You say spanking does not build trust?

• Do they ever grow out of this?? My once precious and sweet 3 year old son has sm - Mom
  • I recommend 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas Phelan to read - Apple Scruff
  • take this advice! - me
  • he is feeling out of control and he wants control - raising my granddaughter
    • I think the problem is that I actually gave him "too much' control and now sm - Mom
      • I forgot to mention 2 other things - raising my granddaughter
  • Could be an attention/jealously thing too - sm -
    • He just got over a bad bout with bronchitis so that is why he stayed home. Dad always takes sm - Mom
    • that is "why didn't dad take both kids"....tired already - nm -
  • Kids want/need bounderies. Makes them feel safe - knowing what to expect, may need swat to set limit
  • Be firm and consistent, consistent, consistent. - nm (Did I say be consistent?)
  • Sounds like my kid about 10 yrs ago... - sickofit
  • Well, he finally stopped when he became hungry enough. sm - Mom
  • I have 4-yo who is the poster child for... - MTHubie
  • my brother used to pull that crap. SM - happened to my brother
    • I love that idea! - Great!
  • Hi, I am sorry to hear you are going through this! - I have been there and probably will be there again
    • I am going to flame your response - Puzzled.
      • Didn't say i don't spank, just said wasn't going to - talk about it here.
      • just so you know, many states have laws - raising my granddaughter
        • Things are different- - Puzzled
          • it's not just the parents... - raising my granddaughter
            • You say spanking does not build trust? - Puzzled
              • spanking builds fear that you mistake as respect - raising my granddaughter
                • I disagree - mt3Rs
        • I understand some of these laws but - trose
          • the law defines it as - raising my granddaughter
            • And someone is in your home monitoring all this? - Hmmm
              • some of these states make home visits - raising my granddaughter
      • And I'm gonna applaud yours! - bravo...sm
        • I could be a real brat when I was little and - me
  • Gonna catch flak for this, but what I would do - Mother also
    • oooooooo yeah. That worked for me and my sister! - sm - Feel for ya
      • That made me laugh... - funny...sm
        • My sister and I still laugh over it too - sm - Feel for ya
          • I would get some really cool/cold water - Wise man
  • I had one like that - sm - Feel for ya
    • I did the same thing. - Jeeperbelle

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Here is a quick question for all of you that think that the spanking from the school is okay and before any of you make any snap judgements, I was spanked as a child and when my children were smaller, they too were spanked(BY THEIR PARENTS)....Do you all realize that this school that uses these "swats" as punishment, would be on the phone immediately if they saw you or found out that you "swatted" that same child as punishment for deeds done wrong at home? Since nowadays they want to tell you what you can and cannot do as a parent to acutally parent your child( and then of course complain about said kids nowadays), that by alloing them to do something to your child that they would gladly report you for is quite ridiculous.

How long is this ISS.  For five tardies..it sure as heck shouldn't be a whole day or even a half day..it should be something realistic.  Yes, I do know what it is like to have to deal with school principals who are jerks, just remember that this is your child and not theirs and that it is your job to look out for them.

If you really feel that just to get this over with right now, you want to let them swat her, that is your choice but since she is so obviously not interested in ISS, I would definitely make sure that she and the school knows that this is a one time pass and yes, I too would either make her do some work around the house or take something away if only for the hassle.

Btw, five tardies in 4 or 5 months is really not that terrible IMO.  That is about one a month.  My goodness, we all assumed it was cause she talks anyone think that maybe the girl had to use the bathroom during her time of the month.  I would also find out when she was tardy and how tardy.  My son was given a tardy cause the bus was late getting him to school and I called and let them know that that is not acceptable in my book.  They had given several kids on his bus tardies and after several phone calls and a check with the bus company, the tardies were removed.  Yes, if my son had been chatting or something,  I would not have bothered to call, I would have just remind him that tardiness of his own making is not acceptable.

Best of luck. 

Teens this day and age have no fear, of anything, it seems. Back in my days of growing up, just the thought of my parents finding out I did something I wasn't suppose to, was enough for me to keep myself in line.

