its better to raise kids in a happy divorced home
Posted By: than a miserably married one.......NM on 2007-08-03
In Reply to: From the picture you paint, it is SM - Flora
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Divorced, never considered myself single (?) and bought my own home
years ago - the price was unbelievable, 15,500 and sold it 2 years ago for $165,000. Quite a deal huh?
No where either. My mother didn't raise any foolish kids. LOL nm
nm
Well I figure I can make my own hours & be home when the kids are home (sm)
I worked PT in an office for a while but spent most of my money on childcare in the summer. Full-time in an office was just a nightmare and I felt like I missed a whole year of my children's lives. I want to be in control of my schedule so that's why I'm looking into the cleaning thing. Never thought I would want to do that but live and learn! Some of the most intelligent people alive work as carpenters and similar things because they have learned what's really important in life. Whew....off my soapbox now :-) Good luck to you!
He is probably happy to finally have a *home*. NM
m
Just thought this would make everyone happy. Last night on my way home sm
I saw the dang dog lying out in the yard scratching his back on the grass and when i drove by he looked up at me. He's definitely a big lab mix. He looked perfectly fine to me. My husband thinks that I may have just hit him but not run him over. Who knows. It's a miracle. I was very happy to see him last night. But, he's still loose, so........
your kids are excited; that makes you happy, right?
nm
kids at home
When I began working at home, my children were 7 and 12, and I was also a single ma, but they were old enough to not be watched every single second. At first, I had my computer in my kitchen, then my family room, which the kids were usually in if they were not outside, and I could see my back yard perfectly at either place.
I stopped often, to answer questions, help, make breakfast, lunch, etc., but when I compared my interruptions to the alternative, working at the hospital, my interruptions were worth it, especially during the summer or when they were ill. There is a fine line between letting your children feel that you are not to be bothered during work. You don't want them to ever feel that they cannot come to you with a question or problem. Sure, I remember feeling frustrated and maybe venting when I wish I could have been more patient, and I felt like some days were not near as productive as during the school year when they were in school, but it was worth it to me. Sometimes I even told them not to bother me unless they were bleeding or the house was on fire, but that is not wise.
Most of the time I remained honest with them, telling them that "mommy's gotta finish this report, honey, hold on and when I finish this report, I will talk to you."
I tried to be as proactive as possible, even though I am a huge procrastinator, and I would maybe make sandwiches ahead of time, pack a lunch for them, just like on school days.
I would use my breaks to maybe run them to a friend's house, go pick up a friend or to drop them off at the golf course (of course when they were older and not driving) and then come back home and work, sometimes maybe only an hour until it started raining.
Oh, I should probably tell you though, now they are 19 and 25, and they don't bother me at all anymore......
Do you have kids that were home
from school yesterday? I did and that's why I think today feels like Monday. Although, I haven't had the day you're having. I hope things are better this afternoon. If you have some tea around, try a cup. Sometimes it makes you feel more relaxed. Have a great afternoon!!!
Kids at home while you work? How do you (sm)
make sure they know you are "at work" even though you are right there? I have worked at home in the past but had issues with this. Mine are old enough now to be home while I work (10 & 7), but I would love any ideas of how to make sure they respect my work hours. Any ideas?
PA too and our kids were actually sent home early
due to the heat! We were never sent home for that one. Spent the day at the pool with the kids and now it's time to work.
Would you ever kick your kids out of your home?
Are your kids welcome to stay in your home for as long as they like?
My 15 year old asked if we'd ever kick him out or his older brother. I said they'd always have a home with us as long as they follow our rules.
No glad my kids are grown and out of home...
Anyone who thinks their kids are bad - well get this 3 BROTHERS here 10, 12 and 14 charged with crimes related to their breaking and entering and then completely destroying a Headstart school. They threw not only paint and other solvents over the place but also left own bodily fluids such as feces and urine, totally destroying computers, games, floors, the whole building, probably over $100,000 damage. I thank my lucky stars I do not have to even think about putting up with that.
