Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
Posted By: sad mom on 2007-06-18
In Reply to: Take this to a lawyer. Fight for him. This cannot be legal. - nm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
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My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great. 
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
I've been divorced now for 5 years and have....sm
recently started dating, if you want to call it that. Things seem to be a lot different now when it comes to "relationships." There are 2 men that I am interested in and 1 of these men is more interested in me than the other one. Do I follow my heart or do I follow my head? They both have positives and negatives, as we all do. I just don't want to make a bad decision that I may later regret. I know this is not a lot of info but I have heard "follow your head" and I've also heard "follow your heart, no matter where the road may lead." Help!!!
Parents gettting divorced...sm
My parents are in their fifties and are getting a divorce because my dad is running around. Well she filed for divorce and he would not get out the house. He said until the divorce was final he had the right to stay, which is true actually. She can't force him to leave. At the beginnning of the divorce he agreed to give her the house and 3 acres and he would just take the other additional 7 acres. Well he has been told for months he better be finding a place to live but he refused to even look. He doesn't want to leave the house. Now the papers will be final next week and mama said you are leaving. He says he can't afford to get a place right now. She says well you have been knowing for months you should have planned ahead. She doesn't know what to do. It is like she can't get rid of him. He wants to do what he wants to do and have another woman and go out every night but he wants to live there and says how can you throw me out with nowhere to go. She said well you have had the opportunity to get a place. And he has had the money. She said he just won't get out. She could have him legally evicted and law officials make him leave but what an awful thing to have to do. But he is headset not to leave.
I would have divorced a long time ago....sm
when my husband had a drug problem. I didn't because my son told me he would not come with me but that he would choose to stay with his dad. He was around 7 years old at the time. I couldn't leave my son. So I didn't leave. He is so close to his daddy. He would pick his dad drugs and all over me any day of the week and that hurt me very bad because I have always been a good mom. So I stayed. I guess God helped me though because my husband quit using drugs miraculously later and we are doing pretty good now.
personally, I don't think that has anything to do with why people get divorced...
Marriage and having a family is sharing in the responsibilities of both taking care of the house and the kids...My husband and I both work and we both take care of the house and the kids...that way we have time to spend with our family, not one person doing chores all day, et cetera...JMO
I am a working divorced mother - I consider anyone (sm)
who works and supports their children to be a single parent. I am just saying that my children are my priority, and I cannot be giving my money to some guy. A single woman with plenty of money and no children to think of might not mind, but I do.
Please talk! Been divorced for a long time
now and I think ignoring things and lack of communication led him to other women and the rest of the story is not important. So many people I have talked to feel that just letting things go without talking let to terminal demise of their marriage. Do something before it escalates. This may have been a perfect opportunity to begin dialog.
Happily divorced 11 years..and still single!
Use your head first. You don't have to settle for the least worst of the two...there are other fish in the sea. :-) I found my standards were WAY too low when I married my ex-hubby. Now they are high and I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve.
I was divorced, did not call myself a single parent
and I worked lots of jobs to make a living, not 1 red cent from the father of my son, never and I bought and made it all myself- I took them around their relatives, they always had a good home, involved in their schooling, the whole 9 yards. I am not responsible for a child turning against their mother for their love of money (the son). Others on her asking what phone call more important than my daughter, well having a phone call with an aunt who is in hospice with metastatic cancer in their late 80s.....
Divorced parents college agreement?
Those of you who are divorced and have children......how did you agree (or how would you agree) to pay for your child's college education? can you please share with me how your agreement is worded in your contract....if you do not want to respond to this post please email me....I am needing help ASAP!!! Thanks in advance....
I am divorced and now on good terms with MIL, but not while we were married! sm
She was very critical, called me every name in the book and kept telling her son I was no good that he belonged in the home I could not PROVIDE FOR HIM, as in the home they could. Umm last time I checked he was an adult too and we were to make a home TOGETHER.