And NO, we were never beaten, but did get a few pats with the belt, which were far and few inbetween.

said it was okay to give 'em the belt.  That is abuse, plain and simple.  If you feel a need to spank your child, then do it with your own hand, not another object.  It's too easy to hit too hard with an object because you're not feeling the pain you're subjecting them to. 

As for the gov't interfering, they have to because there are too many wackos in this world that do beat their kids to a pulp.  If they all parented with a little more sense, like you obvioulsy do, then I would agree that the gov't shouldn't interefere, but unfortunately the wackos of this world don't care.

It sounds to me as if you're raising some wonderful children.  You've definitely offered up some very good advice.  I saw no where in your post where you said that you've used a belt, and I'm not saying that you did.  I'm simply referring to the OP that started this thread that beating with a belt is abuse. 

will jeopardize her other benefits.  You should have an attorney who is well versed in this type of thing to go over all the ins and outs of the situation. 

I understand your disappoinment...I'm sorry you had to catch him in a lie...that's the worst.

Stick to your initial plan and don't give in....He's gotta regain/earn your trust back at this point before you let him have the car.  The end of the semester may seem like an eternity, but it's only about 8 or 9 weeks and then he'll be home for Christmas break.  He'll live and perhaps thank you some day.   

It appears the girlfriend's parents and you are on the same page.  That's a big plus.

Did you ever get that cell phone back?   Cat

I've been the trustee of my older sister now since 2001 when our mother died.  She is mentally retarded because she fried her brain on LSD and mescalin when she was a teenager, also is bipolar and on SSDI.  

She just called me to say she is on the edge of losing all of her benefits, including her state-funded housing, because her love toy went and blabbed to the housing authority that she was getting this "extra" money and it's a huge amount.  Well, it's not a huge amount by any means, not even $40,000 to last her lifetime.  I'm sure she and her benefits are protected via the whole category of "Special Needs Trust" but to say my blood pressure is up is an understatement of the decade. 

I just want to drive 8 hours to smack the sh*t out of her and her G-spot Johnny (did I mention she's also hypersexual?!) boy toy.  Now, I'm not a violent person, but the attorney told me that the government could also come after me if they feel there has been any sort of fraud here.  I'm not the one that did drugs, yet for some reason this responsibility was tossed in my lap.  Hmmm...could be that whole atheist thing and this is mom's retribution. 

So, anyone know anything about Special Needs Trusts I should be particularly concerned about?

Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.

Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.

=============================

NEW DELHI, India (CNN) -- "I was a walking time bomb. I knew I had to get on that plane if I wanted to be around to see my grandkids."

Sandra Giustina is a 61-year-old uninsured American. For three years she saved her money in hopes of affording heart surgery to correct her atrial fibrillation. "They [U.S. hospitals] told me it would be about $175,000, and there was just no way could I come up with that," Giustina said.

So, with a little digging online, she found several high quality hospitals vying for her business, at a fraction of the U.S. cost. Within a month, she was on a plane from her home in Las Vegas, Nevada, to New Delhi, India. Surgeons at Max Hospital fixed her heart for "under $10,000 total, including travel."

Giustina is just one of millions around the world journeying outside their native land for medical treatment, a phenomenon known as "medical tourism." Experts say the trend in global health care has just begun. Next year alone, an estimated 6 million Americans will travel abroad for surgery, according to a 2008 Deloitte study. "Medical care in countries such as India, Thailand and Singapore can cost as little as 10 percent of the cost of comparable care in the United States," the report found.

Companies such as Los Angeles-based Planet Hospital are creating a niche in the service industry as medical travel planners. One guidebook says that more than 200 have sprung up in the last few years. "We find the best possible surgeons and deliver their service to patients safely, affordably and immediately," said Rudy Rupak, president of Planet Hospital. "No one should have to choose between an operation to save their life or going bankrupt."

