the week and our pastor is so wonderful and uplifting and we have a fabulous congregation. I don't feel right if I miss a week.
No H is an only child LOL.
That is probably what the problem is too. No other children to dote on.
A dog is not a child and has different
needs from a child. But even a child is put in a bassinet to sleep in when they are small to control how much they roll around. Then later they are put in a crib. Is that a cage for you too? Or do you put the child on a full-size mattress and hope for the best? No, you carefully listen to all the rules about safe mattresses for infants and how soon pillows can be used and what position is safest for an infant.
For dogs, you need to get to know them before you give them free reign of the house. Otherwise they might get into something we didn't think of to put up and die. This dog is in the age range of 12-18 months. We can already tell he is inquisitive. We don't know how much time he has spent in a house because he was abandoned at the shelter. We will observe him and train him and grant him more freedoms as he proves himself ready.
Dogs in the wild use dens. You are misinformed, probably by PETA folks who would have you release your Yorkshire terrier to the wild to fend for itself if they had their druthers.
I was 29, he's my only child
before I had him I had two miscarriages in the same year (when I was 28). He is almost 13. I'm in downstate NY and at his school school (it's a Catholic school) many of his classmates' parents are at least as old as I am. Hope to get married soon but probably too late for another..
of course he is my child
I have his age wrong though. He is 31. How on earth can I or should I stop him from stating his own opinion? It is certainly not unusual for an 18-year-old male to use the word, even when talking about his evil GM. He was 18 when dear G'ma died. I'm telling you, the woman was evil, evil, evil!!!! Even my ex-DH (is there such a thing) didn't like her. The only reason my older son liked her was because he was the first grandchild and she worshipped him. When my SIL had 2 kids, they were okay for a while, then she didn't want to mess with them either. She liked dogs and cats more than people. And, by the way, I am really relating to all of you out there who go to your MIL's for all the holidays and not your mom's. I did that also, because I dearly loved my FIL and my SIL, BIL, etc. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have shared a little more. My mom is only 70, but no one is promised tomorrow. We do all holidays together now.
Right - I don't think they should take the child because (sm)
no matter what, children love their parents and would be traumatized to be taken away from them, so unless they are being terribly mistreated, I don't think they should ever be taken. Children who go thru life in foster homes are rarely ever happy. But Social Services could go in and help them get things cleaned up if that is why. It may not be, but in my case that was the problem. I eventually at about age 11 or 12 went out and bought bug spray and sprayed my hair and brushes and sprayed my PILLOW regularly to keep the bugs away. I am sure that was horrible for my health but I was desperate.
Because he's still YOUR CHILD, and he still needs to know he is welcome. nm
x
child with SVT. sm
Hi. My 16-year-old son is suspicious for SVT. Anyone else experience this? I had made an appointment for March, and now the doc is calling me and wants to see my son next week. He has already had an echo and an event monitor. Don't know if I should be freaked out or not.
Yes, first child....nm
xx
Would you have said anything about this child?
I was at a very big market (international) this morning and as I exited the lunch room to retrieve my cart, saw a very young child alone in a cart with no one around. I stood there not moving for several minutes wondering where a parent might be. I could not even see a person in front or back of him that seemed to be paying attention to this child (probably around 3 or 4 years of age). The serving line in front does have glass so I could see the people buying their lunches. Finally I noticed a man that was looking around frequently at the child and finally he got through the line and came and picked the child up. I approached him to say how it is so easy for a person to snatch his child (John Walsh's on AMW had his young child snatched and killed in similar, only taking a second) and this man looked annoyed and said thank you for your thoughts and hurried away. Clearly child endangerment here but would you have said anything or just let it go?
How do you know it was actually his child?
That's what's scary.
I have a child like this...
(This turned out long. Please stick with me.)
Like your son, it started in infancy. He could throw a fit that could go on for 30 minutes. If it was related to going to sleep, he would cry for hours no matter what I tried. (Yes, i did have him ruled out for medical causes.) He just could not calm himself down and he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. It started to feel like a war zone and the other kids were not getting the attention they needed because I felt like I had to deal with his bad behavior all the time.
When he was very young (infancy to about 3 years old), I would let him throw his fits and try to ignore them. After about 30 minutes, I picked him up and rocked him and he always seemed to be relieved and would start to calm down. I did not give into his demands. It just was a way for him to know that I loved him even when he acted bad.
But you know what... A few months ago (he is 5 now), he was acting up yet again and I tried to talk to him. I told him that I knew he was a good boy and that he was just having a hard time with his anger. He was totally blown away that I thought he was a "good boy." In his head, he thought he was bad. This was an eye opener for me.
Because I had my own issues with frustration, I decided to work on me first. I was sick of the war zone. That is still a work in progress, but I feel a lot more calm when dealing with him now.
I explain things to him up front. If we are going to a store, I tell him that I expect him to stand still by me. If he wants to look at something, he can ask me, etc. Then I ask him what he thinks the consequence will be if he does not mind. Sometimes he answers, sometimes not. Then, I tell him exactly what will happen. No favorite TV channel or no playing with a favorite toy, something like that. Just so he knew exactly what would happen if he makes certain CHOICES. I also don't argue. It only gets me wound up. I put the onus back on him. Counting 1...2...3 gives him a warning to change his behavior or deal with consequences.
I also communicate a lot about other's people reactions to when he "acts good" and "acts bad." How the things that happen to him are often influenced by his CHOICES. "Other children may not want to play with someone who ...only wants their way ... does not share ... hits." "If you share your toy, your friend probably want to share his toys with you."
I praise him when I notice he has done something "good", like brushing his teeth without being reminded. I tell how much I appreciate it (Because I do. When you have 3 kids, its a really help when they can do something for themselves. ) Someone knowledgeable told me the ratio of praise to discipline is 4:1. I doubt that I hit that ratio, but I do look for things my kids do right.
None of this is easy for me. I feel like I am talking myself blue in the face. I am naturally quiet and not always willing to communicate verbally. I'm praying the more I communicate now, then eventually I won't have to talk so much later. Or at least, we can talk about more pleasant things.
I will say though that my son is starting to understand that he will not always get his way, and if he cooperates with me, I am willing to cooperate with him. There has been good improvement since I started with this in April.
from a child
My son used to say mazagine and hangaburger instead of magazine and hamburger when he was about 3. I loved that. Not common to most people but it was common to him. :)
If this was MY child??? sm
I would be working my way up the food chain at that school. Who in the he!! at that school thinks they know what my child needs or doesn't need? The last I knew, raising children is up to the parents; not the school, not the state, and CERTAINLY NOT A LESBIAN TEACHER!! I was so upset when I just READ the story that it was all I could do to stop myself from sitting down and writing a letter to the school and giving them a piece of my mind.
To any and all parents in that school district...the threat of recall is an extremely potent weapon. Use it!!
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