I can remember being sent to the hospital with preterm labor with my daughter. I was scared, I had had to drive my sons to my mom's and then myself to the hospital. My doctor was furious with him. Why did I have to do that? Because SHE needed to go to the doctor about her 'rrhoids and her rear end was more important than OUR unborn child!!! Oh and he could have been available sooner, but she wanted to go shoe shopping. She was truly the other woman in my marriage and when anything happened where I truly needed him, he was with her...shopping, taking her to the doctor, driving her to the dentist. He eventually lost a job because all of that. He didn't learn and continued until he finally has not had a full time job since.
What finally bridged the gap was our divorce. He didn't see his kids or pay support because he didn't feel he should have to. BUT I never kept my kids from her, she is their grandmother and they are her only grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and she didn't play favorites like my mom did. I respected her for what I felt was her important role in their lives and she grew to respect me for my that.
What finally did it is the fact that my ex up and remarried. The gal he married has many documented mental health issues (I saw the report her ex had on her, but that is a long story). My MIL tried with wife #2, she really did. Finally, just about the time they married, this gal threatened my MIL's life and hit her in the face hard enough to knock her down! This was done in front of my oldest son and my MIL's boyfriend at the time (FIL had passed on).
From that day on, I was welcome in her home anytime and "that woman" was not. I suddenly became the nicest of her 3 DILs and she told me that herself. Although the kids are grown and I have moved out of state, I send her birthday and Mother's Day cards. I know she regrets the things she said and did, she told me that too. I told her that stuff was all in the past and what really mattered is the here and now.
If your mom and dad just divorced this year, have you ever thought of depression? sm
Maybe your dad is going through a real hard adjustment to his new life and could use a little help or boost from you instead of a cold shoulder. Sounds to me like he might just be in some major depression as his life has had a drastic change. Reach out to him and help him in his time of need. Sure he is an adult, but everyone can walk on hard times with major traumatic events going on in their life and he may just lack desire to care due to his depression.
its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
Sounds likea control freak and a doormat. Friend of mine just divorced after 23 yrs of being the
s
they ARE completely different
i can't believe you have a friend that had the nerve to compare her abortion to your miscarriage!!! im so sorry for your loss
I completely believe that. sm
I've never been separated from a marriage, but in 2 long-term (several year) relationships that finally succumbed to breaking up, we got along WAY better once we were 'only' friends. The change was immediate! Best of luck to you both. Sounds like you tried your hardest.
Understand you completely - sm
My situation is exactly the same. He can ignore me for weeks. I mean completely ignore me to the point that I may as well not even be here unless he has run out of clean underwear and socks.
Then when he gets a wild hair, I'm supposed to jump with glee? No thanks, I would rather spend my time planning for the day I leave his sorry self now.
Agree completely......nm
xx
I completely agree! (sm)
As strange as this woman may have been, including the people she chose to surround herself with, there has never been a question about how she felt about her beloved son. Let's hope this woman can finally have some peace in the next few days and spend eternity next to the one person that wasn't involved with her for his own personal gain!
I may be completely wrong,
but when I caught a little bit of the story on the news, it sounded like the "amount of money she had been offered equaled out to 20,000 a day for each day they were married. I would not call her a gold digger when they first married, I mean, I most certainly could fall in love with Sir Paul, but now it sounds like she wants everything. As for Dancing with the Stars, she has shown up but I don't see the public embracing her and voting for her to stay.
Completely agree...
I have the same standards. Sleeping together is a gift that comes with marriage in my opinion. It is your house and your rules. Good for you for sticking to it!