Planet Hospital, which works with international clients as well as Americans, books patients' travel and arranges phone interviews with potential surgeons. Patients are greeted by a company representative at the airport in the country where they've chosen to be treated; a 24-hour personal "patient concierge" is also provided, a level of service that's standard among many of the top medical travel planning companies.  Watch Dr. Sanjay Gupta meet some medical tourists »

"Our patient concierge was amazing," said Giustina. "He came to the hospital every day, gave us his personal [telephone] number and after my operation, he arranged private tours of India." Just two days post-op, Giustina and her husband, Dino, toured local markets and landmarks including the Presidential Palace and the Taj Mahal.

"I was able to fix my heart and tour India, which is something I thought I'd never do."

Walk through a patient wing at Max Hospital in New Delhi on any given day and you're likely to see people from around the world. In one visit, CNN met patients from the United Kingdom, Nigeria, Jordan, Afghanistan and the United States. They're alike in choosing surgery abroad, but their reasons differ.

Many South Asians and Africans said they travel abroad because they do not have access to care in their homeland.

Some Canadians and Europeans said they chose to travel aboard, despite having national health plans, because they are tired of waiting -- sometimes years -- for treatment.

Patients from the Middle East said they come to India because the technology as well as the staff is more advanced.

For most Americans CNN spoke to, it came down to finding the best value. "If I could have afforded my procedure in the United States, I would have taken it, but that was not my option," Giustina said. "I had to get online and look for a Plan B." Read about hot destinations for medical tourism

The private hospitals in India market themselves as having upscale accommodations, Western-trained surgeons and state-of-the-art medical equipment.

CNN spent time at Max Healthcare in New Delhi and saw operating rooms similar to those in many U.S. hospitals. If fact, Max's neurosurgery room had an inter-operative MRI scanner, which is technology hardly seen at hospitals in the United States.

The lobby had marble floors, a book café, coffee station and a Subway sandwich shop. The patient suites were equipped with flat screen TVs, DVD players and Wi-Fi. This hospital also catered to families traveling together. The suites had adjoining rooms with a kitchenette, coffee maker and a sofa bed.

Max neurosurgeon Dr. Ajaya Jha said the hospital can provide high-quality care at low prices because the staff work hard to cut waste.  Watch Dr. Gupta visit an Indian spice market »

"I've seen hospitals in the U.S. where they open up something costing $10,000 and say, 'Oh it's not working. OK, give me another one.' We would never do that here. Even for 100 rupees (about $2) -- we would say, "Do we need to open this suture? Do we need to open this gauze?' We are very conscious of cost."

Hospital officials negotiate hard to keep costs low for high-tech medical machinery and other supplies, Jha said. "In the U.S. people are making careers out of carrying laptops and documenting things that are not really useful in the long term for the patient."

The salary of a U.S. surgeon is five times that of a surgeon in India. "We [surgeons in India] want to make a profit, but we don't want to profiteer. We don't want squeeze people and I think American industries should also think that way," Jha said.

Critics of medical tourism warn patients to be diligent when researching treatment aboard. "I've found that industry voices tend to crowd out those of us who are more cautious about the legal risks," said Nathan Cortez, assistant law professor at Southern Methodist University, who is conducting a case study investigating what legal recourse patients have outside America.

Patients don't think about their legal vulnerabilities, Cortez said. "Some countries limit patient access to medical records so they can't really learn what happened during the surgery. And a lot of practitioners in other countries just refuse to give you your medical records. So people have to weigh the risk versus benefits."

While most tourism patients from America are uninsured, major U.S. insurance companies are considering providing "medical tourism" coverage to their customers. Several have already launched pilot programs.

"I think what's really important about medical tourism is that you make the choice for what's right for you and what's important to them," said a spokesman for U.S. health insurer WellPoint Inc.

Experts say that every patient considering traveling abroad for surgery should inquire about postoperative care, legal rights and the safety standards and certifications of the hospital. Foreign health care providers should be willing to discuss the procedure and answer question ahead of time.

"What really helped me feel good about the process was that my doctor in the U.S. spoke to the cardiologist in India prior to my trip," said Giustina. "They were so open about everything; I knew I'd be in good hands."

Just weeks from returning from abroad, Giustina says she has only one regret, "I shouldn't have waited so long! I feel like a new person again, no more pain."