She has 2 wonderful kids whom she home schools
They are ages 13 (boy) and 10 (girl). My sister died at age 27 of cancer and left a husband and 8 yo boy. My sister was also 6 months pregnant when they found the cancer and she lost the little girl after going to MD Anderson and all the treatment, and my sister only lived 6 months.
There is such a concern here because of my having kidney cancer and given 6 months to live, but I have been in remission for 4 years now.
My sister had breast cancer, in remission for 5 years.
I am open to any help anyone has, be it good or bad. Thanks.
Any kids with wife#2 are living at home and being
Kids should not expect to college paid for, so hubby should not pay for college for kids with wife#2 since he did not pay for college for kids with wife #1.
There's lots of things kids can do at home
all summer that are worthwhile and free. Take them to the library once every week or two and get them reading! Where I lived as a kid it was hot all day, so I read all day and played outside in the evening when it was cooler. It doesn't have to be books, either. It can be magazines, comics, or whatever. Just the 'reading' part is the key. I used to read and re-read old comic books, Life magazines, National Geographics, and books on animals and earth sciences. I also think I read Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn multiple times each during the summer.
Kids can put on a neighborhood circus (and make some cash by charging admission). They can put on a pet show. We used to have pet shows, haunted houses, dog shows, cat shows, talent contests, bike races and foot races, too, and hurdles contests.
With some scrap wood, hammers, nails, etc., (if they're not too small) they can build things. We all had tree houses in just about every large tree in the neighborhood. My friend built a go-cart, and I built a wooden wagon. I also collected rocks, and used that wagon to haul home my latest acquisitions from around the neighborhood. (Much to my mother's dismay... she apparently didn't have the 'rock-gene' that my siblings and I all seem to carry!) Starting collections of any type (even if it's not rocks) can be a fun summer pastime.
Making mud pies and cookies was fun, as was collecging pollywogs and watching them magically turn into frogs.
A job such as painting a fence (a-la Tom Sawyer) can be a messy but fun experience for kids. Or, creating a mural.
Art projects are fun, too. How about giving each kid a journal to write their private thoughts and dreams in? Or, an older child can be taught the basics of cooking or sewing, which will come in handy some day when they're older. You could also teach hand-sewing, beading, embroidery, etc., and let kids make themselves a T-shirt or tank top, shorts, etc. that is work of wearable art.
Or, how about starting a veggie garden for the kids to take care of? They could also be involved in cooking and eating what they grow.
Even though it seems useless, the down-time in the summer, spent just doing NOTHING, isn't as bad as it appears, and when kids don't have every minute booked up for planned activities, they learn to explore what's interesting to them, and amuse themselves.
Absolutely, but I shake myself out of it quickly to make it a happy time for my kids and hubby. nm
x
To all you married moms with kids and hubby at home,
do you ever dream about living by yourself? Not just with no kids, but with no hubby either? I love my family, but when I feel overwhelmed, when life gets too stressful, I can't help but think how peaceful that kind of life would be, with just myself to take care of. Of course I know in my heart that if I was by myself I would be bored and lonely, but right now it sounds really good! It has been one of those days...
Help! Pushy parents think I work from home and can drive their kids etc
I am constantly being asked to watch people's kids because I work from home. The latest is a friend of my son attending the same camp in another town. The friend I will call Scotty. Scotty has two parents. His father works from home as a computer consultant. My friends and I have called Scotty's dad to work on our computers and he never even returns the call or shows up. Scotty's mom recently asked me if I could drive her son home from them because the dad gets busy and doesn't like to leave clients. I told her that I too am working from home and have to minimize my time in the car. Scotty does not live close to us. I feel like a big meanie but they have pushed me before. Last year our kids were not even in the same camp but the mom called and asked if I would drive and pick up her son every day because i live in the same town as the camp. I was like ??? no way.
They used to drop Scotty off at my house on school holidays. They would drop him off at 7 AM and then once the mom called me at 5 PM and said she wanted to get an oil change and asked me if I could keep scotty until 7:30 PM. I said NO and then she came to pick him up earlier but stayed at my house uninvited until 9:30 when I just said I HAVE TO GO TAKE A SHOWER.