I completely agree...sm
I live in one of the states that is in the middle of terrible turmoil due to illegal immigrants and what gets me is the minute citizens try to get laws that are already on the books enforced we are considered racists. The illegal immigrants form marches and get on TV and tell the world how terrible and racist the politicians are who are just trying to have laws that are already written enforced. It is just crazy. I mean they are here illegally, it has nothing to do with their race, it has to do with the fact that they are breaking the law and need to be treated like any other law breaker in this country. Geez. You have to be a citizen to vote, but all our signs outside the voting places have to be bilingual, does that make sense to you? Most jobs in my area are now only hiring bilingual people, so unless you learn Spanish, it is very hard to find a job, which I find even more irritating. I mean, what would happen to an American citizen if they tried to jump the border to any other country in the world, do you think we would be given any sort of rights other than being thrown in jail, deported, or just plain disappearing off the face of the earth? I don't think so.
I agree completely! Very well said (nm)
a
I understand completely...
and am in no way arguing your point, it's a valid one! I just don't understand the LACK of self-control these days. Maybe it's the lack of responsibility one must take for those actions..I don't know, guess we could debate this all day, but please, I meant no disrespect to your previous post. I enjoy reading your advice...very refreshing and inspiring
Understand completely - sm
I too have been burned a few times for trying to help someone but not Stacy.
She's a smart kid, a good mom, and proudly independent. I think she will see it for what it is. The temptation is very strong to try to bring a "family" together for the sake of a child but I am really hoping that she won't give in to that temptation.
Her ex boyfriend and his mother are wastes of perfectly good flesh and oxygen. some people....
Not the OP but I understand completely - sm
And, just for the record. I don't have a cleaning lady but I would love one too. My husband is a complete SLOB.
I vacuum every night, do the dishes, clean the counters, etc. By the time I get up, there are wood chips, snow, mud, whatever, trailed through the house from his boots, there is protein powder all over the kitchen counters and on the kitchen floor, and more dishes in the sink than even my kids can go through in one evening.
Not to mention the pile of dirty laundry he pulls from under his side of the bed immediately after I have finished doing ALL of the laundry. Happens every single time!
I'm not even going to get into the stuff I find in the bathroom sink and on the bathroom floor!
Like I said, I would love to have a cleaning lady too but I would be too embarassed to let someone see what I have to live with.
Completely different posts....
You might want to read again-I was not talking about her meowing then. I am not talking about giving her foods, supplements, now. I am asking about how do you know about end of life. People say you would know and I am asking about her sounding off now. Please review my other post again- I am feeding her kittie cat food and also supplements. This post is entirely different.
I actually have, and it was completely normal - SM
I'm in my mid-20s and have always been very healthy and active. I could never even catch the chickenpox from my friends as a child! LOL! Oh well, I'll have to see if stopping this antihistamine makes a difference. I feel completely fine otherwise.
I completely understand
My 13-year-old daughter just asked me for $25 for a T-shirt for the Science Olympiad. Thankfully her yearbook only cost $20, but she thinks money grows on trees. She does get an allowance for watching her younger sister and helping around the house, but when I tell her I'll deduct the money from her allowance, she looks at me like I'm crazy.
She's in Student Counsel and they go on trips every year, but her school does fundraisers so we end up not paying much at all in the end with his helpful.
She wants to go to college to become a Vet and probably will end up trying to go to Cornell. We've already told her to start saving and get some scholarships because there's no way we can afford it.
I still have a four year old to deal with. I can only imagine when she gets older.
I completely agree with you. - nm
nm
I completely agree.....sm
I also as a child was spanked NOT beaten, an I can tell you that my generation had MUCH more respect than the generations now. I am not that old either...late 30s, but back in the day, the neighbors spanked you, then sent you home to your parents whom they called, and you got it again...needless to say, I turned out JUST fine and again, have a LOT more respect for my elders now. I cannot STAND when people say that just because you spank your child means that you beat them...I have 4 children, whom are spanked when needed, which has not had to be often, but I can bet you that they respect me, their dad, AND other adults, and even my oldest ones (who are teenagers by the way) have said THEY think it has made them better people. They can COMPLETELY understand WHY we as parents may resort to spanking (and we used time outs too, but those only work for so long and for the "little" things). I too think that if more parents "spanked" NOT BEAT, their children, we would not have all the disrespect we have today. Just another example of "society/government" getting in the way. Again, spanking and beating are two different things, so DON'T confuse the two. As it says in the bible...spare the rod, spoil the child! JMHO!!