Anyone have clever ways to handle these situations?
Grownups-My Cousin Vinnie, older kids - Home Alone One sm
A Christmas Story is our holiday favorite to watch with little kids and we love when the dogs eat the turkey and they have to go out for Chinese! We have the lamp ornament on our tree.
Poll for parents with school aged kids at home...sm
1. What ages are your kids?
2. Do they have their own cell phone?
3. Do they have their own TV and or computer in their room? If so, are there set hours they're allowed to use these:
4. Do they receive an allowance? If so, are they required to do chores to receive this?
As for our house, here's the answers. Kids are 15 and 8. 15-year-old has a cell phone and pays her bill. 15-year-old has a TV. The kids share 1 PC that is where we can see what they're doing on it, and they're limited to no more than an hour a day on it if it's a school day. We do have parental controls in place. They don't receive an allowance but they are aware of a special chores list that they can choose to do extra things around the house to make money. They are required to keep their rooms and bathrooms cleaned, as well as alternate cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.
Staying at home and raising us kids worked for my mother
Hmm. It should be okay with me right? Oh, wait, that puts me in the welfare line which you think everyone takes advantage of.
You don't live in your mother's time. I wish you did, because the internet didn't exist then.
Rainy, cool, dark. Home working with plenty of work. Hubby and kids are sm
picking up toys, taking them to Goodwill. LOVE days like this.
Sounds like my kids...on a school day "we just got home from school!" on a vacation day....sm
But this is our vacation! My husband takes vacation days and leaves town without us...lol! He would never dream of taking a day off to work around the house!
Doesn't offend me to hear Happy Holidays, Happy Hannuka...sm
or any way someone wants to greet me. As a basic rule, people use the greeting most comfortable to the speaker. What does burn my butt is when someone tries to tell me that my comfortable greeting of "Merry Christmas" is not appropriate. To those who are not concerned with my comfort, I have no concern for theirs.
Merry Christmas to all.
She did NOT raise that boy the first 6 to 7
years of his life. That is a lie.
How much does she need to raise?
Did you raise them on your own
or is there someone else to share the blame? Kids don't spoil themselves.
I do not think it is appropriate for any man to raise
If the child is that bad, send her to counseling. Writing a report brings out all of the reasons the child has done the wrong. Unless she's breaking the law, man-handling is not on the top of my list of punishments! I disagree with your statements, and I disagree with blank rooms. I think talking things out and finding out the root of the problem is the answer, not spanking or punishments that require imprisonment. Obviously, the OP didn't feel the child had done that much wrong or the friend wouldn't have been allowed to spend the night. That's all I have to say on this issue, which is ridiculous in this day and age of molesters. Oh, and I was paddled on my bare bottom at age 10.... No, I wasn't too fond of men. This issue is no different than a wife beater or child molester.....
asking for raise
I would just make contact with the person in charge of raises, and present your case (not from a 'need' perspective, but from a deserve perspective). Just form it as a request and touch on your high points!!
raise
It justs seems like with the cost of everything going up. Also we get the best with working at home, but they do not pay vacation, benefits or anything else. Why woudl it kill them to give a raise.
My mom divorced him because he was ...sm
cheating with this girlfriend, and he went so far as to get dressed at night and actually go out like a teenager not coming home till midnight or so. He left my mama sitting in the recliner crying many nights. Then knowing she had to get up at 6 am for work he would wake her up to open the door for him cause he lost his key. He was very inconsiderate. That is why she divorced him.
would rather raise 5 girls than 1 boy..sm
When boys grow up and become men, their *toys* become MUCH more expensive than girls (think boats, cars, motorcycles, ATVs, planes, trains, etc.).
I had such success with my girl that I want more girls *lol*
Looking for best place to raise a kid
I like where I live...but after a week from H E double toothpicks last week, I really feel that a bit of distance between myself and any family members would be better. Long story short, you think your family will be there to help when you need it, but instead all you get is beaten down and end up feeling bad and having to deal with your crises by yourself anyway (it's the ONLY reason I moved back to this area a couple of years ago).
Currently, I live in the deep south and my city has an excellent !!! school system, but I know there are other good school systems out there. So, here are some of what I would like in addition to a good school system.
Near water and mountains (could be lake or ocean, or state park), easy access to public transportation (in case my car breaks down), a good YMCA or city recreation center.
I've been looking at a borough just north of Philly, a couple of small cities in Virginia, a city north of Denver, some areas in North Carolina. I would like to avoid the west coast unless it's somewhere in Washington State or Oregon. I've considered the Reno area, but I've never been there and I don't know what the schools are like.
Any ideas? Thanks! 
Anyone who never has to raise their voice to get (sm)
I have an 8 year old an almost 11 year old and my husband is gone a lot. They are basically good children, never get in trouble at school except occasionally for talking, don't really do anything malicious or mean. But sometimes the bicker incessantly with each other and many times I feel as if I have to tell them repeatedly to do something and finally have to get a mad voice before they listen -then their feelings are hurt because I raised my voice. Right now my son is crying because I told him he has to help clean the house before he can have friends over this morning (he is almost 11). On school days they don't want to help because they have been at school all day. On weekends they don't want to help because those are their only days off. I am making them help even though they don't want to, but why the tears? It makes me feel like a mean mom, but I can't do it all myself and don't feel I should have to. 
Did you see the part about how she was going to raise them?
She was bragging that she does not receive welfare, but then they have admitted that she receives food stamps and two of the older children get SSI for disabilities. But, she said her source of income to raise them would be her student loans!
I would raise some caine, she is not - sm
abiding by the rules. I would either (1) give her a warning and inform her that you will revoke car privileges for two weeks if she comes home late again (3x and you are out basically), and if she wants to go anywhere she needs to get herself there and back by the appointed time, or she won't be allowed to go anywhere, or (2) revoke them now since she has already broken the rules 2 x.
If I knew I was going to be late I had to call to let my parents know, they did not care that it was 12:30 a.m. and I was to be home by 1, I was to call no matter what. I think I only had to do that once, roads were icy, and was not about to speed home to be on time. They were fine with it. Considering I was 16/17 when I was a senior my parents were pretty lenient, as long as I told then were I was, who I was with, and be home by the appointed time, 10 on school nights, 12 or 1 on weekends depending on what I was doing, dates were midnight generally, special dances 1 a.m. except for the Prom, got to okay to be out all night for that one. I was close to being late a few times due to haveing too good a time on dates, so makes you wonder what your daughter is up to. Just because she is 18 it is not a magic number of being allowed to do whatever she wants. She is still in school and you are still her parent no matter how "responsible" she seems to be for her age. You cannot be her friend, you are her mother.
Birthday wish to justme2....Happy B-day to you, happy B-day to you. now make your wish...
I wanted to wish you a very Happy B-Day...I am aging so tomorrw I may forget or at least remember at midnight...LOL...to all you celebrating B-Days this month, Congrats
So, since he's divorced twice, do we assume that it
Isn't there such a thing as he divorced the wives? Are you catching my drift? I guess we automatically assume it was "his" fault, and never the woman's? Just a thought. I say just take it slow, but it is so much fun to have that initial spark, and if it continues, then great.
Unfortunately, when we divorced I was completely sm
out of my mind. It is legal because it states that he has the right to make any decision and can change his mind at any time since he has physical custody. He has been very kind in the past to allow my son to spend the entire summer with us. This will be the first summer in 7 years that we have not seen him. Plus, we send for him throughout the year during holidays and spring breaks. He can do this and can make this decision.
I could get a lawyer and amend the agreement we have, but then it will get so ugly (again) and complicated and I don't ever want to go through that ever again. He still has emotional wounds from our divorce (I've since moved on and remarried), so if he wanted to be ugly he can. What's to say my husband and I hire a lawyer in his state, go to court, and then I end up losing even the right to see my son? That can happen, especially since he has not lived with us ever. Thanks for your suggestion, though.