I completely understand...sm
I am scrambling tonight trying to get some lines in because my work has been so slow I only worked 14 hours Monday until Friday. This weekend I got about 63 minutes of dictation so that will add some lines. I have to scramble to work about 20-25 hours per week.
Just want you to know I understand completely where sm
you are coming from and agree totally that it is terribly, terribly sad. I just don't want you to harp on it and let it work on you. You have done nothing wrong. Stand proud. They are entitled to their opinions - strange as they are - they are not entitled to spew them all over the place and say hurtful stupid things to you - just shows how mixed up they are. You sister was right in telling you to let it go - they are strange - weird - you are blessed your husband is so different. Give him a hug and ignore the rest of them. Good luck!
Agree completely
I've always known my IQ (from accredited Mensa tests). and IQ may go down (due to age, partying too much, etc.) but it never goes up. I've taken several tests from different sources throughout the years (I guess I'm just weird) and the figure always stayed the same. I was on a dating forum a couple years back and everyone started coming on saying they were geniuses because they took an online test and it said so. I am also well acquainted with the Bell Curve, and also I knew from most of those poster's prior comments that they weren't the brightest bulbs in the box. It smelled fishy so I took it, and it padded my IQ by 10-20 points!
If you really want to know your IQ (or your child's, they have a kid's one), you can buy an accredited test (published by Mensa) at most mall bookstores for about $3. Most online tests are crap, designed to suck you into a marketing ploy, as well as make you look like a fool bragging that you're a genius, along with anybody else that takes it.
Kendra, I'm with you completely on this
I have a lot of animals and unfortunately have lost a few through the years. It is never easy and I have never stopped feeling conflicted about the decision to euthenize them, for the same reasons you mentioned. If I am reasonably sure they aren't suffering, and if I still see a spark of joy or love of life in their eyes I do what I can to support them, JUST LIKE I DID FOR MY MOM when she was paralyzed and bedridden, being fed through an NG tube after multiple strokes. She indicated to me that her life was still valuable to her, and I find it very difficult to determine when life ceases to be valuable to the person or animal living it. Also, I have seen miraculous recoveries after all hope was lost. I'm perplexed that we assume an injection is the "humane" way to deal with ailing pets yet recoil at the thought of human euthenisia.
Love and blessings to all of you going through this.
I agree with you completely!
It is such a rediculous thing to even think that EVERY pitbull is mean. So stereotypical of a narrow-minded person!
COMPLETELY agree.
x
Completely agree...
You just don't know who you're talking to these days. There could be things going on at home, or like you said, these people could be dangerous. Best to let the school district handle it.
That is completely ridiculous.
I'm 30 and my mom (and family) still celebrates my birthday and we do hers. I live out of state now so if I can't be there for the day she will celebrate whenever she sees me and send me flowers or a cookie bouquet or something. My MIL does the same, even if my hubs does something on his own.
Personally, I would invite her regardless because despite her opinion she is still family. If she says anything about it again I think your hubs should discuss it with her further and let her know that she doesn't have to come.
I did something completely irresponsible and just for me ---
I have been looking to buy a new car. Wanted a convertible, so had the sebring picked out as it had the biggest back seat to put the grandchildren in, the most leg room in the front for my extra-large man, and today I went to buy it and brought home a 2-seater, bright red, convertible Mazda Miata!!! I love it!!!! 
I am completely outraged!
We have done so much for her, including giving her rides places when she was without a car since she lives right in the same town as us, plus about a million other things over the years! Whenever we would all go out to dinner, we paid for her 9 times out of 10. We're also talking about changing the locks on our doors since she has a key to our house! It's really sad, but we want nothing to do with her anymore now that we have seen her true colors.
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