My parents divorced when I was 10. sm
I could write a book. My father wanted the divorce but my mother did not. As an adult I can honestly see why my father was so unhappy. At the age of 10 all I heard was my mother crying all the time. I never restented my father for the divorce, he was a much better father after the divorce. My mother had to really fight a lot of demons after the divorce but I honestly don't think the divorce was the only reason for her problems. I have been happily married for 20 years now, but my older brother is a whole nother story. His marriage lasted 14 years (13 years too long). Part of the reason she stayed was becuase of the children and he was not a great dad by any means. He had terrible anger problems and I honestly don't know if our parents divorce (he was 13 at the time) had anything to do with this. Looking back he was a bit of a bully as long as I can remember, so I don't think it was the divorce that caused his problems. It is hard to believe that we were raised by the same parents and step-mother. You don't say how old your kids are, and although I didn't want them to divorce, I do remember the screaming and yelling that took place, and that is something I just could not subject my children to. Feel free to e-mail if you want to talk.
I was divorced when my girls were 3 and 8. My
oldest daughter tells me that all she could remember was me crying and being upset all the time and how much better it was to have a calm household after we separated. They are now 18 and 13 and seem to be doing fine.
Yes to all your questions. I was divorced at SM
45, after a 27 year marriage from hades. Best thing I ever did. I have never been happier.
I have met the love of my life. The unhappy person now is the woman who had the affair with my ex-husband and is now married to him. Everyone and I mean everyone, believes I came out ahead. That's probably true, considering I got half his money.
Believe me, YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD. The best years are ahead of you. I can promise you that.
P.S. as you are divorced, it is YOU who can choose
with whom of your in-laws your children have contact.
I would raise 5 boys to 1 girl!
Girls cost too much.
I did not raise a debate, criticize the OP, or anything
x
Love Raise the Red Lantern
So few people enjoy foreign films - and I just love them. I want the Chinese, Indian, Japanese, European, Latin American - all of them. Hardly ever find a dud. I've seen every foreign film at Blockbuster at least once.
Have you watched the Red, White, and Blue triology by the French director? Can't think of his name right now, but all 3 films are simply superb and although each is separate, there is a common thread that he brings together at the end of the third movie.
Or they want to raise them so they can be killed in a senseless war!!
Not that I think it is good to kill fetuses either ... but why don't these people see their lack of logic!
And as far as the stem cells and embryos ... why don't they fight to stop allowing people to fertilize and freeze them to begin with (or more than they will surely use)?!!
She is in the same boat, married and divorced twice - sm
I would not make any assumptions regarding either party. Maybe his wives cheated, maybe he did, maybe no one did and they just grew apart; maybe her husband cheated, maybe she did, maybe her DHs (both of them) woke up one day and said hey I don't want to be married anymore, lots of fish in the sea. Who knows. She will find out as she gets to know him better if he is a jerk or not (i.e. if he was the root cause of his divorce or not). My DH was divorced (first marriage and hopefully only for me) and granted I know things now that I did not know then, but she did leave him and divorce him but I see some of the reasons now and know he was not totally innocent in the whole thing, but I also know there was a lot more to it. I don't think it is just one person's "fault" for a divorce, they both contribute, generally one more than the other but both people are definitely involved (it is their marriage). I say have fun, and see where it goes, just don't get all lovey dovey and become blind, try to be smart at the same time.
Because not all divorced people hate each other
They had a life together and that is a fact. My ex and I still talk, he and his first ex-wife talked and she and I are friends. They did have kids together and no I was never jealous. He cheated, we went through an ugly divorce - no kids - but had 22+ years together and so now we talk. He was my best friend for a long time and that is the part I missed. Would I marry him again -- no, is there anyting romantic - no but we do talk. So I guess it is something you will have to accept or move on. Not everyone comes out of a divorce bitter enemies. I am closer to my stepchildren than he is as their father.
yes, she and Jerry divorced but remarried....
Divorced Moms - How did you know it was time? (sm)
I am in an unhappy marriage, but I am scared to leave. I have insurance through my husband because I am an IC and I have all these fears - what if my job phases out? what if I injure my hands, what if I get sick, how will I take care of my kids. How did you know it was time?? Is it better now>
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